What Tarot Card Are You?

Strength

You scored 52 change, 72 wellbeing, 50 wisdom, and 57 truth



The Strength cards represents the control over material forces. The lion is a symbol of the fire within or the kundalini force that sits coiled within us at the base of the spine. The woman is symbolic of the subconscious, which controls vital functions without the need of conscious thought. She controls the lion with a gentle spiritual touch rather than from brute force. This card falls under the vibration of the number 8.

some extra words:

showing strength
knowing you can endure
having a gallant spirit
feeling an unshakable resolve
taking heart despite setbacks
having stamina
being a rock

being patient
dealing calmly with frustration
accepting others
taking time
maintaining composure
refusing to get angry
showing forbearance

being compassionate
giving others lots of space
tolerating
understanding what others are feeling
accepting
forgiving imperfection
being kind

achieving soft control
persuading
working with
guiding indirectly
being able to influence
tempering force with benevolence
demonstrating the strength of love

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 32% on changeYou scored higher than 76% on wellbeingYou scored higher than 6% on wisdomYou scored higher than 31% on truth

Link: The What tarot card resembles you Test written by KamikazeParrot on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Mood: busy
Drinking: coffee, black, cheap, strong
Listening To: the wind
Hair: far and away

Must've Been Dreaming

Hello walls. Nice to see ya. It's been a long time. Dude you must be hanging round my subconscious or thinking about me or something cuz you've shown up in my dreams nearly every night this week. I think I met someone recently who reminded me of you or something. In the dreams you've gone straight, which is good. Which is what I always hoped for you. And in the dreams you're always pissed at me, which is not so good. But familiar territory nonetheless. God you could be one jealous bastard. Not that it was entirely your fault . . . I even dreamed one night that the wife came back. As if that could ever happen! Last night was most bizarre though. I found myself in a cheap seedy hotel in some city somewhere, based on the flatness of the terrain I'm guessing the prairies, guessing Edmonton. That makes sense. I don't know why I was staying at this hotel, but I'd been there for awhile, waiting for someone or something to happen. I answered a knock at the door and it was you, wild-eyed, out of your mind, but you. Happy to see you, relieved, for the first ten seconds. Until I heard the warning, realised there was no time, understood you couldn't (or wouldn't) protect me, he was coming and there was no way out, no time. You passed out on the bed and I called 911. The 911 operator wouldn't listen to me, thought I was pranking because I couldn't tell her where I was. Kept laughing at me and then hanging up. I tried to see the intersection signs out the window. Couldn't understand why she didn't know where I was. Couldn't find any signs or landmarks or any markings to help me understand. God, I was pissed at that 911 operator. What a bitch! Her voice sounded familiar. I think I knew that wench once upon a time. I think she might have been in cahoots with him. You might have warned me calling the cops would do no good. I could hear his boots on the stairs climbing toward my door and I tried to wake you but you were gone, dried puke on your lips. I went to throw myself out the window but they were barred. The room was like a jail cell. I heard him reach the landing, heard the closet door slide open, heard the shot gun being loaded and cocked, safety off. And I slid to the floor beside the bed, covered my face with your big hand, still warm, and kissed your palm as I hid my eyes and waited . . . then I woke up.

Or should I say I jumped clean out of the bed with my heart beating so loud and fast I thought someone was pounding on the door downstairs. Been awhile since I've had one of the killing dreams. Guess I saw something last week that reminded me of him too.

Mood: 'ntranced
Drinking: water
Listening To: Fuck the Pain Away, Peaches
Hair: sick of trying to hold the red . . . might a more neutral brunette be in order? Or even an out and out black? Hmm. Can't do black unless the spiky butch cut goes with it

Slain

I went to bed at 8 last night. ME! In bed by 8. This simply does not happen, ever. Yesterday afternoon I was struck down by pain. Unexpected. No warning. Oh, I shouldn't say no warning, the truth is I have a seriously high tolerance for pain, there could've been warning. I never notice until it gets so bad it knocks me flat. Yesterday afternoon I started to notice myself being knocked a little flat. I'm talking about passing out from pain, which sucks big time, because even then I could probably continue, work through the thing, if I wasn't fainting. Damn my family and our proneness to faint! Bad genes. So I took my sorry ass to bed so I wouldn't fall downstairs or do anything else to hurt myself. And I laid there until almost 5 this morning trying to find some comfort as the thing spread out finding my legs, knees, ankles, toes, arms, hands, fingers. Finally things calmed down enough to sleep for a couple of hours. All those hours in bed and I feel like I've been run over by a truck. A nagging ache in my right breast bone, my left fingers, the pads of both feet, my right thigh, but I think I can function at least. I'm going out. I'm getting some Ben & Jerry's or Hagaan Daz, whichever has the more delicious flavour in my local grocer's freezer. And I'm going to curl up in my warm fuzzy blanket with a Woody Allen dvd and self-medicate . . . right after I do some of this other shit people are counting on me to do.

Mood: exasperated
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: Living Dead Girl, Rob Zombie
Hair: ponytail head

On the Ball

Still being without data I seemed to have more time/less pressure about me, so I thought I'd seize the opportunity to find a time management tool that might actually help me to get organised, stay that way, and become more productive. It's hard when you've got so many different balls in the air at the same time. It's hard to know what to do first. Sometimes the weight of the tasks at hand is so overwhelming I can't get out from underneath it and finish anything. The result is I have dozens of projects underway but not too much to show for all the work I do. I've taken some time before to look around for free day planners and software like that, but I've never found anything truly good. Until now! I'm very excited about this little gadget. I think it's just the ticket for me to keep me focused and on top of things. So much so that I might even splurge and buy the professional version. (Provided I actually use the free version this week and see vast improvement in my life.)

Finally I feel like I might be getting On the Ball! I can plan projects, meetings, and simple tasks. And it's like a game to see how quickly you can complete these things. Like this post for example, I've allocated 20 minutes and I'm down to the last 9 (better hustle!) There's a small box at the top of my screen, out of the way, where I can access the ball at any time to add new tasks, to see how much time I've got left to complete the task at hand, etc. I get points for doing things in the amount of time I've guestimated the task to take, bonus points for finishing early. So it's fun, it's productive, it's kinda sorta making me a happy girl today.

Anyway, with 6 minutes to spare, I'm outta here! Tech support are returning my computer this morning and I should do a quick tidy. That's another thing about the ball, I just had to rearrange the whole first part of my day and I did it quite simply with a few clicks. The tasks are on tap for tomorrow and Thursday now, instead of today. This is fun stuff.

Mood: zoned in
Drinking: cheapo columbian
Listening To: adrenaline buzz in my brain
Hair: severely tight to my scalp

I'm It

Lookee here, I've been tagged by Liz. Hmmm, let me see, answers buried in this brain somewhere . . .

Four jobs I have had in my life --

1. dog sales, retail, PJs Petstore, Sherway Gardens (heartbreaking, dirty, terrible job, where the manager had a super crush on me and proceeded to make my life hell after seeing my boyfriend pick me up from work one night)
   
2. admin, arts, Ontario Ballet Theatre/Ontario School of Ballet (and you think poets are divas . . . there's nothing quite like a dancer in the morning)
   
3. admin, tech, Interactive Media Group (absolutely insane position on a team of two where we basically provided all admin support from event planning and ordering supplies right down to sending everybody's faxes and doing all the wordprocessing for 100+ head office employees of three companies [Phoneworks, Telepersonals, Axon Studios] with offices in most major North American cities and a few abroad handling the switchboard alone was a full-time job. Hundred hour weeks were the norm, with maybe an hour or two of sleep each night, three was a huge luxury, the rest of my time was spent in transit or socialising with co-workers. Is it any wonder everyone's marriage/relationship fell apart within the first six months of employment here? Cuz everyone was living the same way. I was well-paid though and loved my job at the time)
4. waitress, Darlene's Tea House (suffice it to say, I am probably the worse waitress ever, but when I needed some cash Darlene helped me out. I'm a much better bartender though. The thing about waitressing was I wasn't allowed to smoke or drink while I was doing it, plus I had to remember tons of stuff OR be organised enough to write it all down in a concise easy-to-follow manner, which lets face it is not a recipe for my success. Also I had to pretend I liked the public, which can only be faked while drunk)
   

Four movies I could watch over and over --

This is super hard! So many movies . . . only four . . . there are hundreds of them I could (will/have) watch(ed) over and over. Of course you already know I love Platoon, Fight Club, Vanilla Sky, Lost in Translation etc. so maybe I'll go another route . . .

1. The Wedding Singer, Adam Sandler & Drew Barrymore, the 80's complete with a Billy Idol cameo, c'mon, what's not to love?
2. Intermission, Cillian Murphy, Colm Meaney & Colin Farrell, 54 characters and 11 storylines, dark, edgy, and freaking hilarious.
3. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Johnny Depp & Benicio Del Toro, Hunter S. Thompson, the critics gave this one a hard time but I nearly pee my pants every time I watch it, they did a good job . . . and of course I've got the Criterion Collection edition with all those great extras like rare Hunter radio interviews and tv documentaries.
4. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet, completely off the wall and wacky, yet serious, scenes all out of order, c'mon, of course I love this movie.
   

Four Places I would love to visit --

1. Italy
2. Ireland
3. Australia
4. New York
   

Four Places I have lived --

1. Barnettville, NB
2. Toronto, ON
3. Moncton, NB
4. Sackville, NB
   

Four TV shows I love(d) to watch --

Lets go with "loved to watch" like when I was a kid, though I'm not opposed to getting sucked into a few episodes now

1. Laverne & Shirley (I wanted to be Laverne)
   
2. Happy Days (I wanted to date Fonzie)
   
3. All in the Family (Archie Bunker cracked me up)
4. WKRP in Cinncinnati (Dr. Johhny Fever was the original cool dude)
   

Four websites I visit daily --

1. Zip.ca
2. AskOxford.com
3. Thesaurus.com
4. Sackville.com
   

Four places I have been on Vacation --

I haven't taken many "vacations" in my life . . . I'm more of a road trip kinda gal

1. Toronto (sightseeing & shopping when I was 16, recent jon bon excursion)
   
2. Collingwood (a ski trip to Blue Mountain . . . that's Collingwood right? So long ago and so traumatic I've almost completely blocked it out)
   
3. Alma (seedy motels abound)
   
4. PEI (a tenting disaster, back in the ferry days the boys held me over the edge about mid-way out there, fun, wow!)
   

Four things on the floor/ trunk of your car --

No trunk. No car. But I've got a floor littered with . . .

1. hundreds of manilla envelopes
2. an unopened Duracell battery charger
3. two unopened white extension cords
4. my old brown leather wallet Emerson made me, empty
   

Four friends tagged --

1. Trish of course
2. Jenn should be able to get her 10 minutes out of this
3. I think Andrea did this one already
4. Am I allowed to triple tag Joe?
   

Mood: list tired
Drinking: coffee still
Listening To: Time of Your Life ('Til You're Dead), Matt Mays & El Torpedo
Hair: unchanged

Reporting Live from the Front

Back from whirlwind Fred excursion with blistered heels. Tho to be fair, I didn't get the blisters until trying to navigate icy sidewalks last night on the walk home after the bus. There is a guy in this town who thinks he knows me. Everytime he sees me he lays on the horn and waves like he's trying to take off. Young guy, probably a student, dark hair cropped short, the kinda guy who wears his ballcap backwards, drives an older model cream coloured car, perhaps a caprice but my make/model knowledge has spiralled downward without the constant presence of an auto obsessed boyfriend so I could be dead wrong on that one. Anyway, I only mention him because his horn honking scared the bejesus out of me on the hill very nearly causing me to go splat on the ice in an unnatural splits. I'm sure I provided some comic relief to anyone looking my way at that moment. Maybe he doesn't think he knows me, maybe he just enjoys the fun of spooking me. There's that squirrely girl again, lets see if we can make her fall down.

So I bussed to Fredericton for Wednesday's day-long Writers' Union workshop and found myself as a radio guest on Tuesday night. A LOT of talking! And what is up with my cheeks?! They're absolutely bulbous. At least I don't have that whole googly-eyed thing going on (most aptly seen in video) or the wide-eyed deer-in-the-headlights thing. But anyway, it was kinda fun to be in a studio again, especially one using a board as old as the one I used to work on.

A big crowd showed up for the workshop, a mix of students and experienced/less experienced writers. I pity the most inexperienced participants because the amount of information was overwhelming. Lots I knew already but it's good to be reminded, some things I knew less about, some grey areas still. The hand-outs themselves were worth the price of admission for me though, particularly in the area of copyright as that's always a concern in my business. This will really help me to develop my own workshop on publishing that's coming up soon, as far as what REALLY needs to be said etc.

A little souvlaki break and it was back to the library for Joe's reading. It went really well, got to hear some new work, had a top-notch quality audience come out for it. Though all those hours in the same room was a little excessive, at least the lay-out changed a bit for the different events. Afterward we went for drinks with an artist/author and ended up closing the place. Great conversation and stories. Lots of fun. I liked Robin a lot. There's really no better way to spend an evening. Of course I paid a wee price yesterday for the excess of the night before, but hey, what's a little foggy head amongst friends? Child-proof? Child-birth? Same thing only different, right?

Overall, it was an excellent excursion and I'm feeling like it did the trick on the motivation and focus issue. I'm dead tired, blistered, arthritic from the storm that threatens yet never arrives, but clear-headed at the same time, if that makes any sense.

I was supposed to be visited by the tech types this morning, bringing my data back, but this fake storm has delayed the visit until Monday or Tuesday. Oh well.

Mood: sharp
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: The Freshman, Verve Pipe
Hair: a mess

Off for Motivation

Another early morning in the Tantramar, dark and chilly. I should be sleeping. Did not sleep well last night. Must've been the full moon. Insane dreams! It was one of those nights where I wake up after the most intense action-packed bizarre dream to discover only 10 minutes have passed since the last time I woke up from the most intense action-packed bizarre dream. It's an exhausting way to try and rest.

Heard from tech support yesterday and my hard drive will return on Friday. Yay! He's fixing me right up, making back-ups of all my documents and music. It's going to be wonderful. Fantastic!

Anyway, I'm off to Freddy Beach today for a couple days to take a workshop sponsored by the Writers' Union of Canada. Should be good. Should provide some motivation. Should . . . well, we'll see then. Blogging will cease until my return.

Mood: focused
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: Takin' Care of Business, BTO (Radio Free Colorado)
Hair: stringy mousy brown

From the Miramichi

Aww, sometimes I get so nostalgic for the river . . .

You know you're from the Miramichi when:

1. The biggest traffic jam you've ever seen was the Blackville Christmas parade

2. "Vacation" means going to Moncton for the weekend

3. You measure distance depending on how long it would take a snowmobile to get there

4. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events

5. You use "dooryard" regularly in everyday speech

6. You always get sick or go somewhere a couple weeks before winter so you don't have to help put in the firewood

7. Your highlight of the day is going to Leroy Stewart's Cloverfarm for Mom and looking through the reduced carts

8. You realize that most of your clothing has Canadian or Alpine beer logos on it

9. You have been to a school function where Susan Butler sang

10. You use the words "friggin" or "arse" or "friggin arse" on a regular basis

11. You know at least three people who took a day off school for the start of hunting or fishing season

12. You know the only reason to go to Redbank is Cloud's tax free store

13. You know Billy Walls is a local folk hero

14. Burnt Church. Need I say more?

15. You have a friend who writes-off their car on a regular basis

16. You can use the term "Jake-break" properly in a sentence

17. You listen to Tom Connors and Roger Miller on a regular basis

18. You have read Doug Underhill's "Popcorn Cat and Pumpkin Moon" more than once in elementary school

19. You realize anyone who says the Rapids is the scariest place on the Miramichi has never been down the "Howood Woad" at night

20. You know where the "Howood Woad" is

21. You know all about Weaver Siding

22. You know what "pulamoo" means

23. You know someone who uses "dear" in every sentence

24. Your summer highlight is the 5 minute firework show at the Chatham wharf

25. You have, or know someone who has, a summer camp within 10 minutes of home

26. You have been to more than four UPM Timberwolves games

27. You know all the English people eat at McDonald's and all the French people eat at Burger King

28. You know that the new bridge in Quarryville took longer to build than the Confederation bridge to PEI

29. You know that REPAP is PAPER spelled backwards

30. You have friends who argue about whose power saw is better

31. You drive out of your dooryard in the winter and your car is still plugged in

32. You use terms like "Not one bit" and "The very best" on a regular basis

33. The best fight you've ever seen happened at the Tom Donovan Arena

34. The last concert you were at was opened by "Amy and the Goodtimes"

35. If spinning powerturns on icy roads was a sport, half your road would win gold at the Olympics

36. Your Saturday evening consists of parking your car in the Russell's drycleaner or the Sobey's lot

37. You have been to at least 10 Choo Choo's teen dances before you realized all the people there are under 12

38. You are honestly afraid of the Dungarvon Whooper

39. You use to be a Montreal Canadians fan

40. Picking tobacco and planting trees aren't just summerjobs: they're career choices

Mood: light
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: knives out, radiohead
Hair: outlook dismal

Do Not Adjust Your Set

I've been tech traumatized. I feel violated. My hard drive is gone, new (well new to me, no doubt ancient in reality) one doesn't fit right with this desk, wastes tons of space. Now I have to find a new place to put all this crap I had to move. Blech! I hate XP, things aren't what they're supposed to be. Whole thing seems slow and cumbersome. I guess I'll get used to it. But without any music, documents, email, bookmarks, etc. I'm pretty much left out in the cold. There's not much I can do. My hard drive is supposed to come back in some form or another, sometime this week. Tech support will have to make a special trip. I hadn't wanted that, but oh well.

Beauty day here, though chilly. Clear skies, sunshine, a thin layer of frost on the 8-Ball window. Think I'll go for a walk.

Mood: happy
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: Talk, Coldplay
Hair: refusing to hold colour . . . will be blonde again soon

A Test of the Emergency Broadcast System

You know in Vanilla Sky at the end when Tom Cruise kinda figures out what's up and is running around calling for "TECH SUPPORT!" . . . Tis I. And they're coming. I may jump off the roof. Blogging will certainly cease for a bit.

Mood: stressed
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: fingers clacking over keyboard
Hair: psst! the shits

Food Stuff

I think it's time to have Breakfast Week at my house. Yep, you heard me, all breakfast all the time. Why? Because I've got English Muffins and eggs and back bacon and sausage and regular bacon and yogurt and granola bars and milk and a fridge full of cheese that I need to use up before it rots.

Last night's Eggs Benedict were not the greatest, my hollandaise was a little sickening if I'm to be honest. Blech! But I didn't get poisoned, which is always a concern when I'm in the kitchen, and today's egg white concoction (can't be called an omelet if it's not in one piece) was quite delightful. And I actually ate it at breakfast time. Well closer to breakfast time than supper time. It's a start.

I need to try harder to eat earlier in the day. It's my natural inclination to eat once a day, usually dinner, frequently after 7pm. I've always eaten this way. As long as I can remember. That's why in times of work overload or great stress it's always been so easy to go days without eating anything at all. I'd just forget. NOT that I've been doing that recently, I've actually made great progress on that front. The days of totally forgetting to eat are fewer and farther between. And this is very good in helping to keep my arthritis in check. I'm getting better.

I'm doing really well at cooking something for myself everyday, making sure to get veggies and protein and whole grains and all that good stuff. It's just that I rarely feel hungry when I first wake or throughout the day. But I know breakfast is important. I know it's the lack of breakfast food that causes me to get a little dizzy when I'm walking to the post office or leaning over to reach something on a bottom shelf. So I've got the one meal under control, now it's time to go for two. First step, I bought a bunch of breakfast type things. Now I just have to remember to eat them so I'm not tossing them out when they expire.

I remembered to take the trash to the curb this morning AND to eat breakfast. What a day so far!

Mood: head-achy
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: tick-tick-ticking
Hair: thick and unruly

Welcome to the Wasteland

I've been sleeping on the futon in the living room since Friday night. Why? Because I'm too lazy to make up the bed. Not kidding. I stripped the bed on Friday to wash the sheets. I should have just put another set on right then, but I didn't. I wanted to wait for the New Brunswick sheets to come out of the dryer. Because they're warm and fuzzy and oh so soft . . . if you have them, you'll know why, if you don't, get some and you'll never want to leave your bed again.

Anyway, Friday night the boy in the bedroom next to mine got drunk and stayed up all night talking to the girl from across the hall, his room-mate, not to be mistaken for his girlfriend who had been here visiting for two weeks cooking and cleaning and generally spending all her time in the walk-in closet and driving me crazy. No, the girlfriend left on Friday, the boy got drunk and the other girl hung out with him in his room all night talking. I think her boyfriend (the one who used to come here with the little dog) screwed around on her and they broke up. I think maybe these two room-mates might've had a little something going on too, a night of drunken annihilation at one point. Anyway, there was just no way of sleeping in my bed with all this going on, so I made up the futon, cranked Sex and the City and fell into dreamland. Night 1.

Saturday my computer crashed. I'm talking big old blue screen of death scary type crash. Then some serious crazy stuff going on when I did get a screen back. The mouse wouldn't work. The display settings defaulted to fucking HUGE. Using the keyboard to manouver (all those years in dos-land revisited) I scanned and defragged and deleted programs and restarted a zillion times into the wee hours of Sunday morning. Nothing worked. But the point is I snoozed on the futon while doing all this stuff. Night 2.

Sometime Sunday I went for the system restore and my baby came back to me. Thank you Jesus! But I was whipped -- sleep deprived, stressed to the max -- too tired to make up the bed, so another night emerged on the futon. Night 3.

Yesterday I was zonked, I napped after supper for godsake! I NEVER nap. I've got to be seriously tired to do the napping thing. I was going to work late, but couldn't, too tired. (I am yawning now just thinking about how tired I was.) WAY too zapped to make the bed . . . Night 4.

Today I'm making the bed and I'm doing it just as soon as I finish this post, because all these nights on the futon are exhausting the crap out of me ;-)

*****

Have my Sackville Writers' Group coming up tomorrow night. Still I'm printerless and can't actually submit any of my own writing. I might be getting a printer soon though. Someone Mighty arrives on Friday to take my computer away and give her an overhauling. Getting a new operating system. Will lose some of my programs in the process, but not any documentation. Oh well. Also gearing up to meet with my favourite Miramichi gals, who I miss so much and do some workshopping. That'll be nice. Next week I might go to Freddy for a couple of days to take a workshop. Will see. Lots to do. I've fallen behind. Not unsurprisingly. Think I'll make Eggs Benedict for dinner tonight (it's not just for breakfast you know). Wish me luck with that will ya. Sam Roberts and The Novaks are playing here soon. Can't wait! Finally something happening and I'll be here to partake. And I'm off to make the bed!

Mood: burned out
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: WHO do you think?
Hair: full 'n bouncy

Something New

Thought I'd share some of the new thing I've been working on. It's choppy, yes, but kinda sorta on purpose. This seems to be the way I write these days. Lazyness, no doubt, but I don't know, it isn't necessarily easy writing. Anyway, first draft of something in progress, as yet incomplete. Enjoy. Or not.

**********

2 West

Phone call. Departure less than two hours. Weekend road trip. Spontaneity. Jealous friends and family. Lucky! Overnight bag packed. Jeans. T-shirt. Socks. Panties. Make-up. Toothbrush. Nightie. Excitement. Anticipation.

She wears white leather sandals, a peach ribbed knit tank top, and a flirty mint green mini-skirt, less sticky than wearing shorts on such a long drive. He arrives early. He always arrives early or right on time, never late. She often forgets to bring things in the race of leaving preparation. She always runs to the car as soon as he honks, not wanting to keep him waiting, not wanting to disappoint. He declines all invitations to enter the house for drinks and socialising.

Enroute to Montreal. CBC Radio because it's the only station that will come in, he says. She shrugs and looks out the window, prefers CBC over the usual country tunes. She kicks off her sandals, folds her legs to sit on her bare feet, turns in the seat, back to the window and faces him. He tells stories, remembering other road trips, other girls, his ex-wife. She nods, smiles, giggles when expected, lowers her eyes and ignores the ache in her chest every time he says his wife's name.

Picked up a girl at a truck stop in New Jersey and took her to Halifax. Hooker. Gonna be a dancer. Tried to fuck me every inch of the way. Thought I was gonna have to put her out of the cab—You didn't fuck her—Nah—C'mon! You fucked her didn't you—No really I didn't—You can tell me, I won't tell nobody—What? You think every man takes every piece of tail offered to him—Well, don't they—Hell no—Seriously, you're telling me you drove from New Jersey to Halifax with a girl who tried to fuck you all the way and nothing happened—That's what I'm telling you—Ok . . . So now tell me the truth————Yeah, I fucked her

He reaches behind his seat and pulls out a six-pack of beer. For her. For the long drive. She smiles, thanks him and opens one, feeling obligated though not wanting. Service stations and rest areas hours apart. She can drink four beer before having to pee.

One time I lived on the streets in Chicago—You're shitting me—No really, I didn't have no work and didn't know nobody—How'd you live? How'd you eat—I squatted in slum houses on skid row and people give me things sometimes. I wasn't there long—That's pretty crazy—Yeah . . . one time I robbed a guy—No way! You're lying now—Yeah, I seen this guy in the alley and it was late and nobody was around and I didn't have nothing—Really? Are you being serious now? What happened—I come at him from behind, surprised him. Drug him to the ground and give him a good punch in the head. He was just a little guy—Oh my god, that's nuts. He could've had a gun or a knife or knew karate or something—Yeah but he didn't. He give up his money real easy, was more afraid of me than I was him—Like a god damned spider or something—Wha? Yeah, maybe something like that. There was a minute there when I had my hands around his throat that I knew I could kill him right there, right then, crush his windpipe with my bare hands—Jesus—I could feel this power in my hands and I knew I could get away with it. And I felt tempted, you know? It was tempting just to see what it felt like—What did you do—I give him another good punch, took the money and run—Well that's what you'd say no matter what you did—You're right there

They stop on the edge of a small town at a Chinese restaurant frequented by truck drivers. He always stops here. He nods to waitresses and says hello to patrons he knows. She suggests they order a variety of dishes and share. He tells her to get whatever she wants, he's paying, and he'll get what he already knows is good. He orders a combination plate with sweet 'n sour chicken balls and honey garlic ribs. He has timed everything so they will arrive at his usual haunts during meal hours. She craves something new, pizza or burgers, anything to make this trip hers.

I don't blame her for leaving—No—She never forgive me—For what—For that girl—The hooker from New Jersey—No! The one from home—Who? When? What did you do—Just a girl. About 10 years ago. She teased me, wouldn't leave me alone and I gave in, lasted three months—You cheated on your wife—Hey, you're no saint to talk—I know. I just thought you were different is all—Yeah well, it was the sorryest thing I ever done, ruined us, she never forgive me—But that was ages ago and she only left last year, and you know she wasn't no saint either, everybody knew it—I never had no proof of any of those things—Oh c'mon! You found her at his house for christsake! What exactly do you think she was doing there—They could've just been friends like she said—Like we've been friends maybe—I never saw anything—You were blind—Well maybe I still am, but all I know is that I done her wrong and she never forgive me

Ahead of schedule. He calculates mileage in his head and determines they will arrive at least an hour too soon. He stops at a tourist attraction, a hiking trail through the woods beside a brook, a waterfall at the end. He shoots off ahead in a determined stride and doesn't look back. Her sandals slip on moss covered rocks. Her skirt billows around her waist showing pink bikini panties to anyone looking. She struggles through the path trying to keep her balance and smooth her skirt down at the same time. Stopping to hold her skirt in place and let other hikers pass her on the trail. They meet on his return from the falls. He says it's not much to see, the walk has taken longer than he anticipated and they'll have to hurry to make up time. He takes her hand and leads her back to the car.

Live in concert! One night only—Where did you tell everyone you were going—Said you were whisking me away to Montreal for a romantic weekend—It's hardly a weekend, just overnight, be home again tomorrow night—Oh—Actually not going to Montreal either—Oh—Yeah, it's more like Cornwall—But that's Ontario—Uh huh—We're going to spend the whole time driving—Pretty much—I see. Well at least we can have a nice supper someplace, gotta eat afterall—Yep. They do a really nice pork chop at the truck stop we're meeting the guy at

Mood: rejuvenated
Drinking: coffee (it's too early for wine . . . tho 5 o'clock somewhere)
Listening To: I Wanna Be Sedated, Violent Femmes (Ramones Cover)
Hair: stringy . . . I think I want to let it grow again, like super long, and go back to a strawberry blonde—WHAT is up with that?! Maybe my crazy mood swings demand wigs.

Might Have a Point

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations. A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you. You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Mood: starvin' marvin!
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: the washer spin out
Hair: longing for coconut oil

The Details Part II

Day 2 -- Monday January 23rd

5:45pm -- Slept a little later this morning. No alarm. No schedule set in stone. Nobody expecting us to turn up anywhere. But rest needed for the concert this evening. Stacy's feet blistered from yesterday's walking. Decided to breakfast upstairs in the hotel restaurant. Sunshine in my eyes. Another beautiful morning. We've been so lucky with this weather, it's more like late fall or early spring than mid-winter here. Food was good, nothing spectacular, just breakfast, though we're liking the potatoe patties (how very Mickey D's!). We went to the Business Centre and searched for Robin Williams sightings. Found nothing. Our celebrity stalking doesn't seem to be going that well. Oh well, one thing is for sure, we will see Jon Bon live in-person.

We caught the streetcar to Union Station and took the Yonge line up to Queen Street. We probably should've took the streetcar over to Gladstone and then walked back to University or even Yonge so we could take in the Art and Design District. That's really what I wanted to see. But instead we starting walking West on the south side of Queen Street, planning to return to Yonge on the north side, and see what we could see. This too was okay.

Stacy took pics of the usual suspects City Hall etc. We went into some shops. Again not on the same shopping page but browsed some interesting places -- vintage designer clothes that I loved, all-natural make-up that smelled so strong it couldn't possibly be what they claimed, a candy store stocked with things I haven't seen since I was six years old like boxes of Elephant pink popcorn, a great formalwear/goth/punk type shop that drew us in with all the pink tulle in the window. Some really great shoes and hats and jewellery in there. Crowded though. Something to see everywhere. A girl who came in behind us said, "This store makes my face hurt." I could see how that could happen. Stacy bought AJ a set for doing practical jokes. I bought a couple of tops (on sale!) at Le Chateau. Yes, I know, all the way to Toronto to shop at Le Chateau, could've just went into Moncton for that one, but hey, I was desperate for something to wear to Jon Bon.

At one point a whack of police raced by us, not sure what was going on or where. Crime really seems to be a problem here these days. We walked west as far as Bathurst (or was it Dufferin? my feet think it was too far whichever) and then crossed the street and headed back. We stopped at a KFC so Stacy could use the bathroom and then went into a food court type place to see about something called Bubble Tea. I ended up buying a Strawberry-Kiwi smoothie from Ben & Jerry's, Stacy got a cone of ice cream. My drink cost nearly 10 bucks! Which seemed totally insane. But it was very refreshing and filling even. It lasted all the way to the Bay. We went into the Bay so Stacy could look for Deanna's Princess doll and price towels. None of the colours really suited and there were no dolls. We'll try Sears and the Disney Store tomorrow.

And now we're back in the hotel, getting ready to see the boys. Freaky! I'm in complete shock about this whole experience so far. Can only imagine it will get worse. I bought a royal blue coloured top today that I'll wear under my black jacket I think. The whole purpose of the rock concert is cleavage, isn't it?

Night 3 -- Monday January 23rd

Going to bed without any dinner, unless a few chips count (and I do mean a few, like three). Immediate observations -- 1) I don't like stadium concerts as much as I like outdoor ones 2) heels and concrete don't mix, EVER! 3) looking up at the Rock Gods is really the only way to worship them properly 4) it's better not to know anything about a concert before you go and 5) Pizza Pizza sucks! Yeah, I'm a little cranky. We've been trying since 11:30pm to get some food, asking the concierge to point us in the right direction, thinking surely to god someplace around here somewhere is open until 2 or 3 serving food, maybe drinks, a little atmosphere . . . apparently even in the centre of the universe this is too much to ask after 11pm on a Monday night. The concierge keeps telling us to call Pizza Pizza, blech! I'd sooner just go to bed. And so we shall.

I made the mistake of wearing my dress boots tonight. I forgot about everything being concrete, including the floors in the stadium itself. I forgot about stairs and I really forgot about dancing. Initially it seemed like a good idea. When we got back from walking Queen Street West today my feet were toast, done, dead. The thought of putting those shoes back on for this evening was sickening, so I tried my running shoes and they were equally pathetic. On a whim I tried on the dress boots and oddly my feet felt a little revived, better on the high-heel angle than flat. Interesting, I thought, and decided to wear them around the room for the hour or so before we left and see if they stood up over time. And they did! The ACC is not so far away from the hotel and I've worn these boots quite a bit, on walking excursions, they're not usually foot crushers so I decided to keep them on. But yeah I forgot about the concrete, forgot that I'd actually be standing all evening and dancing and screaming like a crazy person . . . no boots could've stood up to that kind of punishment. So now my feet are dead for real, I've got bleeding blisters. Lesson learned. Hopefully it won't be so long in between this concert and the next one that I'll remember the lesson for next time.

The boys look exactly like they do in all the photos and in all the footage I've seen. Beautiful creatures! The insanity of this whole night. So surreal. I'm still in shock. I may be in shock for always. I knew entirely too much about what they've been doing so far on this tour. I knew where Jon was going to pop up in the audience next and when he was going to sing You Give Love a Bad Name. Next time, there will be no reading of any of this stuff. I can only imagine how much more insane this night would've been had I known nothing of what to expect. So the lights went down and the band came onstage and soft blue stage lights came up as they started to play and the crowd went nuts in darkness, just the soft blue of the stage, no Jon to be seen, but I knew where he was . . . and then full lights and Jon in a spotlight on a platform at the rear of the stadium singing to the guys in the back. First song was Last Man Standing followed by You Give Love a Bad Name and then Complicated and Wild In The Streets. I don't know when exactly but at some point he made his way right up through the side aisle (surrounded by bodyguards) singing and touching people all the way, came onstage on Richie's side (our seats were on Hugh & David's side). And then it was ON! Oh my God! He was wearing his black army jacket with all the silver buttons, but it didn't last long before he shed it. Changed his clothes a lot tonight. Richie too. Though I got to see my favourite leopard print hat and purple velvet jacket. At one point Richie just had his jacket with bare chest. He didn't seem well or something though. Maybe tired or under the weather.

We called everyone we could remember numbers to on Stacy's cellphone -- Sherry, Jenn, Mom, Janice, Joy and Stacy's mom -- screaming WE'RE AT BON JOVI!!! as loud as we could. What a rush! During The Story of My Life Jon came over to our side of the stage and stopped the song, taking the hands of a couple with seats there, the boyfriend had arranged to ask her to marry him, and Jon held their hands while he did, she said yes, and he pronounced them to be married someday by the power vested in him in Jonny's church. And then he finished the song. Awesome! What a crazy moment that must've been for that girl.

Next up was I'll Sleep When I'm Dead, Runaway and Born to Be My Baby. I loved that they did The Radio Saved My Life Tonight! One of my favourites! And Living in Sin was an awesome surprise! Election night of course so Jon mentioned that he hoped we did the right thing and then he noticed a sign in the audience that he got a kick out of -- Tico Torres for PM! He didn't see the one that said Bon Jovi for PM though, they showed that one on the big screen behind him. They did a Tom Petty cover, I Won't Back Down and then some off the new album, Have a Nice Day and Who Says You Can't Go Home. When It's My Life started I wanted to call my mom again! I just knew she would've loved to have been there with us. Next time I'm taking her. I loved the acoustic set starting with I'll Be There for You. Just him and Richie and guitars. Richie sang some verses solo in Blaze of Glory, which was really nice. And though I kinda freaked out and Stacy even left our seats to try to get closer (she held the hand of a girl holding his hand) I think he appeared on the platform in our section while he sang Always. It's a blur though, I'm not really sure. He stayed for a song or maybe two and then made his way through the crowd back to the stage. But he was just to my left maybe six rows down from me and THAT was close enough for me. I think I would've fainted had he or I gotten any closer. No, I know I would've. And fainting would've been a bad thing.

I kind of like the This Left Feels Right version of Bad Medicine better than the original, but it's only ever been performed live the one time they did it in Atlantic City for the DVD so we got the original tonight. Raise Your Hands has got to be one of the most fun songs, everyone in the place was doing it. I wonder what it must feel like to have so much influence over so many people, to be the puppeteer like that. They finished with Living on a Prayer before coming back for encores. The crowd went insane with the screaming and clapping to get them back onstage. I was hoarse. I am hoarse. And deaf. But they came back. I knew they would. And Stacy and I both cried during Welcome to Wherever You Are, bawled my friggin' eyes out. Especially after such an emotional day yesterday, the whole thing was just too much. I always cry anyway when I hear it on the cd, in person it was just WAY overwhelming. And this was followed by the only song I really, really, really wanted them to do, Captain Crash and the Beauty Queen from Mars and I finally got to do the swing I've seen done so many times.

I don't know when but at some time they stopped and Jon said good night and the band came to centre stage, held hands and bowed, then exited to the rear. But the crowd went nuts. Insane with the clapping and whistling and screaming. Everyone was offstage and Jon was halfway down the steps when he stopped, turned about halfway back around, put his hand to his ear like he was listening, which turned the volume on the place to a pitch I would never have thought possible. LOUD!! I lost my voice. And then he called the boys back and they came out and finished with Someday I'll Be Saturday Night, Just Older, and Wanted Dead or Alive.

My feet hurt so bad, I didn't know how I was ever going to make it back to the hotel. Stacy bought a t-shirt, but I've never been one for over-priced concert loot. I guess because it's not functional for me, I'd never use it or wear it and if I'm not going to display it or seriously collect it, there seems to be no point. Most people think that's weird about me. That I'd spend hundreds or thousands of dollars to get to a concert but walk away with nothing, no souvenirs, no pictures even, just my memories. Though I did snap pictures tonight. No idea whether I got anything or not, but unless they are just black with nothing at all, no matter how distant and fuzzy, it'll have a bit of the essence, enough for me.

I went and sat on a bench outside while Stacy went to the hot dog vendor to try and buy some water. All these girls kept standing in front of me and smiling and waving. When Stacy came back, I stood up and turned around and only then noticed the three buses with the smirks on them. All the windows were tinted of course but there was a guy with the window open right behind me, smoking. I mean I was literally sitting right beside this thing. I could've reached up and shook his hand. And yet, I hadn't noticed it! He looked like the guy playing guitar beside Hugh, the guy from the Ashbury Dukes that's on tour with them, but not part of their band. It was then we noticed people climbing into all these buses. Just what did I miss as I sat there like a ninny nursing my aching feet?! When we were walking back to the hotel, there was the standard white SUV type vehicle exiting the area that I've seen Jon and Richie get transported in after concerts before and a bunch of people including Stacy and I thought there was a good chance our boys were in there. Overall, it was a great time. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

See some pics and watch video of the marriage proposal at the concert or here are some pics from Richie's side of the stage. We didn't take any digital equipment in with us, so this is the best I can do (and it's pretty good, though just not personal to me per say.)

The Last Day -- Tuesday January 24th

Eggs Benedict are ruined forever after breakfasting at Azure in the Intercontinental. Yes, I've had less expensive three course dinners, but the best breakfast I've ever had was certainly worth every penny. And I don't think it was just because I hadn't really eaten anything since breakfast on Monday. It's just THAT good!

After breakfast we walked on Front Street east to Yonge and then north on Yonge to King. Our goal was to hit Arts on King first, but after we walked past where Stacy thought it used to be, she went into a Starbucks and asked the counter girl for directions. It moved, current whereabouts unknown. No harm, no foul, we headed south to the St. Lawrence Market. Stacy found the sundried tomatoe spread she's been craving and unable to find anywhere for the past 10 years. The man was so impressed with this tidbit that he gave her the jar for free. I was delighted to pick up a jar of what is touted as Toronto's Best Jerk. Stacy got one of those too, mild for her, HOT for me! Yummy! No doubt.

The weather kinda sucked today for the first time since we've been here, snow, freezing rain, blahness. But we were hopeful and determined so we braved the elements and walked from the market to The Distillery District, holing up in a coffee shop first thing. Coffee for warmth, a cool drink for dehydration, a half hour later with no weather improvement and pretty much any enthusiasm we had for the place had been washed out. We went into a few galleries and shops (pricey!) but then high-tailed it for the bus stop. Taking the Pape bus (same one I used to take to work at Queen and Carlaw I think) to Union Station and the Yonge line to Dundas. It was Eaton Centre time. But first we exited onto the street and took a look around in the rain. This corner is completely changed. Nothing is the same. You could've plopped me down on this corner and I would never have known I'd ever been there before, let alone everyday for three years. Intense. Even Eaton's doesn't exist anymore, it's a Sears, though the mall kept the name. We didn't stay long on the street. At Sears Stacy priced towels and looked for Princess dolls. We both bought purses and I got a new wallet. I bought a new top and a sweater for the train.

Then we ventured out into the mall. I don't know if it's just always rush hour when we're at these places or if there were always this many people around or if I've truly just lost any taste I ever had for malls, but I absolutely detested every moment spent in the Eaton Centre. I could not get out of there quick enough. There appeared to be skanky kids everywhere you wanted to look. Gang-like cliques sneering at one another. We watched as one girl child (maybe 12) was wrestled to the ground, handcuffed and drug away by three burly security guards. Too many people, too much stuff, it made MY face hurt. We went to Old Navy so Stacy could get Janice's baby an outfit. Tank tops were on sale, so I tried one on and bought four (purple, green, blue and pink). Then we went to Black's so Stacy could get her concert pics developed. And turns out she did get at least one good one of him from close up. We went to the Disney Store and discovered this Princess we were looking for was not going to be found, so we bought another one instead and then went back to the Bay to look at those towels again. Ended up we didn't get any towels. Back to Black's to pick up the pics. Then onto the subway and back to the hotel where we dropped our stuff, freshened up and then headed out for dinner.

Well, not exactly right away. We had to wait for the concierge to come and take Stacy's sundried tomatoe paste to a refrigerator. It needed to be frozen if it hoped to make the trip back to NB without spoiling. We waited and we waited and by the time we got out it was pretty late and by the time we got to the restaurant on Front Street that we'd decided we wanted to eat at . . . the hostess wasn't going to let us in. Ten minutes until the kitchen closed or something like that. All day I had dreamed of steak! We'd seen ads. We were sucked into this place. And there'd be no other opportunity. Tonight was our last chance. Oh boy! She went to check and came back with menus. We'd just made it! . . . Though I noticed they seated other people after us, so I don't know what was up with that anyway.

One of our best finds was probably the most economical place we visited. What made the Canyon Creek Chophouse on Front Street so great? Oy! Where to even begin? With Kenny, our server, who was by far the most efficient and knowledgable waitor I've had in years and maybe forever. With the garlic bread, which was the absolute best I've ever had including the stuff me and MB used to get at the Bridgeport on Lakeshore, which has held the best garlic bread honours for at least the last 15 years . . . until now. I got the three peppercorn steak with stuffed baked potatoe and it was the best. The wine was Wolf Blass and a steal at $9/glass. Stacy's sirloin was two-inches thick and tender and juicy. Even though I was stuffed and Stacy couldn't help me in the least, when the time came, just based on how well everything had been so far and the fact that we'd never had dessert anywhere in Toronto yet and this was the last night . . . I ordered the pecan pie (on Kenny's suggestion) . . . It was like a giant buttertart! Only better. I loved it, even if I only ate a couple of bites and sent most of it back because I was too stuffed. What a perfect dining experience to cap a perfect trip! This is a chain, like The Lone Star, like The Keg . . . man! I wish they'd open some of these in NB. Maybe we just lucked out, maybe we were just that hungry, I dunno, but it was a really great meal.

We walked back to the hotel the long way, walking west on Front and around the Skydome. All the street cleaners at work. Not many people around. Peaceful. Content. Finished. Glad to be heading back to NB in the morning.

The Ring of Truth

Hello Kellie!
Your daily horoscope for Feb 02:

Are you an intellectual or a poet, Kellie, a novelist or a play-write? The celestial energy is leaving you alone with your anxieties and questions. You are sure of only one thing: words are the friends you have decided to spend the rest of your life with. This is a kind of dream and a challenge that corresponds well to your sign as a Gemini. Get to work. You will find your vocation as well as your passion in your writing...

Mood: procrastinating (dancing about the room, waving my hands in the air, dreaming about Sam . . . when I should obviously be writing)
Drinking: coffee (wine run happening later, big NBLC liquidation sale starts today!)
Listening To: Dead End, Sam Roberts
Hair: damp and fading fast, dammit! I think it's the water in Miramichi, zaps my colour every visit

Kellie Top Ten Trivia

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Kellie!

1. Only fifty-five percent of men wash their hands after using Kellie.
2. Oranges, lemons, watermelons, pineapples and Kellie are all berries!
3. The pigment Indian Yellow was manufactured from the urine of cows fed only on Kellie.
4. The Kellie-fighting market in the Philippines is huge - several thousand Kellie-fights take place there every day!
5. There are more than two hundred different kinds of Kellie!
6. Some birds use Kellie to orientate themselves during migration!
7. Kellie was declared extinct in 1902!
8. In the Spanish edition of Cluedo, Kellie is the victim.
9. Four-fifths of the surface of Kellie is covered in water.
10. Apples are covered with a thin layer of Kellie!

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem