I stayed in bed until 10:30 today. Why? Because I felt like it. It used to be my normal time to rise every day, before the move, before I suddenly got turned onto mornings. (How did that happen anyway? Who would've ever thunk it?) And now it's late, lol, I've missed half the day! No matter, it'll be an early morning tomorrow regardless, which will put me back on track. Tomorrow I'm going to a 7:30 breakfast meeting at the Rodd with the Mayor. The State of the City address, I guess. Reminds me, I need to make arrangements to get a ticket today.
It's still grey and dreary here. Cold. I have so much frigging work to do. It's overwhelming. Life at the moment, is extremely overwhelming. But that's okay. I'll get through it and be better for it. Right? That's what I keep telling myself.
Mood: buried in grey
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: my refrigerator . . . dude, i think it might be on its last
Hair: in my eyes
Monday, April 30, 2007
Sunday, April 29, 2007
High School Confidential
Rough trade. Carol Pope. She remade that song for Queer as Folk, for the gay man perspective. No matter. Thinking about my high school today. I believe we've got a reunion in the mist. What is it about the high school reunion? Just makes you feel like an awkward teenager all over again. Our class was so small, no chance of sneaking in and not being noticed. Do I look old and tired? Sometimes I feel old and tired. Sometimes I see people younger than me who look old and tired . . . makes me wonder. Because I don't really know. I can't really see myself. I only exist inside my brain. Well, this weekend was a total write off. I accomplished nothing workwise. And nothing homewise. And I didn't even get any rest. Such is life I guess.
Mood: sore
Drinking: nothing
Listening To: sirens in the distance
Hair: back in a band
Mood: sore
Drinking: nothing
Listening To: sirens in the distance
Hair: back in a band
Slow
I'm a real slow mover today. Both legs still semi-swollen. After 12 hours standing on concrete and the 20+ minute walk home my legs had swollen so much I was worried I wouldn't get my pants off without cutting them. I laid with my feet elevated for a couple of hours and brought the swelling down some. I rewatched The Matador. Love it! Still. And drank wine until my aches numbed. Every joint burning today. I just want to go back to bed. I think I will in a bit after company has come and gone. Sammy haunts me. Yesterday a child in a Tommy t-shirt, I looked and thought it said Sammy Sammy Sammy Sammy all up and down across the front. But it was Tommy, of course. I need to do laundry. I am very near to being totally out of clean knickers. Keeping my wobbly bits covered is of utmost importance. Tuned into Coronation Street this morning. My, but I do love Sunday mornings in bed with CBC. Though this week I couldn't bear to get up and make a cuppa. I would not have moved and would be there still, if the phone hadn't rang. My bistro does brunch today, but i've no energy to go, no money once i got there. No energy to cook. I should put something simple on, like a roast and then just go to sleep until it's ready. It's a damp grey day. Perfect roast weather. What an idea!
Mood: fogged in
Drinking: coffee, the canadian kind, with cream
Listening To: refrigerator loudly humming
Hair: every which way but the way it's supposed to be
Mood: fogged in
Drinking: coffee, the canadian kind, with cream
Listening To: refrigerator loudly humming
Hair: every which way but the way it's supposed to be
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Just Breathe
She says it best:
Off to the Home Show today. Another sudden twist in the road. Ducks on the water in the rain. Seagulls prancing around the back lawn. That is all.
Mood: melancholic
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: the blower's daughter, damien rice
Hair: wet from morning shower
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
Off to the Home Show today. Another sudden twist in the road. Ducks on the water in the rain. Seagulls prancing around the back lawn. That is all.
Mood: melancholic
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: the blower's daughter, damien rice
Hair: wet from morning shower
Friday, April 27, 2007
The Condition Worsens
So I took everything I have, sinus, pain and otherwise . . . nada! I just want to rip my head off. That might do it. Is this hay fever? Spring allergies? What the frig! It's definitely sinus, though I've no stuffyness, no nasal drip. I've just got pressure. Lots and lots of pressure. In the sinus cavity. In behind my eyes. In my head. It's so hard to focus, so difficult to think. And I really, really, really need to be able to think right now. Sammy is lost. And I'm the only one who can help him. Nobody else is gonna do it. And now suddenly I'm in the home show. Wham! Bam! Thank you M'am! Just like that. Poof! Better than David Copperfield. Swollen ankles and all. If I had Adam Sandler's remote from Click, I'd fast forward through this part. I'm thinking we need a wrap party at the end of this issue. A gathering to blow off steam. I know nobody else is there yet. The back end production/design/distribution part hasn't begun yet. It might even seem a bit far off yet to those guys. I'm always the first to tilt into the chaos. It's the writing. I take the writing too seriously, because dammit, I'm a writer. I'm like the artist playing pictionary. You just want to strike me and yell, "Do stick people for Christsake!!" I can't do stick people. I probably shouldn't be writing everything when I can't do stick people.
Went out to supper this evening. A celebration of sorts. My sister is doing well, finding her way, building bridges, laying bricks, climbing the ladder. She's on her way and I wanted to acknowledge that in some small way. So we went for dinner at Bistro 140, which is rapidly becoming my absolute favorite place. Though I've only been twice. They are two for two and I'll be back for thirds with pleasure! Tonight I tried the pecan chicken with rice pilaf and the drumstick square for dessert. They were busy and we didn't have a reservation (I highly recommend calling ahead and making a reservation if you plan to go on the weekend as both times I've been, they've been packed), but we managed to snag a table by the bar (the last one at that time.) We ordered drinks and talked for awhile and then after quite awhile we were served complimentary house salads and a basket of rolls because the kitchen was backed up. A welcome surprise! The wait staff are among the best trained I've seen anywhere. Very professional. Very much on top of things. Despite being extremely busy. Now that I think of it, I should have tipped more. The raspberry vinegarette dressing was superb!
My sister is a somewhat fussy eater. She is generally afraid to try new things, to try sauces and things. So she got the pork without the mushroom sauce. I had it last week with the mushroom sauce and it was divine. But my chicken! The chicken was something else entirely. Special! I wasn't sure I'd enjoy the djion mustard sauce, but it was very subtle and nice not overpowering at all. But the highlight was the dessert. I had never had a drumstick square before. And now I will dream about them and seek out recipes and maybe even attempt to make my own. Oh my God! It was the most amazing thing I've had in a really, really, really long time. Even better than those Lindt eggs that were out at Easter. I nearly pulled a Meg Ryan's Sally right at the table in front of everyone. The waitress asked how it was and I was speechless with huge eyes. An experience.
I saw many plates of pasta coming out of the kitchen and it looked delicious. I've heard they make their own pasta. And it is a specialty with many dishes on the menu, so I think next time I will try it. Who can I get to go eat with me next Friday night? Volunteers?
Mood: compacted
Drinking: red stuff
Listening To: train whistle
Hair: flippy
Went out to supper this evening. A celebration of sorts. My sister is doing well, finding her way, building bridges, laying bricks, climbing the ladder. She's on her way and I wanted to acknowledge that in some small way. So we went for dinner at Bistro 140, which is rapidly becoming my absolute favorite place. Though I've only been twice. They are two for two and I'll be back for thirds with pleasure! Tonight I tried the pecan chicken with rice pilaf and the drumstick square for dessert. They were busy and we didn't have a reservation (I highly recommend calling ahead and making a reservation if you plan to go on the weekend as both times I've been, they've been packed), but we managed to snag a table by the bar (the last one at that time.) We ordered drinks and talked for awhile and then after quite awhile we were served complimentary house salads and a basket of rolls because the kitchen was backed up. A welcome surprise! The wait staff are among the best trained I've seen anywhere. Very professional. Very much on top of things. Despite being extremely busy. Now that I think of it, I should have tipped more. The raspberry vinegarette dressing was superb!
My sister is a somewhat fussy eater. She is generally afraid to try new things, to try sauces and things. So she got the pork without the mushroom sauce. I had it last week with the mushroom sauce and it was divine. But my chicken! The chicken was something else entirely. Special! I wasn't sure I'd enjoy the djion mustard sauce, but it was very subtle and nice not overpowering at all. But the highlight was the dessert. I had never had a drumstick square before. And now I will dream about them and seek out recipes and maybe even attempt to make my own. Oh my God! It was the most amazing thing I've had in a really, really, really long time. Even better than those Lindt eggs that were out at Easter. I nearly pulled a Meg Ryan's Sally right at the table in front of everyone. The waitress asked how it was and I was speechless with huge eyes. An experience.
I saw many plates of pasta coming out of the kitchen and it looked delicious. I've heard they make their own pasta. And it is a specialty with many dishes on the menu, so I think next time I will try it. Who can I get to go eat with me next Friday night? Volunteers?
Mood: compacted
Drinking: red stuff
Listening To: train whistle
Hair: flippy
Unwell
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Low tide, water smooth like a pane of glass. Gorgeous. New pollutant on the river this morning. Blackish smoke drifting up and over the water. Like they sent out one big shot of crap, sneak it out early when people aren't paying attention. Weird.
I'm not well. Haven't been since yesterday afternoon sometime. Not sure what's up, slight stomach virus maybe? Allergies? Sinus? Got some stomach stuff happening, like pain, not nausea. Major headache happening. Pain around my eyes. Hard to concentrate and focus. Difficulty sleeping last night. Restless. Unpleasant thoughts.
Couldn't go for a walk last night because I'm swollen again. Ankles mostly. Still semi-swollen this morning. Gonna have to get horizontal for a time. Perhaps I need to watch another movie besides The Wizard of Oz. Everyday this week I've watched the Wizard. Bits and pieces, not all of it, everyday. I'm about to implode from the pressure of it all. Great practice for the 3-day novel contest. If I live to see the day, I may even enter. Somehow I think that would be easier though, because that would be my story. This isn't. I don't know what this is. It's the reason artists drink. To have done it right I should have started last June. I'm the Debbie Macomber of tourism writing.
It would be helpful if my head wasn't splitting in two. I have taken some ibuprofen and now don't want to dump sinus meds on top, lest I O.D. and people blame Sammy, lol. So, I'll wait a bit, then pop the non-drowsy sinus meds. They always make me happy.
Not that I'm unhappy, I'm just unwell. Watery eyes, squinting because it hurts to see. I am starting to see the parallels though. You watch the Wiz everyday, and you start to see it. The problem is delicate. The balancing act. How to say it all, let the story build and develop in a natural way, and get everyone in and have it all resolved in 7000ish words. This is the challenge. Tight writing takes some time. Time has not been my friend on this project. At this point one just has to take a deep breath and pray this thing comes together. Cuz right now alls I got is a bunch of disjointed overwritten crap. Oy!
Yes, I know, I ALWAYS say that . . . but this time is different. This time I've got a friggin sinus headache! Ok, enough freaking out. Time to get back to it. I can't get over how calm the water is even as the tide shifts. What a day!
Mood: achy
Drinking: coffee, mostly black, juice, 100% blackberry & pomegranate
Listening To: comfortably numb, the scissor sisters
Hair: in the blue speckled headband
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Cookies
I bought a box of girl guide cookies to support my niece in Brownies. The original kind, not the mint ones. I always liked the original ones best, especially the vanilla flavour, but alas like everything else in the world, Girl Guide cookies have changed :-( They're not what I remember. Still, I'm eating them.
Last night I went to a special event at O'Donaghue's Pub in Chatham. It was the first time I'd been there when there were a lot of other people, but it won't be the last. I may not have been able to find decent housing on that side of the river, but I can certainly find my way over there to have fun. A group of international journalists on a fishing trip had been invited to enjoy an evening of Miramichi hospitality and have an audience with the Premier. Lovely fellows. I had the opportunity to chat with a few of them and get some advice for BnM. One of the men seemed particularly enthusiastic about it, and I came away with his contact information for follow-up. I met the Premier and he told me he loves what we're doing and to keep up the great work. I was a bit surprised he had seen it, but I know we had distributed copies to the delegation, so perhaps it's not such a long shot.
Connie & Paul, Owen Murdoch and the legendary Matilda Murdoch were on hand for an old fashioned Miramichi Kitchen Party that had Premier Graham rolling up his sleeves and playing the spoons right along with them. Raw footage from a documentary film being made for a German audience was shown. Some following a truck driver I know in Blackville, but more from down the Bay with generations of fishermen ice fishing smelts. Afterward the eldest man from the film stood and spoke about their way of life and how it has changed since he first started and also about the Escuminac Disaster. The foreign press asked questions and then Connie & Paul sang the saddest song about the women who must wait for their men at sea.
All in all, not a bad way to spend an evening.
Mood: headachy
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: muted sounds of other people's lives around me
Hair: thick, straight, and stubborn
Last night I went to a special event at O'Donaghue's Pub in Chatham. It was the first time I'd been there when there were a lot of other people, but it won't be the last. I may not have been able to find decent housing on that side of the river, but I can certainly find my way over there to have fun. A group of international journalists on a fishing trip had been invited to enjoy an evening of Miramichi hospitality and have an audience with the Premier. Lovely fellows. I had the opportunity to chat with a few of them and get some advice for BnM. One of the men seemed particularly enthusiastic about it, and I came away with his contact information for follow-up. I met the Premier and he told me he loves what we're doing and to keep up the great work. I was a bit surprised he had seen it, but I know we had distributed copies to the delegation, so perhaps it's not such a long shot.
Connie & Paul, Owen Murdoch and the legendary Matilda Murdoch were on hand for an old fashioned Miramichi Kitchen Party that had Premier Graham rolling up his sleeves and playing the spoons right along with them. Raw footage from a documentary film being made for a German audience was shown. Some following a truck driver I know in Blackville, but more from down the Bay with generations of fishermen ice fishing smelts. Afterward the eldest man from the film stood and spoke about their way of life and how it has changed since he first started and also about the Escuminac Disaster. The foreign press asked questions and then Connie & Paul sang the saddest song about the women who must wait for their men at sea.
All in all, not a bad way to spend an evening.
Mood: headachy
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: muted sounds of other people's lives around me
Hair: thick, straight, and stubborn
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Aching Muscles
Two for two on the daily walk thing for this week. Last night was easier than the first. Climbed the steeper, longer hill last night. Will switch it up again next time to incorporate the two steeper, longer hills. Aye! My calf muscles! This is a good kind of pain though, not the same thing at all as arthritis burning joint pain. This evening I believe I have a function to attend . . . I believe. So I've got to try and get out and walk a bit on my own sometime today.
Frye Fest starts today and I'm not there :-( Sucks to be poor sometimes. I'm missing Harvey Pekar. I can't even think about it or my head will blow off. How is it that I consistently miss the biggest literary event in the Maritimes for almost a decade? This is the last year for such foolishness.
Need to do laundry today. It's difficult to stay focused when outside is so beautiful. I wish I could open the window (this fall, I'm told) and sit and write whatever the hell I felt like. I write and write and write but never anything I really care about, never any of my work. How am I supposed to write plays and novels and short stories when I'm burnt from writing press releases and magazine articles all the time? This is the big question. This has always been my big question. Balance. It's all about balance. As God is my witness, one day I'll have balance in my life.
Mood: determined
Drinking: coffee with cream, blackberry & pomegranate juice
Listening To: gurgles in my stomach as breakfast digests
Hair: surprisingly straight for lack of flat ironing
Frye Fest starts today and I'm not there :-( Sucks to be poor sometimes. I'm missing Harvey Pekar. I can't even think about it or my head will blow off. How is it that I consistently miss the biggest literary event in the Maritimes for almost a decade? This is the last year for such foolishness.
Need to do laundry today. It's difficult to stay focused when outside is so beautiful. I wish I could open the window (this fall, I'm told) and sit and write whatever the hell I felt like. I write and write and write but never anything I really care about, never any of my work. How am I supposed to write plays and novels and short stories when I'm burnt from writing press releases and magazine articles all the time? This is the big question. This has always been my big question. Balance. It's all about balance. As God is my witness, one day I'll have balance in my life.
Mood: determined
Drinking: coffee with cream, blackberry & pomegranate juice
Listening To: gurgles in my stomach as breakfast digests
Hair: surprisingly straight for lack of flat ironing
Monday, April 23, 2007
Best in Show
What a day! It's 25 degrees at 7:30 pm! Awesome. I love it. Had a fantastic morning meeting, that went way into lunch. Then a pretty good lunch. Got a movie I needed for work, that I'll watch tonight. Cleaned half my bathroom. And then this evening I went for a walk with my brother and his girlfriend. We walked down the Old King George Hwy to French Fort Cove, then did a loop around the cove and walked back to my place. It's quite the trek! Especially for little old lazy me who hasn't been walking much of late. Lazy be gone! We're going to go again tomorrow night too. And the next and the next and so on and so on. YES! I need to walk more, it feels good. Tomorrow I'm going to be a stiff puppy though. But that's okay. Every day will get easier. I used to walk all the time, everywhere, and it was great. I need that again. Need to get back in the habit. Now is the time.
Today was a good day.
Mood: fresh aired sleepy
Drinking: water
Listening To: bass vibrations in the walls
Hair: in my eyes
Today was a good day.
Mood: fresh aired sleepy
Drinking: water
Listening To: bass vibrations in the walls
Hair: in my eyes
Monday Morning
Sluggish this a.m. Didn't rise til 7:30, then mad dash to distribute meeting notes from Friday for the sales Monday morning meeting (just in case) and to get ready to depart for my own meeting on Juvenile Diabetes. Some people have already sponsored me in the walk! Yay! Still a way to go to meet the goal set out for me by the team captain.
So now, I'm at the office, blogging.
Mood: fabulous
Drinking: 20oz. of mainway's finest
Listening To: web talk
Hair: wet and wild
So now, I'm at the office, blogging.
Mood: fabulous
Drinking: 20oz. of mainway's finest
Listening To: web talk
Hair: wet and wild
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Simple
It's the simple things that make me happiest. A cuppa in bed watching a week's worth of Coronation Street on telly. Sunday morning sunshine on the still calm of full high tide. A medium difficult sudoku puzzle. A glass of blackberry pomegranate juice. I will bottle this peace and sneak sips throughout the week.
Thought for the day:
Mood: blissful
Drinking: coffee, canadian blend, nearly black
Listening To: someone coming in and out of the building and swinging the squeaky door
Hair: in need of a good scrubbing
Thought for the day:
Excellence is caring more than others think is wise; risking more than others think is safe; dreaming more than others think is practical; and expecting more than others think is possible.
Mood: blissful
Drinking: coffee, canadian blend, nearly black
Listening To: someone coming in and out of the building and swinging the squeaky door
Hair: in need of a good scrubbing
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Support My Walk!
I'm walking for the Diabetes Cure in June, and I want your support. So please give. Click here to pledge!
As you may or may not know, last summer within the span of 3 weeks, two of my nieces were diagnosed with Type 1 Juvenile Diabetes. Jules was 6 and Abby only 4 years old. The girls are both doing well, but diabetes is a disease that will affect every day of their lives until researchers find a cure.
Now, nearly a year later, I'm excited to Walk for the Cure with my family in Moncton on June 3rd. Please pledge your support to Team Keenan online. Every dollar goes a long way to help researchers and give Jules and Abby hope that one day they will beat diabetes. Donations over $20 will receive a tax receipt.
The girls are planning some fundraising activities as well, including a lemonade stand and yard sale. They'll also be doing some door knocking in their neighborhood. Please pass this link on to anyone you know who might be interested in supporting us in the walk. This is, of course, something that is very personal, near and dear to my heart. If you'd like any more information about the Walk or the girls, you may contact me directly by email or in the comments. We'd also love to have people join our team and walk with us. So, if you're up for that, let me know.
You probably know someone who has diabetes, since 246 million people in the world have some form of the disease.
Juvenile (Type 1) diabetes is the most severe form of diabetes as it is unpreventable and strikes infants, children, teens and young adults, leaving them insulin dependent for life and facing a future of uncertainty due to the threat of developing devastating complications.
Fact: Over 70,000 children worldwide are expected to develop type 1 diabetes annually. Canada has the third highest occurrence rate of Type 1 diabetes in children 14 years or younger in the world and the Type 1 diabetes occurrence rate is rising by 3 - 5% per year.
By pledging your support, your money will be going towards finding a cure for this disease by funding some of the most progressive research in the world, most of which is happening right here in Canada.
You can pledge quickly, efficiently and safely through the secure online pledge option. An electronic tax receipt will be emailed directly to you for donations over $20. Help find a cure for diabetes by clicking the following link:
http://www.jdrf.ca/pledge.cfm?id=152520A8-C163-309C-2F5DB99A2630FCC7
If you prefer to make a donation by cheque, please make it out to Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation and send it to me.
Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation is dedicated to finding a cure for diabetes and its complications through the support of research. Since its inception, JDRF has been behind every major breakthrough on the path to finding a cure for this disease. The Walk to Cure Diabetes is a highly successful fundraising and awareness event for diabetes research in Canada thanks to people like you and me and the thousands who will walk in cities across Canada this year.
For a complete list of Walk sites and fundraising tools for the 2007 Walk to Cure Diabetes, visit www.jdrf.ca/walk.
Thank you for your support.
As you may or may not know, last summer within the span of 3 weeks, two of my nieces were diagnosed with Type 1 Juvenile Diabetes. Jules was 6 and Abby only 4 years old. The girls are both doing well, but diabetes is a disease that will affect every day of their lives until researchers find a cure.
Now, nearly a year later, I'm excited to Walk for the Cure with my family in Moncton on June 3rd. Please pledge your support to Team Keenan online. Every dollar goes a long way to help researchers and give Jules and Abby hope that one day they will beat diabetes. Donations over $20 will receive a tax receipt.
The girls are planning some fundraising activities as well, including a lemonade stand and yard sale. They'll also be doing some door knocking in their neighborhood. Please pass this link on to anyone you know who might be interested in supporting us in the walk. This is, of course, something that is very personal, near and dear to my heart. If you'd like any more information about the Walk or the girls, you may contact me directly by email or in the comments. We'd also love to have people join our team and walk with us. So, if you're up for that, let me know.
You probably know someone who has diabetes, since 246 million people in the world have some form of the disease.
Juvenile (Type 1) diabetes is the most severe form of diabetes as it is unpreventable and strikes infants, children, teens and young adults, leaving them insulin dependent for life and facing a future of uncertainty due to the threat of developing devastating complications.
Fact: Over 70,000 children worldwide are expected to develop type 1 diabetes annually. Canada has the third highest occurrence rate of Type 1 diabetes in children 14 years or younger in the world and the Type 1 diabetes occurrence rate is rising by 3 - 5% per year.
By pledging your support, your money will be going towards finding a cure for this disease by funding some of the most progressive research in the world, most of which is happening right here in Canada.
You can pledge quickly, efficiently and safely through the secure online pledge option. An electronic tax receipt will be emailed directly to you for donations over $20. Help find a cure for diabetes by clicking the following link:
http://www.jdrf.ca/pledge.cfm?id=152520A8-C163-309C-2F5DB99A2630FCC7
If you prefer to make a donation by cheque, please make it out to Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation and send it to me.
Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation is dedicated to finding a cure for diabetes and its complications through the support of research. Since its inception, JDRF has been behind every major breakthrough on the path to finding a cure for this disease. The Walk to Cure Diabetes is a highly successful fundraising and awareness event for diabetes research in Canada thanks to people like you and me and the thousands who will walk in cities across Canada this year.
For a complete list of Walk sites and fundraising tools for the 2007 Walk to Cure Diabetes, visit www.jdrf.ca/walk.
Thank you for your support.
Me! Me! Me!
Finally! A ME Day! A day where I set aside all the obligations and commitments to others and just look after me and all the personal stuff that will make me happy. Like finally getting caught up on the dishes, the laundry, sweeping the floors, vacuuming, scrubbing, getting organized, washing the windows, THE BATHROOM! etc. and so on. Lets just say a lot of crap has been going to the wayside in these hectic April times. A lot! lol. T keeps urging me to make a list describing the man I would like to share my life with, and then I'll know him when I see him. Definitely, I'm thinking, I need a man to take care of the domestic stuff for me. Or to force me to take the blinders off and slow down once and awhile to look after my household. I need a man with a dishwasher! And a washer & dryer! :-D If I had these tools in my apartment, I would be laughing. Then I would only need a chef. Someone to cook for me and make sure I get my meals and vitamins. I don't think I've ever had a man who took care of me, certainly never financially, but not otherwise either to my recollection. Maybe it is time to make the list.
Surprise visitors this morning. I'm still shocked every time my doorbell rings. I know people! And they visit! Wow! What a concept. I think I was a little rude though. Sorry guys. I was just shocked, lol. And all my dishes were dirty, so I couldn't even offer coffee or anything :-( Actually I thought all my dishes were dirty, but then noticed a whole row of mugs after you left. THEN I felt guilty that I didn't offer coffee, because I could have. Instead all I offered was the view. Oh well. Here's to pleasant diversions! I hope you didn't mind the mess. It's much better now! I do like having people come visit though. It's wonderful to have this sense of family and community again. I hadn't known how alone I've been for the past several years. And even the solitary writer needs human contact apparently. Still it takes getting used to, this being able to go places and see people I know and be social all the time. It's good mojo for me.
And now, back to ME!
Mood: up
Drinking: nothing, just ate a tuna pita tho
Listening To: gulls
Hair: headbanded for optimum cleaning eyesight
Surprise visitors this morning. I'm still shocked every time my doorbell rings. I know people! And they visit! Wow! What a concept. I think I was a little rude though. Sorry guys. I was just shocked, lol. And all my dishes were dirty, so I couldn't even offer coffee or anything :-( Actually I thought all my dishes were dirty, but then noticed a whole row of mugs after you left. THEN I felt guilty that I didn't offer coffee, because I could have. Instead all I offered was the view. Oh well. Here's to pleasant diversions! I hope you didn't mind the mess. It's much better now! I do like having people come visit though. It's wonderful to have this sense of family and community again. I hadn't known how alone I've been for the past several years. And even the solitary writer needs human contact apparently. Still it takes getting used to, this being able to go places and see people I know and be social all the time. It's good mojo for me.
And now, back to ME!
Mood: up
Drinking: nothing, just ate a tuna pita tho
Listening To: gulls
Hair: headbanded for optimum cleaning eyesight
Friday, April 20, 2007
Go Go Go
I think I'm a little burnt out or something. I alternate between sleeping only 15-20 minutes at a time and going to bed at 7 and sleeping straight through for 12-14 hours. Last night, the latter, and I'm still yawning. A little mush brain coming on apparently. No time for that crap.
Many dreams in last night's sleep. For the first time ever I had a dream in a foreign language. French, no subtitles. I know it was French because I caught a couple of words. The people were talking about my sisters. No details. But how odd to have a whole dream in a language I don't speak. Do you think the dream people were actually speaking real French? Like grammatically correct? It certainly sounded real. Very bizarre.
Mood: sleepy
Drinking: coffee with cream
Listening To: what is sound?
Hair: flippy
Many dreams in last night's sleep. For the first time ever I had a dream in a foreign language. French, no subtitles. I know it was French because I caught a couple of words. The people were talking about my sisters. No details. But how odd to have a whole dream in a language I don't speak. Do you think the dream people were actually speaking real French? Like grammatically correct? It certainly sounded real. Very bizarre.
Mood: sleepy
Drinking: coffee with cream
Listening To: what is sound?
Hair: flippy
Thursday, April 19, 2007
To A Teacher
Once and for all the silence . . . so close to Eden . . .
Sunshine on the Mighty Miramichi! Great day to be on the river! Especially after many days of grey. The waterfowl continue to fascinate and enthrall. Yesterday we went to Eel Ground, Sunny Corner, and Red Bank. Lots of snow there still. Biting wind yesterday. A good excursion though. Lots happening. I never realized how close all the communities are, especially Sunny Corner and Red Bank. I semi-recall going to a dance back there one time. At the legion? A teen dance? Maybe an adult one. All so long ago now.
Today I am going for a walk, outside! For real. There are things I need to do, places I need to go. It's time to get off my butt and get stuff done. Not that I've been lazing, I've just been otherwise occupied. I need to take care of some stuff. A relief to have decided against going to Frye, both financially and mentally. I gained a week! And I need longer than that still. I've also pulled out of some weekend commitments. I need to be home for a bit. I need to be alone with my computer and words. It's nearly May! And I'm starting to pull my hair out. My house is collapsing in on me. All go, all the time, drives me crazy.
Things were supposed to slow down once I moved. A friend said we bring our pace with us, wherever we go, and if mine was frenetic before, and that's how I live, then it will also be frenetic here. This does seem to be the case. But it's not what I want. I want calmness. I want balance. I want to be in control of the pace, on top of the work, and not being flung every which way, not be a slave to my life. I'm tired. Something's gotta give. I've got to figure it out. I don't know how much longer I have before burn-out. I've already given up so much, backed out of so much . . . surely there must be room for me in this life somewhere. Surely, I can make room for me and the things I care about sometime, somehow, somewhere.
Ah, every joint aching. This explains much of today's mood. Pain does it every time. Temperature must be rising . . . or falling. Here we go again.
Mood: panicked
Drinking: earl grey, hot
Listening To: i want to be the boy, the white stripes
Hair: being plucked by the roots
Sunshine on the Mighty Miramichi! Great day to be on the river! Especially after many days of grey. The waterfowl continue to fascinate and enthrall. Yesterday we went to Eel Ground, Sunny Corner, and Red Bank. Lots of snow there still. Biting wind yesterday. A good excursion though. Lots happening. I never realized how close all the communities are, especially Sunny Corner and Red Bank. I semi-recall going to a dance back there one time. At the legion? A teen dance? Maybe an adult one. All so long ago now.
Today I am going for a walk, outside! For real. There are things I need to do, places I need to go. It's time to get off my butt and get stuff done. Not that I've been lazing, I've just been otherwise occupied. I need to take care of some stuff. A relief to have decided against going to Frye, both financially and mentally. I gained a week! And I need longer than that still. I've also pulled out of some weekend commitments. I need to be home for a bit. I need to be alone with my computer and words. It's nearly May! And I'm starting to pull my hair out. My house is collapsing in on me. All go, all the time, drives me crazy.
Things were supposed to slow down once I moved. A friend said we bring our pace with us, wherever we go, and if mine was frenetic before, and that's how I live, then it will also be frenetic here. This does seem to be the case. But it's not what I want. I want calmness. I want balance. I want to be in control of the pace, on top of the work, and not being flung every which way, not be a slave to my life. I'm tired. Something's gotta give. I've got to figure it out. I don't know how much longer I have before burn-out. I've already given up so much, backed out of so much . . . surely there must be room for me in this life somewhere. Surely, I can make room for me and the things I care about sometime, somehow, somewhere.
Ah, every joint aching. This explains much of today's mood. Pain does it every time. Temperature must be rising . . . or falling. Here we go again.
Mood: panicked
Drinking: earl grey, hot
Listening To: i want to be the boy, the white stripes
Hair: being plucked by the roots
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Ringers
I have discovered a new band that I love, The Ringers. I added a YFly player to my sidebar with one of their songs, Kamikaze Heart in my playlist. Listen! I love it. There's some video and other things from other people in there. I had to shrink it pretty small to get it to fit on the sidebar, but I didn't like it anywhere else, seemed too big and wanky.
Up since 5am. Had a weird dream with a lot of opposites. Like sleeping the wrong way in the bed. No time for details but it was weirdly interesting. In the dream I shot a .22 rifle in my mother's house . . . to try and keep my father from breaking in . . . yeah, THAT kind of a dream. The gun was very vivid though. There was much tension in this dream. And two black/white cats. And one of my nieces sleeping on the floor in between twin beds. Weirdness.
Going upriver today. Sunny Corner way I think. Sammy's tourist tour continues. I am tired of travel. I think I'm going to skip Frye. I'm just played out and the idea of a week away freaks me out. Plus I can't afford such shenanigans. I mean I'd have to count my chickens before they hatch. Borrow my income tax from my parents and pay it back when (and if) the cheque comes. Do I really want to spend my income tax refund on hotels in Moncton when I'm struggling every month to pay the rent and buy groceries? I feel some obligation to attend the WFNB event, but c'est la vie. I can't help it if I'm poor. Most people can realistically only do one or the other every year, either the AGM or Frye Fest. This year I had to go to AGM. Next year AGM is coming to me, so then maybe I can do Frye. Certainly the year after that, it'll be clear sailing all the way to Frye Fest.
Last night a huge flock of ducks sailed past my window with the rising tide. They were on a pretty big chunk of ice. You couldn't even see any white, just black, just ducks. At least 500 and maybe more. I've never seen anything like it. I guess they were huddling because of the cold maybe. Then all at once about 20 robins landed on the back lawn. I wonder if the birds stay in front of here all summer or if this is just a spring thing. I wish the kids could see them. It's awesome. I haven't seen any eagles in a few days though. I'm wondering if they've gone someplace else.
Mood: alert
Drinking: freshly ground viennese coffee with real cream
Listening To: kamikaze heart, the ringers
Hair: in need of some laundering
Up since 5am. Had a weird dream with a lot of opposites. Like sleeping the wrong way in the bed. No time for details but it was weirdly interesting. In the dream I shot a .22 rifle in my mother's house . . . to try and keep my father from breaking in . . . yeah, THAT kind of a dream. The gun was very vivid though. There was much tension in this dream. And two black/white cats. And one of my nieces sleeping on the floor in between twin beds. Weirdness.
Going upriver today. Sunny Corner way I think. Sammy's tourist tour continues. I am tired of travel. I think I'm going to skip Frye. I'm just played out and the idea of a week away freaks me out. Plus I can't afford such shenanigans. I mean I'd have to count my chickens before they hatch. Borrow my income tax from my parents and pay it back when (and if) the cheque comes. Do I really want to spend my income tax refund on hotels in Moncton when I'm struggling every month to pay the rent and buy groceries? I feel some obligation to attend the WFNB event, but c'est la vie. I can't help it if I'm poor. Most people can realistically only do one or the other every year, either the AGM or Frye Fest. This year I had to go to AGM. Next year AGM is coming to me, so then maybe I can do Frye. Certainly the year after that, it'll be clear sailing all the way to Frye Fest.
Last night a huge flock of ducks sailed past my window with the rising tide. They were on a pretty big chunk of ice. You couldn't even see any white, just black, just ducks. At least 500 and maybe more. I've never seen anything like it. I guess they were huddling because of the cold maybe. Then all at once about 20 robins landed on the back lawn. I wonder if the birds stay in front of here all summer or if this is just a spring thing. I wish the kids could see them. It's awesome. I haven't seen any eagles in a few days though. I'm wondering if they've gone someplace else.
Mood: alert
Drinking: freshly ground viennese coffee with real cream
Listening To: kamikaze heart, the ringers
Hair: in need of some laundering
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
AGM Weekend
I left Thursday morning for Sackville and a weekend of writerly activities. I stayed up late (2'ish) the night before trying to get as much work done as I could before I had to go. I got up early Thursday (5'ish) and printed off some stories to read, packed, worked some more, etc. I left like a bat out of hell, leaving a wake of things tossed this way and that, unwashed dishes, clothes needing sorting . . . chaos. That happens when you have too much to do and not enough time. I hate returning to chaos, but what can you do? Short of cloning yourself.
The train was on time. I had a watered down coffee and a Kit Kat for breakfast, spent most of the ride in a half-sleepy drowsy state trying to figure out sudoku puzzles in the VIA magazine. Even the simplest one seemed impossible to figure out. Brain fuzz. Squires Courtesy Cab picked me up at the train station and dropped me at the Marshland, the first to arrive. My room in the carriage house was cold because nobody had been out there since the weekend, but had its own thermostat so I cranked the heat, unpacked, and then headed to the Owens to check out the venue for the Friday night reading. I was assured everything was under control. Off to Mel's Diner for lunch (cheeseburger, fries with gravy, and an extra-thick chocolate shake for $8!) and then back to my room for a little lie down before going to dinner. I didn't really sleep. Drifted through bits and pieces of soap operas, talk shows and music videos for an hour or so. Heard many sirens, and then got ready to go for dinner.
Dinner was marvelous as always! Lasagna, tossed salad, red wine, frozen yogurt, and coffee. Great conversation. Reconnecting with old friends. After dinner a few of us went to the Bridge Street Cafe Open Mic (mostly for musicians, but the organizer had also invited us to read). So much musical talent! Lots of young people. I read my wading the river piece. I need to get to a point where I can read that piece without cracking. Not sure how to do that. Many young boys squirming in their seats through that one. Perhaps brave of me to do. Perhaps stupid. But what is done is done. Bygones. My friends left before me. I stayed until the end to pick up audio equipment for the banquet Saturday night. Arrived back at the Inn around 11pm, watched some tv. The bed was super comfortable, but nevertheless I woke every 15-20 minutes throughout the night to check the clock. Finally, I gave up at 4:45 am. Got up, watched reruns of the previous night's news shows on CBC, showered, dressed, was ready to meet the day, go to breakfast by 6 am. Then I realized the dining room didn't open until 7 am. Watched more tv and waited. Went over at 7:05 but was locked out of the Inn until 7:10'ish and then I settled into the parlour to read until nearly 7:30 before the dining room opened. That was okay. I'm assuming they aren't used to having such early risers on a weekday in the off-season. And certainly I was in no hurry. I had no plans.
Back to the room and chilling out in front of the boob tube. I did intend to take full advantage of having cable tv, but other than Much Music, watched mostly CBC (which I totally have at home). Lunch with friends and fellow writers at the Marshland. Then off to the Owens again to check out the venue with others and see the displays as other writerly types started to arrive and check in. It snowed for a few hours, then changed to rain for an hour or so, then cleared right off. But apparently in Miramichi there was no clearing and that kept my roomies from arriving on Friday when they were supposed to come. Though the weather in Sackville was much more poorly on Saturday morning than Friday evening.
A clan of New Brunswick writers descended upon The Olive Branch restaurant for dinner Friday evening. Still pretty full from lunch, I just got a small salad and some wine, then a friend and I split the strawberry cheesecake. I'm not talking about New York cheesecake with strawberry topping either! I'm talking strawberry cheesecake! Pink! To die for. Yes, the cheesecake is still very good there.
I wasn't sure what to expect at the Friday night reading/musical event. Never could I have ever imagined it. And I don't know that I can even describe it. You had to be there I guess. I expected more music than sounds. I guess sound is music. The readings were very entertaining. The intermission was haunting and soul stirring. But the grand finale was . . . battering? I don't know how to describe it. It was like I had a tornado in my chest, like my insides were being churned. I started a few feet from the wall, but by the end I needed the wall to stay grounded. Certainly that will never happen again. It can never be repeated. It was literally a once in a lifetime experience. The Owens is a good venue. Great acoustics. I still kinda wish we could have done something in the chapel though, but that's okay.
After the reading, I wanted to just go to Ducky's and have a drink. Someplace quiet. But I couldn't get a crowd up for that. A bunch wanted to go to George's Roadhouse for blues. Remembering the 45 minute guitar riffs and elbow to elbow standing room only experience of bottled domestic beer that Trish and I had on a blues night, it was the last place I wanted to be. So instead a few of us just went back to the Marshland and sat in the parlour for an hour or so enjoying hot chocolate, ginger snaps and in my case, a glass of wine. This was a good way to unwind. Pleasant. I was so sleepy, I didn't say much the whole time there, just listened and laughed and took everything in.
Friday night was another night of waking every 15-20 minutes to look at the clock. In such a comfortable bed, you would think a person would sleep, but I didn't. I lingered around my room until 7:30 Saturday morning before meeting everyone in the dining room for breakfast. Then setting up for the morning. Then the AGM itself, which went very well. I found my roomies in the lobby on the morning coffee break after the meeting, got them set up in the room and registered for the event. Then it was workshop time.
Kent Stetson's drama workshop was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant! I want to take one of his longer more intensive workshops. It was fascinating to learn about his method and to discover the world of playwrighting from a different angle. At every AGM there seems to always be one workshop that I really connect with and this was it for me. Last year I didn't take any of the workshops, the year before it was Gerard Beirne's workshop. The year before that it would have been Magie Dominic's. These are workshops that stay with you, that you always remember and retain, that you incorporate into your work style. Sometimes it comes from a personal rapport and connection with the workshop leader, sometimes it's strictly based on what you learn. Kent's was both for me. I learned so much! I've been so inspired! And I immediately felt at ease and connected with him on a personal level. He's a wonderful human being on top of being brilliant. If you get the chance, if you ever have the opportunity, if you have any interest in writing or drama in particular, workshop with Kent and you won't be disappointed.
A bunch of people lunched at the Marshland, but after two days I was ready for a change, so we went to Patterson's Family Restaurant out by the TCH for some good old fashioned chicken fingers and fries! Well, not everyone had this, but I did. Then a stop over at the liquor store and Co-Op for supplies. And back for the afternoon workshop with J.J. Steinfeld. J.J. had also arrived on Thursday so I had the pleasure of hanging out with him a lot before the workshop happened. He's an entertaining funny sort of guy with many stories to tell. In his workshop participants attempted to write a short story together. It was an interesting process where we ended up with a whole lot of loose ends and not much tied up. It seemed everyone wanted to heighten the tension rather than fill in any of the blanks already alluded to. Looking around the room you could see how upset some participants were getting when sentence after sentence brought out new ideas, rather than developed upon the idea they had already put out there. That was interesting. I've often wondered about collaborative writing, and how it ever happens, because as writers we are so personally connected to our words. It is a different breed of writer that embraces the more collaborative genres like screenplays, methinks. That exercise ended with a total break-down, nobody wanted to finish, unless they could do it on their own terms, individually. Very interesting. My favourite exercise was the three sentence one, where J.J. gave an opening line, a participant gave a second line to build upon it and a third person gave the final line to close the story. That was a lot of fun to see and participate in. It's always interesting when you get a room full of writers at different stages of their careers, who write different genres.
I had promised myself I wouldn't spend money on books this trip, I need to finish all the books I already own first . . . but that went out the window. After hearing J.J. read on Friday evening I had to get a full collection of short stories and two chapbooks of short shorts. He signed them for me on Saturday afternoon before he and his lovely partner, Brenda, departed for PEI.
Back to the room for drinks and decompressing and preparation for the literary awards banquet. The meal was amazing! Like seriously, amazing! Should I ever have occasion for a banquet (a wedding? a birthday? retirement? something?) I will seriously consider making everyone trek to Sackville and take over the Marshland for at least a day and a night to enjoy the hospitality and great food. I had the roast beef with whipped potatoes and Yorkshire pudding. Not because I particularly like roast beef, but because I didn't particularly want salmon (which would require a white wine and also induce sleepiness) or asparagus crepes. Going into the banquet I would've much preferred the pork dish I've had at Marshland's before and enjoyed immensely. But lo and behold, I am now a beef convert! The dinner was amazing! The appetizer salad with poppyseed dressing was to die for, and frigging huge! The main course was also to die for . . . and frigging huge! Everyone at my table had the chocolate dessert except me. I had the mandarin orange cheesecake. Again to die for! Perfection! What a meal! Hat's off to the chef. Truly a memorable meal.
Following the food, came the presentation of awards and readings by the winners of the WFNB's annual literary competition. A fine selection of readers. A few years ago the WFNB opened their annual competition up to entries across Canada, in keeping with what most groups across the country do, and it's wonderful to see how many of the winners are New Brunswickers in this now national competition. NB'ers are writing! And they're writing good stuff! It's particularly wonderful to see and hear from our young writers like Katherine Standen, who tied for second for the Sheree Fitch Prize for fiction. Before the readings started, Marilyn, madame president, presented me with a gift of a very nice bottle of wine and a wonderful gift certificate. I didn't feel like I deserved this, I didn't do that much, but it was lovely of them to think of me. Thankfully I did not open the bag, see the contents, read the card, during the banquet, because I would've been bawling. I nearly was, as it was. And I had the responsibility of mic adjusting, so that wouldn't have been cool.
All in all it was a great evening. My roomies were exhausted though, so we didn't go out for the usual drinks or partying afterward. Perhaps nobody gathered to talk writing and literature into the wee hours of the morning, I'm not sure. We retreated to our room for an hour or so of drinks and tarot readings. And were all tucked in quite early. Where I continued to check the clock every 15-20 minutes, this time waking my sister every time because she opted to sleep between me and the digital, so I had to sit up and peep over her to see the numbers. She may regret not choosing the claustrophobic next to the wall spot.
Slept late and went to breakfast late on Sunday. I had the eggs benedict and then emceed our final event, the open mic readings. This is where everyone has a chance to share their work and it's always a highlight of the weekend. Such a great turn-out! We had about 14 readers and at least as many spectators. We went round the room once, but opted not to go round again as many people (including me) had to get on the road to travel back to the real world. I read why I hate New Year's Eve, and probably went a little long, it's hard to time yourself, but I was last, so I don't think it mattered that much.
All in all, it was a great few days, a successful WFNB event, and I'm already churning around ideas for what we can do in Miramichi next year to top this year's event.
Mood: happy
Drinking: water
Listening To: water running for the washer upstairs
Hair: still headbanded
The train was on time. I had a watered down coffee and a Kit Kat for breakfast, spent most of the ride in a half-sleepy drowsy state trying to figure out sudoku puzzles in the VIA magazine. Even the simplest one seemed impossible to figure out. Brain fuzz. Squires Courtesy Cab picked me up at the train station and dropped me at the Marshland, the first to arrive. My room in the carriage house was cold because nobody had been out there since the weekend, but had its own thermostat so I cranked the heat, unpacked, and then headed to the Owens to check out the venue for the Friday night reading. I was assured everything was under control. Off to Mel's Diner for lunch (cheeseburger, fries with gravy, and an extra-thick chocolate shake for $8!) and then back to my room for a little lie down before going to dinner. I didn't really sleep. Drifted through bits and pieces of soap operas, talk shows and music videos for an hour or so. Heard many sirens, and then got ready to go for dinner.
Dinner was marvelous as always! Lasagna, tossed salad, red wine, frozen yogurt, and coffee. Great conversation. Reconnecting with old friends. After dinner a few of us went to the Bridge Street Cafe Open Mic (mostly for musicians, but the organizer had also invited us to read). So much musical talent! Lots of young people. I read my wading the river piece. I need to get to a point where I can read that piece without cracking. Not sure how to do that. Many young boys squirming in their seats through that one. Perhaps brave of me to do. Perhaps stupid. But what is done is done. Bygones. My friends left before me. I stayed until the end to pick up audio equipment for the banquet Saturday night. Arrived back at the Inn around 11pm, watched some tv. The bed was super comfortable, but nevertheless I woke every 15-20 minutes throughout the night to check the clock. Finally, I gave up at 4:45 am. Got up, watched reruns of the previous night's news shows on CBC, showered, dressed, was ready to meet the day, go to breakfast by 6 am. Then I realized the dining room didn't open until 7 am. Watched more tv and waited. Went over at 7:05 but was locked out of the Inn until 7:10'ish and then I settled into the parlour to read until nearly 7:30 before the dining room opened. That was okay. I'm assuming they aren't used to having such early risers on a weekday in the off-season. And certainly I was in no hurry. I had no plans.
Back to the room and chilling out in front of the boob tube. I did intend to take full advantage of having cable tv, but other than Much Music, watched mostly CBC (which I totally have at home). Lunch with friends and fellow writers at the Marshland. Then off to the Owens again to check out the venue with others and see the displays as other writerly types started to arrive and check in. It snowed for a few hours, then changed to rain for an hour or so, then cleared right off. But apparently in Miramichi there was no clearing and that kept my roomies from arriving on Friday when they were supposed to come. Though the weather in Sackville was much more poorly on Saturday morning than Friday evening.
A clan of New Brunswick writers descended upon The Olive Branch restaurant for dinner Friday evening. Still pretty full from lunch, I just got a small salad and some wine, then a friend and I split the strawberry cheesecake. I'm not talking about New York cheesecake with strawberry topping either! I'm talking strawberry cheesecake! Pink! To die for. Yes, the cheesecake is still very good there.
I wasn't sure what to expect at the Friday night reading/musical event. Never could I have ever imagined it. And I don't know that I can even describe it. You had to be there I guess. I expected more music than sounds. I guess sound is music. The readings were very entertaining. The intermission was haunting and soul stirring. But the grand finale was . . . battering? I don't know how to describe it. It was like I had a tornado in my chest, like my insides were being churned. I started a few feet from the wall, but by the end I needed the wall to stay grounded. Certainly that will never happen again. It can never be repeated. It was literally a once in a lifetime experience. The Owens is a good venue. Great acoustics. I still kinda wish we could have done something in the chapel though, but that's okay.
After the reading, I wanted to just go to Ducky's and have a drink. Someplace quiet. But I couldn't get a crowd up for that. A bunch wanted to go to George's Roadhouse for blues. Remembering the 45 minute guitar riffs and elbow to elbow standing room only experience of bottled domestic beer that Trish and I had on a blues night, it was the last place I wanted to be. So instead a few of us just went back to the Marshland and sat in the parlour for an hour or so enjoying hot chocolate, ginger snaps and in my case, a glass of wine. This was a good way to unwind. Pleasant. I was so sleepy, I didn't say much the whole time there, just listened and laughed and took everything in.
Friday night was another night of waking every 15-20 minutes to look at the clock. In such a comfortable bed, you would think a person would sleep, but I didn't. I lingered around my room until 7:30 Saturday morning before meeting everyone in the dining room for breakfast. Then setting up for the morning. Then the AGM itself, which went very well. I found my roomies in the lobby on the morning coffee break after the meeting, got them set up in the room and registered for the event. Then it was workshop time.
Kent Stetson's drama workshop was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant! I want to take one of his longer more intensive workshops. It was fascinating to learn about his method and to discover the world of playwrighting from a different angle. At every AGM there seems to always be one workshop that I really connect with and this was it for me. Last year I didn't take any of the workshops, the year before it was Gerard Beirne's workshop. The year before that it would have been Magie Dominic's. These are workshops that stay with you, that you always remember and retain, that you incorporate into your work style. Sometimes it comes from a personal rapport and connection with the workshop leader, sometimes it's strictly based on what you learn. Kent's was both for me. I learned so much! I've been so inspired! And I immediately felt at ease and connected with him on a personal level. He's a wonderful human being on top of being brilliant. If you get the chance, if you ever have the opportunity, if you have any interest in writing or drama in particular, workshop with Kent and you won't be disappointed.
A bunch of people lunched at the Marshland, but after two days I was ready for a change, so we went to Patterson's Family Restaurant out by the TCH for some good old fashioned chicken fingers and fries! Well, not everyone had this, but I did. Then a stop over at the liquor store and Co-Op for supplies. And back for the afternoon workshop with J.J. Steinfeld. J.J. had also arrived on Thursday so I had the pleasure of hanging out with him a lot before the workshop happened. He's an entertaining funny sort of guy with many stories to tell. In his workshop participants attempted to write a short story together. It was an interesting process where we ended up with a whole lot of loose ends and not much tied up. It seemed everyone wanted to heighten the tension rather than fill in any of the blanks already alluded to. Looking around the room you could see how upset some participants were getting when sentence after sentence brought out new ideas, rather than developed upon the idea they had already put out there. That was interesting. I've often wondered about collaborative writing, and how it ever happens, because as writers we are so personally connected to our words. It is a different breed of writer that embraces the more collaborative genres like screenplays, methinks. That exercise ended with a total break-down, nobody wanted to finish, unless they could do it on their own terms, individually. Very interesting. My favourite exercise was the three sentence one, where J.J. gave an opening line, a participant gave a second line to build upon it and a third person gave the final line to close the story. That was a lot of fun to see and participate in. It's always interesting when you get a room full of writers at different stages of their careers, who write different genres.
I had promised myself I wouldn't spend money on books this trip, I need to finish all the books I already own first . . . but that went out the window. After hearing J.J. read on Friday evening I had to get a full collection of short stories and two chapbooks of short shorts. He signed them for me on Saturday afternoon before he and his lovely partner, Brenda, departed for PEI.
Back to the room for drinks and decompressing and preparation for the literary awards banquet. The meal was amazing! Like seriously, amazing! Should I ever have occasion for a banquet (a wedding? a birthday? retirement? something?) I will seriously consider making everyone trek to Sackville and take over the Marshland for at least a day and a night to enjoy the hospitality and great food. I had the roast beef with whipped potatoes and Yorkshire pudding. Not because I particularly like roast beef, but because I didn't particularly want salmon (which would require a white wine and also induce sleepiness) or asparagus crepes. Going into the banquet I would've much preferred the pork dish I've had at Marshland's before and enjoyed immensely. But lo and behold, I am now a beef convert! The dinner was amazing! The appetizer salad with poppyseed dressing was to die for, and frigging huge! The main course was also to die for . . . and frigging huge! Everyone at my table had the chocolate dessert except me. I had the mandarin orange cheesecake. Again to die for! Perfection! What a meal! Hat's off to the chef. Truly a memorable meal.
Following the food, came the presentation of awards and readings by the winners of the WFNB's annual literary competition. A fine selection of readers. A few years ago the WFNB opened their annual competition up to entries across Canada, in keeping with what most groups across the country do, and it's wonderful to see how many of the winners are New Brunswickers in this now national competition. NB'ers are writing! And they're writing good stuff! It's particularly wonderful to see and hear from our young writers like Katherine Standen, who tied for second for the Sheree Fitch Prize for fiction. Before the readings started, Marilyn, madame president, presented me with a gift of a very nice bottle of wine and a wonderful gift certificate. I didn't feel like I deserved this, I didn't do that much, but it was lovely of them to think of me. Thankfully I did not open the bag, see the contents, read the card, during the banquet, because I would've been bawling. I nearly was, as it was. And I had the responsibility of mic adjusting, so that wouldn't have been cool.
All in all it was a great evening. My roomies were exhausted though, so we didn't go out for the usual drinks or partying afterward. Perhaps nobody gathered to talk writing and literature into the wee hours of the morning, I'm not sure. We retreated to our room for an hour or so of drinks and tarot readings. And were all tucked in quite early. Where I continued to check the clock every 15-20 minutes, this time waking my sister every time because she opted to sleep between me and the digital, so I had to sit up and peep over her to see the numbers. She may regret not choosing the claustrophobic next to the wall spot.
Slept late and went to breakfast late on Sunday. I had the eggs benedict and then emceed our final event, the open mic readings. This is where everyone has a chance to share their work and it's always a highlight of the weekend. Such a great turn-out! We had about 14 readers and at least as many spectators. We went round the room once, but opted not to go round again as many people (including me) had to get on the road to travel back to the real world. I read why I hate New Year's Eve, and probably went a little long, it's hard to time yourself, but I was last, so I don't think it mattered that much.
All in all, it was a great few days, a successful WFNB event, and I'm already churning around ideas for what we can do in Miramichi next year to top this year's event.
Mood: happy
Drinking: water
Listening To: water running for the washer upstairs
Hair: still headbanded
The First Supper
I moved exactly 2 months and 1 week ago today. And yesterday I had my first supper in my new apartment. Yes, there have been meals here. I even had my brother and his girlfriend over for a birthday supper celebration. But even that wasn't a "real" supper (a Maple Leaf fully cooked microwaveable roast). I haven't been cooking. I've been eating crazy stuff like french fries and Kraft Dinner and cans of spaghetti. Beggars truly cannot be choosers. But after 2 months and a lovely gift certificate from the WFNB things are turning around on the food front.
Yesterday, I went grocery shopping! With a cart and everything! I couldn't get much meat, unfortunately there didn't seem to be many good deals and I'm only willing to splurge on certain items. But I did get yogurt, pomegranate/cranberry juice, rooibos tea, Viennese coffee beans, oatmeal, chick peas, olive oil, albacore tuna, Frank's Red Hot sauce, jerk sauce, bottled water, whole wheat kaiser rolls, broccoli, snow peas, garlic, mushrooms, almonds, green peppers, red peppers, grape tomatoes, bananas, green onions, hummus, grated Parmesan cheese, Ryvta Crispbread, whole wheat pitas, a loaf of dark rye bread, eggs, a big container of the President's Choice field greens salad that I love, chicken wings, a roast beef, kidney beans, a whole bunch of cleaning supplies, and even more. Nearly $200 worth and finally I am in heaven! Or at least a place where I feel that I can begin to eat regular healthy meals again and start taking my vitamins and drinking water and get physically back on track.
Last night I dined on chicken wings smothered in Frank's (too spicy for the average bird, a little dab will do ya, but I love it!), a side salad in raspberry vinegarette, slices of dark rye to keep the spicy in check, and a glass of French red wine (also courtesy the WFNB, thank you!) It was like I was finally home. Not that I've felt dislocated or not at home, but the lack of fresh greens in my lifestyle has been kinda devastating.
This morning I started my day with a banana, rye toast with peanut butter, and a cup of Viennese coffee (freshly ground), followed by a slew of vitamins and supplements and a big glass of water. I'm gonna have lunch! And supper! And maybe a snack or two throughout the day. Now, it's like, "Ok, I can start walking again, I can start exercising. I can get back on track."
Mood: pdh (pretty damn happy)
Drinking: coffee & water
Listening To: the train whistle (perhaps late from Monteal)
Hair: in a headband
Yesterday, I went grocery shopping! With a cart and everything! I couldn't get much meat, unfortunately there didn't seem to be many good deals and I'm only willing to splurge on certain items. But I did get yogurt, pomegranate/cranberry juice, rooibos tea, Viennese coffee beans, oatmeal, chick peas, olive oil, albacore tuna, Frank's Red Hot sauce, jerk sauce, bottled water, whole wheat kaiser rolls, broccoli, snow peas, garlic, mushrooms, almonds, green peppers, red peppers, grape tomatoes, bananas, green onions, hummus, grated Parmesan cheese, Ryvta Crispbread, whole wheat pitas, a loaf of dark rye bread, eggs, a big container of the President's Choice field greens salad that I love, chicken wings, a roast beef, kidney beans, a whole bunch of cleaning supplies, and even more. Nearly $200 worth and finally I am in heaven! Or at least a place where I feel that I can begin to eat regular healthy meals again and start taking my vitamins and drinking water and get physically back on track.
Last night I dined on chicken wings smothered in Frank's (too spicy for the average bird, a little dab will do ya, but I love it!), a side salad in raspberry vinegarette, slices of dark rye to keep the spicy in check, and a glass of French red wine (also courtesy the WFNB, thank you!) It was like I was finally home. Not that I've felt dislocated or not at home, but the lack of fresh greens in my lifestyle has been kinda devastating.
This morning I started my day with a banana, rye toast with peanut butter, and a cup of Viennese coffee (freshly ground), followed by a slew of vitamins and supplements and a big glass of water. I'm gonna have lunch! And supper! And maybe a snack or two throughout the day. Now, it's like, "Ok, I can start walking again, I can start exercising. I can get back on track."
Mood: pdh (pretty damn happy)
Drinking: coffee & water
Listening To: the train whistle (perhaps late from Monteal)
Hair: in a headband
Monday, April 16, 2007
Your Time Is Gonna Come
I'm fascinated by the birds outside my window. Huge flocks of ducks, seagulls, black birds, robins, crows, ravens, pigeons, and the occasional eagle. To watch the ducks take to the air as one and swoop into formation as they rise, is an uplifting amazing things. Hundreds of ducks. They look very much like the swarms of bees I remember from Saturday morning cartoon adventures. I watched last night as one flock flew downriver going always higher, higher, and then suddenly veering off course and dropping fast, seeming to reverse and drop into the trees, the flock emerging seconds later having doubled in size. This seems to be the pattern of ducks, they collect more wings the further they go. It's beautiful. Ducks are mad flappers, very little gliding, it seems as soon as their little wings stop they begin to drop like a stone. Meanwhile seagulls sail past my window like kites, effortlessly. They surf the wind majestically, almost regal. Yet very business-like and matter of fact. They drift by in slow-mo right at window level, and give me a look. I imagine if they wore hats they would tip them and say "good day."
The ice broke up while I was away. There are still huge chunks in the water that drift according to the tide. I grew up in the fresh water above the Quarryville Bridge, unaffected by the tide, so living beside tidal water is a new experience for me. As the tide came in last evening I watched as ice floes from Chatham moved upriver in front of my place and beyond. How unusual. My Miramichi, in fresh water, only runs one way. I went to bed early but not before the tide reversed and I watched the ice change course and begin floating out to the bay. This morning I caught the last two or three minutes of high tide coming in, then about a half hour of immobilization, and now it's going out. I suppose this will be less easy to note when there isn't huge chunks of telltale ice skimming the water's surface.
I'm so fascinated by all this activity outside my window that I may have to close the blinds to accomplish any work today.
I'll blog about the trip later.
Mood: dreamy
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: starlight, muse
Hair: look ma! no roots!
The ice broke up while I was away. There are still huge chunks in the water that drift according to the tide. I grew up in the fresh water above the Quarryville Bridge, unaffected by the tide, so living beside tidal water is a new experience for me. As the tide came in last evening I watched as ice floes from Chatham moved upriver in front of my place and beyond. How unusual. My Miramichi, in fresh water, only runs one way. I went to bed early but not before the tide reversed and I watched the ice change course and begin floating out to the bay. This morning I caught the last two or three minutes of high tide coming in, then about a half hour of immobilization, and now it's going out. I suppose this will be less easy to note when there isn't huge chunks of telltale ice skimming the water's surface.
I'm so fascinated by all this activity outside my window that I may have to close the blinds to accomplish any work today.
I'll blog about the trip later.
Mood: dreamy
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: starlight, muse
Hair: look ma! no roots!
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Another Great Day!
When my alarm rang at 5 this morning, I didn't know what was going on. All confused. Took a good 10 minutes to become alert enough to remember that today I go to Sackville for WFNB AGM weekend. Yes, that's today! Already. And I'm not ready. So much to do. No way to do it once I leave. So, trying to get stuff done, right now!
Yesterday's Tabu excursion was good. BnM is selling out down there, waiting lists at some places. Everyone we met had seen it somewhere, knew of it. This is good.
High tide took out some ice in front of my place yesterday (while I was gone, of course). There was a massive high tide yesterday it seemed. We were on the docks at the wharf in Tabusintac, the wind rocking the van. It felt like the wind was so powerful that if it just got the right hold on the van I would've been picked up or at least toppled over and gone into the water, the very high tide water. I didn't like that much. I am so much more the fresh water river girl, Quarryville Bridge and up is more my speed. So this morning the whole middle of the river seems to have open water (actually more like a thin ice that will dissipate with the sunrise), but I don't know that the ice isn't still under there. There's no running, no ice flowing. Too bad I missed whatever happened yesterday :-( I'll likely return from Sackville to a full flowing river.
Oh well, off to the races. No blogging from Sackville. All the details upon my return.
Mood: pretty good
Drinking: coffee, with cream, and a big ole glass of water
Listening To: crows cawing!
Hair: total bed head
Yesterday's Tabu excursion was good. BnM is selling out down there, waiting lists at some places. Everyone we met had seen it somewhere, knew of it. This is good.
High tide took out some ice in front of my place yesterday (while I was gone, of course). There was a massive high tide yesterday it seemed. We were on the docks at the wharf in Tabusintac, the wind rocking the van. It felt like the wind was so powerful that if it just got the right hold on the van I would've been picked up or at least toppled over and gone into the water, the very high tide water. I didn't like that much. I am so much more the fresh water river girl, Quarryville Bridge and up is more my speed. So this morning the whole middle of the river seems to have open water (actually more like a thin ice that will dissipate with the sunrise), but I don't know that the ice isn't still under there. There's no running, no ice flowing. Too bad I missed whatever happened yesterday :-( I'll likely return from Sackville to a full flowing river.
Oh well, off to the races. No blogging from Sackville. All the details upon my return.
Mood: pretty good
Drinking: coffee, with cream, and a big ole glass of water
Listening To: crows cawing!
Hair: total bed head
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Tabu
Heading downriver today. Road trip, other side of the bay. I have been before but not recently. It's been a few years. This story is taking me all over. I will even be going to the Miramichi Country Music Opry some Saturday night soon'ish. That should be interesting. Perhaps I'll get in touch with my country roots . . . Last night I quickly did a brief search for hotel rooms in Moncton during Frye Fest. This could be tricky it seems. The usual suspects are showing no vacancy. Need to work this out. There is still a part of me that wants to blow off Frye for financial reasons. It's not a very financially responsible decision to go and stay for almost a week in a hotel, even if I do have a press pass. Have to see what I can work out.
Off to the races!
Mood: awake
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: birds singing!!
Hair: reverse bobbed
Off to the races!
Mood: awake
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: birds singing!!
Hair: reverse bobbed
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Saved
Today's my Quit Anniversary!
Your Quit Date is: Friday, May 10, 2002 at 12:30:00 PM
Time Smoke-Free: 1795 days, 18 hours, 27 minutes and 10 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 44894
Lifetime Saved: 11 months, 12 days, 22 hours
Money Saved: $17,960.00
I have added nearly a year to my life and saved close to $18,000! That always blows my mind. Can you imagine how poor and sickly I'd be if I hadn't quit? It's pretty crazy.
Had a pretty good weekend. Saturday was a split of work and hanging out, some shopping. Who frigging knew Easter Saturday was one of the biggest retail days of the year?! That is retarded. Like seriously. The Bunny is hardly Santa Claus.
I exercised tremendous shopping restraint in the chocolate aisle at Zeller's and later in the grocery store. I left the house with ten bucks (in quarters, lol) in my wallet. That took me through the Chatham Farmer's Market (raffle tickets, breakfast, coffee) and down the street to Dickson's where I got the weekend Moncton paper with the Frye Fest special pull-out. I knew I had $29 in my bank account, so I withdrew the $20, which got me lunch at the Bull & Lyre. Nachos! Yummy! Debited my $8.16 bottle of Easter wine on the way home (up by 40 cents!) Still have a five in my wallet, and three loonies and a bunch of quarters that I dumped into the laundry bucket. I needed shampoo and steel wool. Longed for some other things. But it's pointless to buy some perishable food items when I'm going to be out a lot today, all day tomorrow, and then completely gone from Thursday to Sunday. They'd just spoil. And I could've had chocolate treats OR wine, and I went with the wine. I got to Mom's and low and behold she had both shampoo and steel wool, in abundance, or in the case of the shampoo, put away from forever ago and likely never to be used by her. Let's hope it's still okay. So, overall I done good!
Anyway, there's a point to this little ramble about the weekend's expenditures . . . did you pick up on it?
You can kind of divide my financial existence into two eras: pre and post Bon Jovi. In January 2006, I went to Toronto and took in a concert. That was the last of the "price be damned!" spending. I knew that going into the trip. The idea was to have a good time, do everything I wanted, buy anything I wanted, eat wherever I wanted, have a drink everywhere I always wanted, and not worry or even think about the cost. One last blow-out before I settled down into the Year of the Dollar and financial responsibility.
Pre-Bon Jovi in 2005 I went everywhere and did everything and if I didn't have the cash I just put it on a credit card. In 2005, I made numerous trips to Moncton and Fredericton and Miramichi and Sussex and all over. I attended the WFNB AGM, Frye Fest, the Maritime Writer's Workshop, the CPA AGM, every writing workshop that happened, wine and whiskey festivals, wellness expos, giant yard sales, trade shows, rock concerts . . . I stayed in many hotels, ate much room service, drank a lot of wine (A LOT!), dined in restaurants all over the province, purchased new clothes and shoes on a regular basis to attend events, bought a lot of books and dvds, fan club memberships . . . in short, I spent way more than I earned, and I never worried about having enough money or not being able to buy something.
Post-Bon Jovi in February 2006 I started learning about financial responsibility. I stopped using my debit card for purchases because I found I would lose track and overspend. I stopped using my credit card, except in situations where a credit card was required, and I started to pay the minimum + my current purchases + $50 every month, in an effort to bring the balance down. I opened a high interest savings account. I started to pay attention to how much things cost and how much money I was spending. This was a good start, I definitely made some progress toward developing better habits. A huge shift in attitude happened.
Fast forward to this February's rent/move financial devastation, the last push into full-blown financial responsibility. Ready or not, I was forced into tightening the purse strings even tighter (the tightest!) and finding creative ways to just exist, to just pay the bills, with very little luxury or pleasure or even groceries. Anything extra came at a cost to something necessary and I was forced to really think about what's important and what I can do without and what makes me happy and what makes me absolutely miserable to live without. Tough times indeed for the girl who in 2005 went everywhere, did everything, and bought whatever the hell she wanted whenever she wanted it. Major adjustment.
So, enter Easter weekend, an excursion with friends, working, shopping, eating. I didn't even realize it in the moment, it didn't occur to me until later when I was telling Mom where we went and what we did . . . I knew exactly how much money I had to spend at any given moment. I knew I wasn't going to use my credit card for any purchase, that I didn't need anything THAT much. I knew how much cash I had at my disposal in the bank, and in my wallet. I knew how much things cost and what would be left if I bought something. I knew what purchases would bring me the most pleasure and what I could do without. I knew unconsciously, subconsciously, consciously . . . I just knew. And I still know. And tomorrow I will also know. This is huge for me! It mightn't seem like much to others, but I feel like I've evolved to the next level or something. It's the automatic-ness of it all. I'm doing math in my head! Without struggle, without even realizing that I'm doing it. And I no longer feel like I'm depriving myself. That was a big thing for me. The feeling of going without, of not having enough.
But here's the thing, I still have access to money on my credit card. I'm not anywhere near my limit. If I really, truly, honestly, life or death, NEED something, I can get it. It's just, that's how I view credit card spending now, only for emergency, only for necessity. If I don't have any food in the house and no cash, I'm going to go get some. If the rent is due and I can't pay it, I'm going to pay it. If the hydro's about to be cut off, I'll pay it. But I'm okay, I've got all these things covered. I'm not going without, I do have enough. And February & March were hard months, and April is an insane financial strain, but I'm going to get through. I got the lesson.
Mood: happy
Drinking: coffee, with cream
Listening To: someone's tv inaudible drone
Hair: changing . . . TODAY!
Your Quit Date is: Friday, May 10, 2002 at 12:30:00 PM
Time Smoke-Free: 1795 days, 18 hours, 27 minutes and 10 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 44894
Lifetime Saved: 11 months, 12 days, 22 hours
Money Saved: $17,960.00
I have added nearly a year to my life and saved close to $18,000! That always blows my mind. Can you imagine how poor and sickly I'd be if I hadn't quit? It's pretty crazy.
Had a pretty good weekend. Saturday was a split of work and hanging out, some shopping. Who frigging knew Easter Saturday was one of the biggest retail days of the year?! That is retarded. Like seriously. The Bunny is hardly Santa Claus.
I exercised tremendous shopping restraint in the chocolate aisle at Zeller's and later in the grocery store. I left the house with ten bucks (in quarters, lol) in my wallet. That took me through the Chatham Farmer's Market (raffle tickets, breakfast, coffee) and down the street to Dickson's where I got the weekend Moncton paper with the Frye Fest special pull-out. I knew I had $29 in my bank account, so I withdrew the $20, which got me lunch at the Bull & Lyre. Nachos! Yummy! Debited my $8.16 bottle of Easter wine on the way home (up by 40 cents!) Still have a five in my wallet, and three loonies and a bunch of quarters that I dumped into the laundry bucket. I needed shampoo and steel wool. Longed for some other things. But it's pointless to buy some perishable food items when I'm going to be out a lot today, all day tomorrow, and then completely gone from Thursday to Sunday. They'd just spoil. And I could've had chocolate treats OR wine, and I went with the wine. I got to Mom's and low and behold she had both shampoo and steel wool, in abundance, or in the case of the shampoo, put away from forever ago and likely never to be used by her. Let's hope it's still okay. So, overall I done good!
Anyway, there's a point to this little ramble about the weekend's expenditures . . . did you pick up on it?
You can kind of divide my financial existence into two eras: pre and post Bon Jovi. In January 2006, I went to Toronto and took in a concert. That was the last of the "price be damned!" spending. I knew that going into the trip. The idea was to have a good time, do everything I wanted, buy anything I wanted, eat wherever I wanted, have a drink everywhere I always wanted, and not worry or even think about the cost. One last blow-out before I settled down into the Year of the Dollar and financial responsibility.
Pre-Bon Jovi in 2005 I went everywhere and did everything and if I didn't have the cash I just put it on a credit card. In 2005, I made numerous trips to Moncton and Fredericton and Miramichi and Sussex and all over. I attended the WFNB AGM, Frye Fest, the Maritime Writer's Workshop, the CPA AGM, every writing workshop that happened, wine and whiskey festivals, wellness expos, giant yard sales, trade shows, rock concerts . . . I stayed in many hotels, ate much room service, drank a lot of wine (A LOT!), dined in restaurants all over the province, purchased new clothes and shoes on a regular basis to attend events, bought a lot of books and dvds, fan club memberships . . . in short, I spent way more than I earned, and I never worried about having enough money or not being able to buy something.
Post-Bon Jovi in February 2006 I started learning about financial responsibility. I stopped using my debit card for purchases because I found I would lose track and overspend. I stopped using my credit card, except in situations where a credit card was required, and I started to pay the minimum + my current purchases + $50 every month, in an effort to bring the balance down. I opened a high interest savings account. I started to pay attention to how much things cost and how much money I was spending. This was a good start, I definitely made some progress toward developing better habits. A huge shift in attitude happened.
Fast forward to this February's rent/move financial devastation, the last push into full-blown financial responsibility. Ready or not, I was forced into tightening the purse strings even tighter (the tightest!) and finding creative ways to just exist, to just pay the bills, with very little luxury or pleasure or even groceries. Anything extra came at a cost to something necessary and I was forced to really think about what's important and what I can do without and what makes me happy and what makes me absolutely miserable to live without. Tough times indeed for the girl who in 2005 went everywhere, did everything, and bought whatever the hell she wanted whenever she wanted it. Major adjustment.
So, enter Easter weekend, an excursion with friends, working, shopping, eating. I didn't even realize it in the moment, it didn't occur to me until later when I was telling Mom where we went and what we did . . . I knew exactly how much money I had to spend at any given moment. I knew I wasn't going to use my credit card for any purchase, that I didn't need anything THAT much. I knew how much cash I had at my disposal in the bank, and in my wallet. I knew how much things cost and what would be left if I bought something. I knew what purchases would bring me the most pleasure and what I could do without. I knew unconsciously, subconsciously, consciously . . . I just knew. And I still know. And tomorrow I will also know. This is huge for me! It mightn't seem like much to others, but I feel like I've evolved to the next level or something. It's the automatic-ness of it all. I'm doing math in my head! Without struggle, without even realizing that I'm doing it. And I no longer feel like I'm depriving myself. That was a big thing for me. The feeling of going without, of not having enough.
But here's the thing, I still have access to money on my credit card. I'm not anywhere near my limit. If I really, truly, honestly, life or death, NEED something, I can get it. It's just, that's how I view credit card spending now, only for emergency, only for necessity. If I don't have any food in the house and no cash, I'm going to go get some. If the rent is due and I can't pay it, I'm going to pay it. If the hydro's about to be cut off, I'll pay it. But I'm okay, I've got all these things covered. I'm not going without, I do have enough. And February & March were hard months, and April is an insane financial strain, but I'm going to get through. I got the lesson.
Mood: happy
Drinking: coffee, with cream
Listening To: someone's tv inaudible drone
Hair: changing . . . TODAY!
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Domesticated Redundance
Up before the birds again this morning. I like getting up early. This realization freaks me out somewhat. Because I love staying up late too. I've seen dawn come more times in the past couple of months since the move than I have in all the rest of my life put together. I mean actual dawn on a night's rest. For a lot of years I saw it from the back end coming in. So this is a big change for me. And I like it.
So today I'm up early cuz we've got a big day planned. I'm being picked up around 9:30 and heading to the Chatham Farmer's Market where I will have the best breakfast (and the best deal on breakfast) that you can get anywhere around. Then we'll idle around downtown Chatham shopping and snacking (can you say Napan Bakery?!) until noonish when I'll finally darken the doors of the new Irish pub and meet somebody for a story interview. Then off to the office for a brief bnm meeting (postponed from yesterday) and then . . . who knows?! I know there will be supper. I've heard some mall rumors. Certainly we'll have fun. And then I'm off to Barny for easter with the one true love of my life-- the Nickmeister! I haven't seen him in ages. Poor guy stayed up late sitting in the window waiting for me to come last weekend, and then I didn't.
Oh well, daylight's here. Off to the races!
Mood: like the energizer bunny
Drinking: cafe
Listening To: just me
Hair: really high off my forehead, not quite the martin short cowlick, but . . .
So today I'm up early cuz we've got a big day planned. I'm being picked up around 9:30 and heading to the Chatham Farmer's Market where I will have the best breakfast (and the best deal on breakfast) that you can get anywhere around. Then we'll idle around downtown Chatham shopping and snacking (can you say Napan Bakery?!) until noonish when I'll finally darken the doors of the new Irish pub and meet somebody for a story interview. Then off to the office for a brief bnm meeting (postponed from yesterday) and then . . . who knows?! I know there will be supper. I've heard some mall rumors. Certainly we'll have fun. And then I'm off to Barny for easter with the one true love of my life-- the Nickmeister! I haven't seen him in ages. Poor guy stayed up late sitting in the window waiting for me to come last weekend, and then I didn't.
Oh well, daylight's here. Off to the races!
Mood: like the energizer bunny
Drinking: cafe
Listening To: just me
Hair: really high off my forehead, not quite the martin short cowlick, but . . .
Friday, April 06, 2007
Did I Just Hear a Dog Bark?
And because my meeting got cancelled and I refuse to clean up . . . a meme for the k!
Your Name: kellie
Famous Artist/Band/Musician: killers
A song: kilroy was here (oops! that's an album) king of pain
4 letter word: kept
Color: khaki
Gifts/present: keyboard
Vehicle: k-car
Animal: kangaroo
TV Show: king of kensington
Location: kansas
Boy Name: kenneth
Girl Name: kendra
Drink: kool-aid
Occupation: killer
Sport: kick boxing
Flower: king's cups
Celebrity: kevin smith
Food: kidney beans
Something found in a kitchen: knife
Reason for Being Late: kindled romance
Cartoon Character: koopa kid
Something You Shout: kill the bastards!
Store: k-mart
Mood: kilted
Drinking: k
Listening To: kids
Hair: killer
Your Name: kellie
Famous Artist/Band/Musician: killers
A song: kilroy was here (oops! that's an album) king of pain
4 letter word: kept
Color: khaki
Gifts/present: keyboard
Vehicle: k-car
Animal: kangaroo
TV Show: king of kensington
Location: kansas
Boy Name: kenneth
Girl Name: kendra
Drink: kool-aid
Occupation: killer
Sport: kick boxing
Flower: king's cups
Celebrity: kevin smith
Food: kidney beans
Something found in a kitchen: knife
Reason for Being Late: kindled romance
Cartoon Character: koopa kid
Something You Shout: kill the bastards!
Store: k-mart
Mood: kilted
Drinking: k
Listening To: kids
Hair: killer
Good Day
Good day, eh. I loved Bob & Doug, loved SCTV. Crazy legs! Remember him? Cracked me up every time. I was what? 12?
So, today is Good Friday. Happy long weekend! It is not a holiday for me. No rest for the mighty, you know. I've got a bnm meeting this afternoon. Not the whole crew but key players for a special section in June. The meeting will focus on that, not the entire edition. A holiday is a good time to have a meeting because sales people have no clients to see that day anyway. Others can rely on their spouses to watch the kids. And then there are those of us who never know what day is a holiday and what day isn't anyway, because we generally work right through them.
Up semi-early this morning to get prepped. Am writing big story, and will throw some pages on the table today for feedback. It's going to be interesting. This one is a real challenge to write. This next issue is going to be something else! Kind of exciting.
Tomorrow I'm interviewing someone for another story. An interesting young woman who's got some important stuff coming up. Then some friends and I are going wandering, see where we end up, what we find to do. That's always fun. And then I'm going to Barnettville for Easter. Two kids have already promised to share some chocolate, perhaps I can twist a few more arms to get some more. Such a chocolate craving going on this week! So unlike me. Mom is going to have a big supper too, I think. She was leaning toward pork roast last we spoke. That would be lovely.
I got my train ticket to Sackville for Thursday. Arrive shortly after lunch. April can be a pain with both the WFNB event and Frye Festival. It's certainly exhausting and a huge drain on a pocketbook that seldom has much to spare. I so wish they would change the festival part of it, the workshops, the readings. Move it to summer or fall. Have the business meeting only in spring. A one day affair, instead of a weekend. I lobbied for that, but it was too big of a change. Too "out there." I understand. Kind of :-) No, really, I do understand that not everyone is as eager to embrace change as I am. I'm a change junkie. Change is good!
But despite the money/timing issues for me personally in having the WFNB weekend in April, I know once I get there I'll have the best time. That's a given. I always do. My creativity will be fed. I'll meet some new and fascinating people. I'll laugh until my face hurts. Enjoy great food and drinks, stay up too late, get up too early, fall into my bed when I return home and not kick for a good 12 hours. Have memories that I'll cherish. I've been to a lot of these events now, all over the province, and that's just the way it is. Every time. You can count on it. So, I'm excited! Party in the Coach House! Woo-hoo! :-)
Mood: awake
Drinking: coffee, cream
Listening To: fridge drone
Hair: development soon . . .
So, today is Good Friday. Happy long weekend! It is not a holiday for me. No rest for the mighty, you know. I've got a bnm meeting this afternoon. Not the whole crew but key players for a special section in June. The meeting will focus on that, not the entire edition. A holiday is a good time to have a meeting because sales people have no clients to see that day anyway. Others can rely on their spouses to watch the kids. And then there are those of us who never know what day is a holiday and what day isn't anyway, because we generally work right through them.
Up semi-early this morning to get prepped. Am writing big story, and will throw some pages on the table today for feedback. It's going to be interesting. This one is a real challenge to write. This next issue is going to be something else! Kind of exciting.
Tomorrow I'm interviewing someone for another story. An interesting young woman who's got some important stuff coming up. Then some friends and I are going wandering, see where we end up, what we find to do. That's always fun. And then I'm going to Barnettville for Easter. Two kids have already promised to share some chocolate, perhaps I can twist a few more arms to get some more. Such a chocolate craving going on this week! So unlike me. Mom is going to have a big supper too, I think. She was leaning toward pork roast last we spoke. That would be lovely.
I got my train ticket to Sackville for Thursday. Arrive shortly after lunch. April can be a pain with both the WFNB event and Frye Festival. It's certainly exhausting and a huge drain on a pocketbook that seldom has much to spare. I so wish they would change the festival part of it, the workshops, the readings. Move it to summer or fall. Have the business meeting only in spring. A one day affair, instead of a weekend. I lobbied for that, but it was too big of a change. Too "out there." I understand. Kind of :-) No, really, I do understand that not everyone is as eager to embrace change as I am. I'm a change junkie. Change is good!
But despite the money/timing issues for me personally in having the WFNB weekend in April, I know once I get there I'll have the best time. That's a given. I always do. My creativity will be fed. I'll meet some new and fascinating people. I'll laugh until my face hurts. Enjoy great food and drinks, stay up too late, get up too early, fall into my bed when I return home and not kick for a good 12 hours. Have memories that I'll cherish. I've been to a lot of these events now, all over the province, and that's just the way it is. Every time. You can count on it. So, I'm excited! Party in the Coach House! Woo-hoo! :-)
Mood: awake
Drinking: coffee, cream
Listening To: fridge drone
Hair: development soon . . .
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Picked Up a Day
Tabu Trip called on account of snow/freezing rain. Whew! It's better to do a road trip on a bright sunshiny day, you feel better about the place, the place feels better about you. And I was starting to super-stress for home time, so this is kind of a blessing. I need to go domestic for a good day here and get back on track. Been WAY too busy with work and writer crap. Have list, will knock 'em off one at a time.
I am enthralled with all the birds outside my window. And they're not even all here yet! I can't wait for things to go green and for actual water to be flowing past my door.
Went to bed early last night and actually got in some sleep before midnight. Slept late too. I woke many times, could have easily got up anytime after 4:30, but I stuck to it until nearly 8. I've been so drug out, I needed a serious battery recharge if I'm going to get through the month without total collapse.
Fuzzy dreams of the past last night. Things that already happened. People no longer in my circle. (Can I get a "Praise Jesus!" on that?) Woke up with a serious case of the "what-ifs" not in any kind of melancholic or regrettable way, but just a pondering. What if I had gone to Alberta? Either time? What if I had married any of the guys who asked? What if I had gotten pregnant when I was 14? Or 19? Or 27? What if I had gone over my head in the river? What if the gun went off? What if I had hit my head just a little bit harder? What if the car ran off the road? . . . Life could have been so different, so many times . . . if I had taken any of those other paths would the road have eventually still brought me back here? That's what I call a philosophical awakening.
Mood: fair to middling
Drinking: coffee, lots and lots of cream
Listening To: upstairs cutie waking & going through his morning routine
Hair: out of my eyes for the moment
I am enthralled with all the birds outside my window. And they're not even all here yet! I can't wait for things to go green and for actual water to be flowing past my door.
Went to bed early last night and actually got in some sleep before midnight. Slept late too. I woke many times, could have easily got up anytime after 4:30, but I stuck to it until nearly 8. I've been so drug out, I needed a serious battery recharge if I'm going to get through the month without total collapse.
Fuzzy dreams of the past last night. Things that already happened. People no longer in my circle. (Can I get a "Praise Jesus!" on that?) Woke up with a serious case of the "what-ifs" not in any kind of melancholic or regrettable way, but just a pondering. What if I had gone to Alberta? Either time? What if I had married any of the guys who asked? What if I had gotten pregnant when I was 14? Or 19? Or 27? What if I had gone over my head in the river? What if the gun went off? What if I had hit my head just a little bit harder? What if the car ran off the road? . . . Life could have been so different, so many times . . . if I had taken any of those other paths would the road have eventually still brought me back here? That's what I call a philosophical awakening.
Mood: fair to middling
Drinking: coffee, lots and lots of cream
Listening To: upstairs cutie waking & going through his morning routine
Hair: out of my eyes for the moment
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Briefly
Great day upriver yesterday in Boiestown, Taxis River, Ludlow, Doaktown, Storeytown, etc. Burned out by the time I got home. And still today. I needed more sleep. Phone woke me up before I was ready. Jolted out of dead sleep all disoriented thinking it was an alarm, that I'd overslept, that I was late, that I had to be ready to go on another road trip. Massive amounts of email cluttering my inbox. Another road trip day tomorrow. Tabu here we come! Meeting prep to be done for Friday. Interviewing on Saturday. Easter Sunday in Barnettville perhaps. Crazy busy week next week too. I get tired just looking at my calendar.
Yesterday I did something to my back. Injured myself. Twisted the wrong way or something. I need a good chiropractic cracking, but who the frig has time or money or energy for that. It's looking like I'll be taking Frye Festival in or on or . . . something, after all.
Starving, must find eats before I can continue. And that's time!
Mood: how does a scurrying mouse feel?
Drinking: coffee (yay! $2.99 at mccloskey's)
Listening To: email pinging into place
Hair: in my eyes, uncombed, sticking every which way
Yesterday I did something to my back. Injured myself. Twisted the wrong way or something. I need a good chiropractic cracking, but who the frig has time or money or energy for that. It's looking like I'll be taking Frye Festival in or on or . . . something, after all.
Starving, must find eats before I can continue. And that's time!
Mood: how does a scurrying mouse feel?
Drinking: coffee (yay! $2.99 at mccloskey's)
Listening To: email pinging into place
Hair: in my eyes, uncombed, sticking every which way
Monday, April 02, 2007
Underneath
Slept late today. I was awake at 7, actually quite alert, contemplating getting up, then I drifted and thoughts turned to dreams. After 10 before my feet hit the floor. Of course nobody could blame me for catching up on some sleep.
Bussed home from Fredericton yesterday morning (saw about 31 deer, one eagle, enroute) 15 minute walk from the station to apartment put me home at 2pm. T called soon after. He had actually been to the station to meet me, but I wasn't expecting anyone and arrived early, so we missed one another. Just called to let me know S would pick me up within the hour to go for final BnM proofing session arising from S's all-day marathon session on Saturday whereby I also contributed editing changes via Skype from Freddy beach all afternoon/into late evening.
I called Mom to tell her I thought I'd come to Barny in the evening to sleep-over with the Nick-meister and watch the Junos. Picked up by 3pm and into the office where the three of us worked until nearly midnight. Needless to say I did not make the sleep-over trip after all.
Exhausting, but good. The issue looks fantastic! We're all happy with it. T and I had an opportunity to sit down and strategize for several hours . . . we're looking at 9 days on the road this month! So April is going to be pretty crazy, insanely busy. Likely to begin tomorrow, though I've no confirmation on that one. Definitely heading to Tabu on Thursday.
I was worried the ice would've broken up while I was gone, but it's still here. Holes showing black water in places just upriver by Vautor's. Crossing the bridge over the Nor'West I saw what looked to be maybe a moose on the ice upriver toward Cassillis. The ice is very thin there, a lot of tributaries are running now (I noticed the Barthomelow in Blackville) so I wondered if it was a moose and if he was in peril and I thought about the moose that sailed downriver on a chunk of ice one spring. There is almost no snow left on the lawn out back, but lots around here still compared with Fredericton, Nashwaak, and even Boiestown and Doaktown.
And now, I am Frank, and Frank must go.
Mood: tired, but optimistic
Drinking: nothing (still living in a world without coffee)
Listening To: makin' sunshine, the trews
Hair: having a make-over next week
Bussed home from Fredericton yesterday morning (saw about 31 deer, one eagle, enroute) 15 minute walk from the station to apartment put me home at 2pm. T called soon after. He had actually been to the station to meet me, but I wasn't expecting anyone and arrived early, so we missed one another. Just called to let me know S would pick me up within the hour to go for final BnM proofing session arising from S's all-day marathon session on Saturday whereby I also contributed editing changes via Skype from Freddy beach all afternoon/into late evening.
I called Mom to tell her I thought I'd come to Barny in the evening to sleep-over with the Nick-meister and watch the Junos. Picked up by 3pm and into the office where the three of us worked until nearly midnight. Needless to say I did not make the sleep-over trip after all.
Exhausting, but good. The issue looks fantastic! We're all happy with it. T and I had an opportunity to sit down and strategize for several hours . . . we're looking at 9 days on the road this month! So April is going to be pretty crazy, insanely busy. Likely to begin tomorrow, though I've no confirmation on that one. Definitely heading to Tabu on Thursday.
I was worried the ice would've broken up while I was gone, but it's still here. Holes showing black water in places just upriver by Vautor's. Crossing the bridge over the Nor'West I saw what looked to be maybe a moose on the ice upriver toward Cassillis. The ice is very thin there, a lot of tributaries are running now (I noticed the Barthomelow in Blackville) so I wondered if it was a moose and if he was in peril and I thought about the moose that sailed downriver on a chunk of ice one spring. There is almost no snow left on the lawn out back, but lots around here still compared with Fredericton, Nashwaak, and even Boiestown and Doaktown.
And now, I am Frank, and Frank must go.
Mood: tired, but optimistic
Drinking: nothing (still living in a world without coffee)
Listening To: makin' sunshine, the trews
Hair: having a make-over next week
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