I have a cold or something. Sore throat. Chest filled up. Pain around my eyes. No doubt a result of running around barefoot in the wet grass Friday night. Will I never learn? I really need to buy me some styling rubber boots.
Because I didn't sleep Sunday night and because I have been sickly, I skipped the gym yesterday opting instead to snooze on the futon for a few hours while episodes of Damages looped on the computer. I'm just getting into this series, but I really like it a lot. It's dark and gritty and I sit at the edge of my seat expecting at any moment that Glenn Close will boil a rabbit. Hasn't happened ... yet, but nothing would surprise me.
So today I'm trying to get up the gumption to head back into the gym. I still feel like crap, only slightly less so. Part of me thinks it's probably good for me to sweat out some of the bad stuff lingering in my body. Part of me just wants to curl up with a hot cup of something and suck on lozenges all afternoon. It remains to be seen which part of me will rule the day.
Mood: grey
Drinking: sludgy left-over from morning coffee
Listening To: renovations happening in the apartment next to mine, new neighbors soon
Hair: growing like weeds
Showing posts with label fitness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fitness. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Sticky
The humidity is high. How do I know this? My joints are swollen :( I hate that! Nevertheless I went to the gym today. Even though I have blisters on the pads of my feet the size of loonies and my head feels like it's going to pop off and my knees are locking and my fingers aching -- despite everything I walked down, trained, and walked home again. I even agreed to go walking this evening at the cove (which thankfully got cancelled!) because dammit getting into shape isn't easy and it's time to suck it up and stay on the move. But crap, this humidity sucks the big one. Honestly.
Today after I showered I just laid on the bed wet and naked for 20 minutes unwilling to move. I don't have A/C, just one fan. I keep the windows open for the breeze off the water, curtains closed to block the sun, lesser people would die in here, I'm sure of it.
My trainer remarked with surprise that he already noticed a difference in me today. I've only had four sessions. But it's true, I also notice a difference. My weight has always been pretty touchy, in that I can lose pretty quick and gain even quicker. Really, all I've done so far is walk more, drink more water, eat more frequently and go to the gym four times. I think I'll save the calorie counting for the plateau. That's the one thing everyone can count on.
Mood: tired
Drinking: nothing, need water
Listening To: a transport climbing Ledden hill
Hair: headbanded, slick, greasy, damp with sweat
Today after I showered I just laid on the bed wet and naked for 20 minutes unwilling to move. I don't have A/C, just one fan. I keep the windows open for the breeze off the water, curtains closed to block the sun, lesser people would die in here, I'm sure of it.
My trainer remarked with surprise that he already noticed a difference in me today. I've only had four sessions. But it's true, I also notice a difference. My weight has always been pretty touchy, in that I can lose pretty quick and gain even quicker. Really, all I've done so far is walk more, drink more water, eat more frequently and go to the gym four times. I think I'll save the calorie counting for the plateau. That's the one thing everyone can count on.
Mood: tired
Drinking: nothing, need water
Listening To: a transport climbing Ledden hill
Hair: headbanded, slick, greasy, damp with sweat
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Contact!
So I found a sister and my brother called me, I'm good to go! My brother and I are going to go downtown to the parade this afternoon and then to Ritchie Wharf for awhile. His girlfriend has to work until 4pm, so he's kinda on his own today too. It'll be nice to get out for a bit and take in some of the festivities. Last year I went to Blackville and didn't get to do anything around here, so this is a first.
I have to say I'm feeling really good today. Really, really, really good! Yesterday I had my third training session, upper body for the second time plus cardio. Today I'm not even really sore, which is fabulous. I walked to the session and home again, did 25 minutes on the treadmill. Stacy phoned and she was coming into town to return a movie and wanted to make the most of the trip so we went for a walk at the cove and then grocery shopping at Sobey's in Douglastown. I finished the day with 10,623 steps. I was physically tired when I dropped into bed last night. That always feels good.
I bought some good groceries, all healthy stuff. My one indulgence was hot chocolate (which totally satisfies any urge I have for something sweet) and even then I did not buy the super duper gourmet kind but rather the Compliments blue brand with 40% less calories. Spent a whopping amount of money on food though and didn't seem to come home with much. That would be the cost of buying meat. I got some t-bones, Maple Leaf prime boneless skinless chicken, and boneless skinless turkey breast. I also got some meatless burgers, just because I do love them and they can fill a protein gap at lunchtime pretty darn quick.
And now I'm off to ready for an excursion! Happy Canada Day, folks!
Mood: chipper
Drinking: coffee, black, and water
Listening To: buddy wandering around upstairs
Hair: still headbanded
I have to say I'm feeling really good today. Really, really, really good! Yesterday I had my third training session, upper body for the second time plus cardio. Today I'm not even really sore, which is fabulous. I walked to the session and home again, did 25 minutes on the treadmill. Stacy phoned and she was coming into town to return a movie and wanted to make the most of the trip so we went for a walk at the cove and then grocery shopping at Sobey's in Douglastown. I finished the day with 10,623 steps. I was physically tired when I dropped into bed last night. That always feels good.
I bought some good groceries, all healthy stuff. My one indulgence was hot chocolate (which totally satisfies any urge I have for something sweet) and even then I did not buy the super duper gourmet kind but rather the Compliments blue brand with 40% less calories. Spent a whopping amount of money on food though and didn't seem to come home with much. That would be the cost of buying meat. I got some t-bones, Maple Leaf prime boneless skinless chicken, and boneless skinless turkey breast. I also got some meatless burgers, just because I do love them and they can fill a protein gap at lunchtime pretty darn quick.
And now I'm off to ready for an excursion! Happy Canada Day, folks!
Mood: chipper
Drinking: coffee, black, and water
Listening To: buddy wandering around upstairs
Hair: still headbanded
Friday, June 27, 2008
A Trojan Weekend
Thanks to Wandering Coyote for bringing this to my attention. Loves it!
Well, the Canada Day celebrations begin this weekend and I might actually be going places and doing stuff. Cool. Plans are kinda coming together. Now, I need to clean my house and put my ducks in a row.
Not as sore today though I've got some inflammation happening in the neck which is both arthritis and exercise related. So far it's not excruciating and I'm not too concerned. Looking forward to going for training this afternoon. It'll be good.
Mood: having a laugh
Drinking: water
Listening To: birds
Hair: frizzy
Thursday, June 26, 2008
My Life ... Wild?
Bopping to Talking Heads. Thinking of you, sir, of course.
So I started my day off right with a balanced breakfast that included an egg white omelet and only half my usual coffee intake. Set my cellphone alarm to remind me to eat something every few hours. Water bottles have been filled and chilled and I will empty them all into my belly before day's end. These nutrition things aren't so hard once I get into the swing of things, but I've been off-track since mid-April so it takes a few days.
Yesterday I had my first training session. I did 25 minutes cardio on the treadmill. I could have done more because the treadmill is my best friend, but we were just easing me in and seeing where I'm at, what speed I need to go to get my heart rate up to fat burning mode. The treadmill was easy but then we moved into strength to work my upper body muscles and this is a completely new territory where I know nothing. I've never used any of the equipment. I've not really so much as ever lifted a dumbbell. Well, you know, I have little dumbbells that I've used on my own before ... but did I have proper form, did I know what muscles I was working, did I have any freaking clue what I was doing ... no, I did not. So the strength exercises were a learning experience for sure. I'm totally out of my comfort zone there.
It was good though. We took our time, he explained things well and corrected me when I needed it. He didn't push me so much that I would dread going back, but I'm so out of shape that today I'm a little sore so I know that we worked muscles that haven't worked in awhile (maybe ever!) Tomorrow we'll do more cardio and lower body. I feel like I'm probably stronger in my lower body than upper but we'll see.
So that's it! I paid my money and I'm in, for better or for ... better! There is no such thing as worse on this subject. The only thing that could constitute worse would be if I didn't go, if I didn't commit, and that is not an option. I've made a financial investment so now I've got to make sure I get my money's worth, end of story.
Mood: psyched
Drinking: black coffee, water
Listening To: cry for love, iggy pop
Hair: entering a longish stage
So I started my day off right with a balanced breakfast that included an egg white omelet and only half my usual coffee intake. Set my cellphone alarm to remind me to eat something every few hours. Water bottles have been filled and chilled and I will empty them all into my belly before day's end. These nutrition things aren't so hard once I get into the swing of things, but I've been off-track since mid-April so it takes a few days.
Yesterday I had my first training session. I did 25 minutes cardio on the treadmill. I could have done more because the treadmill is my best friend, but we were just easing me in and seeing where I'm at, what speed I need to go to get my heart rate up to fat burning mode. The treadmill was easy but then we moved into strength to work my upper body muscles and this is a completely new territory where I know nothing. I've never used any of the equipment. I've not really so much as ever lifted a dumbbell. Well, you know, I have little dumbbells that I've used on my own before ... but did I have proper form, did I know what muscles I was working, did I have any freaking clue what I was doing ... no, I did not. So the strength exercises were a learning experience for sure. I'm totally out of my comfort zone there.
It was good though. We took our time, he explained things well and corrected me when I needed it. He didn't push me so much that I would dread going back, but I'm so out of shape that today I'm a little sore so I know that we worked muscles that haven't worked in awhile (maybe ever!) Tomorrow we'll do more cardio and lower body. I feel like I'm probably stronger in my lower body than upper but we'll see.
So that's it! I paid my money and I'm in, for better or for ... better! There is no such thing as worse on this subject. The only thing that could constitute worse would be if I didn't go, if I didn't commit, and that is not an option. I've made a financial investment so now I've got to make sure I get my money's worth, end of story.
Mood: psyched
Drinking: black coffee, water
Listening To: cry for love, iggy pop
Hair: entering a longish stage
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Briefly
It's pretty warm, humid. My head feels terrible. Heavy. Paining. I need to buy some Advil maybe. Am heading over to the Park Inn for a working lunch with my Mighty partners in crime later. A late lunch because of other meetings and things, but still, it will be lovely.
Yesterday I did something extremely uncharacteristic of me. EXTREMELY! I mean I have no idea who that girl was yesterday, cuz the Kellie I've known for 39 years would not be caught dead doing what I was doing. Here I grow again! It's uncomfortable so it must be good.
I went to a gym. Yes! Really! Me! In a gym! I didn't work out. I went for a consultation with a personal trainer. I went because I was curious and I fully expected that I would get an unpleasant vibe off the guy or the place or something and that would be the end of it and I'd go home and eat nachos and drink wine. But that didn't happen. I actually believed the guy when he said he would take my health goals on as if they were his own. I actually liked the idea that if I don't show up he's going to be calling to see where the hell I am. And after about an hour of chit chat I felt that his way of training meshed with my way of wellness and balance thinking and I committed myself to three days a week. Poof! Just like that the Kellie who doesn't believe in gyms, who thinks it's a big waste of money, who believes anything you can do in a gym you can accomplish at home with a set of weights and a yoga mat ... that girl died just enough to allow me to make a huge investment in my personal health and fitness. And I mean financial as well as time investment.
I am still in shock. Can't believe I've done this. I will have to sacrifice ... lots of stuff! ... just to pay for this. And in a way that also made sense to me, that surely if I make that huge of a financial commitment (this is the most expensive place in town, doctors wives go there for godsake, all the rich biz guys, etc.) surely if i invest all of my savings and have to scrabble every month to pay the fees, surely, surely, surely, I will not take this hit to the pocketbook lightly and I will do the work and I will get my money's worth. Right? I absolutely refuse to be one of the people who pay the membership and never go. Uh-uh! No way! If I pays my money, you can be damn sure I'm showing up.
I feel certain that this might be the only way for me. Left to my own devices I am mostly a lazy sloth. Now, I'm going to have a guy keeping an eye on me and depending on me and pushing me. Crazy! I'm still in shock. This is a whole new world for me.
Mood: adventurous
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: the fan recycling the humid air
Hair: stringy
Yesterday I did something extremely uncharacteristic of me. EXTREMELY! I mean I have no idea who that girl was yesterday, cuz the Kellie I've known for 39 years would not be caught dead doing what I was doing. Here I grow again! It's uncomfortable so it must be good.
I went to a gym. Yes! Really! Me! In a gym! I didn't work out. I went for a consultation with a personal trainer. I went because I was curious and I fully expected that I would get an unpleasant vibe off the guy or the place or something and that would be the end of it and I'd go home and eat nachos and drink wine. But that didn't happen. I actually believed the guy when he said he would take my health goals on as if they were his own. I actually liked the idea that if I don't show up he's going to be calling to see where the hell I am. And after about an hour of chit chat I felt that his way of training meshed with my way of wellness and balance thinking and I committed myself to three days a week. Poof! Just like that the Kellie who doesn't believe in gyms, who thinks it's a big waste of money, who believes anything you can do in a gym you can accomplish at home with a set of weights and a yoga mat ... that girl died just enough to allow me to make a huge investment in my personal health and fitness. And I mean financial as well as time investment.
I am still in shock. Can't believe I've done this. I will have to sacrifice ... lots of stuff! ... just to pay for this. And in a way that also made sense to me, that surely if I make that huge of a financial commitment (this is the most expensive place in town, doctors wives go there for godsake, all the rich biz guys, etc.) surely if i invest all of my savings and have to scrabble every month to pay the fees, surely, surely, surely, I will not take this hit to the pocketbook lightly and I will do the work and I will get my money's worth. Right? I absolutely refuse to be one of the people who pay the membership and never go. Uh-uh! No way! If I pays my money, you can be damn sure I'm showing up.
I feel certain that this might be the only way for me. Left to my own devices I am mostly a lazy sloth. Now, I'm going to have a guy keeping an eye on me and depending on me and pushing me. Crazy! I'm still in shock. This is a whole new world for me.
Mood: adventurous
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: the fan recycling the humid air
Hair: stringy
Monday, March 24, 2008
Marching Onward and Upward
Yesterday was a really good day for me. I know Sunday generally is a good day, that's why I love them, but yesterday was particularly good. I accomplished everything I wanted-- got over 10,000 steps and nearly 1500 words and ate right and exercised and all that kind of good stuff.
This morning I weighed in again to see that I've dropped 4 pounds since last time, which is encouraging. I only have 2 more to go to be back to where I was last spring/summer when I was doing the SparkPeople thing. I suspect another 10-15 after that will put me back to where I was at in Sackville, though I've no records to know for sure, the clothes will tell that tale. Then the journey begins for real to drop another size and keep it off. Time is running out if I want to be gorgeous again by the time I turn 40. It's doable though. I just need to stay focused and do the work. I know I can keep the weight off once I get where I want to be, but it's the getting there that requires my patience and commitment.
Today I am roasting a turkey breast, so I'll have turkey for stir-frys and wraps and all that good stuff. I tried these whole grain rye Triscuit crackers last night that I've had in my cupboard for eons. I got them for some sort of gathering or party and then either forgot to put them out or cancelled or something. Last night I was hungry. That hollow stomach growling kind of hungry.
I was about 50 calories short of the 1200 that a person needs in order to keep their body from going into starvation mode and clutching on to all your fat for dear life, so I figured even though it was pretty late I should eat something. I was also a few grams short on my protein. After much searching I opted for four Triscuit crackers and a half cup of salsa.
I warmed the crackers in the oven and then ate them like nacho chips with the salsa. Yummy! Of course I had more salsa than crackers, which meant I ended up eating salsa with a spoon, but that was fine by me. The snack did the trick and I didn't go to bed hungry, I got my calories and my protein count into more acceptable levels, and I now have a new favourite treat! Hopefully, I won't become obsessed with it, like I did with the lasagna. Too much of anything is not a good thing.
I had more crazy dreams last night. A whole series of them. I wouldn't even know where to begin to describe any of them. And anything that I am capable of describing in great detail, trust me, you DO NOT want to know!
Mood: excited about life
Drinking: king cole tea
Listening To: just me, typing
Hair: interesting
This morning I weighed in again to see that I've dropped 4 pounds since last time, which is encouraging. I only have 2 more to go to be back to where I was last spring/summer when I was doing the SparkPeople thing. I suspect another 10-15 after that will put me back to where I was at in Sackville, though I've no records to know for sure, the clothes will tell that tale. Then the journey begins for real to drop another size and keep it off. Time is running out if I want to be gorgeous again by the time I turn 40. It's doable though. I just need to stay focused and do the work. I know I can keep the weight off once I get where I want to be, but it's the getting there that requires my patience and commitment.
Today I am roasting a turkey breast, so I'll have turkey for stir-frys and wraps and all that good stuff. I tried these whole grain rye Triscuit crackers last night that I've had in my cupboard for eons. I got them for some sort of gathering or party and then either forgot to put them out or cancelled or something. Last night I was hungry. That hollow stomach growling kind of hungry.
I was about 50 calories short of the 1200 that a person needs in order to keep their body from going into starvation mode and clutching on to all your fat for dear life, so I figured even though it was pretty late I should eat something. I was also a few grams short on my protein. After much searching I opted for four Triscuit crackers and a half cup of salsa.
I warmed the crackers in the oven and then ate them like nacho chips with the salsa. Yummy! Of course I had more salsa than crackers, which meant I ended up eating salsa with a spoon, but that was fine by me. The snack did the trick and I didn't go to bed hungry, I got my calories and my protein count into more acceptable levels, and I now have a new favourite treat! Hopefully, I won't become obsessed with it, like I did with the lasagna. Too much of anything is not a good thing.
I had more crazy dreams last night. A whole series of them. I wouldn't even know where to begin to describe any of them. And anything that I am capable of describing in great detail, trust me, you DO NOT want to know!
Mood: excited about life
Drinking: king cole tea
Listening To: just me, typing
Hair: interesting
Saturday, March 15, 2008
A Rush of Blood to the Head
Yesterday I went to Chatham for the regular BnM Production meeting. It was good. I daresay I have not seen hide nor hair of the mighty crew since last month's meeting. I am so lucky to work with really great people. Honestly, there's not a bad apple in the bunch. We laughed until we cried, threw beer over each other, shared food, argued a bit, and got a lot accomplished. It's like an injection of positive energy into my veins, spending time with them.
Went grocery shopping after and bought some lasagna fixings. I've never made one before. I'm not going the traditional route, doing something with spinach, ricotta, maybe some eggplant, and who knows what all will get tossed into the mix.
Then I came home and exercised while I watched my new Bon Jovi dvds. F-U-N! If I want to motivate myself, I should totally watch my Bon Jovi dvds all the freaking time. A little Jon Bon makes it all so much more exciting.
It is the last day, Day 7, of my one week wellness contract with my buddy. And I did it! I did everything! Well, you know, unless I totally screw it up today. Tomorrow I make a new deal, up the ante on a few things. I'll be taking my steps from 5000 to 7500 for one thing, which is not easy to get if you don't go out and try to get them, so I suspect I'll be taking to the streets with the mp3 player. Hopefully, the weather will cooperate.
Mood: good
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: carry on my wayward son, boston
Hair: longish
Went grocery shopping after and bought some lasagna fixings. I've never made one before. I'm not going the traditional route, doing something with spinach, ricotta, maybe some eggplant, and who knows what all will get tossed into the mix.
Then I came home and exercised while I watched my new Bon Jovi dvds. F-U-N! If I want to motivate myself, I should totally watch my Bon Jovi dvds all the freaking time. A little Jon Bon makes it all so much more exciting.
It is the last day, Day 7, of my one week wellness contract with my buddy. And I did it! I did everything! Well, you know, unless I totally screw it up today. Tomorrow I make a new deal, up the ante on a few things. I'll be taking my steps from 5000 to 7500 for one thing, which is not easy to get if you don't go out and try to get them, so I suspect I'll be taking to the streets with the mp3 player. Hopefully, the weather will cooperate.
Mood: good
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: carry on my wayward son, boston
Hair: longish
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
The Calming Light
"Good for the body is the work of the body, good for the soul is the work of the soul, and good for either is the work of the other." --Henry David Thoreau
Thoreau remains one of my faves.
I'm interested in meditation, visualization, yoga. I found a great website where they have daily yoga classes for beginners through to advanced. A new class every morning, about an hour long. I haven't started doing them yet. But I have the site bookmarked in my blog favourites so I am reminded of it everyday I go read other people's blogs. It's an hour long commitment, and I'm already committing about an hour and a half to walking, and another hour to personal development, so even though I know the benefit is there, it's gonna take a little convincing to get me in there I think. I need to warm up to the idea. I've only found this site a few days ago, late last week. Baby steps.
It's good to be home after Thanksgiving weekend. In retrospect I shouldn't have gone. I am absolutely dreading having to go up home again this weekend now. I am starting to think maybe I'll just go for the reading and come right back home again. I might be able to work that. Yes, I already purchased theatre and dance tickets, but . . . I dunno. What can I say? I like being home. I like sleeping in my own bed. I like being in charge of my own destiny and not having to rely on anyone else. I like being able to go wherever I want when I want. And I can't do that in the woods. There are wild animals and everything is too far away.
And there's a book launch Friday evening that I've been looking so forward to. I was devastated to find out it's happening this Friday night and I mightn't be able to go. I don't know how I'm supposed to go that and get to Blackville for the reading on Saturday. That whole thing has done nothing but piss me off since I agreed to do it. What does that say? Never freaking again. That's what.
In brighter news I am down 8 pounds since this time last week. Yeah, that's a lot, and I know it's almost entirely water weight, and the shock of a KFC-less existence. Still, it was nice to see it go so quickly, because when I stepped on the scales last week I was mortified to see the ravages of summer on my numbers. It was much, much, worse than anything I had imagined. So, to shed so quickly kinda means it wasn't real. You know, it's not holding on for dear life or anything. Whoosh! Bygones! Begin again. Of course, we'll have to wait and see what this week brings, before we start celebrating.
Mood: not bad
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: just me
Hair: perhaps about to be butchered
Thursday, September 06, 2007
The Killer in Me
I got my new pedometer and it is awesome!! Yes, I got the one from Walking Spree. I had my eye on it for awhile, so when I put out the call on my blog for pedometer advice and Andrea came back with the one I wanted, I knew it was a sign that I should just commit to the investment, get serious about 10,000 steps a day, and get the pedometer I really wanted.
I mean I've been frigging around with so many crappy pedometers . . . it's so annoying to get steps just by shifting in your seat or sneezing. You go sit in a meeting and come out two hours later with hundreds of steps that never happened. Not good!
I've only had this one for less than a day but I am already thrilled. It measures my steps very accurately. I can chair-dance to my iTunes without registering false steps. I don't need to clip the thing onto my pants, I can put it in my pocket or carry it in my purse and it still calculates my steps with amazing accuracy. It's like magic! It also keeps track of my steps from days gone by so I can look back and see how I'm progressing. It's got a clock and automatically goes to a new day starting at 0 steps at midnight. A touch of a button and I can see how many aerobic steps I've done, how many calories I've burned, or how many miles I've walked. Ever wonder how many miles you put on in the run of a day? I'll no longer be wondering, I'm gonna know for sure. I'm super psyched about this gadget, can you tell?
Yes, I like gadgets. I'm a gadget kinda girl. It's a good thing I don't have more money to spend on gadgets cuz I'd have the house full of stuff.
Back to the pedometer. I just got the pedometer, I didn't order a program. I'm a firm believer that if you're going to do something you can do it just as well on your own as you can spending a whole lot of money to join a club to do it with someone else. If you're not going to do it, you're not going to do it, if you are, you will, period. That's why so many people shell out money to join diet clubs and gyms and then never go. If they were serious about health and exercise they could have done it at home, spending the bucks to join the club doesn't mean you're really invested. Not that I'm knocking Jenny Craig or gyms. They're great! But what I'm saying is even though they're great, they can't do all the work for us. And they're not going to have any effect upon people who haven't made up their minds to manage their weight or get fit. And someone who has made up his or her mind to manage their weight and get fit can do that just as well on their own.
So, it's all on me. It's up to me. Do I want to get serious? Or what? No time like the present.
I didn't order a program but I can always upgrade later. You know, if I find myself wanting more, there are lots of options available to me. I can connect the pedometer to my computer and upload information to the website, which is kinda cool, if I want to go that route. They've got coaches I can work with. I can join walking clubs. Etc. For now, I'm just taking one day at a time, 10,000 steps a day being the goal. We'll see where that takes me. Already it took me around and around the living room so many times I'm sure the neighbours below are wondering what the hell I'm doing. Later today, it will take me outside and off on the road.
Yesterday I went for a pretty big errand run, of course, I didn't have the pedometer yet, so nothing was tracked but today my thighs and buttocks are registering their surprise at yesterday's unexpected activity. I'm a little sore.
I went to the post office, sent some mail, and picked up my parcel (which was the pedometer!). Then I went to Scotia Bank for some banking. And then I headed off to Home Hardware, which was a bit farther on foot than I had imagined, but it's all good. I got some hooks to hang my lamp finally and I also got some chemical free dryer sheets that last at least 500 loads. I wanted a dryer ball, but these are good too. No more Bounce and dangerous film of chemicals in my dryer for me! Yay! After Home Hardware I walked back to Sobey's where I picked up a Chicken Dinner (3 pieces and taters) in the deli (which was the BEST I've ever had from Sobeys and lately anywhere, I have to say, fresh out of the fryer, not the healthiest choice I know, but I had a craving), a dozen whole wheat hamburger rolls from the bakery, an apple, two ears of corn, two sweet potatoes, a family pack of lean ground beef, a family pack of steak, a big bottle of relish, a bottle of instant espresso, and a package of energy saving light bulbs. Then I carried all that stuff up the hill and home. My arms were rubber when I got back. My face was beet red. I was wiggly as the children would say. My left arm is also a little sore today. Guess it had the heavier load.
Anyway, so far so good.
Mood: energized
Drinking: instant espresso
Listening To: Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
via FoxyTunes
Hair: neglected
I mean I've been frigging around with so many crappy pedometers . . . it's so annoying to get steps just by shifting in your seat or sneezing. You go sit in a meeting and come out two hours later with hundreds of steps that never happened. Not good!
I've only had this one for less than a day but I am already thrilled. It measures my steps very accurately. I can chair-dance to my iTunes without registering false steps. I don't need to clip the thing onto my pants, I can put it in my pocket or carry it in my purse and it still calculates my steps with amazing accuracy. It's like magic! It also keeps track of my steps from days gone by so I can look back and see how I'm progressing. It's got a clock and automatically goes to a new day starting at 0 steps at midnight. A touch of a button and I can see how many aerobic steps I've done, how many calories I've burned, or how many miles I've walked. Ever wonder how many miles you put on in the run of a day? I'll no longer be wondering, I'm gonna know for sure. I'm super psyched about this gadget, can you tell?
Yes, I like gadgets. I'm a gadget kinda girl. It's a good thing I don't have more money to spend on gadgets cuz I'd have the house full of stuff.
Back to the pedometer. I just got the pedometer, I didn't order a program. I'm a firm believer that if you're going to do something you can do it just as well on your own as you can spending a whole lot of money to join a club to do it with someone else. If you're not going to do it, you're not going to do it, if you are, you will, period. That's why so many people shell out money to join diet clubs and gyms and then never go. If they were serious about health and exercise they could have done it at home, spending the bucks to join the club doesn't mean you're really invested. Not that I'm knocking Jenny Craig or gyms. They're great! But what I'm saying is even though they're great, they can't do all the work for us. And they're not going to have any effect upon people who haven't made up their minds to manage their weight or get fit. And someone who has made up his or her mind to manage their weight and get fit can do that just as well on their own.
So, it's all on me. It's up to me. Do I want to get serious? Or what? No time like the present.
I didn't order a program but I can always upgrade later. You know, if I find myself wanting more, there are lots of options available to me. I can connect the pedometer to my computer and upload information to the website, which is kinda cool, if I want to go that route. They've got coaches I can work with. I can join walking clubs. Etc. For now, I'm just taking one day at a time, 10,000 steps a day being the goal. We'll see where that takes me. Already it took me around and around the living room so many times I'm sure the neighbours below are wondering what the hell I'm doing. Later today, it will take me outside and off on the road.
Yesterday I went for a pretty big errand run, of course, I didn't have the pedometer yet, so nothing was tracked but today my thighs and buttocks are registering their surprise at yesterday's unexpected activity. I'm a little sore.
I went to the post office, sent some mail, and picked up my parcel (which was the pedometer!). Then I went to Scotia Bank for some banking. And then I headed off to Home Hardware, which was a bit farther on foot than I had imagined, but it's all good. I got some hooks to hang my lamp finally and I also got some chemical free dryer sheets that last at least 500 loads. I wanted a dryer ball, but these are good too. No more Bounce and dangerous film of chemicals in my dryer for me! Yay! After Home Hardware I walked back to Sobey's where I picked up a Chicken Dinner (3 pieces and taters) in the deli (which was the BEST I've ever had from Sobeys and lately anywhere, I have to say, fresh out of the fryer, not the healthiest choice I know, but I had a craving), a dozen whole wheat hamburger rolls from the bakery, an apple, two ears of corn, two sweet potatoes, a family pack of lean ground beef, a family pack of steak, a big bottle of relish, a bottle of instant espresso, and a package of energy saving light bulbs. Then I carried all that stuff up the hill and home. My arms were rubber when I got back. My face was beet red. I was wiggly as the children would say. My left arm is also a little sore today. Guess it had the heavier load.
Anyway, so far so good.
Mood: energized
Drinking: instant espresso
Listening To: Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
via FoxyTunes
Hair: neglected
Sunday, August 26, 2007
The Last Night
In the words of Bon Jovi:
I be yearning. I be yearning LOTS! Not today necessarily, but off and on throughout the months, mostly on, sometimes off. But what I need to do is stop yearning and get down to serious business. I can't even define what it is I yearn for, I just know I yearn. Gotta name it to claim it says . . . Dr. Phil? I need to do the mighty complex exercise my sister posted on her blog. Get to the root of this yearning and do something about it. Because right now I'm all over the place . . . boys, words, money, adventure, fitness, health, travel, family, etc. etc. I've no idea what I want. It's something we don't spend a lot of time thinking about. What do I want? Most of the time we just go along dealing with whatever happens. And frankly, it can be pretty scary to honestly sit down and identify what it is you want in all areas of your life. So we trudge along complacently accepting where we're at . . . I don't want to be that person, a person who just accepts their fate and never steps outside the box, who never breaks through the terror barrier.
I need my Simple Abundance book! Who's got it? And the other one too, Something More. Are they packed in my boxes of books awaiting a bookshelf? I think not . . . they're on loan someplace. I'm calling my mother. She'll know.
Yesterday I got so much done! But not the lamp. I tried really hard to hang this vintage 70s ceramic lamp I've been hauling around in a box for years now, but all I did was tear my ceiling to pieces. I need better hooks and help I think. I'm calling my mother! She'll help.
My mother's camping :-( I'll call her later.
So yesterday was a really good day. I mean a REALLY good day! And I totally know it's because I turned on the music. You just can't sing and dance to your favourite tunes and have anything but a good day. I think that's why I've been depressed this past while. I forgot to take any tunes to Barnbonia. I would listen to the Galaxy Rock Alternative station where I'd get the occasional Killers tune and lots of Marilyn Manson's Heart Shaped Glasses, but it just wasn't the same as having at the tip of my fingers, one click away, all my Jon Bon and all the Killers and the Scissor Sisters and Matt Mays and the Sex Pistols and the Black Eyed Peas and and and . . . you know, all the stuff that makes me happy, and making my own playlists on itunes. I function better with the music on. I know this. Silly to have forgotten to pack some tunes. Oh well, bygones, I'm back and it's on and all is well in my world again, my energy's on the rise.
I'm craving fish 'n chips. Suddenly. It just struck me. I will resist.
Mood: every which way
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: Bon Jovi - It 's My Life (Album Version)
via FoxyTunes
Hair: thick and hot in today's humidity
There's nothing worse than living less
When you yearn for something more
I be yearning. I be yearning LOTS! Not today necessarily, but off and on throughout the months, mostly on, sometimes off. But what I need to do is stop yearning and get down to serious business. I can't even define what it is I yearn for, I just know I yearn. Gotta name it to claim it says . . . Dr. Phil? I need to do the mighty complex exercise my sister posted on her blog. Get to the root of this yearning and do something about it. Because right now I'm all over the place . . . boys, words, money, adventure, fitness, health, travel, family, etc. etc. I've no idea what I want. It's something we don't spend a lot of time thinking about. What do I want? Most of the time we just go along dealing with whatever happens. And frankly, it can be pretty scary to honestly sit down and identify what it is you want in all areas of your life. So we trudge along complacently accepting where we're at . . . I don't want to be that person, a person who just accepts their fate and never steps outside the box, who never breaks through the terror barrier.
I need my Simple Abundance book! Who's got it? And the other one too, Something More. Are they packed in my boxes of books awaiting a bookshelf? I think not . . . they're on loan someplace. I'm calling my mother. She'll know.
Yesterday I got so much done! But not the lamp. I tried really hard to hang this vintage 70s ceramic lamp I've been hauling around in a box for years now, but all I did was tear my ceiling to pieces. I need better hooks and help I think. I'm calling my mother! She'll help.
My mother's camping :-( I'll call her later.
So yesterday was a really good day. I mean a REALLY good day! And I totally know it's because I turned on the music. You just can't sing and dance to your favourite tunes and have anything but a good day. I think that's why I've been depressed this past while. I forgot to take any tunes to Barnbonia. I would listen to the Galaxy Rock Alternative station where I'd get the occasional Killers tune and lots of Marilyn Manson's Heart Shaped Glasses, but it just wasn't the same as having at the tip of my fingers, one click away, all my Jon Bon and all the Killers and the Scissor Sisters and Matt Mays and the Sex Pistols and the Black Eyed Peas and and and . . . you know, all the stuff that makes me happy, and making my own playlists on itunes. I function better with the music on. I know this. Silly to have forgotten to pack some tunes. Oh well, bygones, I'm back and it's on and all is well in my world again, my energy's on the rise.
I'm craving fish 'n chips. Suddenly. It just struck me. I will resist.
Mood: every which way
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: Bon Jovi - It 's My Life (Album Version)
via FoxyTunes
Hair: thick and hot in today's humidity
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Walk Away Kel
I nearly pissed myself laughing last night. I've started listening to Podcasts while I have dinner. It helps to kill two birds with one stone. First, it keeps me from popping in a DVD and mindlessly vegging in front of the TV for two hours while I eat. Eating at the table in the dining room keeps me focused. And two, I get to actually listen to all these great Podcasts I subscribe to on iTunes without making me feel like I'm wasting time and being unproductive. I subscribe to about a half dozen, including about three from CBC Radio about books, authors, and writing, one from CBC Televison, YouTube, Tom Green (yeah, I can't help myself), but my absolute favourite is Smodcast with Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier. If you have never listened to this, you just have to, I dare you not to laugh. Yesterday's episode had a special guest host with Kevin Smith because Scott Mosier's dog died (so sad :-( I feel for him) and was taped on the east coast in Jersey because Kevin was on the road. They spent the whole hour pretty much talking about this gigantic flea market they went to. I snorted water up my nose a couple of times. They should issue a "Warning: Not to be consumed when consuming anything else" label on that. It's some freaking crazy stuff. Anyway, I'm NOT going to tell you anything about it, other than you need to look that stuff up and give it a listen.
Walk weekend is rapidly approaching. I think it's going to be a good experience. I'm looking forward to going to Moncton and spending some time with the kids. I'm not looking forward to trying to eat healthy and balanced while living in a hotel on a Mountain Road . . . but we'll see how I do with that. Hopefully, I'll find alternatives and not end up feeling crappy and lackluster. There are nearly 700 calories in a small peanut butter cup Blizzard. Think about that. I've much work to accomplish before I can mentally be prepared to leave for the weekend. But I'm working away at it diligently. Consistency is my new favourite word. Yesterday I cracked 2,000 words on a story, a personal record for me. That's one story. THE story. That doesn't include all the other crap I write on a daily basis. I never count any of that stuff. I never count this blog. I should though. Because sometimes I blog good stuff. Not today, perhaps. But sometimes. But when I think about the act of committing anywhere from 1,000-2,000 focused words per day, EVERY day, consistently . . . the possibilities blow my mind. Maybe there's hope of me evolving into a "real" writer yet. I'm certainly evolving. I hardly recognize myself in the mirror when I look into it at 6:05 every morning and say, "Hello inner voice! The day is mine!" Yeah, right out loud. And I don't care who hears. And at that quiet time of the morning if anyone's listening, they will hear. But I don't care how crazy it might seem to be talking to myself out loud in the mirror, because dammit if this motivational stuff isn't working. It's starting to take. Stuff is happening!
Mood: driven
Drinking: water, coffee, luke warm and black
Listening To: nothing yet, but I'm about to put on a little Tragically Hip
Hair: damp from this morning's shower still
Walk weekend is rapidly approaching. I think it's going to be a good experience. I'm looking forward to going to Moncton and spending some time with the kids. I'm not looking forward to trying to eat healthy and balanced while living in a hotel on a Mountain Road . . . but we'll see how I do with that. Hopefully, I'll find alternatives and not end up feeling crappy and lackluster. There are nearly 700 calories in a small peanut butter cup Blizzard. Think about that. I've much work to accomplish before I can mentally be prepared to leave for the weekend. But I'm working away at it diligently. Consistency is my new favourite word. Yesterday I cracked 2,000 words on a story, a personal record for me. That's one story. THE story. That doesn't include all the other crap I write on a daily basis. I never count any of that stuff. I never count this blog. I should though. Because sometimes I blog good stuff. Not today, perhaps. But sometimes. But when I think about the act of committing anywhere from 1,000-2,000 focused words per day, EVERY day, consistently . . . the possibilities blow my mind. Maybe there's hope of me evolving into a "real" writer yet. I'm certainly evolving. I hardly recognize myself in the mirror when I look into it at 6:05 every morning and say, "Hello inner voice! The day is mine!" Yeah, right out loud. And I don't care who hears. And at that quiet time of the morning if anyone's listening, they will hear. But I don't care how crazy it might seem to be talking to myself out loud in the mirror, because dammit if this motivational stuff isn't working. It's starting to take. Stuff is happening!
Mood: driven
Drinking: water, coffee, luke warm and black
Listening To: nothing yet, but I'm about to put on a little Tragically Hip
Hair: damp from this morning's shower still
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Morning Girl
My how times have changed. This morning, lying in bed, awake but freezing, around from just before 6am on . . . and the more after 6 heading to 6:30 the time becomes, the more I think to myself, "Get up! You're sleeping in! You're going to miss the day!" Which gets my feet to the floor and my body in motion. And all this long before 7 even comes into the picture. Remember when I did my list of 101 Things in 1001 days? One of the things on my list was to get up by 7:30am everyday for a month. Remember that? My thought was that if I could force myself into it everyday for a month, by the end of that time it would have become a habit and voila! I'd be a morning person. I had a couple of failed attempts. And then I lost some focus on my list (need to get back to that soonish) and sometime after I forgot about it altogether I just up and started getting up way early all on my own. Kinda weird. But I totally think I can cross that one off my list. I appear to have become a morning person, for freaking real! And you see it's things like that, that give me hope. Ten years ago if you had told me or anyone who knew me that one day soon I'd be a non-smoking, hot sauce loving, red wine drinking, morning girl . . . we would've laughed you off the planet. But things change. Constantly. And I'm the instigator behind all of these changes. So if I can convince myself of all these other things, one day I will be the healthy/balanced/fit person that I dream about being.
Mood: optimistic
Drinking: coffee with skim/water
Listening To: pump it, black eyed peas
Hair: not holding colour like it used to, this spring i'm feeling like i wanna go dark, which is unusual as i frequently go blonde for summer
Mood: optimistic
Drinking: coffee with skim/water
Listening To: pump it, black eyed peas
Hair: not holding colour like it used to, this spring i'm feeling like i wanna go dark, which is unusual as i frequently go blonde for summer
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Panic Attacks
If you're having a good day . . . do not read on as I'll suck you into my negative force field. If you're having a bad day . . . definitely do not read on as you'll never find your way back to the light if you let me suck you down into my pool of negative ranting. And there's hope for you. You can turn it all around yet. Me . . . I'm not sure.
You have been warned. Stop reading now.
Panic attacks. Used to be only a night thing. Sunday Night Anxiety, that sometimes transgressed into the week. Weren't those the good ole days? Who knew? I don't know how I'm supposed to go to Fredericton this weekend AND go to Sackville in two weeks time AND go to Moncton in a month. I'm sickened by this whole spring deal. Maybe something good will happen. Maybe there's no need to panic. (Feeble attempt at optimism.)
I dreamed of Grandad and cousins and . . . Regis Philbin? Donald Trump? Chickens pecking on my head. I'm not sure about all that. A cousin was in trouble. I wonder if he is really. Sometimes I suspect he might be. I woke with a powerful urge to reach out and see. But then thought better of it. Dreams are never about the other person, always a reflection of self. I'm the one in trouble. Helping someone else might take my mind off it for a bit. Alleviate the panic attack. But that is all. I need to do something drastic like fall in love or go out west or . . . I don't know, something to knock this funk away.
Yesterday, I felt a little better. I looked forward to a supper of salad with pumpernickle bread and butter. I haven't been able to afford to buy food. That's the bottom line. Last week's junk food binge aside. I couldn't afford it either, but in the throes of PMS these bad choices happen. Bygones. It sounds like a simple thing, salad and pumpernickle. But it's not, Mom sent me the fixings or I'd be without. And I looked forward to it all day, even though I had no chicken wings or any meat at all to go with it. Then I went to get it ready and I noticed the salad was not the kind I normally buy. I like the field greens, this was romaine and cabbage and carrots . . . it was the carrots thing that ruined the whole experience. Carrots and my favourite raspberry dressing, do not mesh. Oh well, I soldiered on, beggars can't be choosers and all that. And then I went to slice the bread and found that it wasn't soft and light and fresh, but it was Best Before Sunday, expired, stale, on the way out.
And I sat at my table eating my salad and bread supper and just cried. I cried because I should be grateful I have anything on my table to eat at all, and I hate myself that I can't just be grateful and stop wanting more. I cried because I was disappointed. I cried because I just want to be able to buy food and cook meals again and get healthy and just be normal. I'm gaining weight from this no breakfast, no water, one-meal-a-day, non-veggy, non-protein, all starchy carbs way of eating that I feel like I'm being forced to adopt. I just want my life back. And I hate myself for wanting anything. Here I am in this wonderful big apartment, with more space than ever, a gorgeous view, eagles flying by daily, sunrises happening right in front of me, with a cozy bedroom AND a spare bedroom, walking distance to everything I might want and need, surrounded by friends and family who actually come visit and spend time with me, with a bathtub for christsake . . . and I'm frigging miserable. It's crazy for me to be like this. I am crazy. And they say money can't buy happiness . . . well, the lack of it, sure seems like it can take happiness away.
And I know this isn't permanent, I just need to recoup from the move. The move happened early and threw a huge wrench into my life. It was supposed to happen after all this April stuff, I was supposed to be poor in May and June and maybe July . . . but it would be sunny and hot and . . . I dunno, perhaps easier then. Perhaps not. But all this travel would've not been an issue had the move occurred when it was supposed to. Because I could've just hitched a ride to board meetings with others going, I would've been in town for AGM, and again I could've hitched rides with others going to Frye. Hardly any expense. Very little. But the move happened early. I had to finance it on my credit card. I had to pay rent on two apartments for one month. My minimum credit card payments are now very unreasonable. It's taking every cent I have just to keep the current apartment. Just to pay the minimums. There's nothing left over and not even really enough to do what I need to do to live.
So here I am, all moved into a place that I truly love, where all I do is cry and worry and suffer panic attacks and store fat. This is irony.
So ends today's rant. And that's all I'm going to say about that. Period. Next post will be brighter and more optimistic . . . even if I'm secretly planning to slit my wrists.
Mood: wrecked
Drinking: russian tea
Listening To: buddy above wandering the floor (does he work?)
Hair: i give up
You have been warned. Stop reading now.
Panic attacks. Used to be only a night thing. Sunday Night Anxiety, that sometimes transgressed into the week. Weren't those the good ole days? Who knew? I don't know how I'm supposed to go to Fredericton this weekend AND go to Sackville in two weeks time AND go to Moncton in a month. I'm sickened by this whole spring deal. Maybe something good will happen. Maybe there's no need to panic. (Feeble attempt at optimism.)
I dreamed of Grandad and cousins and . . . Regis Philbin? Donald Trump? Chickens pecking on my head. I'm not sure about all that. A cousin was in trouble. I wonder if he is really. Sometimes I suspect he might be. I woke with a powerful urge to reach out and see. But then thought better of it. Dreams are never about the other person, always a reflection of self. I'm the one in trouble. Helping someone else might take my mind off it for a bit. Alleviate the panic attack. But that is all. I need to do something drastic like fall in love or go out west or . . . I don't know, something to knock this funk away.
Yesterday, I felt a little better. I looked forward to a supper of salad with pumpernickle bread and butter. I haven't been able to afford to buy food. That's the bottom line. Last week's junk food binge aside. I couldn't afford it either, but in the throes of PMS these bad choices happen. Bygones. It sounds like a simple thing, salad and pumpernickle. But it's not, Mom sent me the fixings or I'd be without. And I looked forward to it all day, even though I had no chicken wings or any meat at all to go with it. Then I went to get it ready and I noticed the salad was not the kind I normally buy. I like the field greens, this was romaine and cabbage and carrots . . . it was the carrots thing that ruined the whole experience. Carrots and my favourite raspberry dressing, do not mesh. Oh well, I soldiered on, beggars can't be choosers and all that. And then I went to slice the bread and found that it wasn't soft and light and fresh, but it was Best Before Sunday, expired, stale, on the way out.
And I sat at my table eating my salad and bread supper and just cried. I cried because I should be grateful I have anything on my table to eat at all, and I hate myself that I can't just be grateful and stop wanting more. I cried because I was disappointed. I cried because I just want to be able to buy food and cook meals again and get healthy and just be normal. I'm gaining weight from this no breakfast, no water, one-meal-a-day, non-veggy, non-protein, all starchy carbs way of eating that I feel like I'm being forced to adopt. I just want my life back. And I hate myself for wanting anything. Here I am in this wonderful big apartment, with more space than ever, a gorgeous view, eagles flying by daily, sunrises happening right in front of me, with a cozy bedroom AND a spare bedroom, walking distance to everything I might want and need, surrounded by friends and family who actually come visit and spend time with me, with a bathtub for christsake . . . and I'm frigging miserable. It's crazy for me to be like this. I am crazy. And they say money can't buy happiness . . . well, the lack of it, sure seems like it can take happiness away.
And I know this isn't permanent, I just need to recoup from the move. The move happened early and threw a huge wrench into my life. It was supposed to happen after all this April stuff, I was supposed to be poor in May and June and maybe July . . . but it would be sunny and hot and . . . I dunno, perhaps easier then. Perhaps not. But all this travel would've not been an issue had the move occurred when it was supposed to. Because I could've just hitched a ride to board meetings with others going, I would've been in town for AGM, and again I could've hitched rides with others going to Frye. Hardly any expense. Very little. But the move happened early. I had to finance it on my credit card. I had to pay rent on two apartments for one month. My minimum credit card payments are now very unreasonable. It's taking every cent I have just to keep the current apartment. Just to pay the minimums. There's nothing left over and not even really enough to do what I need to do to live.
So here I am, all moved into a place that I truly love, where all I do is cry and worry and suffer panic attacks and store fat. This is irony.
So ends today's rant. And that's all I'm going to say about that. Period. Next post will be brighter and more optimistic . . . even if I'm secretly planning to slit my wrists.
Mood: wrecked
Drinking: russian tea
Listening To: buddy above wandering the floor (does he work?)
Hair: i give up
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Borne
Slept on the futon last night. Wanted to watch a movie, wanted to be able to drift off during movie. It's cold in my place. Colder than I'm used to. The sun warms it up a lot during the day, but on days when the sun is hidden and at night . . . ugh! It's cold! I'm sleeping in layers. Last night two pairs of socks, two pairs of sleep pants, a tank top, t-shirt, two cardigans. I put a throw on the futon mattress, fuzzy New Brunswick Health sheet next to my body, thin camp blanket, heavier fuzzy blanket, and topped it off with the comforter. I wasn't cold. I wasn't sweating either. I was mostly comfortable. Yes, I have control of the thermostat here. I could turn up the heat. But at night I don't think the place would warm if I left it set at 30, the heaters run a lot now. It's just the windows. I need to get curtains. Curtains must rise to the top of my priorities. Curtains will block some of the cold at night, will block the hot sun in summer, the morning sun on my computer screen now.
So I've been here a week yesterday. Pretty good week. I'm doing well. If I could just get my eating/exercise habits back on track I'd be good to roll. Money is an issue right now. The cold is an issue right now. But I am envisioning the most perfect spring being sprung here. I need to feed my creativity, nourish my soul, the rest will follow.
Watched "Brokeback Mountain" again last night. If you recall, I didn't think much of it the first time around, certainly didn't have the emotional connection my sisters had, who cried their eyes out. But sometimes you're just not in the right headspace when you watch something, you miss stuff, are unable to relate, and then you watch it a second time later and it's like you're watching a completely different film and you wonder how you could have disliked it so much the first time. So I thought maybe that would happen . . . I hoped that would happen. Nope. Nothing of the sort. I did kind of enjoy it more than the first time because I put on the English subtitles so I could actually understand the mumbling cowboy's lines, and I kinda bought that these two would have sex more than I did the first time . . . but the whole plot turns on the idea of loved, and still, I wasn't feeling the love. It's the first scene in the tent . . . I dunno. It's like they get drunk and shit happens and Ennis is so "morning after the night before, what the fuck just happened here" ashamed. I relate to this on many levels. Slinking away feeling like crap. And while he was off misbehaving a sheep killed. Guilt. Everything says it's a bad mistake. There's no love here. And then in the next breath there is--tender love scenes, playful rough-housing. Still not buying it. Disappointing. I hoped I'd get swept away this time.
I feel a viewing of "Vanilla Sky" on the rise. I haven't watched it since Tom Cruise went crazy. I hope that doesn't ruin it for me. I don't think it will. I watched "War of the Worlds" after he jumped on Oprah's couch and said terrible things about Brooke Shields and all that and it didn't matter that he was in it, it was still Spielberg and I still enjoyed. And "Vanilla Sky" is Cameron Crowe, and I love Cameron Crowe, so it's got to still be okay.
Slept in until almost 7:30 this morning. Stayed up pretty late though. I'm on track for my goal of getting up by 7:30 everyday for a month though. One week down, three to go. One week does not a solid habit make. I think it takes 16 days. Certainly after one month, it will just be the norm. I want to be a morning person. This is the first thing to develop. Then I want to be a morning person who gets up early and goes to the gym and eats breakfast and all that good stuff. This is the year for these things. It's coming.
Mood: cheerful
Drinking: coffee with cream in my bjp mug
Listening To: vivaldi's four seasons
Hair: in a headband so i can see
So I've been here a week yesterday. Pretty good week. I'm doing well. If I could just get my eating/exercise habits back on track I'd be good to roll. Money is an issue right now. The cold is an issue right now. But I am envisioning the most perfect spring being sprung here. I need to feed my creativity, nourish my soul, the rest will follow.
Watched "Brokeback Mountain" again last night. If you recall, I didn't think much of it the first time around, certainly didn't have the emotional connection my sisters had, who cried their eyes out. But sometimes you're just not in the right headspace when you watch something, you miss stuff, are unable to relate, and then you watch it a second time later and it's like you're watching a completely different film and you wonder how you could have disliked it so much the first time. So I thought maybe that would happen . . . I hoped that would happen. Nope. Nothing of the sort. I did kind of enjoy it more than the first time because I put on the English subtitles so I could actually understand the mumbling cowboy's lines, and I kinda bought that these two would have sex more than I did the first time . . . but the whole plot turns on the idea of loved, and still, I wasn't feeling the love. It's the first scene in the tent . . . I dunno. It's like they get drunk and shit happens and Ennis is so "morning after the night before, what the fuck just happened here" ashamed. I relate to this on many levels. Slinking away feeling like crap. And while he was off misbehaving a sheep killed. Guilt. Everything says it's a bad mistake. There's no love here. And then in the next breath there is--tender love scenes, playful rough-housing. Still not buying it. Disappointing. I hoped I'd get swept away this time.
I feel a viewing of "Vanilla Sky" on the rise. I haven't watched it since Tom Cruise went crazy. I hope that doesn't ruin it for me. I don't think it will. I watched "War of the Worlds" after he jumped on Oprah's couch and said terrible things about Brooke Shields and all that and it didn't matter that he was in it, it was still Spielberg and I still enjoyed. And "Vanilla Sky" is Cameron Crowe, and I love Cameron Crowe, so it's got to still be okay.
Slept in until almost 7:30 this morning. Stayed up pretty late though. I'm on track for my goal of getting up by 7:30 everyday for a month though. One week down, three to go. One week does not a solid habit make. I think it takes 16 days. Certainly after one month, it will just be the norm. I want to be a morning person. This is the first thing to develop. Then I want to be a morning person who gets up early and goes to the gym and eats breakfast and all that good stuff. This is the year for these things. It's coming.
Mood: cheerful
Drinking: coffee with cream in my bjp mug
Listening To: vivaldi's four seasons
Hair: in a headband so i can see
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Born to be Fit
So last week I started using this website called Fitday (www.fitday.com) to keep track of everything I put into my mouth, how many calories I burn daily, what nutrients I'm lacking, how much exercise I get, etc. Stacy put me onto this site. I had used it before a few years ago when I first quit smoking, but had forgotten it existed. I'm using their online Diet and Fitness Manager. It's free to join. There's a paid version that you can download that has advanced features, like adding your own custom recipes. It's only $20 US. I'm considering getting it. Just because I eat a lot of complicated things like guacamole, hamburgers, homemade salsa, etc. Entering each component, every time, becomes tedious. Plus, making the purchase would solidify my commitment to a healthy active lifestyle. If I start spending cash on things like a computerized diet and activity tracker, then I know I mean serious business.
Weight loss is not my primary goal here. I think if I achieve a healthy balance of carbs, protein and good fat, if I'm getting all my nutrients everyday, and I'm not overeating, if I continue to walk everywhere I need to go and try to add more activity to my life, weight loss will follow. I'll naturally gravitate back to my optimal size. That's my feeling on it anyway. I don't want to get bogged down in the numbers, with regard to shedding pounds. Instead I want to be aware if I need more potassium or if I'm lacking in iron. This is important.
Before Christmas I took the Real Age test (www.realage.com) It's also a free tool. I actually didn't take all of it, just the nutrition part, and based on my eating habits they put me at about 39.5 years old (my REAL age in terms of how old my body feels), which is older than my actual calendar birthday. I was actually kind of happy with this number because it's only a couple years older than what I really am.
Years ago, before I quit smoking, before I started eating healthier, before I started walking everywhere, I took this test (all of it, not just the nutrition part) and I was in pretty bad shape, a good 10 to 15 years older than my actual age at the time. So, this number showed progress.
In the test results they tell you what you're doing right and to continue doing, then they tell you what you can do differently or better in order to make your Real Age younger. So, before Christmas I took this test and I took the suggestions to heart and immediately changed some things. Like I went out and bought supplements based on specific vitamins and minerals they said I was lacking. I've been taking them everyday ever since. I also added breakfast to my daily to do list. So I never forget anymore. I always eat breakfast now. If you've been reading for long, you know breakfast has been a concern for awhile. But I think it's finally starting to stick.
So last week I took the test again, and this time I took all of it--General Health, Medical History, Medications, Lifestyle and Safety, Stress and Social Support, Nutrition, Physical Activities. It's a pretty intense test. Lots of questions.
And now . . . My Real Age is 1.9 years YOUNGER than my Calendar Age! I'm doing it, folks! I'm reaching my health goals. I'm making positive lifestyle changes. And if I can go from a chain smoking, beer drinking, pill popping, french frie eating, inactive insomniac . . . to someone who eats veggies and fruits and breakfast everyday . . . well, anyone can.
Mood: self-satisfied
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: email dinging in
Hair: in my eyes
Weight loss is not my primary goal here. I think if I achieve a healthy balance of carbs, protein and good fat, if I'm getting all my nutrients everyday, and I'm not overeating, if I continue to walk everywhere I need to go and try to add more activity to my life, weight loss will follow. I'll naturally gravitate back to my optimal size. That's my feeling on it anyway. I don't want to get bogged down in the numbers, with regard to shedding pounds. Instead I want to be aware if I need more potassium or if I'm lacking in iron. This is important.
Before Christmas I took the Real Age test (www.realage.com) It's also a free tool. I actually didn't take all of it, just the nutrition part, and based on my eating habits they put me at about 39.5 years old (my REAL age in terms of how old my body feels), which is older than my actual calendar birthday. I was actually kind of happy with this number because it's only a couple years older than what I really am.
Years ago, before I quit smoking, before I started eating healthier, before I started walking everywhere, I took this test (all of it, not just the nutrition part) and I was in pretty bad shape, a good 10 to 15 years older than my actual age at the time. So, this number showed progress.
In the test results they tell you what you're doing right and to continue doing, then they tell you what you can do differently or better in order to make your Real Age younger. So, before Christmas I took this test and I took the suggestions to heart and immediately changed some things. Like I went out and bought supplements based on specific vitamins and minerals they said I was lacking. I've been taking them everyday ever since. I also added breakfast to my daily to do list. So I never forget anymore. I always eat breakfast now. If you've been reading for long, you know breakfast has been a concern for awhile. But I think it's finally starting to stick.
So last week I took the test again, and this time I took all of it--General Health, Medical History, Medications, Lifestyle and Safety, Stress and Social Support, Nutrition, Physical Activities. It's a pretty intense test. Lots of questions.
And now . . . My Real Age is 1.9 years YOUNGER than my Calendar Age! I'm doing it, folks! I'm reaching my health goals. I'm making positive lifestyle changes. And if I can go from a chain smoking, beer drinking, pill popping, french frie eating, inactive insomniac . . . to someone who eats veggies and fruits and breakfast everyday . . . well, anyone can.
Mood: self-satisfied
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: email dinging in
Hair: in my eyes
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