The Birthday Blues

I think I may have a case of the birthday blues. In a couple of weeks I will be turning 35, which is one of those milestone years. I'm saying goodbye to my early 30's and entering the new era of my late 30's, which as we all know is followed by the 40's. In five years I'm going to be 40!! That freaks me out. It gives new meaning to the phrase, "What have you been doing all your life?"

I think I'm a little depressed about this. Well, no doubt about it, I AM depressed and have been for a couple of weeks, but I think maybe my impending birthday may be the cause. . . or it could be the gloom and doom rainy weather. More likely, a healthy combination of each.

I'm almost 40 and I've accomplished pretty much nothing. I live at home with my parents. I own nothing. I have no friends outside of family really. I'm the lowest paid person at my work. I make very little and I really don't like my job. I don't have a boyfriend or a car or a house or any of that stuff I should have by now. I have a dog who I'll have to abandon when I'm finally able to leave this place and go out on my own. This breaks my heart.

I don't know, when you're in your twenties you think of all that you will have accomplished and experienced by the time you turn 40 and you envision how your life will be then and this is not anywhere near what I ever had in mind. It's all pretty much the same, nothing changes.

I need to make some changes. I need to embrace my life and start living it. I don't want to be in the same place I am now when I'm 40. I'm ready for something real.

Mood: Kinda down
Listening to: Your Love, The Outfield
Drinking: tea
Hair: who cares?