To Each Her Own Zexy

I have an unnatural obsession with eating . . . and no, I probably don't mean this in the way that you think, though yes, I probably also have it in the way you think.

Do you remember that scene from Grease 2 where Michelle Pfeiffer gets a burger at the diner? She opens the bun and says, "No ketchup!" I love that scene. The way she devours that burger while she's talking . . . When this movie came out I was 13 years old. I had wanted to be a Pink Lady since I was nine and Mom actually let me go to the drive-in with her and Lorraine and Stacy. Mom never let me go anywhere on my own, and she certainly never took me anywhere. This was a first and a last. It was very special. I became obsessed with all things Grease.

I never wanted to be Sandy, because she's not cool until the very end and I wanted to be cool all the time! I wanted to look like Sandy with the big blue eyes and blonde hair, but I wanted to be cool like Rizzo. For me, Stephanie in Grease 2 was the ultimate! A gorgeous blue-eyed blonde Pink Lady who oozed coolness. *Sigh* I so wanted to be her, find my own cool rider and blast off into the sunset.

But back to the unnatural food obsession. I became fixated on many of Michelle Pfeiffer's actions in Grease 2, how she held her head, how she walked, how she opened her eyes, and so on, but mainly I became fixated with her mouth. How she smoked, how she chewed gum, how she smiled, how she chewed her food, how she sucked on her straw, how damn sexy she looked when she talked with her mouth full. Yeah, I'm a little (a lot maybe) nuts, but I just thought that was the sexiest coolest thing ever and from then on I would always wonder what I looked like when I was smoking or chewing, how I looked as I took a bite of a burger. Could I ever hope to look as great as she did?

This started what has turned into a lifelong obsession with . . . I'm not even sure what. The actresses I idolize all have very sensual mouths. Like Angelina Jolie and Scarlett Johansen. I notice the way actresses eat on tv and in movies. I remember those scenes in particular. I am oddly drawn to them. Like Mary Louise Parker in Weeds. She's always got an iced coffee in her hand that she's sipping from. I love that! I love the way her cheeks puff out just before she swallows. Holly Hunter in Saving Grace catching grapes in her mouth or chowing down on Texas omelets is fabulous, but she also smokes like a god damn chimney and I swear I tune in just to watch her inhale. It's almost enough to make me light up again, oh, just one for old time's sake . . .

I'm not turned on by all eating on screen, it's not a cigarette/food thing, it's totally to do with the actress involved. Part of the reason why I can't stand Sandra Bullock is because I find her chewing, drinking, smoking, etc. to be a bit disgusting. It doesn't give me a warm fuzzy feeling like Mary Louise. It doesn't make me sit up straighter and pay full attention so I might emulate later like Michelle Pfeiffer. It's kinda difficult to explain, this strangeness. I seem oddly indifferent to male actors eating, smoking. I could care less. It's only the girls I'm interested in, but it's not a sexual thing. I don't want to jump into the sack with any of them. I just want to be them. It's a strange adoration, idolization, emulation. All these years later and I still want to be Stephanie.

Mood: odd
Drinking: chai
Listening To: someone's tv
Hair: loosely knotted, wispys in my eyes