Yesterday's 92% humidity was a friggin' killer. Creeps right into your joints and sets up shop, it does. So, I didn't seem to get much done yesterday on many fronts, because my knees and wrists were whacked. I went to bed pretty early, and stayed there quite late today. Everything seems to be in working order again now! Well in the knee department at least. Yay! Mobility is a fabulous gift! :-)
It is the Canada Day long weekend, here. Happy Canada Day, everyone! There are some things happening around my part of town--some free outdoor concerts, a parade, cake cutting, pancake breakfast and so on. I may or may not attend some stuff. I've no plans right now, just playing it by ear. Decided not to go up home, because I'll be in and out up there next weekend for the Dungarvon Whooper Festival and my high school reunion. If I go. That's all kinda up in the air too, playing it by ear. There's a lot going on next weekend. Rock 'n Roll Festival in town too.
I'm feeling a little pent up or something. Like a big ball of energy, about to explode. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Have to keep you posted on that.
A friend of mine invited me to this really cool event happening in July called the 24-hour Zine Thing. The challenge is to make a 24-page zine in a 24-hour time period. I've never done a zine. Yeah, you would've thought I had gone there at some point, but no, not unless those crazy things I used to make when I was a kid count . . . which I'm pretty sure The Daily Scoop doesn't count. Eep! I had forgot about that, lol. Anyway, I'm kinda intrigued by the idea. I'm kinda creatively sparked by the challenge. So I might give it a try. Really, what do I have to lose? If I create a sucky zine I just won't share the results with anyone. But maybe, just maybe, I'll create something interesting and entertaining.
And maybe if I do the zine thing, I'll be inspired to sign up for the 3-Day Novel Contest or at the very least NaNoWriMo or what the heck! Why not both? I mean, I think the tides are shifting . . . yesterday, I actually submitted a piece for consideration in an upcoming anthology . . . YEAH! ME! And today I'm on Places for Writers checking out the calls . . . some sort of publishing drive appears afoot in the wasteland . . . we shall see what, if anything, bears fruit.
The weather here today is amazing! Purrfect! Not too hot, sunshine, blue, white fluffys, what more could I ask for? Time to get some stuff done and stop all this lollygagging around smiling and smelling the roses.
Mood: brightside
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: what to do, ok go
Hair: stringy
Friday, June 29, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Fuel of Achievement
Listening to Brian Tracy this morning as he speaks about the fuel of achievement.
Determine all the reasons why you want the goal, Brian says before quoting Nietzsche: "A man can bear any what if he has a big enough why."
If you want it badly enough, you can overcome anything. When you set yourself a goal, the universe will sometimes throw everything at you that it can in order to deter you from getting where you want to go. But if you want it enough, you'll stick to your guns. If you have a lot of reasons why you want this thing, a lot of things you're going to do when you achieve this goal, then you will stare down any obstacle and overcome. This is so true. I recognize it in my own life, in the things I've quit and the things I've fought for, in the obstacles I've overcome and the challenges that I gave up on.
So, he says to make a list, an actual physical list on paper. He uses the word spiral notebook and of course my heart goes all aflutter! Any excuse to crack open another new spiral notebook! But seriously. If I only have three reasons to be successful at my work and make more money, then I won't try very hard, will I? And at the first sign of an obstacle I'll be throwing up my hands and throwing in the towel. But if I have hundreds of reasons, thousands of reasons, a spiral notebook full of reasons, I'll be a force to be reckoned with. Think about it. Make a list.
Mood: philosophical
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: brian tracy
Hair: kinda sorta in my eyes
Determine all the reasons why you want the goal, Brian says before quoting Nietzsche: "A man can bear any what if he has a big enough why."
If you want it badly enough, you can overcome anything. When you set yourself a goal, the universe will sometimes throw everything at you that it can in order to deter you from getting where you want to go. But if you want it enough, you'll stick to your guns. If you have a lot of reasons why you want this thing, a lot of things you're going to do when you achieve this goal, then you will stare down any obstacle and overcome. This is so true. I recognize it in my own life, in the things I've quit and the things I've fought for, in the obstacles I've overcome and the challenges that I gave up on.
So, he says to make a list, an actual physical list on paper. He uses the word spiral notebook and of course my heart goes all aflutter! Any excuse to crack open another new spiral notebook! But seriously. If I only have three reasons to be successful at my work and make more money, then I won't try very hard, will I? And at the first sign of an obstacle I'll be throwing up my hands and throwing in the towel. But if I have hundreds of reasons, thousands of reasons, a spiral notebook full of reasons, I'll be a force to be reckoned with. Think about it. Make a list.
Mood: philosophical
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: brian tracy
Hair: kinda sorta in my eyes
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Da Boys #1!
From PerezHilton.com:
Bon Jovi went country for their new album, Lost Highway, and boy did it pay off!
The band’s record jumped to the #1 spot on the U.S. album chart’s this week.
This mark’s Bon Jovi’s first #1 in TWENTY years!
The last time they hit pole position was in 1988 with their New Jersey album.
Congrats!
Yay! I'm already in freaking concert mode. Somebody cut up my credit card puhleeze!!
Mood: kinda groggy
Drinking: water
Listening To: the last night, bon jovi
Hair: needy
Taking the Long Way
Up at 6 this morn. Feeling pretty well rested. The humidity is a killer on energy, makes me want to sleep, weighs heavy on my body, in my joints. Last night the elderly couple who live two doors down on the ground floor were having drinks (a few too many maybe) and entertaining some company. Music blaring. But like Sinatra and similar. Old stuff. Classic. So it wasn't too bad. One of the women got a little tight and teetered around the backyard singing about loves lost, swaying to the music, dancing with her beer. Kinda sad.
The boys from RW return this morning to finish my window. I requested bullet-proof glass . . . they didn't quite know what to think. Do I look like an arms dealer? Anyway, looking forward to getting the window done. THIS just in time for Rock 'n Roll Festival fireworks!! Yay! I think that'll be nice.
There doesn't seem to be a whole lot going on this weekend on the Newcastle side of the river for Canada Day. Some bands at Ritchie Wharf, the parade, a pancake breakfast and that seems to be about all. Lots happening in Chatham. Next weekend is the crazy one for me. Too many things, not enough time. Ah well.
And now the day beckons.
Mood: chipper
Drinking: coffee, black, and water
Listening To: when you're smiling, michael buble
Hair: we shouldn't even talk about it anymore
The boys from RW return this morning to finish my window. I requested bullet-proof glass . . . they didn't quite know what to think. Do I look like an arms dealer? Anyway, looking forward to getting the window done. THIS just in time for Rock 'n Roll Festival fireworks!! Yay! I think that'll be nice.
There doesn't seem to be a whole lot going on this weekend on the Newcastle side of the river for Canada Day. Some bands at Ritchie Wharf, the parade, a pancake breakfast and that seems to be about all. Lots happening in Chatham. Next weekend is the crazy one for me. Too many things, not enough time. Ah well.
And now the day beckons.
Mood: chipper
Drinking: coffee, black, and water
Listening To: when you're smiling, michael buble
Hair: we shouldn't even talk about it anymore
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Seat Next to You
You need to download the latest Smodcast with Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier! You must! Really! Go there now! It's the shits! I'm not even kidding.
*****
I should not have a glass of wine and watch the Street. Especially white, no matter how humid it is. Tsk. Tsk.
Audrey told Fred that if he had asked again she would've said yes. SHE WOULD HAVE SAID YES! And of course, he wants to know, why now? Why now of all times, when he is to be off with another within the week? Why not before? And she told him the truth. She thought somebody better would come along. But they didn't. And now she's a foolish old woman watching her last chance for happiness marry somebody else.
Oh, boy!
I admire her honesty. I relate to her folly. I mean, one does get lonely, doesn't one? And then you have to wonder, should I have said something? Should I have tried harder? Could I have been happy? I mean I AM happy. But could I also have been happy in another universe, orbiting with another? And I'm not talking about the psychos . . . yes, there were definitely psychos. But there were others. You know the comfortable ones, the mediocre ones, the ones that weren't volatile but just average. Were those the ones I should have fought for? Were those the ones that could have bloomed into something real and lasting? It's something to think about.
Or not.
It is entirely probable that I am just bored. The last time I was bored, it was not good. I should take up a new hobbie or write a book or something. Idle hands . . .
*****
The country jon bon cd has grown on me. I officially like it. Six times was the charm.
*****
I’ve seen my heart of darkness
Let’s just say I crossed over that line
Held hands with the hopeless
In too deep on that ride went around one more time
When you’re standing on the edge you don’t look down
Til you’re ready and willing to fly
Now I’m one step closer
With my arms open wide here
I’m one step closer
And I’m willing to try this time
I hitched a ride with forgiveness
In that river of emotion I went down a third time
I spent the night with the living
Took a chance looked inside didn’t know who I’d find
Standing on the corner of that lone goodbye
All alone, it’s there I made up my mind
Yeah I’m one step closer
With my arms open wide here
I’m one step closer
And I’m willing to try
I’m sick of giving up
Ooh, with a little luck
I’m gonna get out of here
When you’re standing on the edge don’t look down
Til you’re ready and willing to fly
I’m one step closer
With my arms open wide here
I’m one step closer
And I’m willing to try this time
One Step Closer, written by jon bon jovi, richie sambora and john shanks from the album Lost Highway
Mood: nostalgic
Drinking: water (but contemplating a second glass of wine, an after dinner refreshment)
Listening To: you want to make a memory, bon jovi
Hair: pinned back in barrettes
*****
I should not have a glass of wine and watch the Street. Especially white, no matter how humid it is. Tsk. Tsk.
Audrey told Fred that if he had asked again she would've said yes. SHE WOULD HAVE SAID YES! And of course, he wants to know, why now? Why now of all times, when he is to be off with another within the week? Why not before? And she told him the truth. She thought somebody better would come along. But they didn't. And now she's a foolish old woman watching her last chance for happiness marry somebody else.
Oh, boy!
I admire her honesty. I relate to her folly. I mean, one does get lonely, doesn't one? And then you have to wonder, should I have said something? Should I have tried harder? Could I have been happy? I mean I AM happy. But could I also have been happy in another universe, orbiting with another? And I'm not talking about the psychos . . . yes, there were definitely psychos. But there were others. You know the comfortable ones, the mediocre ones, the ones that weren't volatile but just average. Were those the ones I should have fought for? Were those the ones that could have bloomed into something real and lasting? It's something to think about.
Or not.
It is entirely probable that I am just bored. The last time I was bored, it was not good. I should take up a new hobbie or write a book or something. Idle hands . . .
*****
The country jon bon cd has grown on me. I officially like it. Six times was the charm.
*****
I’ve seen my heart of darkness
Let’s just say I crossed over that line
Held hands with the hopeless
In too deep on that ride went around one more time
When you’re standing on the edge you don’t look down
Til you’re ready and willing to fly
Now I’m one step closer
With my arms open wide here
I’m one step closer
And I’m willing to try this time
I hitched a ride with forgiveness
In that river of emotion I went down a third time
I spent the night with the living
Took a chance looked inside didn’t know who I’d find
Standing on the corner of that lone goodbye
All alone, it’s there I made up my mind
Yeah I’m one step closer
With my arms open wide here
I’m one step closer
And I’m willing to try
I’m sick of giving up
Ooh, with a little luck
I’m gonna get out of here
When you’re standing on the edge don’t look down
Til you’re ready and willing to fly
I’m one step closer
With my arms open wide here
I’m one step closer
And I’m willing to try this time
One Step Closer, written by jon bon jovi, richie sambora and john shanks from the album Lost Highway
Mood: nostalgic
Drinking: water (but contemplating a second glass of wine, an after dinner refreshment)
Listening To: you want to make a memory, bon jovi
Hair: pinned back in barrettes
Monday, June 25, 2007
Recovery
I'm in recovery from social weekend. I think it was somewhat more tiring because of lack of sunshine. Grey skies zap my energy. I slept late this morning. Even sleeping late involves getting up well before 9am these days, which may never cease to freak me out. I am a morning person! I really truly am!
So we had a good weekend. Drove all over. I give good directions. I'm not too bad of a tour guide. I wish the weather had been better so we could have gotten out of the car more, walked around, explored. Later in the summer there are more tourist things happening than there were this weekend. But nevertheless we had a smashing time! Any time I get to share Disco Pigs is a good one. And I have REAL art to hang on my overwhelmingly bare walls!! Which is tres exciting! I've done nothing but think on the perfect spot since receiving the house warming gift Friday evening. I've narrowed it down to two places. I will sleep on it again I think.
Dreamed of cousins and some sort of big party last night. An exhausting tossing/turning type of sleep, with many wakings, only to return to the dream upon closing my eyes again. Me and my boy cousin S in a group of . . . university students? classmates? I'm not sure. All trying to get to this big party. reunion maybe? or rock concert? My girl cousin S supposed to come pick us up. But we're waiting a very very long time. From early morning to late evening, to darkness. By the time she arrives we've promised rides to others, expecting a car, expecting we can handle three extra besides ourselves. But she comes in a black half-ton truck. And it's raining. And we're going a long way to Fredericton or some place. So piling people on back isn't an option. She seems . . . distraught or something. Bothered is probably the better word. She's bothered by something and impatient, wanting to leave without allowing us to explain and apologize to the people we've promised rides to. Anxious! That's the best word. She's anxious. And this causes me and him to be concerned. We get into the cab and she pulls out before I've even closed the door tightly. And he asks what's up . . . and then my phone rings and I lose the dream. I try to go back later, but it's morning and I can't get there, I need to get up.
And I wonder if anybody is anxious today. Or maybe it is me. Maybe I should email somebody and say hey.
Mood: almost awake
Drinking: water
Listening To: the washer's agitation
Hair: so frigging greasy!! what is up with that anyway?!
So we had a good weekend. Drove all over. I give good directions. I'm not too bad of a tour guide. I wish the weather had been better so we could have gotten out of the car more, walked around, explored. Later in the summer there are more tourist things happening than there were this weekend. But nevertheless we had a smashing time! Any time I get to share Disco Pigs is a good one. And I have REAL art to hang on my overwhelmingly bare walls!! Which is tres exciting! I've done nothing but think on the perfect spot since receiving the house warming gift Friday evening. I've narrowed it down to two places. I will sleep on it again I think.
Dreamed of cousins and some sort of big party last night. An exhausting tossing/turning type of sleep, with many wakings, only to return to the dream upon closing my eyes again. Me and my boy cousin S in a group of . . . university students? classmates? I'm not sure. All trying to get to this big party. reunion maybe? or rock concert? My girl cousin S supposed to come pick us up. But we're waiting a very very long time. From early morning to late evening, to darkness. By the time she arrives we've promised rides to others, expecting a car, expecting we can handle three extra besides ourselves. But she comes in a black half-ton truck. And it's raining. And we're going a long way to Fredericton or some place. So piling people on back isn't an option. She seems . . . distraught or something. Bothered is probably the better word. She's bothered by something and impatient, wanting to leave without allowing us to explain and apologize to the people we've promised rides to. Anxious! That's the best word. She's anxious. And this causes me and him to be concerned. We get into the cab and she pulls out before I've even closed the door tightly. And he asks what's up . . . and then my phone rings and I lose the dream. I try to go back later, but it's morning and I can't get there, I need to get up.
And I wonder if anybody is anxious today. Or maybe it is me. Maybe I should email somebody and say hey.
Mood: almost awake
Drinking: water
Listening To: the washer's agitation
Hair: so frigging greasy!! what is up with that anyway?!
Friday, June 22, 2007
Got It Going On
So Bon Jovi made a country album. Yeah. I'm not even kidding. I bought it. Complete with steel guitar and LeeAnn Rimes. Seriously. So, nothing really grabbed me first play. You know I am not a fan of country music. But IT IS Jon Bon . . . so on second playing, there are a few tracks starting to grow on me. I'm curious about how these songs are gonna fit into their regular tour though. I can't imagine You Give Love a Bad Name following any of these songs . . . unless they rock them up. Curious. Very very curious.
Company coming for the weekend! And I'm excited! Trying to work and clean house at the same time. Guest won't arrive until later this evening after supper, so there's still time to get my shit together. Bringing a dog! Yeah. To my building. Apparently the beastie is well-trained and doesn't bark inside. Which is not to say Nick will be coming to live with his Mama anytime soon. But still. A little furball will be nice to have around. Shouldn't get me evicted. I swear I hear critters visiting people overhead . . . and I'm not talking about just the screaming girls. Hopefully we get some sunshine this weekend so Miramichi makes a good first impression, BOTH sides of the river :-)
Mood: chipper
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: summertime, bon jovi
Hair: pulled back, pushed up, and contemplating a summer change
Company coming for the weekend! And I'm excited! Trying to work and clean house at the same time. Guest won't arrive until later this evening after supper, so there's still time to get my shit together. Bringing a dog! Yeah. To my building. Apparently the beastie is well-trained and doesn't bark inside. Which is not to say Nick will be coming to live with his Mama anytime soon. But still. A little furball will be nice to have around. Shouldn't get me evicted. I swear I hear critters visiting people overhead . . . and I'm not talking about just the screaming girls. Hopefully we get some sunshine this weekend so Miramichi makes a good first impression, BOTH sides of the river :-)
Mood: chipper
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: summertime, bon jovi
Hair: pulled back, pushed up, and contemplating a summer change
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Unruly Tenants
So achy breaky bone tired today. Damn dampness! It's one of those days when I just want to go back to bed and stay there, until tomorrow. Instead, I'm heading to the office for a meeting. No amount of coffee is going to whip me into alertness, methinks.
Last night there was a girl standing beside the guard rail at the cliff on my back lawn, screaming. I mean SCREAMING! And singing like some bjork song or something. Like singing to the heavens, flailing her arms, flinging herself around. Quite a big girl, no older than early 20s I'd say, perhaps a teenager, barefoot in the rain in the grass, wearing a pentecostal denim skirt midway on her calves, long hair held back in a bright canary coloured headband. She stayed out there screaming and singing and wringing her hands for about 30 minutes. It was bizarre. No idea whether she lives here or not. Did not really look like a summer solstice ceremony . . . no idea what she was all about.
Read an interesting analogy today. Our bodies are like apartment buildings and all our negative self-defeating thoughts and behaviors are tenants in the building. In fact they've been there longer than anybody else. They're comfortable living in our building. They throw loud parties and eat pizza and drink tons of beer. They destroy our property. No respect for our building whatsoever. Yet, we're the landlords, we want to protect our investment, protect our property. We have to throw those nasty tenants out and make room for some different tenants who will take good care of our apartment building. It's not easy to get rid of the unruly guys though, they're pretty settled in, been there a long time. They're not gonna move out without a fight. But as the landlord, ultimately, what we say goes, so we've just gotta be diligent and see the fight through.
Nice analogy I thought. Makes sense. Give 'em the boot!
Mood: exhausted
Drinking: water
Listening To: summertime, bon jovi
Hair: i don't wanna talk about it
Last night there was a girl standing beside the guard rail at the cliff on my back lawn, screaming. I mean SCREAMING! And singing like some bjork song or something. Like singing to the heavens, flailing her arms, flinging herself around. Quite a big girl, no older than early 20s I'd say, perhaps a teenager, barefoot in the rain in the grass, wearing a pentecostal denim skirt midway on her calves, long hair held back in a bright canary coloured headband. She stayed out there screaming and singing and wringing her hands for about 30 minutes. It was bizarre. No idea whether she lives here or not. Did not really look like a summer solstice ceremony . . . no idea what she was all about.
Read an interesting analogy today. Our bodies are like apartment buildings and all our negative self-defeating thoughts and behaviors are tenants in the building. In fact they've been there longer than anybody else. They're comfortable living in our building. They throw loud parties and eat pizza and drink tons of beer. They destroy our property. No respect for our building whatsoever. Yet, we're the landlords, we want to protect our investment, protect our property. We have to throw those nasty tenants out and make room for some different tenants who will take good care of our apartment building. It's not easy to get rid of the unruly guys though, they're pretty settled in, been there a long time. They're not gonna move out without a fight. But as the landlord, ultimately, what we say goes, so we've just gotta be diligent and see the fight through.
Nice analogy I thought. Makes sense. Give 'em the boot!
Mood: exhausted
Drinking: water
Listening To: summertime, bon jovi
Hair: i don't wanna talk about it
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Been Busy
Well last week was obviously a doozey, given I haven't blogged since last Tuesday. Long days and even longer nights of work. Had a birthday Friday that I'd been looking forward to. Wanted to go out, have drinks, see live entertainment . . . or something. Had a sleepover, was too exhausted to party. Went up home on Saturday, found a party in progress. Of course, by the time I got there I had missed washers and supper and all that, and by the time I got my second wind, everyone else had gone to bed, so I went to bed too. Not too exciting. But I slept in Sunday morning and that was VERY exciting! Some fools just paddled by in a flat bottomed boat. What the hell? Who is out so early in a flat bottomed boat?
Yesterday afternoon, there was quite a commotion here. Four sets of cops and an ambulance showed up in the parking lot. No sirens. Later the coroner and the funeral home. Lots of photos being snapped and prolonged investigation. All I know for sure is one of my neighbour's died. Same floor as me, which means it might be a young person as opposed to the older retired set who live on the bottom floor. I am hoping the deceased did not share my wall. Because yesterday morning my brother's girlfriend announced that she had dreamed the night before that my bathroom had a ghost . . . and therefore she didn't want to go in there anymore. I'm thinking younger person, suicide, maybe in the bathroom, or accidental overdose, maybe in the bathroom, maybe sharing my wall . . . maybe lingering spirit . . . I don't mind seeing dead people that I know, but when strangers come to call it scares the daylights out of you. Remember the woman in Sackville? The one I figured came with the temporary summer tenants. Aye yi yi! She was a frightening apparition at 3am. Anyway, hoping I can find out details of yesterday's death today, and put my mind to rest.
I am up early, having breakfast, before going for a walk. Alarm set for 5am instead of 6. Let's see how this goes.
Mood: alert
Drinking: coffee (black, fresh ground, organic, fair trade, dark roast), water, skim milk
Listening To: just me and my fingers on keyboard
Hair: pushed off my forehead
Yesterday afternoon, there was quite a commotion here. Four sets of cops and an ambulance showed up in the parking lot. No sirens. Later the coroner and the funeral home. Lots of photos being snapped and prolonged investigation. All I know for sure is one of my neighbour's died. Same floor as me, which means it might be a young person as opposed to the older retired set who live on the bottom floor. I am hoping the deceased did not share my wall. Because yesterday morning my brother's girlfriend announced that she had dreamed the night before that my bathroom had a ghost . . . and therefore she didn't want to go in there anymore. I'm thinking younger person, suicide, maybe in the bathroom, or accidental overdose, maybe in the bathroom, maybe sharing my wall . . . maybe lingering spirit . . . I don't mind seeing dead people that I know, but when strangers come to call it scares the daylights out of you. Remember the woman in Sackville? The one I figured came with the temporary summer tenants. Aye yi yi! She was a frightening apparition at 3am. Anyway, hoping I can find out details of yesterday's death today, and put my mind to rest.
I am up early, having breakfast, before going for a walk. Alarm set for 5am instead of 6. Let's see how this goes.
Mood: alert
Drinking: coffee (black, fresh ground, organic, fair trade, dark roast), water, skim milk
Listening To: just me and my fingers on keyboard
Hair: pushed off my forehead
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Another Life
I wrote 7076 words yesterday.
I wrote 2092 words on Sunday.
I took Saturday off.
I wrote 1427 words on Friday.
I wrote 3839 words on Thursday.
I wrote 3909 words on Wednesday.
I wrote 500 words Tuesday.
The day before that I didn't keep track but it was probably under 500.
And every day before that I probably averaged between 250 and 400 words.
For the last, I don't even know how many weeks. I've lost track, this has been my life.
This, my friends, is Sammy. THE STORY! He comes in first draft at about 20,500 words. He is the biggest thing I've ever written.
It started with a series of road trips. A day upriver in Boiestown & Doaktown. A day downriver in Tabusintac & Neguac. A day up the Nor-west. A day down Escuminac. I knew what the story had to accomplish, but I didn't have a clear idea of how to get it done. At that time the writing was more experimental, casting words upon the paper to see if I could catch a voice or an idea. It wasn't coming easy. I was trying to be too accurate. The facts were creating obstacles and holding me back.
Then I watched The Wizard of Oz every night for a week. I would pause and rewind and watch certain parts again, freeze-frame, scribbling dialogue and ideas inspired by it. Ok, I thought, I've got it, if I go a bit more fantasy then I don't have to worry so much about accuracy and facts. A light bulb moment!
I wrote more words, but again I was just casting the net, hoping to hook a voice. Nothing.
I scribbled an outline on a single sheet of paper in my notebook, writing three and four lines per one ruled line on the page, printing smaller and smaller to make it fit on one page, drawing arrows, circling important stuff I didn't want to forget, scribbling in the margins as new ideas occurred. It looks like a foreign language, maybe Chinese.
Ok, I thought, the story is plotted. Now, I'll find the voice and we'll really start cooking. But with an outline that was a series of undeveloped points like: He goes to Blackville, meets a bunch of people, maybe a girl, visits the restaurants, and leaves. I still didn't know where I was going, really.
I wrote more and more. I wrote everyday. I started to get frustrated. Time was running out and basically I had no voice, I had nothing, the story was empty. Yeah, I had thousands of words, but they were bad--really, really bad. I took a few days off to let the ideas fuse in my mind. Took to the paper again. Nothing! I was starting to panic. Holy crap! The biggest story I've ever had to write and I got nothing!! What the hell?!
So I went to a writers meeting. Even though I was stressed and feeling like I had no business taking any time for anything other than Sammy. That was a month ago. And luck of luck I ran into a dear writer friend I hadn't seen in a long while, who happens to be a prolific novel writer. She cranks it out like nobody I know, and it's good! I begged for a secret, some advice, anything to get my mojo going. A detailed outline and focus, she said. Really be hard on yourself, push out every last word. Follow the outline and always be pushing forward. Be conscious of your word count. When you get distracted or pull out, use your outline to keep you on track and find your way back in. Another light bulb moment!
Re-inspired and energized I went home and started typing an outline from those scribbled notes. I typed the outline in bold letters intending to use unbolded normal type for the story. I wrote very passive: Sammy goes here and meets this person and they do this, but I focused on plot and making sure I knew exactly what was happening at every step along the way. I broke the outline up in sections based on the places he visited. Bold block paragraphs.
Writing the outline itself took many days. I started to panic again. This wasn't even the real writing! And it was taking forever! But I kept on writing it, because I didn't know what else to do. I still didn't have a solid voice to hang my story on. When the outline was finished it was 20 pages. Yeah! 20 pages, single-spaced, block paragraphs. Crap!
So then I went back to the beginning and started the writing, following the outline. And I hadn't written two words before I was hit by a realization--sometime during the outline writing ordeal I had found Sammy's voice! I could hear him! Oh joyous day! All is not lost! And I started from the beginning again.
By then my writing muscles were good and pumped from the outline. I had started at first with only a few hundred words everyday and I was done, brain toast. Then gradually more and more. When I hit 1,000 words in one day, I was crazy with excitement. When I got 2,000 another day I went over the moon. Yesterday I wrote in excess of 7000 words! That's like two or three short stories. In one day!
I can't be certain, it's only been one day after all, but I think Sammy has turned me into a writer again.
Mood: high on Sammy
Drinking: water
Listening To: chariot, gavin degraw
Hair: a headbanded greasy unruly mess, kinda mike reno circa 1984
I wrote 2092 words on Sunday.
I took Saturday off.
I wrote 1427 words on Friday.
I wrote 3839 words on Thursday.
I wrote 3909 words on Wednesday.
I wrote 500 words Tuesday.
The day before that I didn't keep track but it was probably under 500.
And every day before that I probably averaged between 250 and 400 words.
For the last, I don't even know how many weeks. I've lost track, this has been my life.
This, my friends, is Sammy. THE STORY! He comes in first draft at about 20,500 words. He is the biggest thing I've ever written.
It started with a series of road trips. A day upriver in Boiestown & Doaktown. A day downriver in Tabusintac & Neguac. A day up the Nor-west. A day down Escuminac. I knew what the story had to accomplish, but I didn't have a clear idea of how to get it done. At that time the writing was more experimental, casting words upon the paper to see if I could catch a voice or an idea. It wasn't coming easy. I was trying to be too accurate. The facts were creating obstacles and holding me back.
Then I watched The Wizard of Oz every night for a week. I would pause and rewind and watch certain parts again, freeze-frame, scribbling dialogue and ideas inspired by it. Ok, I thought, I've got it, if I go a bit more fantasy then I don't have to worry so much about accuracy and facts. A light bulb moment!
I wrote more words, but again I was just casting the net, hoping to hook a voice. Nothing.
I scribbled an outline on a single sheet of paper in my notebook, writing three and four lines per one ruled line on the page, printing smaller and smaller to make it fit on one page, drawing arrows, circling important stuff I didn't want to forget, scribbling in the margins as new ideas occurred. It looks like a foreign language, maybe Chinese.
Ok, I thought, the story is plotted. Now, I'll find the voice and we'll really start cooking. But with an outline that was a series of undeveloped points like: He goes to Blackville, meets a bunch of people, maybe a girl, visits the restaurants, and leaves. I still didn't know where I was going, really.
I wrote more and more. I wrote everyday. I started to get frustrated. Time was running out and basically I had no voice, I had nothing, the story was empty. Yeah, I had thousands of words, but they were bad--really, really bad. I took a few days off to let the ideas fuse in my mind. Took to the paper again. Nothing! I was starting to panic. Holy crap! The biggest story I've ever had to write and I got nothing!! What the hell?!
So I went to a writers meeting. Even though I was stressed and feeling like I had no business taking any time for anything other than Sammy. That was a month ago. And luck of luck I ran into a dear writer friend I hadn't seen in a long while, who happens to be a prolific novel writer. She cranks it out like nobody I know, and it's good! I begged for a secret, some advice, anything to get my mojo going. A detailed outline and focus, she said. Really be hard on yourself, push out every last word. Follow the outline and always be pushing forward. Be conscious of your word count. When you get distracted or pull out, use your outline to keep you on track and find your way back in. Another light bulb moment!
Re-inspired and energized I went home and started typing an outline from those scribbled notes. I typed the outline in bold letters intending to use unbolded normal type for the story. I wrote very passive: Sammy goes here and meets this person and they do this, but I focused on plot and making sure I knew exactly what was happening at every step along the way. I broke the outline up in sections based on the places he visited. Bold block paragraphs.
Writing the outline itself took many days. I started to panic again. This wasn't even the real writing! And it was taking forever! But I kept on writing it, because I didn't know what else to do. I still didn't have a solid voice to hang my story on. When the outline was finished it was 20 pages. Yeah! 20 pages, single-spaced, block paragraphs. Crap!
So then I went back to the beginning and started the writing, following the outline. And I hadn't written two words before I was hit by a realization--sometime during the outline writing ordeal I had found Sammy's voice! I could hear him! Oh joyous day! All is not lost! And I started from the beginning again.
By then my writing muscles were good and pumped from the outline. I had started at first with only a few hundred words everyday and I was done, brain toast. Then gradually more and more. When I hit 1,000 words in one day, I was crazy with excitement. When I got 2,000 another day I went over the moon. Yesterday I wrote in excess of 7000 words! That's like two or three short stories. In one day!
I can't be certain, it's only been one day after all, but I think Sammy has turned me into a writer again.
Mood: high on Sammy
Drinking: water
Listening To: chariot, gavin degraw
Hair: a headbanded greasy unruly mess, kinda mike reno circa 1984
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Priceless
Would you cut off both your arms for a million dollars? Five million? Ten? How about your sight? Would you give up your eyesight for ten million dollars? What about the ability to walk? Would you trade your legs for twenty million dollars? Forget about the physical stuff for a second. If you could have ten million dollars but in exchange you could never feel love again, would you take the money? What about joy? Or happiness? The answer to all of these things should never be the money, and if there's any thought to the money, then you need to seriously re-examine your priorities!
The point is that of course we wouldn't trade any of these things for any amount of money. Of course not! And what does that tell us? You are already priceless. Right now. Right this very second you are a priceless individual. Me too! So you know how you think to yourself things like, "If I could only lose the weight then I'd be happy" or "If I could only get enough money to buy that thing then everything will be okay" or "If only I could be with him and have him love me, I'd be complete" ... Horse Shit! When you lose the weight, you're not going to be happy, then it'll be something else. When you get enough money together and buy that thing, everything is not going to be okay, because then there'll be something else. And when you're with him and he loves you, you won't feel complete, because nobody else can complete another person, we have to complete ourselves.
So why always live in the future tense? Why not be happy with yourself right now? Why not be okay with what you have right now? Why not love yourself and be complete right now? Because you're already priceless. So why not live in the now and enjoy it.
Mood: for 10 million dollars i'd tell you
Drinking: water
Listening To: the dryer fluffing my undies!!
Hair: needing an attitude adjustment
The point is that of course we wouldn't trade any of these things for any amount of money. Of course not! And what does that tell us? You are already priceless. Right now. Right this very second you are a priceless individual. Me too! So you know how you think to yourself things like, "If I could only lose the weight then I'd be happy" or "If I could only get enough money to buy that thing then everything will be okay" or "If only I could be with him and have him love me, I'd be complete" ... Horse Shit! When you lose the weight, you're not going to be happy, then it'll be something else. When you get enough money together and buy that thing, everything is not going to be okay, because then there'll be something else. And when you're with him and he loves you, you won't feel complete, because nobody else can complete another person, we have to complete ourselves.
So why always live in the future tense? Why not be happy with yourself right now? Why not be okay with what you have right now? Why not love yourself and be complete right now? Because you're already priceless. So why not live in the now and enjoy it.
Mood: for 10 million dollars i'd tell you
Drinking: water
Listening To: the dryer fluffing my undies!!
Hair: needing an attitude adjustment
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Sex and Anarchy
Nothing says good morning like Sid Vicious. I have been busy. Blog neglectful. I am working so hard. It's overwhelming. But not paralytic. I keep on keeping on. I can't wait for the moment when I can catch my breath. Soon. Fingers crossed. Busy week coming up, lots of events, appointments, meetings, gatherings, and the like. The summer whirlwind is winding up. I think there are some swallows nesting in the eaves of my building. The singing in the morning is wonderful! I think they like my music. Last night I made an attempt to get to sleep early. I went in before it was even dark, at about 9:15, read for a half hour, turned out the light, focused on relaxing breathing and tried to quiet my mind. At 11 o'clock I gave up, turned on my boyfriend, George, and made popcorn because I was starving. Turned off the tv sometime after Arrested Development, drifted soon after. When my alarm went off at 6am it was a bit of a struggle but I pushed through. Lots to do! And Dad is coming this morning to deliver and hook up my washer and dryer. Praise Jesus! I have been holding off on the laundry situation waiting for this for WAY long . . . WAY!
Yesterday it was no problem to tell it was the weekend around here. Shortly after 3pm boats, kayaks and sea-doos of all sizes and colours begin a steady stream from Ritchie Wharf onto the river. Those sea-doo people are crazy mothers! They go 10 times faster than anyone else and seem to be 20 times as reckless. Anyone who brings a kayak into this river has balls, I'll give them that. And now Johnny Rotten has left the building and I need more coffee.
Mood: surprisingly alert
Drinking: coffee, fresh ground, perked, dark roast, fair trade organic, black
Listening To: it don't matter, matt mays
Hair: my hair used to be more interesting, i'm letting myself go
Yesterday it was no problem to tell it was the weekend around here. Shortly after 3pm boats, kayaks and sea-doos of all sizes and colours begin a steady stream from Ritchie Wharf onto the river. Those sea-doo people are crazy mothers! They go 10 times faster than anyone else and seem to be 20 times as reckless. Anyone who brings a kayak into this river has balls, I'll give them that. And now Johnny Rotten has left the building and I need more coffee.
Mood: surprisingly alert
Drinking: coffee, fresh ground, perked, dark roast, fair trade organic, black
Listening To: it don't matter, matt mays
Hair: my hair used to be more interesting, i'm letting myself go
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Faking It
"Fake it until you make it." This phrase has been hitting me over the head today. This morning I have read this or some version of it about six times. I've only been up four hours! That's a lot of times! Just last week I reaffirmed this advice to my sister who had consciously corrected a self-defeating behaviour even though inside the old feelings very much existed and were fighting to take over. Faking it works. This is one of those things I know for sure. Whenever I think of this concept I'm taken back to Toronto in the early 90s, terribly shy little me in a new job with an exciting young company. I wasn't very outgoing. I didn't warm up to people automatically. I needed to get to know people. I had discovered earlier that it took me about six weeks in a new job to get comfortable and be myself. The only problem was I was in a position in the hub of this company, I had contact with everyone that came through the door or telephoned. I couldn't be mousy. The company needed a positive energetic force of nature in its centre. That was so not me, and when I was called into my superior's office to chat about my attitude and my future with the company, it didn't seem like I was going to be given the six weeks I needed in order to warm up to the place. I needed to change! And I needed to do it immediately! To show my commitment to the company I volunteered to take assertiveness training. She was impressed and agreed to set that up, but warned me that I also needed to try harder in the meantime.
Woe was me! I remember going home and sobbing on my boyfriend's shoulder. Wailing about how this was the best place I'd ever worked and I loved it there, it was exciting, and they were going to fire me before I even had a chance to do anything. Ever logical the boy could only see two options: a) if you don't want to be the person they need you to be, quit and find a job where you can just be who you are now OR b) if you're sure this is the place for you, then just do it! Be that person they need you to be!
And that's what I did. I went into the office the next morning with a smile plastered on my face and I greeted everyone warmly with enthusiasm, asking questions about their lives, flirting and/or teasing a little if appropriate, cracking jokes, and generally making it my business to put a smile on the face of everyone I came in contact with. I studied the behaviour of the other girl I worked with who was more naturally upbeat and outgoing. I studied her and I modeled her behaviour. And it was tough! I felt so phony. I didn't feel genuine. I didn't feel like me. I felt like my work life was a big play that I was acting in. But I loved that job and I was determined to make it work.
As the days and weeks went by, pretending got a little easier. I didn't get fired. I reached my six week point and truly started to settle in and feel comfortable. I had probably been there for about 3 or 4 months when the assertiveness training course came up. I was excited about taking it. Finally I'd be able to learn what I needed to learn in order to be the person I wanted to be! But then an odd thing happened. I went to the course and I participated in the exercises and did all the work and at the end of the day all the other participants, the instructor, and even myself were left scratching our heads at why such an outgoing and assertive person had been sent on this course. I saw shadows of my former self in the other participants, but I was no longer like them. And I wasn't pretending. Somewhere in all the acting, I had become the person I wanted to be.
Fake it until you make it. This theory continues to help me to evolve. I have a very clear vision of the person I want to become and I'm just gonna keep on faking it until I make it to the finish line.
Mood: starving! cuz i can smell pork loin roasting in my oven! yummy!
Drinking: coffee, black, and water, of course
Listening To: sirens, lots of them around this morning
Hair: in the blue headband that does not match the green/blue on my sweater
Woe was me! I remember going home and sobbing on my boyfriend's shoulder. Wailing about how this was the best place I'd ever worked and I loved it there, it was exciting, and they were going to fire me before I even had a chance to do anything. Ever logical the boy could only see two options: a) if you don't want to be the person they need you to be, quit and find a job where you can just be who you are now OR b) if you're sure this is the place for you, then just do it! Be that person they need you to be!
And that's what I did. I went into the office the next morning with a smile plastered on my face and I greeted everyone warmly with enthusiasm, asking questions about their lives, flirting and/or teasing a little if appropriate, cracking jokes, and generally making it my business to put a smile on the face of everyone I came in contact with. I studied the behaviour of the other girl I worked with who was more naturally upbeat and outgoing. I studied her and I modeled her behaviour. And it was tough! I felt so phony. I didn't feel genuine. I didn't feel like me. I felt like my work life was a big play that I was acting in. But I loved that job and I was determined to make it work.
As the days and weeks went by, pretending got a little easier. I didn't get fired. I reached my six week point and truly started to settle in and feel comfortable. I had probably been there for about 3 or 4 months when the assertiveness training course came up. I was excited about taking it. Finally I'd be able to learn what I needed to learn in order to be the person I wanted to be! But then an odd thing happened. I went to the course and I participated in the exercises and did all the work and at the end of the day all the other participants, the instructor, and even myself were left scratching our heads at why such an outgoing and assertive person had been sent on this course. I saw shadows of my former self in the other participants, but I was no longer like them. And I wasn't pretending. Somewhere in all the acting, I had become the person I wanted to be.
Fake it until you make it. This theory continues to help me to evolve. I have a very clear vision of the person I want to become and I'm just gonna keep on faking it until I make it to the finish line.
Mood: starving! cuz i can smell pork loin roasting in my oven! yummy!
Drinking: coffee, black, and water, of course
Listening To: sirens, lots of them around this morning
Hair: in the blue headband that does not match the green/blue on my sweater
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Sunburn
I didn't feel very good yesterday. I thought it was just achy joints and the rainy day Monday blahs, but it could have been something more. Seems like I sunburned the top of my head on Sunday. Yeah, weird, I know. Ever since I fried my scalp that one time, I think I'm more susceptible. I had on a visor which shaded my face, but unfortunately the top of my head was exposed. And parted :-( So this explains everything! I always get sick when I get sunburned. Fevered. The works. I had lots of sunscreen on my arms though so they were okay. I thought I was good. It was only late last night that I noticed the tenderness on my head when I put my hair up in a headband. So now I really do get to go floppy hat shopping for summer! Yay! I've been feeling like a new hat . . . I've been trying some on . . . but I haven't been able to justify the expense to myself . . . until now! Hats of the world, be afraid, be very, very afraid!
Oh, and I'm feeling much better today, by the way. Thanks for asking.
Mood: enlightened
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: the garbage truck emptying the dumpster
Hair: wet
Oh, and I'm feeling much better today, by the way. Thanks for asking.
Mood: enlightened
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: the garbage truck emptying the dumpster
Hair: wet
Monday, June 04, 2007
Walk Well
Well I'm back from a weekend in Moncton with the family to participate in the Walk for the Cure for Juvenile Diabetes. Despite leaving somewhat later than anticipated on Saturday morning, our room was not ready when we arrived. A bit of mis-information in thinking check-in could occur at 11am without an early check-in special request. So we had lunch in the other room (at least one of us could check in) and then went shopping. I bought two water bottles and a set of measuring cups and got a little cranky from the clausterphobic crush of Saturday shoppers. Really, for me, nothing says terrible time more than shops filled with people. I know it's bad for the retail business but I much prefer entering stores where I'm one of a few rather than one of the multitude. And of course having five kids to watch in the throng, didn't help. The last store we went in was okay though, not nearly as crowded as the others. A person could breathe at least and they had some good deals. Of course, I had no shopping money, but still it pretty much redeemed the whole experience. After shopping our room was finally ready. It stank to the high heavens of stale cigarette smoke. Blech! I had to sit by the open window with the air conditioning running full blast in order to stand it. Disgusting. I would rather spring for my own room someplace else rather than stay there again. The nicotine poisoned air actually gave me leg cramps in the night. I'm not even kidding. The other room downstairs seemed slightly better. Thankfully we had dinner all together down there to celebrate my niece's birthday. I resisted take-out Wendy's and DQ Ice Cream cake, opting for the rice and roast beef I packed instead. Cuz that's what a healthy lifestyle involves. Being conscious of the crap and making better choices. I went a little overboard later though and drank a whole bottle of wine. At least it helped me sleep on the fold out couch in the main room. Sunday morning I got to watch most episodes of Coronation Street before heading to the coffee shop for breakfast. Eating out is hard! It's hard to make good choices when you don't know how. Like not thinking to order the toast unbuttered for instance. So it comes dripping greasy and you know it's hundred of ugly fat calories right there, in a single meal. Blows your day. Sunday was a terrible day foodwise. Maybe I need to eat out more, to get used to how to order stuff, to get more practice. Like when I had to eat at McDonald's for supper. I didn't have a clue what to get. I was absolutely starving. Like passing out in the line-up starving. And I just couldn't stomach an old iceberg lettuce salad. I had no idea what to order. So I ordered the grilled chicken sandwich, no fries or pop or anything, but again, I forgot to order it plain, so it came drenched in sauce and mayo. And there we go, a second meal in the same day that used all my fats and all my calories. The road to hell is truly paved with good intentions. I had researched nutrition facts for Wendy's and Dairy Queen, so I was prepared if we went there. I was not prepared for McDonald's :-( Oh well, it's a learning experience.
The walk itself was fabulous! Great band, extremely emotional moments, nice walk, good times! I imagine J will blog the details. I'm outta time. Overall, had a really nice weekend. Already talking about what we'll do to raise money for next year. I was exhausted when I got home. Just checked email and went to bed. Didn't get up with the alarm this morning. Made an executive decision to give myself more rest and recuperation. So I slept in until quarter after 7. I want to start a 5am routine this week. We'll see how that goes. Anyway, gotta run, much to do today.
Mood: sleepy
Drinking: king cole tea, black
Listening To: apartment building silence . . . which truly isn't silence at all
Hair: tied up
The walk itself was fabulous! Great band, extremely emotional moments, nice walk, good times! I imagine J will blog the details. I'm outta time. Overall, had a really nice weekend. Already talking about what we'll do to raise money for next year. I was exhausted when I got home. Just checked email and went to bed. Didn't get up with the alarm this morning. Made an executive decision to give myself more rest and recuperation. So I slept in until quarter after 7. I want to start a 5am routine this week. We'll see how that goes. Anyway, gotta run, much to do today.
Mood: sleepy
Drinking: king cole tea, black
Listening To: apartment building silence . . . which truly isn't silence at all
Hair: tied up
Friday, June 01, 2007
2 AM Just Breathe
So this getting up at 6 every morning and still staying up all night may be getting to me during the day with fuzzy brain sleepiness. Today, I might even nap. It's not that I'm not tired at 9pm. It's not that I don't desperately want to go to bed at 10pm. It's that I'm behind. I'm behind on my work and desperately trying to get 'er done and nothing is coming easy or fast right now. So, if I'm still awake at 1:30am, how come I don't reset the alarm so I can sleep a little later than 6 you ask? Great question! The answer is quite simply, I can't give up, give in, quit, abandon the task I've set out to accomplish. That simple act of resetting the alarm to a later time represents me giving up on my self yet again. And I'm not doing it! No matter how sleepy and cranky I may get throughout the day on my four or five hours sleep. Plus, I'm waking shortly after five every morning on my own anyhow, without the alarm, so I don't know that setting it to later would even help the sleepy factor. I appear to be wired . . . and stupid. Go figure that!
Yesterday was hellish for brain fog. By 11:30 last night I could barely see my computer screen and couldn't type without hitting all the wrong keys, typos and mis-spelled words, I don't even know what I intended to say. The day before was better. But the day before that, same thing, all fogged in. On my clear-headed day I had a tomato basil egg white omelet and toast for breakfast, lots of protein. So this morning I blew past the cereal and went straight for the eggs and tomatoes again. So far, so good, I feel clear, but the test will be after lunch, whether I crash or not. If I don't then I will have to start making a direct point to load up on protein first thing in the day. Hopefully, this is all I need to do. Going to bed earlier is not an option for probably another week at least.
Last night I dreamed I went to my high school reunion. Or rather my classmates came to me. I was at my grandparent's house (why am i there so much in dreams?) and people arrived early in the day catching me unprepared and wearing ratty old sleep pants and a holey t-shirt, hair uncombed, teeth unbrushed, face unwashed, crusties in the corners of my eyes. I was horrified. And I had to play hostess in this condition. Everybody else was so well put together, assembled, you know. And one girl was talking to me saying how much she admired my down to earth nature and how refreshing it was to be around someone who so obviously didn't care what people thought and could just be themselves. She wasn't making fun. It wasn't a backhanded put-down. The girl was completely sincere. She totally thought this, really admired me. It was bizarre. Even more bizarre perhaps was calling S this morning and learning she also had a reunion dream last night, also revolving around the theme of clothing. In her dream everyone was forced to wear bikinis. Eep! Much more horrific than my dream, I'm afraid. We've resolved that we should buy a new outfit for this event, something we feel comfortable and confident in, so these dreams don't come true.
Mood: curious
Drinking: water, water, always water
Listening To: foundations, kate nash (yes again! I love, love, love her!)
Hair: fluffy
Yesterday was hellish for brain fog. By 11:30 last night I could barely see my computer screen and couldn't type without hitting all the wrong keys, typos and mis-spelled words, I don't even know what I intended to say. The day before was better. But the day before that, same thing, all fogged in. On my clear-headed day I had a tomato basil egg white omelet and toast for breakfast, lots of protein. So this morning I blew past the cereal and went straight for the eggs and tomatoes again. So far, so good, I feel clear, but the test will be after lunch, whether I crash or not. If I don't then I will have to start making a direct point to load up on protein first thing in the day. Hopefully, this is all I need to do. Going to bed earlier is not an option for probably another week at least.
Last night I dreamed I went to my high school reunion. Or rather my classmates came to me. I was at my grandparent's house (why am i there so much in dreams?) and people arrived early in the day catching me unprepared and wearing ratty old sleep pants and a holey t-shirt, hair uncombed, teeth unbrushed, face unwashed, crusties in the corners of my eyes. I was horrified. And I had to play hostess in this condition. Everybody else was so well put together, assembled, you know. And one girl was talking to me saying how much she admired my down to earth nature and how refreshing it was to be around someone who so obviously didn't care what people thought and could just be themselves. She wasn't making fun. It wasn't a backhanded put-down. The girl was completely sincere. She totally thought this, really admired me. It was bizarre. Even more bizarre perhaps was calling S this morning and learning she also had a reunion dream last night, also revolving around the theme of clothing. In her dream everyone was forced to wear bikinis. Eep! Much more horrific than my dream, I'm afraid. We've resolved that we should buy a new outfit for this event, something we feel comfortable and confident in, so these dreams don't come true.
Mood: curious
Drinking: water, water, always water
Listening To: foundations, kate nash (yes again! I love, love, love her!)
Hair: fluffy
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