Resolve

What is the universe trying to tell me this morning? First, How to Save a Life from The Fray, followed immediately by Snow Patrol's How to be Dead, and now I've got some Resolve going on.

Had a helluva time getting any sleep last night. Felt so sleepy by 10pm that I went into bed. Read until 12:15. Then turned out the lights and went immediately into horror genre type dreams, though not nightmarish in any way. There was a murderer in a mask, but I was more curious about who the villain was, than terrified I was going to be next. Woke up at 2:30am thinking I must have been asleep forever and surely it was time to rise. Rolled around until 6:30, drifting in and out of the mask wearing horror dream in 10 minute intervals, where I was convinced the villain was a new Freddy Kruger, turned out to be a woman, which was no fun at all. Then laid in bed for an hour until the alarm went off at 7:30, just thinking about the day and all the stuff I want to do. Composed a list in my head.

Now, I'm up, had coffee, did all my morning routine, getting ready to go for a stroll at the cove with a friend. Then maybe breakfast will be on tap. I might even go out for breakfast. I'm reluctant to buy groceries when I'm leaving so soon. Oh and speaking of the trip ... I secured two tickets to the Monday taping of The Hour! Strombo, here I come!

I've also learned that R.E.M. are doing a concert while I'm in town, Sunday night. But I'm not going. I don't think. Mother says she's all ready played out just thinking about this trip ... no, she's not coming with me ;-)

Mood: cheerful
Drinking: coffee, instant, (blech!), black
Listening To: Man on the Moon, R.E.M.
Hair: not being combed until after the morning trek through the forest

And So It Is

Just like you said it should be ... I can't take my eyes off you ... Despite the tunes, I'm having a pretty fantastic day so far. It is a grey rainy morning, perfect for Damien Rice and moody reflection, but I'm not getting sucked in! I will not submit! I will not submit!

I rolled out of bed when a friend called to remind me that I had promised to go for a walk around the cove this morning. The rain hadn't started yet, just overcast with a slight chill, and 15 minutes later we were walking. We only did one loop around, 15 minutes or so but still a great way to begin the day. I need to get back to some serious steps. We are planning to go again tomorrow morning.

Going out for lunch today, Chinese Buffet at that new restaurant in Douglastown, Rice King I think it's called. Need to go out shopping too at some point, maybe not today if the rain persists. I am needing to get Abby's birthday present and deposit my cheque to cover the rent.

Last night I requested tickets to The Hour for the Monday I'm in Toronto. Fingers crossed they come through. That would be awesome. I totally have to figure out the logistics of getting to the airport. I need to get a hotel room in Moncton for next Wednesday night. I'm so spoiled, of course, I want to book into the Beau. Can I really justify that financially? Nooo ... does that mean I'm not going to do it? We'll see. It still hasn't sunk in that I'm going. I just don't know how I can be this freaking broke and go away for a week. Obviously, I did not think this one through. Impulse travel. I'm out of control. I actually got quotes to Ireland from my travel agent. There is room in the workshop I'm interested in taking. They've been emailing me. The thing is if I totally max out my credit card, I cannot afford to pay the minimum every month ... I need to seriously keep this in mind. After Toronto I'll settle into a more frugal and sensible summer ... I hope. Need to reign myself back in.

Mood: excited about life
Drinking: coffee, black, water, cold
Listening To: Middle of Nowhere, Hot Hot Heat
Hair: silky

I Will Survive

Cake's cover rocks! Loving it big style!

Woke up pretty early this morning, which was good. Though I haven't seemed to accomplish much with my day yet it seems.

Last night I went to Words on Water at the gallery in Chatham to listen to the Breach House Gang. Fabulous time! Particularly interesting was a reading from the artist who painted the painting I bought last month. She read from her memoir that she's writing. Fascinating, and now I have a brand new insight into the painting, the hands, the tree. Wow!

Also of particular interest to me was a reading from one of the members play. She asked a couple of people to read different parts. It's unusual to get plays in these types of readings, so it was really interesting to see it done and to have it work. All the readings were good. Enjoyable. Great evening.

I am going to have to take the bus to and from Moncton in the coming weeks as I make my way to Toronto. The bus isn't so bad, a bit longer than the train, but not the torture it used to be back in the days when we used to travel that route nearly every weekend. I prefer the train, obviously, but unfortunately it doesn't run on the days I am to travel, so there I go.

I am preoccupied this week. Muddy headed. Can't seem to wrap my brain around anything. Seriously need to get my hormones under control and focus on getting some stuff done.

Mood: foggy
Drinking: coffee, black, water, tap
Listening To: Army Reserve, Pearl Jam
Hair: needing a good razoring

Here Comes Your Man

Listening to The Pixies. What a gorgeous morning! I need to find my way back to early mornings somehow this week. To do that I need to get to sleep before or shortly after midnight, and stop this 4 and 5am crap. I mean I'm in the bed, don't get me wrong, any time after 10 I get the yawns and head off to the sheets, I just can't shut off the old brain once I'm there. And when I do finally drift I'm still dreaming in play, which kinda sucks because it's over and done with.

I didn't go to the office yesterday after all, wasn't needed, but maybe today, haven't heard yet. I know they're doing the mailing labels because I got a couple of calls looking for a couple of missing addresses and other contact info for subscriptions, contributors, and the mailing. I need to update the website pronto with a new online edition and get the email version sent out asap. First though I must write the 250 words for the WFNB newsletter that I am nearly a week past due on. Maybe even too late all together. I'll knock something together quickly as soon as I post this. I've also got the galleys of a book to proof. Very nearly forgot about that all together, but noticed the pdf on my desktop and added it to the to do. I've also got a chapter from a friend that I promised crit on about three weeks ago now. So I added that to my list so I won't forget.

Tonight there is a Words on Water with the Breach House Gang coming up from Moncton. Most of these people are good friends of mine, so I'm hoping I can attend and don't get bogged down in BnM print production. Fingers crossed. But I'd better get to something soon then, huh?

Mood: fabulous
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: It's Your Life, Loverboy OMG! I totally forgot about this song! This is a version I haven't heard before tho ...
Hair: still blonde, not so dumb

Sympathy for the Devil

Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name ... Happy Monday! Another crazy week beginning. I am so tired. Fingers crossed I get some sleep sometime this week, cuz next week I'm outta here for a bit! Off to the big city and that's not going to be a restful excursion, lol. My flights to and from are insanely early. I need to figure out the logistics of all that trip stuff soon.

So this weekend was pretty good. INSANE, but ... is there any other way? Went to the movies Friday night and saw What Happens in Vegas with Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz. Great date movie! A good laugh. A drink and some conversation afterward, turned into me not going to sleep until the wee hours.

Up wicked early Saturday morning on a couple hours restless nervous semi-sleep. Had a hung over feeling despite having not been drunk. Rushed around all morning house cleaning and doing laundry and tidying up extraneous play details as I tried to get to the theatre early. Didn't happen. Got there about a quarter after noon. But the stage still wasn't set up so it didn't really matter, I could have been later even.

First run-through of the play was much less shaky than Wednesday night's rehearsal, which was heartening, though everyone was subdued, not bringing 'er just yet. Grabbed some Dixie Lee for lunch and then quickly ran through a dress rehearsal before heading backstage to suit up for the real deal.

Hair, make-up, singing, nervous chatter, jokes ... the wait to go on was a little brutal. I was so worried I was going to forget everything, that we'd screw up the lines and leave out the important part, like we had in EVERY rehearsal. But before I knew it we were huddled backstage listening to Sherry welcome everyone and talk about the cause, the girls, diabetes, which is never easy and at one point I even plugged my ears because I was starting to tear up.

Then the curtain opened and the boys went out to do their thing while I held my breath, freaking ... until they got a laugh, which didn't take long, and then I relaxed because I knew we were on and it was going to be ok. I forgot what it was like to be in a play. I forgot about the complete gut-wrenching wanna puke nervous energy turning into dead calm, complete focus. Wow! I can't believe I didn't remember that. I swear that's the lowest my heart rate has been in years, acting is better than yoga! Meditation even! And all this before I even made my entrance.

I stumbled a bit in the third act and needed to be prompted, but other than that there were no noticeable blunders on my part I don't think, and I remembered the important line in the first act that we'd never remembered before, which was good.

After expenses the play raised $900 for Juvenile Diabetes research. And that's it for our group fundraising effort, this week individual members of Team Keenan will be soliciting pledges from people in order to reach their personal fundraising goal. If you haven't supported our Walk for the Cure happening this Sunday in Moncton and you'd like to, there's still time. Click here to pledge me and help me reach my personal goal of raising $100.

Thanks so much for supporting us through the yard sale, play, and pledges. It means so much to me and my whole family.

So after the play came the crash. I forgot about that part too. Total zonk out. And an insatiable thirst for a strong drink. There had been talk of a wrap party with cast and crew, but then everyone was like they were going home, so I just went home with a couple of friends who had come to see the play ... and missed the wrap party that apparently did come together later ... oh well, I was tired anyway. Had a cosmo and a glass of wine, which made me super sleepy so then I made a hot chocolate and woke up a bit. My friends stayed for one drink and left shortly after my Friday night first date showed up for a second ... which went so well, a third is planned for next weekend.

I couldn't sleep Saturday night at all, was awake until after 5am, and up again on only a couple of hours sleep because I had to work. Stacy had dropped off the second draft of bnm at the end of the play for proofing and Sunday was Anna's birthday party so I wanted to try and get up home. I didn't figure there'd be many changes, we got lots of stuff fixed up in the first draft. So I sent Stacy a few changes, wrote a few cover blurbs, showered, packed, and was ready to leave when Mom got here around noon. We went to the mall so Mom could get The Missus a gift. I seized the opportunity to buy some freaking new underwear, because what I've been wearing makes me feel like a homeless person, underwires busting out of bras, poking in my armpit, scratching my breasts, panties full of holes or just a bunch of loose threads tied in a knot, and socks ... man, I have no idea where my socks have been disappearing to?! There really is a sock monster in the dryer! Buying underwear is so much fun! I really should do it more often.

So yesterday was spent up home having Burke's take-out, cake & ice cream, watching a week's worth of Corrie, in bed by 11 but still couldn't sleep. Read until long after midnight. Slept eventually for a couple of hours. Up early and came home with everyone on their way to work. Have arrived to email saying I'm needed at the office today for manual printing of bnm. No rest for the weary. I should sleep tonight though. In my own bed. With a lot of the last month's pressure relieved. One can hope.

And there's a big ole long post for those of you who have missed me. Now, you're up to date!

Mood: sleepy
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: we got the beat, the go-go's
Hair: pretty blonde

The World I Know

Have I mentioned I'm dreaming in play? Yeah, for about a week now. In the dreams I know not just my lines, but everyone else's too! It's fabulous!

Yesterday I actually took some time and sat down with the script. I have not had much time with the script to be honest, yesterday was the third time I've sat with it to practice, I've just kind of been winging it and picking it up from doing it in practice, which shows on stage when I suddenly have no idea where I am and what I am doing. It's a little terrifying to go completely blank.

So today I'm trying to find a zen-like ability to block the daily crap and totally immerse myself in being Sarah :-)

But of course there are extenuating circumstances . . . something else on my mind. I'm on the cusp of Friday night . . . date night . . . and I'm going out. First dates are . . . well, they just are, but at least I kinda know this guy all ready, that should take some pressure off . . . right?

Mood: becoming zen
Drinking: sarah's coffee
Listening To: free money, patti smith
Hair: needing a tlc transformation

Tall Glass of Vodka

I think I'm entering into another martini phase. I have the cosmo craving.

Okay, so let's talk about the play, since it is coming right up this weekend and anon asked about it on Monday.

Since my two nieces were diagnosed with Type 1 Juvenile Diabetes, every year my family participates in the Walk for the Cure in Moncton. So every year we fundraise. Last year we just individually canvassed for donations and we had the Indoor Yard Sale and Lemonade Stand. This year we did all that PLUS a play.

We're creative folks, so basically we decided to do a play, found a script, cast the parts, set a date, found a venue and started practicing all at once . . . and not that long ago. Kinda crazy.

The play is called "Astonishing Tales." You can read more about it here, here and here.

My character is named Sarah. She is a smart (university educated) somewhat naive and inexperienced girl who unwittingly causes a lot of trouble in her new job. There's a lot of laughs in this one. It's especially funny if you know the people playing the parts. My sister and brother-in-law for example are cast in roles that are so completely NOT at all like their true characters that it's really hard not to bust out in fits of giggles onstage . . . and a lot of time in practice mayhem has ensued from such fits of giggles. But even if you know none of us, it doesn't matter, it's a fun play.

Tickets are going fast as the weekend approaches. So if you want them you'd better grab 'em soon.

Mood: punchy
Drinking: not punch
Listening To: fingers punching the keyboard
Hair: punched up

Start Me Up

It never fails, if left on random play iTunes always knows what's up in the world. God! Did I ever need The Stones right about now! Little booster shot in the arm of rock energy.

So I've been hideously lax in my blogging, I know. This is me on "Wonder Woman Superhero Maxxed-Out Busy" speed. You know above and beyond the usual "super-busy" speed that we've all grown to know and love.

When things get this busy it's necessary to cut stuff out of my life. Housework is always the first to go, naturally. If you were to pop by today (please don't) you'd see the evidence in the dirty dishes covering every inch of my counter in the kitchen, stacked in the sink, piled on top of the stove, the dust bunnies billowing around the floor, the pile of laundry in the basket on the floor in my bedroom, my unmade bed, the fact that I would not allow you to use my bathroom, and so on.

The second thing to be cut is usually outings--the errand run-around, walks to the cove, anything that takes me out of the apartment and away from my work at the computer. I'll blow you off if you call or email and ask me to visit or go out anywhere. Most times I've got the ringer off and I won't even answer the phone. Last week I set out first thing Monday morning to go to the bank, grocery store, post office, pharmacy and all that stuff people need to do . . . but I didn't actually leave the apartment and go do those things until Thursday afternoon. Yeah, it took me that long to find an hour where I felt that was the most important thing I needed to be doing.

Next to be cut is unnecessary online stuff like my daily sudoku puzzle, reading people's blogs, posting on message boards, following message boards, downloading music, and posting to my blogs. I'll still make time to watch some videos, but I'll give up movies and hour-long tv shows in favour of movie trailers and 22-minute commercial-edited sitcoms, which I'll only watch while I'm doing something else, usually eating.

Speaking of eating, that habit also changes when I get this busy. Gone are the days of wellness with breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a snack or two. Some days I forget to eat at all, and food only occurs to me when I feel dizzy and weak. Most days I just eat one meal, at supper time, and everyday last week it was pretty much the same thing -- 4-5 chicken wings with hot sauce and a garden green salad.

And then I stop sleeping my normal 5-7 hours in my bed. Instead I find myself crashing on the futon beside my computer for two hours a night, catching the occasional 20 minute nap in the afternoon when I can no longer function.

So that's some of the stuff I haven't been doing and some of the stuff I have.

This week is another full-tilt maxxed-out kinda week where I will need every ounce of my Wonder Woman reserve strength. And then next week things calm, but only slightly . . . because there's Anna's Birthday, and Words on Water, and Abby's Birthday, and the JDRF Walk for the Cure in Moncton and don'cha know the following week I's be going to the T-Dot, so there's some insanity involved in prep for that trip naturally . . . and then there's the trip . . . followed closely by my birthday . . . and a maybe trip to Fredericton the week after that for Cake and then we're into the July long weekend . . . followed by the MWW and small press bookfair . . . another issue of BnM drops about then . . . and at some point there's Gerry's workshop in Sackville (I need to find the dates/details for that) that I really want to take . . . oi! I can't think that far ahead, must focus on today.

My to-do-today list has grown by four just while I wrote this post :-( Emails coming in, pinging me with tasks. And I bet you thought today was a holiday.

Mood: slightly stressed
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: But Not for Me, Harry Connick Jr.
Hair: messy

Crap

Haven't had a lot of time for posting lately. BnM crunch, play practice, etc. Lots of crap. And I do mean LOTS! I've been twittering more I think . . . I'm trying anyway, in the meantime. I may be hormonally imbalanced or something. Having some health issues. I'm just not myself lately. I'm not sure who the hell I am . . . but damn! It doesn't really feel like me. Impulsive in increasingly unusual and insane ways. What will I think of next? . . . nobody knows . . .

Mood: starving
Drinking: nothing
Listening To: the wind howling around my windows
Hair: needing a little something-something

Thunderstruck

Ten degrees at 9am. High of 18 predicted for today. Chance of thundershowers in the forecast. Despite all the rumours to the contrary, summer is really going to come! Last night was one of those gorgeous nights, not too cold, calm, no bugs, not too dark . . . I could have stayed out all night when Nick and I went for his bedtime walk about. It was one of those nights that take me back and make me crave cigarettes and beer. I seem like I've been craving cigarettes and beer an awful lot this past month. Hopefully, it's just a phase I'm going through and it will end soon, without consequence.

So yes, I was up home again last night. I'll be around there a fair bit over the next two weeks as we prepare for the play on the 24th. Practice! Practice! Practice! I totally forgot how much fun plays were.

Yesterday Darlene's Tea House opened for the season, so we went for supper. It was yummy! I had the grilled chicken breast dinner with baked potato, a glass of red wine, and the gingerbread for dessert. Can you say STUFFED?! It was very good. I'm hoping some night next week I can get up to try Rae's new restaurant in Blackville. Hearing lots of good things about it too.

I took some time earlier this morning to update my 101 in 1001 list. Time is running out on that one! I'm noticing some of my priorities have changed though. Some things no longer seem important. I guess when time runs out, maybe I'll make another list. Or maybe I'll make a bucket list.

Mood: cheerful
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: dirty deeds done dirt cheap, ac/dc
Hair: just blonde enough

My Generation

I have to go up home to stay the night two nights this week :-( Last night I slept in the spare room because I was too lazy to make up my bed after I washed all my bedding. Strange new perspective sleeping in there.

I think I'm going to slow down on the blogging this week, use the time for other writing. Lets see how that works.

Mood: tired
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: don't walk away eileen, sam roberts
Hair: pouffy

Den of Thieves

I've spent most of the weekend at the French Fort Cove Eco-Centre working the Mighty/BnM booth at the first annual Tourism Expo.

It's no secret I don't like going to these trade shows. We've done the Lifestyles Show a couple of years at the Civic Centre, and we've gone to Moncton for the Kiwanis Lifestyle Show a couple of years. It's always exhausting. My feet hurt. My legs get wrecked. I feel like my time there was wasted. It's just never been good. So I wasn't looking forward to this tourism one either. But it's my job, there's no getting out of it.

We had a steady trickle of interested people all weekend, with a pretty big crowd around lunchtime on Saturday. With Metepenagiag on one side of me and the Folk Song Festival on the other, with live music and poetry readings and traditional dancing happening just over my head, with people popping by to ask me questions about the Mighty Miramichi and all the goings on in the county because of course I would know, I felt like finally we had found a trade show where BnM and myself belonged. My feet didn't hurt. My legs didn't get wrecked. I wasn't overly exhausted. And I didn't feel like I wasted my time. So that was good!

After the show closed I went straight home to get ready for my first play practice. I was a little worried because we were supposed to be off script and I might have known a third of my lines, maybe half. Lucky for me a whole lot of the cast couldn't make the rehearsal so we just did a table reading. It was fun. I forgot how much fun a play could be. Oh-oh. We've only done one little reading and all ready I might be hooked . . . I went to sleep with visions of Duff and Merrin dancing in my head. I wake with an urge to pound out some dialogue.

This weekend I had many interesting conversations about various arts projects on the Miramichi. We're experiencing a Renaissance. There is a lot going on and a lot more coming up.

Mood: creative
Drinking: coffee, instant! what is the world coming to?
Listening To: the scientist, coldplay
Hair: getting long and shaggy

Never Let Me Down Again

Definitely starting to physically come around to my old self now. Last night I stayed up until after 2am reading. This morning I was awake at 7. When I naturally fall back to 5 hours sleep I know I'm feeling better.

So I finished reading the first of my Frye Festival purchases, Lullabies for Little Criminals by Heather O'Neill. I heard Heather read at the Soiree Frye last Thursday night and it seemed to me that maybe her book was a similar style to something I've been working on. It turns out, it's not really, but even still I don't regret the purchase.

This novel won the Canada Reads competition and got a lot of buzz. It's her first one. She's rather young (30-something) and an entertaining reader and speaker. I went to a round table panel discussion she participated in and she was very enjoyable.

An interesting thing I noticed about Heather's book was that she uses a lot of similes. I mean A LOT! I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a page without at least one, and most have several. Everything is like or as something else. For my taste there might have even been too many, but it does make for a very visually stimulating piece. I could do with a few more in my writing maybe. Or if not including them in the prose, to at least be thinking about what things might be like or as. I seem to have forgotten about metaphors and similes as tools in my toolbox. So this was a good reminder.

The book is worth a read, I mean obviously I stayed up half the night finishing it, so I must have been pulled along by the characters, but I was left wanting, I dunno, more somehow. The ending seemed a little rushed and all tied up in little bows, which isn't really my style, but overall, it's a good read, lots of nuggets for thought.

Have tons of things to accomplish today. Need to go out and do some shopping. Need to freaking clean up my apartment before company arrives later this afternoon. I'm such a slob this week!

Mood: manic
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: all my life, foo fighters
Hair: blonde, but not dumb