I am a big ole sleepyhead today. Grey day. Out late last night. Not up very early this morning. Aching bones.
Last night we went and saw Norbit at the theatre, the movie that cost Eddie Murphy the Oscar. Not a shining moment even on the Eddie Murphy comedic scale of things. Same concept as The Nutty Professor with Murphy playing multiple roles but not done nearly as well. Martin Lawrence's Big Momma's House is more fun. Still, it was a free night out. Movie tickets expire tomorrow. Not sure whether we'll be going out to see something tonight or not. Ironically, Hog Wild, with William H. Macey that I REALLY want to see, opens here on Friday.
Today I spent a couple of hours with the cover subject of the next bnm. He dropped by and we had a lovely long chat. Lots of material for a story! LOTS! Should be a good one too. Tomorrow night I am invited to a murder mystery night with the Purple Hat Ladies Tea Society. I've no idea what it's all about, but it's bound to be interesting, that is for sure.
I made soy burgers for lunch today. Yummy! And I really mean that. I have gone back to the meat, but I have to say beef is not coming back easy. I'm a bit grossed out by real hamburger still. No urge to eat steak or roast etc. I truly prefer the veggie patties for burgers, though my mom thinks they're like eating cardboard. Really, they're not. Some of them are quite good.
I went into my files and found Katt's Lives, third person, before I started expanding the sections into first person. I've written two parts, Gun Play and Cuttings, and I'm going to start tossing out some more. There are 11 parts in the original. Ten near misses and a new lease on life. Perhaps she should only have 9 lives after all. I'm uncertain. I have two copies, one with someone else's notes (Judy? Elizabeth? Susan?) and one with my notes taken from the feedback in a workshop session in the basement of the Mount A library that one time that we gathered after my move. We're supposed to start workshopping again real soon. For real. I think I need that kind of intensity. A weekly thing to propel me forward. Maybe? Hell, it can't hurt. I feel like I haven't written anything new in years, which is of course completely untrue. I write here all the time. Some of it is good. Both of Katt's stories unfolded in the loft in Sackville. I've been writing. I haven't been pursuing publishing opportunities though. I haven't been editing my own stuff or rewriting. I haven't been seeking sources of funding for creative writing projects. I haven't been maintaining a creative mindspace. But acknowledging my short-comings must surely be part of the battle to overcoming the obstacles.
Mood: dozy
Drinking: nothing, tho a spot of water would be grand
Listening To: rumble of tv from next door
Hair: pushed back in a bandanna
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Into You
Blisters on my heels from yesterday's trek. Calves sore this morning. Yay!
Yesterday afternoon dissolved into a ball of frustration. My mother had purchased me a box spring at the Salvation Army on Saturday, so I knew they would be calling to let me know they were coming by to deliver. She had some problems at the store with people not seeming to know how to ring up the sale, where to put the order, etc. But no matter, the phone rang yesterday afternoon and it was the store. They'd made a mistake, they said. The queen they had in stock was actually a mattress, not a box spring, so they didn't have any of their new ones on hand, but they had one from Lounsbury's with the plastic still on it. Did I want that instead? And a credit for $20 worth or merchandise?
Well, it's only the boxspring, not the mattress, and it still has the plastic on it, and I could maybe get an end table with the $20 credit . . . so I say sure, why not, bring it over. They arrive. They drop the beast in the hall and scatter quicker than I can say Thanks, leaving me to lug the thing all by myself into the bedroom. This proves to be a bit of a struggle, getting the plastic off, lugging, and the thing is not in the kind of great shape that I imagined a box spring in its original plastic should be and it smells so musty I'm gagging. But still I'm optimistic, I'll Febreze the crap out of it. It'll be good enough. It's only a box spring, not a mattress.
I get it drug into the bedroom, drop it onto the frame, and it's only then that I notice what might have been readily apparent to anyone with any bed common sense who hadn't been knocked semi-unconscious by the musty smell . . . it's only a double!! I need a queen. Aye-yi-yi!
So I drag it all the way back into the hall, call the store, go through five people to get to the one I need, explain the situation . . . and she says she has to call me back. About then I start to boil over. She finally calls back. They'll have to order a new one. Take 10 days. Do I want one? I say I have to check with Mom, as she's the one making the purchase. But I'm done. I'd sooner sleep on the floor for the rest of my days as have to deal with those dingbats again.
So I febreezed my room to get rid of the musty smell, went to the Petro and bought bread and eggs so I might have a soy burger for supper and buckwheat pancakes today. And then I made a monster pot of chili. I mean MONSTER SIZED!! It's huge. I have chili for everyday this week and chili in the freezer to the end of days. This is frugal living. I'm into my third week here, and I can't afford groceries. I don't know when I'll be able to afford groceries. It could be awhile. I wasn't able to pay only part of the minimum on my credit card and some on the phone bill. I haven't got the hydro bill yet. That may be scary. But I have the rent covered. That's the main thing. Everything else I can shuffle around for awhile until I get this figured out.
I had hoped for an income tax refund. Had planned on it actually, but it's not going to happen. I'll consider myself lucky if I don't have to pay in. I'm trying not to get discouraged. I'm trying not to worry. But this is the poorest I've been ever, well not ever, but in past poor times I retreated to my parents and sponged off them, so it never seemed so bad. This is the poorest I've been on my own. And my basic cost of living is more than it's ever been before. So there you go. It's just the universe forcing me to find creative ways to earn extra money. That's all. It's just the contract I made with myself before I came here. I knew I'd need forcing, that I wouldn't go easy. So, here I am. Push has come to shove. I need to do something about it or . . .
Mood: pretty good for a poor white girl
Drinking: coffee, with cream
Listening To: On-Air with Ryan Seacrest
Hair: stringy
Yesterday afternoon dissolved into a ball of frustration. My mother had purchased me a box spring at the Salvation Army on Saturday, so I knew they would be calling to let me know they were coming by to deliver. She had some problems at the store with people not seeming to know how to ring up the sale, where to put the order, etc. But no matter, the phone rang yesterday afternoon and it was the store. They'd made a mistake, they said. The queen they had in stock was actually a mattress, not a box spring, so they didn't have any of their new ones on hand, but they had one from Lounsbury's with the plastic still on it. Did I want that instead? And a credit for $20 worth or merchandise?
Well, it's only the boxspring, not the mattress, and it still has the plastic on it, and I could maybe get an end table with the $20 credit . . . so I say sure, why not, bring it over. They arrive. They drop the beast in the hall and scatter quicker than I can say Thanks, leaving me to lug the thing all by myself into the bedroom. This proves to be a bit of a struggle, getting the plastic off, lugging, and the thing is not in the kind of great shape that I imagined a box spring in its original plastic should be and it smells so musty I'm gagging. But still I'm optimistic, I'll Febreze the crap out of it. It'll be good enough. It's only a box spring, not a mattress.
I get it drug into the bedroom, drop it onto the frame, and it's only then that I notice what might have been readily apparent to anyone with any bed common sense who hadn't been knocked semi-unconscious by the musty smell . . . it's only a double!! I need a queen. Aye-yi-yi!
So I drag it all the way back into the hall, call the store, go through five people to get to the one I need, explain the situation . . . and she says she has to call me back. About then I start to boil over. She finally calls back. They'll have to order a new one. Take 10 days. Do I want one? I say I have to check with Mom, as she's the one making the purchase. But I'm done. I'd sooner sleep on the floor for the rest of my days as have to deal with those dingbats again.
So I febreezed my room to get rid of the musty smell, went to the Petro and bought bread and eggs so I might have a soy burger for supper and buckwheat pancakes today. And then I made a monster pot of chili. I mean MONSTER SIZED!! It's huge. I have chili for everyday this week and chili in the freezer to the end of days. This is frugal living. I'm into my third week here, and I can't afford groceries. I don't know when I'll be able to afford groceries. It could be awhile. I wasn't able to pay only part of the minimum on my credit card and some on the phone bill. I haven't got the hydro bill yet. That may be scary. But I have the rent covered. That's the main thing. Everything else I can shuffle around for awhile until I get this figured out.
I had hoped for an income tax refund. Had planned on it actually, but it's not going to happen. I'll consider myself lucky if I don't have to pay in. I'm trying not to get discouraged. I'm trying not to worry. But this is the poorest I've been ever, well not ever, but in past poor times I retreated to my parents and sponged off them, so it never seemed so bad. This is the poorest I've been on my own. And my basic cost of living is more than it's ever been before. So there you go. It's just the universe forcing me to find creative ways to earn extra money. That's all. It's just the contract I made with myself before I came here. I knew I'd need forcing, that I wouldn't go easy. So, here I am. Push has come to shove. I need to do something about it or . . .
Mood: pretty good for a poor white girl
Drinking: coffee, with cream
Listening To: On-Air with Ryan Seacrest
Hair: stringy
Monday, February 26, 2007
Irreplaceable
My mother came to visit on Saturday. We went out shopping for window treatments at Zellers and then she put up blinds and curtain rods for me. Starting to look like a home around this place! I'm liking it, I'm liking it a lot! I returned to Barnettville with her at the end of the day for some dog visiting and to attend the Third Annual Keenan Oscar Party last night. The coveted Pink Panther was up for grabs once again and I kinda sorta redeemed myself from last year's dismal showing, tying against the reigning champion, mister dee. So, Pink comes to live with me for half the year, then the mclaughlin's and then, since next year is surely the year I get to see all the movies before the awards, back to me for a good long visit.
Okay, but seriously, what the hell happened to the Oscars?! Was it not the longest most boring uninspired uneventful broadcast ever? It was tough to stay awake.
This morning I went to Rogers Cable and taped a segment on BnM. We're going to do another shoot later this week and the piece will air next week. I don't get cable, so I won't see it. But that's okay! I think I'd rather not. I am tired today. Feeling a little spacey. I walked home from Rogers, about 25 minutes, and I'm still falling asleep. Listening to On-Air with Ryan Seacrest to see what he's saying about the Oscars, but I must've tuned in too late, doesn't seem to be saying much.
Rabbit ears were gifted last night!! Yay! I'm excited to hook them up and see if I can't get some clear CBC, and maybe even (dare I hope) a little ATV. Should go try that soon.
My train of thought is all over the place. Best not to write now.
Mood: full of holes
Drinking: coffee with cream
Listening To: riding dirty
Hair: styled for tv!
Okay, but seriously, what the hell happened to the Oscars?! Was it not the longest most boring uninspired uneventful broadcast ever? It was tough to stay awake.
This morning I went to Rogers Cable and taped a segment on BnM. We're going to do another shoot later this week and the piece will air next week. I don't get cable, so I won't see it. But that's okay! I think I'd rather not. I am tired today. Feeling a little spacey. I walked home from Rogers, about 25 minutes, and I'm still falling asleep. Listening to On-Air with Ryan Seacrest to see what he's saying about the Oscars, but I must've tuned in too late, doesn't seem to be saying much.
Rabbit ears were gifted last night!! Yay! I'm excited to hook them up and see if I can't get some clear CBC, and maybe even (dare I hope) a little ATV. Should go try that soon.
My train of thought is all over the place. Best not to write now.
Mood: full of holes
Drinking: coffee with cream
Listening To: riding dirty
Hair: styled for tv!
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Move Along
Had a great day yesterday down on the Bay! Drove around with a guy getting the tour, getting the names of contacts. But even if I spoke to nobody else, I've got enough for a story. That's always good. Got back around 4:30 or so and went to supper at the Bull & Lyre. Fulvia had burgers on special so I had to try one. The best burger I've had in a long while! Tres yummy! They'll be on special next Friday too, you should go, try them. I think I'll have to return. Home-made bun, real burger, lettuce, tomatoe, mushrooms, melted cheese, served with a side of chips and coleslaw. Six bucks! Can't beat that! She also had fish chowder on special, two specials every day, but I'm not much for the seafood. Despite having spent the day in Escuminac.
Johnny Newman is playing the blues at the Bull & Lyre next weekend. Perhaps we'll have to go. I think that'd be pretty cool. Still haven't gotten to the new Irish pub in Chatham, O'Donaghue's. Soon! Must go!
I see that the My Mother's Kitchen guys from Chatham Head have moved to around the square Newcastle under a different name Bistro 110 or something like that. Where the Pick of the Vine used to be. Be some good eats there for sure. Put that on the list of places to hit some day soon.
Went to the movies last night. Saw "Ghost Rider." Don't even ask how THAT happened! :-) Needless to say it was hilarious once we realized it was based on a Marvel Comic Book character. You gotta wonder whether all these people were dying to be in this . . . or if they needed to fulfill studio contracts. I suspect the latter. Still, we had a pretty good time. Had worse times. The DaVicni Code comes to mind. This was more fun than that. This one even had some scary jumping moments, and it flowed along quite quickly.
Today my mother might be dropping by. Though right now it is snowing . . . so, maybe she won't come until tomorrow. We need to see about getting curtain rods, a box spring, etc.
Mood: sore from sleeping the wrong way or arthritis or something
Drinking: king cole tea with skim milk
Listening To: had itunes on earlier but . . .
Hair: getting long again
Johnny Newman is playing the blues at the Bull & Lyre next weekend. Perhaps we'll have to go. I think that'd be pretty cool. Still haven't gotten to the new Irish pub in Chatham, O'Donaghue's. Soon! Must go!
I see that the My Mother's Kitchen guys from Chatham Head have moved to around the square Newcastle under a different name Bistro 110 or something like that. Where the Pick of the Vine used to be. Be some good eats there for sure. Put that on the list of places to hit some day soon.
Went to the movies last night. Saw "Ghost Rider." Don't even ask how THAT happened! :-) Needless to say it was hilarious once we realized it was based on a Marvel Comic Book character. You gotta wonder whether all these people were dying to be in this . . . or if they needed to fulfill studio contracts. I suspect the latter. Still, we had a pretty good time. Had worse times. The DaVicni Code comes to mind. This was more fun than that. This one even had some scary jumping moments, and it flowed along quite quickly.
Today my mother might be dropping by. Though right now it is snowing . . . so, maybe she won't come until tomorrow. We need to see about getting curtain rods, a box spring, etc.
Mood: sore from sleeping the wrong way or arthritis or something
Drinking: king cole tea with skim milk
Listening To: had itunes on earlier but . . .
Hair: getting long again
Friday, February 23, 2007
Where The Watermelon Grow
How much was your hydro bill for last month? A couple of people yesterday told me HUGE and totally SCARY figures. I travelled around the house all day turning the heaters down and unplugging things. It's a bit frigid here this morning . . . but not unbearable. Hundreds of dollars for a hydro bill would be way more unbearable. Dear Spring, please spring forward soon. Thank you, Hardly Any Hydro Cash. So I'm sitting here, sipping my hot coffee, cradling the cup for warmth, and shivering. But that's okay! Soon I will have curtains to help keep the cold out and all will be well. It's only -15 anyway, not that chilly. The sky seems clear in darkness, there is a star out up there. So the sun may rise and provide some warmth in a couple of hours. It is supposed to be sunny with cloudy periods.
Yesterday I ventured forth on foot for the first time since the move. (Time flies when you're freezing!) I walked out to the Scotiabank and switched all my accounts, shopping at the Pharmasave for some pain meds, then home again. A flying trip, as my mother would say. Pretty much took a solid hour--20 minutes out, 20 minutes back, 10 minutes in. But I think it can be done much more quickly once I get used to the treacherous sidewalks (is the concept of walking so foreign?) and if I'm not stuck behind hyper Rottweiler. I didn't want to get too close to the dog and its owner, because although he may just have been friendly and glad to be out and about . . . he was attacking the cars in the street as they went past. And the walker didn't seem to have too much control over that situation, so why take chances? The breed is my least favourite, since my days in radio when the station manager would bring his "trained to kill" lethal weapon to the station late at night when I worked alone. I'd turn around in the booth and the dog would just be there. "It's okay, relax, don't make any sudden moves," the manager would smirk. Torture. Some kind of workplace harassment. Crazy way to get his kicks. Anyway, other than the dog in the street, yesterday's walk was great! Exhilarating! And I can see that I am not at all far from French Ford Cove, when I go out and look down the King George Highway. It's a totally doable trek.
Today, I'm going down the Bay. I've no idea where exactly or who I'll meet. But I should come away with some good stuff from the excursion. A good basis for a story. It'll be nothing if not interesting.
Up at 5am this morning. Set an alarm for 6, just in case, but no need. Another two mornings and I'll have a solid two weeks of early risings under my belt. This is exciting! And not even the slightest bit difficult. This is what freaks me out. All of a sudden I'm not tired anymore. I go to bed in the evening whenever I don't want to be on the computer anymore or when the dvd is over and most times I'm not even sleepy. But I go anyway, because it's either go or find something else to do and I usually don't want to find anything else to do that might wake me up further, so I go. And I lie there and think for awhile and then just close my eyes and go to sleep. Maybe this is how it works for the rest of the world. I don't know. But this is the most unusual thing ever for me. This whole ease of sleeping thing. This whole awake thing. Slipping into dreamland without a fight, without any anxiety . . . I never knew this existed. And yes, I'm still dreaming a kazillion dreams every night. And now I'm waking up even more frequently throughout the night and checking the clock. But yet, I'm the most rested I've ever been, the least stressed over sleep (and sleep has always kinda caused me some stress). Bizarre. Am I becoming normal? Whatever this is, I love it! I mean seriously love it! No relapses allowed.
And that's all folks. I'm outta time. Much to do before departing for the bay.
Mood: over the moon
Drinking: the last of the coffee with the last of the cream
Listening To: a drip in the kitchen sink
Hair: still super straight
Yesterday I ventured forth on foot for the first time since the move. (Time flies when you're freezing!) I walked out to the Scotiabank and switched all my accounts, shopping at the Pharmasave for some pain meds, then home again. A flying trip, as my mother would say. Pretty much took a solid hour--20 minutes out, 20 minutes back, 10 minutes in. But I think it can be done much more quickly once I get used to the treacherous sidewalks (is the concept of walking so foreign?) and if I'm not stuck behind hyper Rottweiler. I didn't want to get too close to the dog and its owner, because although he may just have been friendly and glad to be out and about . . . he was attacking the cars in the street as they went past. And the walker didn't seem to have too much control over that situation, so why take chances? The breed is my least favourite, since my days in radio when the station manager would bring his "trained to kill" lethal weapon to the station late at night when I worked alone. I'd turn around in the booth and the dog would just be there. "It's okay, relax, don't make any sudden moves," the manager would smirk. Torture. Some kind of workplace harassment. Crazy way to get his kicks. Anyway, other than the dog in the street, yesterday's walk was great! Exhilarating! And I can see that I am not at all far from French Ford Cove, when I go out and look down the King George Highway. It's a totally doable trek.
Today, I'm going down the Bay. I've no idea where exactly or who I'll meet. But I should come away with some good stuff from the excursion. A good basis for a story. It'll be nothing if not interesting.
Up at 5am this morning. Set an alarm for 6, just in case, but no need. Another two mornings and I'll have a solid two weeks of early risings under my belt. This is exciting! And not even the slightest bit difficult. This is what freaks me out. All of a sudden I'm not tired anymore. I go to bed in the evening whenever I don't want to be on the computer anymore or when the dvd is over and most times I'm not even sleepy. But I go anyway, because it's either go or find something else to do and I usually don't want to find anything else to do that might wake me up further, so I go. And I lie there and think for awhile and then just close my eyes and go to sleep. Maybe this is how it works for the rest of the world. I don't know. But this is the most unusual thing ever for me. This whole ease of sleeping thing. This whole awake thing. Slipping into dreamland without a fight, without any anxiety . . . I never knew this existed. And yes, I'm still dreaming a kazillion dreams every night. And now I'm waking up even more frequently throughout the night and checking the clock. But yet, I'm the most rested I've ever been, the least stressed over sleep (and sleep has always kinda caused me some stress). Bizarre. Am I becoming normal? Whatever this is, I love it! I mean seriously love it! No relapses allowed.
And that's all folks. I'm outta time. Much to do before departing for the bay.
Mood: over the moon
Drinking: the last of the coffee with the last of the cream
Listening To: a drip in the kitchen sink
Hair: still super straight
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Gonna Be A Bright Sunshiny Day
Late getting around to blogging this morning. Slept a bit later. No 4:30 wake-up! Slept straight through until 6, but didn't rise until 7am. The bedroom was warmer last night, I think that's why I slept so soundly. Plus I'm not feeling a hundred per cent, so I may sleep more the next couple of days.
So yesterday was a little screwy, in that things did not go exactly as planned. But all around it was a great day anyway. My breakfast meeting got cancelled (for an excellent reason and will definitely be rescheduled). My brother-in-law ended up with two job interviews instead of one and both went very well. The cover story guy called me back and agreed to do the story, we're meeting next week. I didn't get out to the bank before it's 3pm closing to take care of that business. Today is the day! I'm clear sailing until this afternoon when I now have to participate in the Bowl for Kids because my sister/co-worker cannot. My Baie excursion has been postponed until tomorrow.
Mom got me living room curtains, a mat, and a boot tray. She also sent some lead-in for the tv. Last night I got to watch a very snowy looping Coronation Street. Well, I could hear it anyway . . . most of the time. Adding rabbit ears to the ever growing list tacked to my refrigerator of things I will get when my ship comes in. I am right by the water, I expect if there's a ship to be found, I'll see it coming. Mom's going to come down on Saturday or Sunday and we'll go buy curtain rods, hang curtains, hang the swag lamp, etc. Then I'll go to Barnettville with her and visit my poochie, attend the annual Keenan Oscar bash, etc. Of course, Nick doesn't even miss me. He is content to grow old with Grammie.
Anxiety in my belly. I'm squashing it. Trying to squash it. It's not real. It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the sunshine and the beauty of the day. That's all that's real.
Mood: trying
Drinking: coffee, cream
Listening To: coffee pot gurgle, footsteps overhead
Hair: very straight for some odd reason
So yesterday was a little screwy, in that things did not go exactly as planned. But all around it was a great day anyway. My breakfast meeting got cancelled (for an excellent reason and will definitely be rescheduled). My brother-in-law ended up with two job interviews instead of one and both went very well. The cover story guy called me back and agreed to do the story, we're meeting next week. I didn't get out to the bank before it's 3pm closing to take care of that business. Today is the day! I'm clear sailing until this afternoon when I now have to participate in the Bowl for Kids because my sister/co-worker cannot. My Baie excursion has been postponed until tomorrow.
Mom got me living room curtains, a mat, and a boot tray. She also sent some lead-in for the tv. Last night I got to watch a very snowy looping Coronation Street. Well, I could hear it anyway . . . most of the time. Adding rabbit ears to the ever growing list tacked to my refrigerator of things I will get when my ship comes in. I am right by the water, I expect if there's a ship to be found, I'll see it coming. Mom's going to come down on Saturday or Sunday and we'll go buy curtain rods, hang curtains, hang the swag lamp, etc. Then I'll go to Barnettville with her and visit my poochie, attend the annual Keenan Oscar bash, etc. Of course, Nick doesn't even miss me. He is content to grow old with Grammie.
Anxiety in my belly. I'm squashing it. Trying to squash it. It's not real. It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the sunshine and the beauty of the day. That's all that's real.
Mood: trying
Drinking: coffee, cream
Listening To: coffee pot gurgle, footsteps overhead
Hair: very straight for some odd reason
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Chilly
Minus 11 at 6am, no wind chill. No wind chill?! YAY!! Today I go outside! Awake since 4:30 again this morning, though I didn't get up until after 5. I like to lay and think and look at the lights out the window. My old apartment was so dark, so windowless, this is a treat.
This morning I am meeting a friend for late breakfast. Before I go there I have to go to the bank and take care of some business, transferring accounts, etc. After breakfast I have to hurry home so I'll be here when my brother-in-law arrives with the laundered pants I sent to Barnettville the other day, before Grandad whispered the key to the coin operated washing machine into my almost dreaming ear. He's coming here after his first job interview in 11 years. Eleven freaking years!! These things blow my mind. The only thing I've done that long is write. Period. That is all. Longevity is something to pursue in my old age, I think. Anyway, as you may or may not know, my brother-in-law has been unemployed since about the middle of last week when the mill closed. The job interview today is right up his alley in automobile parts for a dealership (why do we have so many car dealerships anyway?) and I know he's perfect for the position, but his family needs medical benefits and nobody was quite sure how much the position pays . . . so hopefully if we all focus on getting them exactly what they need, it'll all work out.
I am supposed to be going on a road trip tomorrow for BnM with my boss. The featured community in the next issue is going to be Baie Ste. Anne/ Escuminac area. I've driven through but never properly visited, so we're going on a tourist-like excursion so I can get a feel for the culture there. Apparently it's a bit different this far up the river, more joie de vivre or something. Should be fun. I like doing that kind of thing. Stacy and I always used to go somewhere in summer. Somewhere fairly local, but not properly explored. One summer we did Boiestown/Doaktown area. Another we went down to Tabusintac. One day we went to Rogersville, but that was only to eat at a restaurant people were raving about, not to launch a full-on tourist excursion. The Miramichi region is huge and every small community within is unique. I'm lucky because it's my job to explore and report back to others. Otherwise I might miss out myself.
Yesterday I did the initial interview for the featured business in the April issue. February was late, due almost entirely to my Sackville melt-down. So this time I've got something to prove. I let the crew down and they lost any confidence they had in my abilities. There's no room for error from here on in. The cover story guy has not agreed to be profiled yet. Today is the cut-off. I'll call him tonight, see if he's in or out, and then proceed or move on to Plan B, depending. I'm hoping he's in, but I have a feeling he's out. Either way is okay. Plan B is also a good story.
I adjusted my 101 list yesterday. Needed to make it more relevant to Miramichi living, take out the Sackville stuff. As I was coming up with the few replacement things I came up with a whole bunch of new ideas. I wanted to revamp the whole thing, take out any that maybe I just put in as an afterthought to finish the list and didn't feel that strongly about. But then I stopped myself. Save some stuff for the next list. And if I do them in the meantime without a list, oh well, all the better.
The sky's starting to lighten up. It's pretty cloudy though, not anticipating a visible sunrise this morning. There's a sun in the forecast though. I should see it today at any rate. I could use a day of sunshine to warm up my place. Though this morning is much warmer than last evening all ready. This is good. I need to get used to functioning in these temperatures. Sackville was different. The one good thing about the cold is that my arthritis generally stays in check. I've got a wrist thing going on still, carried over from last week, but I'm starting to think it's not arthritis related but some sort of injury I don't remember getting.
Nearly dawn, time to hustle and officially begin the day.
Mood: pretty darn good
Drinking: coffee with cream
Listening To: nothing, absolutely nothing
Hair: needs dye . . . no funding for such an art project :-(
This morning I am meeting a friend for late breakfast. Before I go there I have to go to the bank and take care of some business, transferring accounts, etc. After breakfast I have to hurry home so I'll be here when my brother-in-law arrives with the laundered pants I sent to Barnettville the other day, before Grandad whispered the key to the coin operated washing machine into my almost dreaming ear. He's coming here after his first job interview in 11 years. Eleven freaking years!! These things blow my mind. The only thing I've done that long is write. Period. That is all. Longevity is something to pursue in my old age, I think. Anyway, as you may or may not know, my brother-in-law has been unemployed since about the middle of last week when the mill closed. The job interview today is right up his alley in automobile parts for a dealership (why do we have so many car dealerships anyway?) and I know he's perfect for the position, but his family needs medical benefits and nobody was quite sure how much the position pays . . . so hopefully if we all focus on getting them exactly what they need, it'll all work out.
I am supposed to be going on a road trip tomorrow for BnM with my boss. The featured community in the next issue is going to be Baie Ste. Anne/ Escuminac area. I've driven through but never properly visited, so we're going on a tourist-like excursion so I can get a feel for the culture there. Apparently it's a bit different this far up the river, more joie de vivre or something. Should be fun. I like doing that kind of thing. Stacy and I always used to go somewhere in summer. Somewhere fairly local, but not properly explored. One summer we did Boiestown/Doaktown area. Another we went down to Tabusintac. One day we went to Rogersville, but that was only to eat at a restaurant people were raving about, not to launch a full-on tourist excursion. The Miramichi region is huge and every small community within is unique. I'm lucky because it's my job to explore and report back to others. Otherwise I might miss out myself.
Yesterday I did the initial interview for the featured business in the April issue. February was late, due almost entirely to my Sackville melt-down. So this time I've got something to prove. I let the crew down and they lost any confidence they had in my abilities. There's no room for error from here on in. The cover story guy has not agreed to be profiled yet. Today is the cut-off. I'll call him tonight, see if he's in or out, and then proceed or move on to Plan B, depending. I'm hoping he's in, but I have a feeling he's out. Either way is okay. Plan B is also a good story.
I adjusted my 101 list yesterday. Needed to make it more relevant to Miramichi living, take out the Sackville stuff. As I was coming up with the few replacement things I came up with a whole bunch of new ideas. I wanted to revamp the whole thing, take out any that maybe I just put in as an afterthought to finish the list and didn't feel that strongly about. But then I stopped myself. Save some stuff for the next list. And if I do them in the meantime without a list, oh well, all the better.
The sky's starting to lighten up. It's pretty cloudy though, not anticipating a visible sunrise this morning. There's a sun in the forecast though. I should see it today at any rate. I could use a day of sunshine to warm up my place. Though this morning is much warmer than last evening all ready. This is good. I need to get used to functioning in these temperatures. Sackville was different. The one good thing about the cold is that my arthritis generally stays in check. I've got a wrist thing going on still, carried over from last week, but I'm starting to think it's not arthritis related but some sort of injury I don't remember getting.
Nearly dawn, time to hustle and officially begin the day.
Mood: pretty darn good
Drinking: coffee with cream
Listening To: nothing, absolutely nothing
Hair: needs dye . . . no funding for such an art project :-(
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
In Which She Learns Four Quarters Equal One Loonie
Slept in this morning. Until almost 8:30!! Well okay, I wasn't really asleep all that time. I was wide awake at the increasingly predictable 4:30. Again around 6. And pretty much a constant from about 7:15 on, but I didn't get up. I was sleeping in the living room, on the futon, to get off the floor because the wind chill dipped pretty low in the night. (I so need a boxspring to go with Mom's old bed frame, and get me off the floor in the bedroom.) The sky was amazing this morning. It was so cold in the room. And the sky so pretty. Shades of red, purple, mauve, orange, cotton candy pink, and dark denim blue. I just laid there, watching the changes in light and thinking. It used to be that getting up anytime before 10 was early. My normal biological time for waking happened at 10:30. I don't see this quiet time as a waste. I think it's important.
Many dreams happening. Lots of Asian culture for some unknown reason. Last night a boy, I think Korean, quite handsome. A friend of my Calgary cousin's who visited Grandad's with him when we were kids. (Never happened really . . . though one summer, wasn't there a blonde-headed boy? A friend?) Anyway, returned now, adults. We were all at my Uncle's next to Grandad's. Summer night. Very dark. That smell of horses. The three of us sent into the field to look for rope to tie something. A bit tipsy, me and Stace. Lots of shushing as we tried to laugh less, be quiet, not wake the kids sleeping in tents out there. Me tripping, falling into every hole out there. Then it dawns on me. Grandad's would have rope in a store or shed out back, lit up with fluorescent tubes. Instead of cutting through the field and walking over, there is this elaborate stealing of my parents' car, Korean boy the sober driver, a rolling down the hill, not starting the engine until we hit the pavement, so nobody would know. Driving two feet and then up the hill again to Grandad's. We get out of the car, and scatter. Nobody seems to remember what it is we've been sent to get or where we need to look for it.
And then there he is. Grandad. Standing in the shadows by the side of the house. Looking just as I remember him. Vest, trucker's ball cap, work pants. He's healthy, a big man, before he faded away. That gruff voice, "What are you doing?" And I'm glad to see him, relieved, though part of me understands he's already gone. Stace and I can't speak. It is the Korean boy who explains about the rope. It is the Korean boy he puts his arm around and leads back the field toward what looks like a Co-Op store. And Stace and I exchange knowing looks, shrug and then run to catch up.
Was it my imagination, or did the smell of horses linger in my blankets when I woke up?
Then I laid there and watched the sky. Could you blame me?
So yesterday I tried to do laundry. Couldn't get the coin-operated machine to work. Ended up sending a load of pants to Barnettville. But here's the thing. I went armed with quarters. The last time I used coin-operated laundry . . . it was all about the quarters. Costs a buck and a quarter, the sign says. Two coin slots. Hmm. Maybe it's only 50 cents? Frigged with it for a good 10 minutes before I gave up. Then this morning in the red sky at dawn, it suddenly dawns on me -- a loonie is four quarters! Two slots! A buck and a quarter! Duh! I don't have any loonies though. Need to go out.
Mood: pretty good
Drinking: coffee with cream
Listening To: let's get it started, black eyed peas
Hair: limp
Many dreams happening. Lots of Asian culture for some unknown reason. Last night a boy, I think Korean, quite handsome. A friend of my Calgary cousin's who visited Grandad's with him when we were kids. (Never happened really . . . though one summer, wasn't there a blonde-headed boy? A friend?) Anyway, returned now, adults. We were all at my Uncle's next to Grandad's. Summer night. Very dark. That smell of horses. The three of us sent into the field to look for rope to tie something. A bit tipsy, me and Stace. Lots of shushing as we tried to laugh less, be quiet, not wake the kids sleeping in tents out there. Me tripping, falling into every hole out there. Then it dawns on me. Grandad's would have rope in a store or shed out back, lit up with fluorescent tubes. Instead of cutting through the field and walking over, there is this elaborate stealing of my parents' car, Korean boy the sober driver, a rolling down the hill, not starting the engine until we hit the pavement, so nobody would know. Driving two feet and then up the hill again to Grandad's. We get out of the car, and scatter. Nobody seems to remember what it is we've been sent to get or where we need to look for it.
And then there he is. Grandad. Standing in the shadows by the side of the house. Looking just as I remember him. Vest, trucker's ball cap, work pants. He's healthy, a big man, before he faded away. That gruff voice, "What are you doing?" And I'm glad to see him, relieved, though part of me understands he's already gone. Stace and I can't speak. It is the Korean boy who explains about the rope. It is the Korean boy he puts his arm around and leads back the field toward what looks like a Co-Op store. And Stace and I exchange knowing looks, shrug and then run to catch up.
Was it my imagination, or did the smell of horses linger in my blankets when I woke up?
Then I laid there and watched the sky. Could you blame me?
So yesterday I tried to do laundry. Couldn't get the coin-operated machine to work. Ended up sending a load of pants to Barnettville. But here's the thing. I went armed with quarters. The last time I used coin-operated laundry . . . it was all about the quarters. Costs a buck and a quarter, the sign says. Two coin slots. Hmm. Maybe it's only 50 cents? Frigged with it for a good 10 minutes before I gave up. Then this morning in the red sky at dawn, it suddenly dawns on me -- a loonie is four quarters! Two slots! A buck and a quarter! Duh! I don't have any loonies though. Need to go out.
Mood: pretty good
Drinking: coffee with cream
Listening To: let's get it started, black eyed peas
Hair: limp
Monday, February 19, 2007
Awake in Darkness
Another 4:30am wake-up call. I actually stayed horizontal until 5 but I might as well have gotten up, I was awake. I think my usual Sunday Night Anxiety that I've suffered for as long as I can remember and perhaps all of my life, has evolved into an early Monday morning rising. This is much more productive! This is some good stuff going on! What a way to get the jump on the week! Actually it was last Tuesday morning that I awoke at 4:30, Monday was a standard 6am thing, still I believe this is progress. A shift of some sort. In summertime there will dawn in these early hours instead of night darkness. That's an exciting prospect.
Yesterday was a bit of a lost day. A little cranky crampy time settling in. Still, I did some work, wrote nearly all of one my regular bnm columns. My mother called a whopping two or three times, which NEVER used to happen. I have to measure my windows so she can pick me up curtains at Value Village in Moncton tomorrow when she goes. If she runs across any that are appropriate. Solid colours. No prints. Rich colours, or bright. Deep purple, not mauve. Navy blue. Forest green. Burnt orange. Brick red. That sort of thing. I'm not much for pastels. I like solid, firm, not flakey. And I need something thick to keep the cold out in winter and the sun out in summer. I think they'll find me some. If not, then my own personal Great Curtain Hunt of 2007 begins this week. I need to go to the Salvation Army and look around, while my brother still works there, while I've still got an in. Also need to look at the boxspring and end table situation. They deliver! This is helpful.
So yesterday I watched The Bourne Identity followed by The Bourne Supremacy with my boy, Matt Damon. I do love Matt Damon! He was so the brains in that whole Ben/Matt duo thing they had going on. Ben is kookier and funnier than Matt, but the Damon is the serious talent. He was so good in The Departed! Have you seen it yet? You need to see it. That's a seriously good movie. Anyway, I'm a fan of the Bourne movies. They're a lot of fun. So I spent my day watching them between phone calls and satisfying cravings with junk, and then I drifted off on the futon for a few hours and then I got up and moved to the bedroom around 10pm. And then I woke up every couple of hours and couldn't believe how long the night was, until finally we got to 4:30 and the jig was up, my goose was cooked, I couldn't abide being in bed any longer.
I noticed one of my neighbours from upstairs leaving the building as I got up. Going to her car. Leaving for work. Must be a nurse maybe. Works long shifts wherever she goes, you never see her car in the lot during the light of day.
And now it is 6'ish and I need to get started on work for real.
Mood: alert
Drinking: coffee with cream
Listening To: hmm. i actually opened i-tunes this morning, but didn't start it. perhaps i'm enjoying the quiet? on a subconscious level that i'm not even aware of.
Hair: getting washed today. also should get dyed soon, major roots going on
Yesterday was a bit of a lost day. A little cranky crampy time settling in. Still, I did some work, wrote nearly all of one my regular bnm columns. My mother called a whopping two or three times, which NEVER used to happen. I have to measure my windows so she can pick me up curtains at Value Village in Moncton tomorrow when she goes. If she runs across any that are appropriate. Solid colours. No prints. Rich colours, or bright. Deep purple, not mauve. Navy blue. Forest green. Burnt orange. Brick red. That sort of thing. I'm not much for pastels. I like solid, firm, not flakey. And I need something thick to keep the cold out in winter and the sun out in summer. I think they'll find me some. If not, then my own personal Great Curtain Hunt of 2007 begins this week. I need to go to the Salvation Army and look around, while my brother still works there, while I've still got an in. Also need to look at the boxspring and end table situation. They deliver! This is helpful.
So yesterday I watched The Bourne Identity followed by The Bourne Supremacy with my boy, Matt Damon. I do love Matt Damon! He was so the brains in that whole Ben/Matt duo thing they had going on. Ben is kookier and funnier than Matt, but the Damon is the serious talent. He was so good in The Departed! Have you seen it yet? You need to see it. That's a seriously good movie. Anyway, I'm a fan of the Bourne movies. They're a lot of fun. So I spent my day watching them between phone calls and satisfying cravings with junk, and then I drifted off on the futon for a few hours and then I got up and moved to the bedroom around 10pm. And then I woke up every couple of hours and couldn't believe how long the night was, until finally we got to 4:30 and the jig was up, my goose was cooked, I couldn't abide being in bed any longer.
I noticed one of my neighbours from upstairs leaving the building as I got up. Going to her car. Leaving for work. Must be a nurse maybe. Works long shifts wherever she goes, you never see her car in the lot during the light of day.
And now it is 6'ish and I need to get started on work for real.
Mood: alert
Drinking: coffee with cream
Listening To: hmm. i actually opened i-tunes this morning, but didn't start it. perhaps i'm enjoying the quiet? on a subconscious level that i'm not even aware of.
Hair: getting washed today. also should get dyed soon, major roots going on
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Borne
Slept on the futon last night. Wanted to watch a movie, wanted to be able to drift off during movie. It's cold in my place. Colder than I'm used to. The sun warms it up a lot during the day, but on days when the sun is hidden and at night . . . ugh! It's cold! I'm sleeping in layers. Last night two pairs of socks, two pairs of sleep pants, a tank top, t-shirt, two cardigans. I put a throw on the futon mattress, fuzzy New Brunswick Health sheet next to my body, thin camp blanket, heavier fuzzy blanket, and topped it off with the comforter. I wasn't cold. I wasn't sweating either. I was mostly comfortable. Yes, I have control of the thermostat here. I could turn up the heat. But at night I don't think the place would warm if I left it set at 30, the heaters run a lot now. It's just the windows. I need to get curtains. Curtains must rise to the top of my priorities. Curtains will block some of the cold at night, will block the hot sun in summer, the morning sun on my computer screen now.
So I've been here a week yesterday. Pretty good week. I'm doing well. If I could just get my eating/exercise habits back on track I'd be good to roll. Money is an issue right now. The cold is an issue right now. But I am envisioning the most perfect spring being sprung here. I need to feed my creativity, nourish my soul, the rest will follow.
Watched "Brokeback Mountain" again last night. If you recall, I didn't think much of it the first time around, certainly didn't have the emotional connection my sisters had, who cried their eyes out. But sometimes you're just not in the right headspace when you watch something, you miss stuff, are unable to relate, and then you watch it a second time later and it's like you're watching a completely different film and you wonder how you could have disliked it so much the first time. So I thought maybe that would happen . . . I hoped that would happen. Nope. Nothing of the sort. I did kind of enjoy it more than the first time because I put on the English subtitles so I could actually understand the mumbling cowboy's lines, and I kinda bought that these two would have sex more than I did the first time . . . but the whole plot turns on the idea of loved, and still, I wasn't feeling the love. It's the first scene in the tent . . . I dunno. It's like they get drunk and shit happens and Ennis is so "morning after the night before, what the fuck just happened here" ashamed. I relate to this on many levels. Slinking away feeling like crap. And while he was off misbehaving a sheep killed. Guilt. Everything says it's a bad mistake. There's no love here. And then in the next breath there is--tender love scenes, playful rough-housing. Still not buying it. Disappointing. I hoped I'd get swept away this time.
I feel a viewing of "Vanilla Sky" on the rise. I haven't watched it since Tom Cruise went crazy. I hope that doesn't ruin it for me. I don't think it will. I watched "War of the Worlds" after he jumped on Oprah's couch and said terrible things about Brooke Shields and all that and it didn't matter that he was in it, it was still Spielberg and I still enjoyed. And "Vanilla Sky" is Cameron Crowe, and I love Cameron Crowe, so it's got to still be okay.
Slept in until almost 7:30 this morning. Stayed up pretty late though. I'm on track for my goal of getting up by 7:30 everyday for a month though. One week down, three to go. One week does not a solid habit make. I think it takes 16 days. Certainly after one month, it will just be the norm. I want to be a morning person. This is the first thing to develop. Then I want to be a morning person who gets up early and goes to the gym and eats breakfast and all that good stuff. This is the year for these things. It's coming.
Mood: cheerful
Drinking: coffee with cream in my bjp mug
Listening To: vivaldi's four seasons
Hair: in a headband so i can see
So I've been here a week yesterday. Pretty good week. I'm doing well. If I could just get my eating/exercise habits back on track I'd be good to roll. Money is an issue right now. The cold is an issue right now. But I am envisioning the most perfect spring being sprung here. I need to feed my creativity, nourish my soul, the rest will follow.
Watched "Brokeback Mountain" again last night. If you recall, I didn't think much of it the first time around, certainly didn't have the emotional connection my sisters had, who cried their eyes out. But sometimes you're just not in the right headspace when you watch something, you miss stuff, are unable to relate, and then you watch it a second time later and it's like you're watching a completely different film and you wonder how you could have disliked it so much the first time. So I thought maybe that would happen . . . I hoped that would happen. Nope. Nothing of the sort. I did kind of enjoy it more than the first time because I put on the English subtitles so I could actually understand the mumbling cowboy's lines, and I kinda bought that these two would have sex more than I did the first time . . . but the whole plot turns on the idea of loved, and still, I wasn't feeling the love. It's the first scene in the tent . . . I dunno. It's like they get drunk and shit happens and Ennis is so "morning after the night before, what the fuck just happened here" ashamed. I relate to this on many levels. Slinking away feeling like crap. And while he was off misbehaving a sheep killed. Guilt. Everything says it's a bad mistake. There's no love here. And then in the next breath there is--tender love scenes, playful rough-housing. Still not buying it. Disappointing. I hoped I'd get swept away this time.
I feel a viewing of "Vanilla Sky" on the rise. I haven't watched it since Tom Cruise went crazy. I hope that doesn't ruin it for me. I don't think it will. I watched "War of the Worlds" after he jumped on Oprah's couch and said terrible things about Brooke Shields and all that and it didn't matter that he was in it, it was still Spielberg and I still enjoyed. And "Vanilla Sky" is Cameron Crowe, and I love Cameron Crowe, so it's got to still be okay.
Slept in until almost 7:30 this morning. Stayed up pretty late though. I'm on track for my goal of getting up by 7:30 everyday for a month though. One week down, three to go. One week does not a solid habit make. I think it takes 16 days. Certainly after one month, it will just be the norm. I want to be a morning person. This is the first thing to develop. Then I want to be a morning person who gets up early and goes to the gym and eats breakfast and all that good stuff. This is the year for these things. It's coming.
Mood: cheerful
Drinking: coffee with cream in my bjp mug
Listening To: vivaldi's four seasons
Hair: in a headband so i can see
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Star Light, Star Bright
Arthritis kicking in. Left wrist, fingers. A bit excruciating actually. I might have to take something for it. It's been awhile since I've had it so focused and acute. I wonder if it's not arthritis at all, but rather I bumped my hand or something.
What a day! BnM Meeting, movies, and visit with my kids. Saw Arthur and the Invisibles at the theatre. Pretty much the last of the free tickets before they expire end of the month.
Watched Mambo Italiano and had supper and it's not yet 8pm. I should have invited kids to stay for supper. Never thought of it. Never think of food unless I'm hungry. And I'd just had popcorn and kisses. I need to work on my social skills now that I actually have guests from time to time.
Too early to go to bed, as I'm not that tired. Yet not wanting to really get into any work or housework that would wake me up more. It's odd, this lifestyle of the past week. Days are really long. It takes little time to do things that used to take ages. I don't know what's going on. Progress seems easier here or something. I remember I used to go downstairs to do dishes and be gone for hours. The littlest amount would seem to take forever. Did I daydream? Did I lose time in thought? I washed everything when I arrived. All of it. Not in one sitting, but in a few pretty big loads. And I'd do all these dishes and find I'd only spent 20 minutes on the whole thing. It's strange.
The day was so long today that I thought it was the whole weekend, came over to my desk to prepare my calendar for Monday morning, but tomorrow is Sunday. If I can find quarters I'll do laundry. I could do laundry now. I doubt many people here do on a Saturday night. A lot of them seem to have washers and dryers in their places. I hear them spinning in the evenings. You can do laundry in the shared washer until 11pm. Even that seems a little late.
Last night one of my neighbors (next door I think) had guests and played music and I thought maybe were working up for a party, but it never happened. Petered out before I went to bed even, they must've just had a couple of drinks in before going out or something. Lying in bed last night I could almost make out a conversation happening on the catwalk above my window where people go to smoke. A guy, a girl. Every second word he said started with F. She was too quiet to make-out anything, just murmurs. All you could hear was his Fs. Grumble, F, Grumble, F, murmur, F, F, Grumble, Grumble, F, F, F, Grumble, F, murmur . . . bizarre. They went in after their smoke though and I heard no more. I'm not real sure how thick the walls are here. I think we're all pretty quiet. I never hear anyone from the other half of the building, the other shared wall. It's odd.
I've observed that the ambulance is called out a lot in the evening. Last night something went on somewhere, at least 2 sets of cops and ambulance crossed the Morrissey within five minutes of one another. Never heard what it was all about. I'm here, but I'm not really in the thick of it. I do not yet have my finger on the pulse of the community. But I want to. I wish it were warmer. It's been so cold for walking around town. But this week, I must. Cold or not. This week I need to walk places, do things. Now that I'm almost all unpacked (something else to do tomorrow) and settled in.
And that's enough rambling and talking to myself for one evening. I think I'll watch another movie.
Mood: fantastic
Drinking: rooibos
Listening To: again, nothing but the hum of my computer . . . i'm getting a little concerned
Hair: pushed back off my face
What a day! BnM Meeting, movies, and visit with my kids. Saw Arthur and the Invisibles at the theatre. Pretty much the last of the free tickets before they expire end of the month.
Watched Mambo Italiano and had supper and it's not yet 8pm. I should have invited kids to stay for supper. Never thought of it. Never think of food unless I'm hungry. And I'd just had popcorn and kisses. I need to work on my social skills now that I actually have guests from time to time.
Too early to go to bed, as I'm not that tired. Yet not wanting to really get into any work or housework that would wake me up more. It's odd, this lifestyle of the past week. Days are really long. It takes little time to do things that used to take ages. I don't know what's going on. Progress seems easier here or something. I remember I used to go downstairs to do dishes and be gone for hours. The littlest amount would seem to take forever. Did I daydream? Did I lose time in thought? I washed everything when I arrived. All of it. Not in one sitting, but in a few pretty big loads. And I'd do all these dishes and find I'd only spent 20 minutes on the whole thing. It's strange.
The day was so long today that I thought it was the whole weekend, came over to my desk to prepare my calendar for Monday morning, but tomorrow is Sunday. If I can find quarters I'll do laundry. I could do laundry now. I doubt many people here do on a Saturday night. A lot of them seem to have washers and dryers in their places. I hear them spinning in the evenings. You can do laundry in the shared washer until 11pm. Even that seems a little late.
Last night one of my neighbors (next door I think) had guests and played music and I thought maybe were working up for a party, but it never happened. Petered out before I went to bed even, they must've just had a couple of drinks in before going out or something. Lying in bed last night I could almost make out a conversation happening on the catwalk above my window where people go to smoke. A guy, a girl. Every second word he said started with F. She was too quiet to make-out anything, just murmurs. All you could hear was his Fs. Grumble, F, Grumble, F, murmur, F, F, Grumble, Grumble, F, F, F, Grumble, F, murmur . . . bizarre. They went in after their smoke though and I heard no more. I'm not real sure how thick the walls are here. I think we're all pretty quiet. I never hear anyone from the other half of the building, the other shared wall. It's odd.
I've observed that the ambulance is called out a lot in the evening. Last night something went on somewhere, at least 2 sets of cops and ambulance crossed the Morrissey within five minutes of one another. Never heard what it was all about. I'm here, but I'm not really in the thick of it. I do not yet have my finger on the pulse of the community. But I want to. I wish it were warmer. It's been so cold for walking around town. But this week, I must. Cold or not. This week I need to walk places, do things. Now that I'm almost all unpacked (something else to do tomorrow) and settled in.
And that's enough rambling and talking to myself for one evening. I think I'll watch another movie.
Mood: fantastic
Drinking: rooibos
Listening To: again, nothing but the hum of my computer . . . i'm getting a little concerned
Hair: pushed back off my face
Dawn
"Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life, and when it comes, hold your head high. Look it squarely in the eye, and say, "I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me." --Ann Landers
Seems outdated. Not the way to do it anymore. Now, we're being told to expect the best, visualize it, thank the universe for it before it happens, and it will all work out as you believed it would. Power of positive thinking. The secret. If we're listening, this is the message that is out there in the world today. Some people are picking it up, evolving.
I knew this when I was a kid. From the time I was very young right into my teenage years I thought I had a secret power. I knew if I could see the desired result in my head, if I never wavered from that vision, then it would work out just as I thought it would. If I couldn't see it, it wouldn't happen. I constantly surprised myself. Seemingly impossible things would be meditated on and then come true. Like winning the writing contest in grade four against 5th & 6th graders. Many an evening was spent imagining what the announcement would look like, where I would be sitting when I heard my name called. But even then, I didn't totally believe. I was speechless when it happened. I wrote about my secret power in childhood diaries I'm sure, I may have talked about it with my mom. Certainly I spoke of it in reverse enough. I said many times that if I didn't see it, it wouldn't happen, when it came to questions about marriage and children and all sorts of other things. I hadn't put it together that I could make myself visualize it, because it was always things that I didn't really care about anyway. If a split second search of the old noggin didn't zone in on a crystal clear picture, I said I couldn't see it, wouldn't happen. I didn't get that just because I wasn't visualizing it, didn't mean it couldn't happen.
So I didn't understand what I was dealing with, I had only a half-assed appreciation for the power of visualization. No concept of positive thinking on a regular basis. And as I got older and more hormonal in the teen years, it was difficult to be brooding, dark and mysterious and still be positive and spiritual. Things started to go haywire. Then journalism school, which if you're not already skeptical, is certainly the quickest way to become a cynic. And by the time I was 23 all I had was a fleeting memory that it seemed like I used to be able to make things happen, but it must have all been a fluke, I must've used up all my luck.
My re-awakening started the year I turned 30 and continues through today. I literally spent a solid year in my parents house, where I didn't really go anywhere or do anything. I spent most of my days and nights in a bedroom pounding out stories on an old word processor/typewriter. Just me and myself. Facing yourself is hard. Being honest with yourself is really hard. Exploring your motivations, recognizing your weaknesses, admitting your mistakes--it's damn hard. I did this everyday, 12-18 hours, for a whole year. It was spiritual. It was cleansing. It was therapeutic. It was one of the hardest things emotionally and mentally that I've ever done. When my unemployment ran out, I went to work, better and stronger than ever before. I likely could not have survived had I not taken this time alone, so beaten and broken down was I when I went into seclusion.
And last night another proof that my secret power is back. My brother's girlfriend stepped out of my mind and into my living room, exactly as I pictured her, exactly as I willed her to be. Such a nice girl! She's lovely. This is good. We had a really good dinner and conversation and I totally see this girl in our family.
Mood: happy
Drinking: coffee, lots of cream
Listening To: why is it that i never put the music on early anymore?
Hair: stringy because i put some greasy balm in it last night, which wasn't really good
Seems outdated. Not the way to do it anymore. Now, we're being told to expect the best, visualize it, thank the universe for it before it happens, and it will all work out as you believed it would. Power of positive thinking. The secret. If we're listening, this is the message that is out there in the world today. Some people are picking it up, evolving.
I knew this when I was a kid. From the time I was very young right into my teenage years I thought I had a secret power. I knew if I could see the desired result in my head, if I never wavered from that vision, then it would work out just as I thought it would. If I couldn't see it, it wouldn't happen. I constantly surprised myself. Seemingly impossible things would be meditated on and then come true. Like winning the writing contest in grade four against 5th & 6th graders. Many an evening was spent imagining what the announcement would look like, where I would be sitting when I heard my name called. But even then, I didn't totally believe. I was speechless when it happened. I wrote about my secret power in childhood diaries I'm sure, I may have talked about it with my mom. Certainly I spoke of it in reverse enough. I said many times that if I didn't see it, it wouldn't happen, when it came to questions about marriage and children and all sorts of other things. I hadn't put it together that I could make myself visualize it, because it was always things that I didn't really care about anyway. If a split second search of the old noggin didn't zone in on a crystal clear picture, I said I couldn't see it, wouldn't happen. I didn't get that just because I wasn't visualizing it, didn't mean it couldn't happen.
So I didn't understand what I was dealing with, I had only a half-assed appreciation for the power of visualization. No concept of positive thinking on a regular basis. And as I got older and more hormonal in the teen years, it was difficult to be brooding, dark and mysterious and still be positive and spiritual. Things started to go haywire. Then journalism school, which if you're not already skeptical, is certainly the quickest way to become a cynic. And by the time I was 23 all I had was a fleeting memory that it seemed like I used to be able to make things happen, but it must have all been a fluke, I must've used up all my luck.
My re-awakening started the year I turned 30 and continues through today. I literally spent a solid year in my parents house, where I didn't really go anywhere or do anything. I spent most of my days and nights in a bedroom pounding out stories on an old word processor/typewriter. Just me and myself. Facing yourself is hard. Being honest with yourself is really hard. Exploring your motivations, recognizing your weaknesses, admitting your mistakes--it's damn hard. I did this everyday, 12-18 hours, for a whole year. It was spiritual. It was cleansing. It was therapeutic. It was one of the hardest things emotionally and mentally that I've ever done. When my unemployment ran out, I went to work, better and stronger than ever before. I likely could not have survived had I not taken this time alone, so beaten and broken down was I when I went into seclusion.
And last night another proof that my secret power is back. My brother's girlfriend stepped out of my mind and into my living room, exactly as I pictured her, exactly as I willed her to be. Such a nice girl! She's lovely. This is good. We had a really good dinner and conversation and I totally see this girl in our family.
Mood: happy
Drinking: coffee, lots of cream
Listening To: why is it that i never put the music on early anymore?
Hair: stringy because i put some greasy balm in it last night, which wasn't really good
Friday, February 16, 2007
"I feel so good. Life is running around inside of me like a squirrel." -- Boris Kolenkhov, You Can't Take It With You (1938)
I love this line. And I feel like this a lot this week. Sometimes I just look around and giggle. I'm excited about life again. Excited about living. It's not that I was unexcited before. When I first went to Sackville I had the same feeling, then gradually it wore down, as I started to miss things I wanted to attend, as I started to find that there were very few people my age, as my home disintegrated and my landlord turned out to not be who I thought he was. I had some really great days there even then, and I'll likely have some not so great days where I am now. But not yet.
Slept in til 7 this morning. My room was actually a little bit warmer last night than it has been. And again I'd knew there'd be no sunrise visible in the grey sky today. I was dreaming about a Coughlan family thing. Like some sort of hike or something, with cousins manning rest posts along the way where you could buy drinks and food. It seemed like we were in hills. Very green and foggy. A lot like how I imagine Ireland must be. We all started out together but soon everyone separated and it became a solo walk for each of us, a kind of spiritual trek even, like that one in Spain. Having some good dreams here this week. Entertaining and fun. Like the Japanese mafia one from the other night. That was loads of fun!
This evening I'm having over my brother and his new girlfriend for supper. His birthday was yesterday, so it's kind of like a post b'day celebration. I'm very curious to meet this girl. I'm hoping she's nice and good for him and not . . . well, not like so many of the other people who have come and gone in his life. This is my first entertaining. I still need to put the rest of the house together. I might walk out later and see about getting a cake or something for dessert. If I have time. Otherwise we'll have to make due with . . . bran muffins?
Off to the races! Enjoy your day.
Mood: squirrelly
Drinking: russian tea, black, and a glass of water
Listening To: traffic, on the bridge, or across the river
Hair: needing a make-over badly
I love this line. And I feel like this a lot this week. Sometimes I just look around and giggle. I'm excited about life again. Excited about living. It's not that I was unexcited before. When I first went to Sackville I had the same feeling, then gradually it wore down, as I started to miss things I wanted to attend, as I started to find that there were very few people my age, as my home disintegrated and my landlord turned out to not be who I thought he was. I had some really great days there even then, and I'll likely have some not so great days where I am now. But not yet.
Slept in til 7 this morning. My room was actually a little bit warmer last night than it has been. And again I'd knew there'd be no sunrise visible in the grey sky today. I was dreaming about a Coughlan family thing. Like some sort of hike or something, with cousins manning rest posts along the way where you could buy drinks and food. It seemed like we were in hills. Very green and foggy. A lot like how I imagine Ireland must be. We all started out together but soon everyone separated and it became a solo walk for each of us, a kind of spiritual trek even, like that one in Spain. Having some good dreams here this week. Entertaining and fun. Like the Japanese mafia one from the other night. That was loads of fun!
This evening I'm having over my brother and his new girlfriend for supper. His birthday was yesterday, so it's kind of like a post b'day celebration. I'm very curious to meet this girl. I'm hoping she's nice and good for him and not . . . well, not like so many of the other people who have come and gone in his life. This is my first entertaining. I still need to put the rest of the house together. I might walk out later and see about getting a cake or something for dessert. If I have time. Otherwise we'll have to make due with . . . bran muffins?
Off to the races! Enjoy your day.
Mood: squirrelly
Drinking: russian tea, black, and a glass of water
Listening To: traffic, on the bridge, or across the river
Hair: needing a make-over badly
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Storm Surge
"A man can do only what he can do. But if he does that each day he can sleep at night and do it again the next day." - Albert Schweitzer
Amen to that!
My new morning trend continues. Up at 6 today. Slept in til 7 yesterday. I love watching daylight descend. I've always wanted to be a morning person, but I've loved the night too much to make it work. That's not a problem now, as it's dark early in the evening, light later in the morning. But by the time the days are longer maybe I will have developed an unbreakable habit. One can hope. I suspect this summer I will need to concentrate getting more of my work done in the early morning and later evening. I may be surprised but methinks afternoons here will be sweltering affairs where I'll be better off vacating and going to hang out in air conditioned buildings (the library? restaurants? bars? shopping?) or the hopefully breezy wharf.
Last night it was nearly midnight before I got to sleep. What I can't get over is how rested I feel though. I'm waking every couple of hours throughout the night. Anyone of which I feel wide awake and well rested like I could get up and begin the day. But anything before 5am is a bit excessive. Even for me, who thrives on excess.
There'll be no sunrise this morning. Though daylight is gradually creeping in and the worst of the snow seems to have ended. Last night I couldn't see the lights of Chatham Head across the river. Still, there's this warning from Environment Canada for Miramichi:
I'm sure they're talking about further out the bay. I'm sure there'll be nothing to see here. I doubt the ice will heave and break up this far up. Right? Up home this has never been an issue. I know nothing of these things. But I'm living by a bigger part of the Mighty river now, so who knows what all goes on here. I wonder if I'll see cargo ships in summer, loading and unloading at the docks. I suppose I will. It was only a few years ago we ran into those Egyptian sailors at the Super Valu and helped them find suitable margarine. So ships must still come up this far. There will be tall ships for sure, I think. Or maybe everything docks in Chatham now, doesn't come up this far. Guess I'll find out.
And that's enough lollygagging for this morning. Daylight's coming fast. Lots of work to be done.
Mood: curious
Drinking: coffee, freshly ground, cream
Listening To: computer hum (i'm enjoying the quiet)
Hair: tousled
Amen to that!
My new morning trend continues. Up at 6 today. Slept in til 7 yesterday. I love watching daylight descend. I've always wanted to be a morning person, but I've loved the night too much to make it work. That's not a problem now, as it's dark early in the evening, light later in the morning. But by the time the days are longer maybe I will have developed an unbreakable habit. One can hope. I suspect this summer I will need to concentrate getting more of my work done in the early morning and later evening. I may be surprised but methinks afternoons here will be sweltering affairs where I'll be better off vacating and going to hang out in air conditioned buildings (the library? restaurants? bars? shopping?) or the hopefully breezy wharf.
Last night it was nearly midnight before I got to sleep. What I can't get over is how rested I feel though. I'm waking every couple of hours throughout the night. Anyone of which I feel wide awake and well rested like I could get up and begin the day. But anything before 5am is a bit excessive. Even for me, who thrives on excess.
There'll be no sunrise this morning. Though daylight is gradually creeping in and the worst of the snow seems to have ended. Last night I couldn't see the lights of Chatham Head across the river. Still, there's this warning from Environment Canada for Miramichi:
A storm surge associated with higher than normal waters levels will occur during the high tide this afternoon. This could lead to rafting of sea ice.
I'm sure they're talking about further out the bay. I'm sure there'll be nothing to see here. I doubt the ice will heave and break up this far up. Right? Up home this has never been an issue. I know nothing of these things. But I'm living by a bigger part of the Mighty river now, so who knows what all goes on here. I wonder if I'll see cargo ships in summer, loading and unloading at the docks. I suppose I will. It was only a few years ago we ran into those Egyptian sailors at the Super Valu and helped them find suitable margarine. So ships must still come up this far. There will be tall ships for sure, I think. Or maybe everything docks in Chatham now, doesn't come up this far. Guess I'll find out.
And that's enough lollygagging for this morning. Daylight's coming fast. Lots of work to be done.
Mood: curious
Drinking: coffee, freshly ground, cream
Listening To: computer hum (i'm enjoying the quiet)
Hair: tousled
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Little Miss Sunshine
And we're back in action. I finally got internet yesterday around 5pm. Aliant mishaps, they're not just a myth. I was disconnected twice when I called them to get things switched over. So, the initial information they gave me got changed from the first call to the third. It's a cold grey day here, low ceiling, with the smoke off the mills flattening out around them. Sitting at my computer I can see the Morrissey Bridge, the Frank McKenna Bridge, Chatham Head, and Nelson. If I lean forward just a bit I can see the Ritchie Wharf and Newcastle Downtown. If I lean back I can see the hospital, the Centennial Bridge, St. Michael's Basilica, and Chatham Downtown. There's a bird flying low, skimming the river ice, just this side of centre. I wouldn't think there'd be much food out there. On Sunday a constant stream of snowmobiles raced past. There are some thin patches in the ice, it looks like, but I guess it's thick enough for cars and heavy equipment, let alone a few snowmobiles.
I have been going to bed early and getting up even earlier here. We arrived Saturday afternoon. Sisters and boys stayed to reassemble furniture and then left around supper time. I was pretty beat, but I did a little unpacking Saturday night. Mostly I just did the dance of joy and stared out my window at the town lights. I tried to watch The Machinist, but soon drifted off on the futon. Sunday morning I woke up at 6:45 and started putting my house together. I went to bed at 8:30 Sunday night. I can't remember the last time I did that when I wasn't sick. I woke at 6 Monday morning. Asleep by 10:30 Monday night, up at 4:30 yesterday morning. Asleep by 9:30 last night and up at 7 this morning. I could've gotten up even earlier, but it was too darn cold to get out of bed. And it's cloudy, so I knew I wasn't going to get to see a sunrise. That's what I've been doing these mornings. Worshipping the sunrise and writing. It's pretty darn fabulous!
Last night I put on some jazz, turned the lights off, lit candles, filled the tub, poured a glass of wine and soaked for a half hour. I can't remember the last time I did that! Have I ever done that? I always wanted to, I know. I should make this a weekly ritual or something. I was feeling a bit knotted, feeling a little worry and stress creeping back in, but it all went down the drain with the bath water. I need to get some sea salt and cleanse my aura. I never knew how much I missed having a tub!
I don't have tv here. No channels. And I'm going to keep it that way, at least for a time. I've got plenty of dvds and lots of music and books and internet, so I don't think I need tv. I'll find creative ways to fill mind-numbing tv time. Though Cornonation Street will be missed and I wince everytime someone mentions Amazing Race All-Stars, but other than that, I'm okay. Maybe there's a pub or a restaurant or someplace that will watch Amazing Race All-Stars and I can just go there every week.
Today, I am going to the Mighty office for a BnM meeting. April issue is going to be awesome. Some great submissions in for it. This is when it all finally comes together and I get on track. I can feel it.
And now I'm off to get dressed and ready to leave. I love, love, love my new digs! I'm the most well-rested, unstressed and emotionally healthy I have been in ages. So far, this has been the best move.
Mood: joyous
Drinking: russian tea, black
Listening To: fingers on keyboard and little else, it's a quiet building
Hair: recently razored by moi
I have been going to bed early and getting up even earlier here. We arrived Saturday afternoon. Sisters and boys stayed to reassemble furniture and then left around supper time. I was pretty beat, but I did a little unpacking Saturday night. Mostly I just did the dance of joy and stared out my window at the town lights. I tried to watch The Machinist, but soon drifted off on the futon. Sunday morning I woke up at 6:45 and started putting my house together. I went to bed at 8:30 Sunday night. I can't remember the last time I did that when I wasn't sick. I woke at 6 Monday morning. Asleep by 10:30 Monday night, up at 4:30 yesterday morning. Asleep by 9:30 last night and up at 7 this morning. I could've gotten up even earlier, but it was too darn cold to get out of bed. And it's cloudy, so I knew I wasn't going to get to see a sunrise. That's what I've been doing these mornings. Worshipping the sunrise and writing. It's pretty darn fabulous!
Last night I put on some jazz, turned the lights off, lit candles, filled the tub, poured a glass of wine and soaked for a half hour. I can't remember the last time I did that! Have I ever done that? I always wanted to, I know. I should make this a weekly ritual or something. I was feeling a bit knotted, feeling a little worry and stress creeping back in, but it all went down the drain with the bath water. I need to get some sea salt and cleanse my aura. I never knew how much I missed having a tub!
I don't have tv here. No channels. And I'm going to keep it that way, at least for a time. I've got plenty of dvds and lots of music and books and internet, so I don't think I need tv. I'll find creative ways to fill mind-numbing tv time. Though Cornonation Street will be missed and I wince everytime someone mentions Amazing Race All-Stars, but other than that, I'm okay. Maybe there's a pub or a restaurant or someplace that will watch Amazing Race All-Stars and I can just go there every week.
Today, I am going to the Mighty office for a BnM meeting. April issue is going to be awesome. Some great submissions in for it. This is when it all finally comes together and I get on track. I can feel it.
And now I'm off to get dressed and ready to leave. I love, love, love my new digs! I'm the most well-rested, unstressed and emotionally healthy I have been in ages. So far, this has been the best move.
Mood: joyous
Drinking: russian tea, black
Listening To: fingers on keyboard and little else, it's a quiet building
Hair: recently razored by moi
Friday, February 09, 2007
Marsh Morning
Hello Kellie!
Here's your horoscope for FEBRUARY 09, 2007:
You're radiant today, Kellie, and glowing with happiness! This is a refreshing change, after the gloom and doom of the past few weeks. Apparently, the decisions you made worked out for the best. Or, even better, perhaps you're in love? In any case, it will be even easier than usual for you to communicate with others and share your joy. Let the good times roll!
Well, I'm not in love . . . unless it is with my new Miramichi apartment! Then yes, I am most definitely in love. This morning finds me back on the marsh though, hours away from my new beginning. The second from last morning that I will wake up in this terrible little place I used to call home (I mean the apartment, not the town.) Much to be done. MUCH! Have list. Will multi-task. Need to go out and about today. I hope it's a bit warmer than it has been. The temperature is a few degrees warmer here just as a general rule, but the wind can be biting.
Didn't really get much sleep last night. Have the yawns. No coffee on hand. Will have to get a cup when I go out. Later today I will telephone Aliant and see about transferring service to the new place. Could be MIA for most of next week. No worries. This has been but a bump in the road. I think I have even learned the lesson. Off I go! Ta!
Mood: focused
Drinking: rooibos tea
Listening To: computer hum
Hair: pulled back
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Briefly
Another day in the Mighty office. BnM still not in circulation. My part in the print edition is mostly over though. On to the web. Sackville landlord is being uptight about releasing me early from lease. Despite bees, bats, mice, and all that other crap. Ugh! It's a little like the full moon nightmare that never ends. Still having trouble sleeping. The moon again. The dreams. The anxiety. But at least the crying jag is over. That was intense. Get it out of ya! So I did. I am crappy looking all the time now though. Bright eyed and bushy tailed is sooo 2006! Now it's all about the dark circles, veiny eyes, limp greasy hair, blotchy flaking skin, cracked lips and all that stuff that comes with dehydration, depression, the Sumo Wrestler's diet, stress, and all the rest.
Driving across the Frank McKenna Bridge this morning with the sunshine in my eyes I could see my apartment window in the building on the hill many km downriver . . . and I just gotta believe it's going to all be okay. In a couple of weeks this will all be over and I'll be okay.
Mood: couldn't say
Drinking: tim hortons
Listening To: office talk
Hair: still in my eyes, tho i trimmed the bangs myself with blunt scissors
Driving across the Frank McKenna Bridge this morning with the sunshine in my eyes I could see my apartment window in the building on the hill many km downriver . . . and I just gotta believe it's going to all be okay. In a couple of weeks this will all be over and I'll be okay.
Mood: couldn't say
Drinking: tim hortons
Listening To: office talk
Hair: still in my eyes, tho i trimmed the bangs myself with blunt scissors
Friday, February 02, 2007
Beginnings
Again, no time to write details, just letting you all know I appreciate all the emails I've received. All the advice, support, apartment tips, from friends, neighbors, colleagues and even people I don't even know. Wow! So much support! The world is still a good place, and I am in it.
I took an apartment this morning. It is lovely. It is big. It is clean and inspirational . . . and it has a bathtub! Moving will not occur until next weekend, in the meantime I continue to work and live.
Mood:
Drinking:
Listening To:
Hair:
I took an apartment this morning. It is lovely. It is big. It is clean and inspirational . . . and it has a bathtub! Moving will not occur until next weekend, in the meantime I continue to work and live.
Mood:
Drinking:
Listening To:
Hair:
Thursday, February 01, 2007
And She's Okay
thanks to all who have written and commented, i appreciate your thoughts during this crazy time. i'll write to everyone when things slow down. just wanted to let you know i'm on the mend. i'm going to be okay. i'm looking at apartments today and have a good vibe about a couple of places. the handyman got into my sackville apartment this morning and sent a message that everything there is okay too. i'm very busy and very much behind schedule, but the coping mechanism has kicked in again. i should be fine from here on in. details later.
Mood: improved
Drinking: irving coffee 20 oz caffeine blast + rich roast with cream
Listening To: the clackety clack of this old keyboard in a dusty corner of the mighty place
Hair: in my eyes
Mood: improved
Drinking: irving coffee 20 oz caffeine blast + rich roast with cream
Listening To: the clackety clack of this old keyboard in a dusty corner of the mighty place
Hair: in my eyes
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