A Date

Last night I went on the first date with a boy that I've been on in four years. How crazy is that? I'm nothing if not extreme, when I do something, I really do it, and that includes swearing off men I guess :-) Anyway, this guy is 23 going on 24 and a student at St Thomas. We agreed to meet at the movies and we saw 50 First Dates with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore (not nearly as good as The Wedding Singer, by the way).

I wanted to write something down because I want to remember last night. Whether I see him again or not, last night was special for me. I've grown used to being alone, comfortable even, sometimes filled with a vague sort of emptiness. I've been so far removed from anything representing intimacy that I didn't even know anymore what I was missing . . . or at least I could block it out most times. Last night awakened something inside me that's been sleeping (or hiding). Last night confirmed something that I've suspected but have been afraid to embrace . . . I must claim my life, grab hold and start living again, start taking emotional risks again . . . and that means I need to leave.

This boy probably isn't the right boy for me, but I feel grown enough to let passion back in, to embrace boys and relationships, to put myself out there again. I feel strong enough to trust that I can survive emotional devastation again, I can take the risk.

Mood: Optimistic
Drinking: Life, baby!
Listening To: Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now, Starship
Hair: Tousled