Best/Worst Day

I love Sunday.

I hate Sunday.

I love waking up Sunday morning, rolling over one eye open to snatch the remote and click on Coronation Street so I catch up on the week's events as I slowly come to full consciousness. I love rushing to the kitchen during commercial breaks to grab coffee and granola bars and then racing back to my cozy bed to snack and caffeinate as British soap opera turns to CBC Sunday Morning with my boy Evan. I love the guilty pleasure of staying in bed until noon and just watching tv.

I love the excitement of a new week begun. I love the anticipation of the known and the unknown. I love the endless possibilities.

I hate that I can't slow down as day turns to night. I hate that I can't shut off my mind and go to sleep. I hate that Sunday night turns to Monday morning and I lie there awake watching the transition. I hate that I'm never rested for my weekly Monday morning meeting. I hate that I'm groggy and foggy all day on Monday.

I don't know how to make it stop.

I love Sunday. I hate Sunday night.

Yesterday was a good day. Went shopping with Mom. I got a new pair of pants. Black cords, though it was the hottest day ever! :-) I also bought an mp3 player. It's for walking. To go with the pedometer. I'm motivated by music. I know that. So, it's a good purchase. I didn't buy a very expensive one, it's not an ipod or anything, but I like it.

Having trouble today shaking last night's dreams. They made me sad. That's all I'm saying. Damn dreams!

Mood: pleasant
Drinking: nothing at the moment
Listening To: seagulls squawking, dryer tumbling, stomach gurgling, The Luckiest, Ben Folds
Hair: getting spruced for matt

The World is a Vampire

Yesterday was an eye-opener. I knew I was sedentary, but I had no idea just how bad an average day can be. I'm in front of the computer a lot. It's my job. I write. I read. That's what I do. All day, everyday. So, try to incorporate 10,000 steps into a day spent writing and reading and you'll soon see that it's not that easy. It requires effort.

Honestly, I just thought I could make more trips to the bathroom and kitchen, pace while talking on the phone, plan more frequent work breaks and use them to take a few laps around my living room. Normally I go out almost every day anyway, to the grocery store, the office, or what have you. Some days I walk downtown, like I did on Wednesday, but more often than not somebody stops in and I go with them in the car.

Yesterday, I went to SuperValu with Sherry for instance. We parked some distance from the door and we went over nearly every aisle because they are renovating and nothing is where it used to be anymore. Stacy and I always seem to put a lot of miles on when we travel together and go grocery shopping or to the mall. So I kinda thought I could just keep on doing what I've been doing, just increase my awareness of steps and consciously take longer routes, do more pacing, make more trips, etc. and I'd reach the 10,000 steps goal easy.

Not so! I quickly realized this when I checked my steps for the day just before supper after having gone out shopping with Sher. I had done laps around the living room on several occasions. I had made frequent trips in the unloading groceries thing. I had paced while talking on the phone. I had went down the hall to other end of the apartment to look out the window several times. It felt like I had spent a lot of my day on my feet. I mean in comparison to any other normal day. And at 4:35pm I only had 2,876 steps. Damn! That's a long way from 10,000!

So I knew right then that if I was going to hit the target I had to ramp it up a bit. It wasn't very nice outside last evening and truthfully I didn't really feel like going out much anyway, but really I just wanted to prove to myself that I could get the steps without leaving the apartment. That it could indeed be done. It's possible. Because you know, there are days when you can't go out because of the weather. Snow days and extreme temperatures and all that. So it was really important for me to prove to myself that I could still get 'er done, without going to French Fort Cove.

My floor squeaks. It's an older building you know. I can hear the guy upstairs moving around, so I'm certain the couple below me can hear me moving around. What are they gonna think if I'm running around for an hour up here? Should I even care? Luckily, the folks went out and when I noticed their car gone from the parking lot I cranked up the iTunes and got to stepping. My kitchen is in the middle of my apartment with a doorway on either side. The kids love to run round and round when they're here, doing the loop through the kitchen, dining room, living room, hall, and into the kitchen again. So I followed their example and started walking laps through my apartment, taking the occasional meander down to the bedroom to see if my neighbors had returned. And I walked!

End result of my first day on the pedometer:

10,100 steps total
5,097 aerobic steps or 50 minutes of aerobic walking
415 calories burned and 25.7 grams of fat
3.66 miles walked

Not too damn shabby! Especially for not leaving the house. It's doable, this thing. It's just more work than I expected, but totally doable. The numbers are a great motivator. The fact that the numbers reset to zero at midnight seems to be a big motivator too. There is a deadline. I have 24 hours to get the steps and that is all, no cheating, no fudging, get it in before midnight or it doesn't count.

I wanted to write about last night's crazy assed dreams but I've run out of time. Maybe later. Wish me luck stepping!

Mood: hyper
Drinking: water
Listening To:Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet With Butterfly Wings(1)
Hair: definitely getting a wash today

The Killer in Me

I got my new pedometer and it is awesome!! Yes, I got the one from Walking Spree. I had my eye on it for awhile, so when I put out the call on my blog for pedometer advice and Andrea came back with the one I wanted, I knew it was a sign that I should just commit to the investment, get serious about 10,000 steps a day, and get the pedometer I really wanted.

I mean I've been frigging around with so many crappy pedometers . . . it's so annoying to get steps just by shifting in your seat or sneezing. You go sit in a meeting and come out two hours later with hundreds of steps that never happened. Not good!

I've only had this one for less than a day but I am already thrilled. It measures my steps very accurately. I can chair-dance to my iTunes without registering false steps. I don't need to clip the thing onto my pants, I can put it in my pocket or carry it in my purse and it still calculates my steps with amazing accuracy. It's like magic! It also keeps track of my steps from days gone by so I can look back and see how I'm progressing. It's got a clock and automatically goes to a new day starting at 0 steps at midnight. A touch of a button and I can see how many aerobic steps I've done, how many calories I've burned, or how many miles I've walked. Ever wonder how many miles you put on in the run of a day? I'll no longer be wondering, I'm gonna know for sure. I'm super psyched about this gadget, can you tell?

Yes, I like gadgets. I'm a gadget kinda girl. It's a good thing I don't have more money to spend on gadgets cuz I'd have the house full of stuff.

Back to the pedometer. I just got the pedometer, I didn't order a program. I'm a firm believer that if you're going to do something you can do it just as well on your own as you can spending a whole lot of money to join a club to do it with someone else. If you're not going to do it, you're not going to do it, if you are, you will, period. That's why so many people shell out money to join diet clubs and gyms and then never go. If they were serious about health and exercise they could have done it at home, spending the bucks to join the club doesn't mean you're really invested. Not that I'm knocking Jenny Craig or gyms. They're great! But what I'm saying is even though they're great, they can't do all the work for us. And they're not going to have any effect upon people who haven't made up their minds to manage their weight or get fit. And someone who has made up his or her mind to manage their weight and get fit can do that just as well on their own.

So, it's all on me. It's up to me. Do I want to get serious? Or what? No time like the present.

I didn't order a program but I can always upgrade later. You know, if I find myself wanting more, there are lots of options available to me. I can connect the pedometer to my computer and upload information to the website, which is kinda cool, if I want to go that route. They've got coaches I can work with. I can join walking clubs. Etc. For now, I'm just taking one day at a time, 10,000 steps a day being the goal. We'll see where that takes me. Already it took me around and around the living room so many times I'm sure the neighbours below are wondering what the hell I'm doing. Later today, it will take me outside and off on the road.

Yesterday I went for a pretty big errand run, of course, I didn't have the pedometer yet, so nothing was tracked but today my thighs and buttocks are registering their surprise at yesterday's unexpected activity. I'm a little sore.

I went to the post office, sent some mail, and picked up my parcel (which was the pedometer!). Then I went to Scotia Bank for some banking. And then I headed off to Home Hardware, which was a bit farther on foot than I had imagined, but it's all good. I got some hooks to hang my lamp finally and I also got some chemical free dryer sheets that last at least 500 loads. I wanted a dryer ball, but these are good too. No more Bounce and dangerous film of chemicals in my dryer for me! Yay! After Home Hardware I walked back to Sobey's where I picked up a Chicken Dinner (3 pieces and taters) in the deli (which was the BEST I've ever had from Sobeys and lately anywhere, I have to say, fresh out of the fryer, not the healthiest choice I know, but I had a craving), a dozen whole wheat hamburger rolls from the bakery, an apple, two ears of corn, two sweet potatoes, a family pack of lean ground beef, a family pack of steak, a big bottle of relish, a bottle of instant espresso, and a package of energy saving light bulbs. Then I carried all that stuff up the hill and home. My arms were rubber when I got back. My face was beet red. I was wiggly as the children would say. My left arm is also a little sore today. Guess it had the heavier load.

Anyway, so far so good.

Mood: energized
Drinking: instant espresso
Listening To: Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
via FoxyTunes
Hair: neglected

These Dreams

And the dreams continue. Gawd! It's hard to get any real rest when everyone you've ever met in your life and many you haven't decide to drop into the middle of your brain and share their deepest most meaningful stories. Bah! In one of the numerous dreams from last night I was visiting with a long lost friend. I was in Toronto on business (BnM magazine biz fyi) and I ran into him on the street by my hotel, went back to his apartment for coffee and a catch up. Sitting on the floor looking through photo albums of all the places he'd been because he had been travelling a lot since I last saw him, working in the foreign press or something. Came across a photo of him and a girl in Morocco. I couldn't believe who it was, a girl I had been good friends with once upon a time but lost touch. Just as I started to say something I looked at him and he was all glassy eyed as he told me about this woman he had met and fallen deeply in love with and how she had been killed by rebels. I felt so sad. Overwhelming grief caught in my throat.

Then the scene faded into black and the next thing I knew I was running along a nearly deserted cobbled street in London, racing along in early morning grey, still choking on grief from having seen the picture of my friend and learning of her death. At a white door with a glass window I punched the buzzer and bounced on the balls of my feet impatiently as I waited to be let inside. It was chilly and damp, and I wore a black wool jacket and I burrowed inside covering my chin. An ex-boyfriend appeared in the window with a furrowed brow and steel eyes that said, oh God, what the hell are you doing here? He hesitated debating whether to just draw the blind and ignore me or to let me in, and then he opened the door. Before he could say anything I sprang at him, kissing, hugging, tangling my fingers in his hair, pushing my grief away and into him. He was momentarily surprised but then responded, picking me up and carrying me to his bed, where we buried ourselves in the blankets and I tried to lose myself in passion.

I woke up with just my eyes poking out from under my blankets. Frost warning last night. I had put on extra blankets and they paid off, my room was cold but I was cozy in my bed. Everyone is having dreams these past weeks. I thought it was the moon but maybe it's something else. I don't mind dreaming. I go crazy if I don't dream. But the vividness and intensity is a bit much. So tiring. I feel tired most of the time. Maybe it's just the changing season. I don't know, but something's definitely got hold of me and I'm not the only one.

Mood: a wee foggy
Drinking: coffee, french pressed, black
Listening To:Damien Rice - Smile
via FoxyTunes
Now playing: Neko Case - That Teenage Feeling
via FoxyTunes
Hair: something's gotta give

For Reasons Unknown

Last night I watched a couple of movies. First I watched the latest in the Die Hard series, Live Free or Die Hard. I've been curious about it because normally I'm not into the whole series and sequel thing (well, except for Bourne and Clerks) but the Die Hard series started back in 1988, there's a lot of history there. To have one come out now, after all these years, well, it's a curious thing. Same thing with the latest Rocky, though I haven't watched it yet, I know I will eventually. And when Stallone's new Rambo comes out hopefully by Christmas, then I'll be plunking down a ten to go see that sucker in the theatre.

Anyway back to Die Hard.

When it opened in theatres earlier this summer I honestly had no urge to go see it. But then it did pretty good box office, which doesn't mean much, just that a lot of people went to see it. But then I started to hear some really good stuff about it. And yes, granted most of the good feedback was coming from Kevin Smith (who is in the movie) and his friends via Smodcast and his blog, but still, if he was in the movie and it sucked they're the types to say it sucked, or at least to not say anything at all. But all summer it's been coming up in their conversation as one of the great summer movies. So I was curious.

Last night I'm flicking through looking for something to watch and I came across it, so I hit play just to see the quality, whether it looked any good or not, and the opening credits are rolling while I'm deciding and then Timothy Olyphant's name rolls up and that was that! Any doubts instantly vanished and I settled in to watch the movie. I love, love, love Timothy Olyphant! If you're not watching Deadwood, you need to stop everything and go find an episode right now. I'm not kidding. I don't care if you don't like westerns, neither do I . . . until now.

Live Free or Die Hard is a really good watch. Lots of action. Great stunts and special effects. Engaging storyline. Bruce Willis is still believable as a major action star (unlike Nicolas Cage who really seemed to be way too old to be Johnny Blaze in Ghost Rider) John McClane is as rough around the edges and sarcastic as he was way back when. So, if you've been on the fence or not even interested, give this one a chance. I had forgotten how much i enjoyed the original Die Hard. This is, in my opinion, as good as the first and better than the second and third parts.

After all that action I wanted to unwind with something lighter, so I went looking for a good comedy. I came across Fun with Dick and Jane, which I had never seen. Tea Leoni can be pretty funny. I prefer Jim Carrey in his more dramatic roles like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but of course he can also be very funny, he practically invented funny. I did have a few laugh out loud moments, but even though it came out a few years ago I had still seen most of the really good laughs in the previews which kinda ruins the movie. (How come they don't ever hold something back?) Still, it wasn't all bad, for that kind of a movie it's worth a watching one time, don't rush out and buy the dvd or anything, but if it's on cable, why not?

After the movies I was feeling pretty zonked so I went to bed. I put in this free dvd I got in a box of Orville Redenbacher microwave popcorn this week. It has pilot episodes of four shows: Heroes, The Office, Miami Vice and Friday Night Lights plus a couple of extra features. I started to watch Friday Night Lights because I've never seen or really heard much about that show. It's interesting looking, gritty and real, but it couldn't hold me through the sleepies I'm afraid. So I shut it off half-way through and crashed. I really liked the look of it though. I'll give it another go sometime.

Mood: headachy
Drinking: coffee, french pressed
Listening To:Scissor Sisters - Better Luck Next Time
via FoxyTunes
Hair: about to be snipped by my own hand

Mad World

In last night's crazy ass dream I found myself at a big summer party. The kind with big canopy tents set up to shade tables covered with food and drinks. The kind with a band onstage in the centre. Perhaps a wedding, though nobody was dressed up. Nevertheless it was THAT kind of party. A sunshiny afternoon with all my family (both sides), friends and co-workers. I seemed to know everyone. Somebody tossed me a red feather boa and I was wearing it joking around about the things I could do with a boa. Somebody dared me to dance when one of my co-workers spouses arrived, which turned into a group chant until finally I agreed that I'd do it. She arrived (yes, it was a she, i think she may have been the guest of honour) and everyone was holding back giggles, smirking, the place quieted. The band stopped mid-song. And she's looking around like what's going on here. Almost miffed. And then the band starts the first bars of You Sexy Thing. It was hilarious. Like I was in the scene from The Full Monty when they're all waiting in the unemployment line. I woke up laughing before I got very far into the dance of the red feather boa.

This dream was probably brought on by all the sexy panty shopping last night coupled with thoughts of today's Mighty outing and after watching the episode of Weeds where Mary Louise does the brick dance.

Mood: pleasant
Drinking: coffee, black, seems i have gone black for good, good stuff!
Listening To: The Fray - How To Save A Life
via FoxyTunes
Hair: so frigging thick, i don't know what's going to become of it

We Get On

I'm having difficult sleeping. Getting to sleep. Staying asleep. Getting any rest with all the dreams swirling in my brain. Yes, there was a moon this week, not to mention a lunar eclipse, which we all know I'm highly influenced by. Still that's not all that's going on. I seem to be bothered.

A few years ago I looked up a woman who had made a big difference in my life when I was young. She influenced me, helped shaped me, I admired her, studied her, emulated her behaviour. I knew her during that awkward transition between teenager and adulthood. I was putty, becoming a woman, soaking up everything in the world around me and she was really the only strong woman I had in my life at that time. She taught me a lot about accepting responsibility for your own actions, about standing up for yourself and not letting people walk over you. I would be a completely different person today if I hadn't known her. Her impact on my life was huge. She left a permanent mark.

She was quite a bit older than me, closer to my mother's age than mine, and as I reached the age she had been when we met I felt the need as an adult woman to reach out and tell her exactly how much I appreciated all that she had done for me and to let her know she had been a major influence in my life, that she'd made a difference. She wasn't easily found, but hey, I've got a journalism degree! I was taught how to find people :-) So I found her and sent an email pouring out all my gratitude and thanks.

I don't know what I expected. Perhaps some new sage advice to help point me in the right direction in my current life. Maybe a funny exchange of email reminiscing about those crazy times. I don't know. But I expected something. I mean for over 15 years this woman was at the front of my mind, whispering guidance in my ear as I confronted and dealt with all kinds of unusual and mostly difficult situations. What would she do? was the constant question and I acted upon the answer. In some ways it was like our acquaintance never ended, but continued in my head all those years. So when I contacted this woman and she responded I expected something from her, something to validate all those years in my head. But what I got was nothing like expected. She barely remembered who I was. I had left very little lasting impression on her. There was no inspiring reconnection. There was no funny reminiscing. I was just a kid she worked with one time that she hadn't thought about in years. End of story.

This shocked me at first. How can someone be so important in your life and yet you don't even register in theirs? It was hurtful at first. I wished I hadn't reached out that I had just let my mind continue with its fantasies, gone to my grave wondering what ever happened to . . . I felt like my experience or at least my memory of the experience was a lie somehow, like it hadn't been what I thought it was. I felt foolish and stupid. It took a long time to get to a place where I understood where she was coming from. I mean I had been an 18 year old kid, what did I know? How could I possibly have taught her anything? And over the years how many young people have I worked closely with, perhaps impacted in some way without realizing? What would I do if one of them suddenly contacted me and I didn't remember them or just had some vague sort of recollection? Yeah, okay, I get it. And even this was a lesson from her. The last bit of mentoring. I realized I may have modeled my behaviour on her but sometime over the years I had become my own woman. I didn't need her whispering advice in my head anymore, because I could make my own decisions. Yes, I still think of her occasionally, but she's no longer taking up permanent residence in my frontal lobes, she's been relegated to the back rooms.

So, this week I can't sleep and some of it is due to the moon but some of it is due to my being bothered because it's happened again. I reconnected briefly with someone from the past. And everything I believed turned out to be a lie. I was forever changed, permanently scarred if you will, over something that wasn't even true, was in fact the polar opposite of the truth. And I can't stop thinking about it. And if that wasn't true, what other false things do I believe? Who else lied to me?

Mood: puzzled
Drinking: java juice
Listening To: Smashing Pumpkins - 1979
via FoxyTunes
Hair: soon gonna take the scissors to it

On Any Given Day

I went shopping last nite. Word to the wise: Do not go shopping when you're having a sweet tooth moment! All last week, every frigging day, I craved ice cream, chocolate bars, and multi-grain Tostitoes. And every day last week I refrained from going out to the Petro and indulging my craving. I exercised extreme willpower. Which all went up in smoke last night. Why is everything bad on sale? Or even worse, two for one? I won't list everything I bought, but suffice it to say I am without groceries, totally broke, and reduced to eating peanut M&Ms for supper . . . okay, maybe it's not quite that bad, but damn close! lol The good news is I got lots and lots of coffee! And I even got the fair trade stuff I really like but have only ever seen at Co-Op. Yay!

Despite my fall into the sugar pit, I'm feeling super fantastic! Finally, I'm able to harness some of this autumn energy in a good way generating ideas and excitement. Good stuff!

Of course, with a degraded diet and this yo-yo weather my arthritis is making itself known. But even that discomfort can't dampen today's high spirits. Am I on a sugar high? Hmm. Within the realm of possibility.

Exciting things afoot! Nothing I can talk about yet.

Mood: happy
Drinking: coffee, cheapo Compliments brand, regular grind, dark roast, black
Listening To: Goldfrapp - Beautiful
via FoxyTunes
Hair: looks pretty damn sweet in its new hat!

Til We're Not Strangers Anymore

Had a good day at the Mighty office yesterday. It's always good to connect with everyone and spend time there. One can go a little crazy when one tries to function solo for too long. The mind can wander, invent scenarios, make you paranoid :-) Mondays are hard for me because I never sleep on Sunday night, so I always feel out of sorts, a bit dull and dim, all fogged in come Monday morning, but hauling my ass for a Mighty fix always makes me feel better even if I always feel like the dumb dork in the corner. So I need to focus on the feeling better part and not procrastinate over the dumb dork part.

Late this afternoon I'm going shopping with my sister, Mom, and kids. Mom's doing her back to work/school clothes shopping but I just want to go to the Sobey's in Douglastown and pick up a few things. I have refrained from buying any groceries since I got back from Barnbonia, took a week to clean up on some stuff that's been lingering in my cupboard and fridge for a long time. I defrosted some chili. I made honey bran muffins and ate some no-name brand noodles and sauce. Yeah, that kind of cleaning up. It's mostly stuff my mother sends when she feels I am in need of groceries. She cleans out her cupboard of things they're not really eating and sends it to me. Lots of cans of soup. There's still lots in my cupboard and freezer to get rid of, but I'm done for now. Time to buy something new. I am hankering for some jerk chicken nachos and a bottle of wine!

Last night after work me and Stace went to the Bistro for drumstick squares! Yummy! But my piece was too big, it was too much, too sweet, I was a little dizzy and sickened by the end. I know, I know, why not just leave some on the plate and spare myself the agony? What can I say? When it comes to drumstick squares I have no self-control. At the same time that my body was saying one spoonful too many I was longing to pull a blame Renee's and lick the plate clean. They're just soooo good! I love them. And they are definitely different than the one's mom makes. I think there's peanut butter in the base on the bottom or something. There's something different about it, it's not just straight graham wafer crumbs. Anyway, got my fix for a bit at least. Now, I want to try and get one of the infamous homemade drumsticks they do at Park's Dairy Bar before they close for the season. I've heard that's something to experience. Must have one!

Been plagued by vivid dreams all week leading into tonight's full moon. It's exhausting. And it's hard to wake up when the dreams are so real and interesting and fun. No nightmares, thank God. I don't seem to have nightmares as much anymore. There was a time when everything I dreamed turned into a nightmare. Three and four bad dreams every night. Is it any wonder I was prone to insomnia? Life must be good. My dreams are creative now, still lucid, I'm still off to the side observing, but it's like I'm writing, I'm making movies in my head. Fun stuff!

Mood: chipper
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: Bon Jovi - (You Want To) Make A Memory
via FoxyTunes
Hair: stringy

Something Else

Last night I dreamed I was back in high school, but not as a kid, I was all grown up. It was like my high school class were visiting the school or there for a presentation or something. But all the students were there too, class was in session. Anyhow we ended up staying late, almost like we got detention or something, so we had to go home on the late bus. There was supposed to be a special late bus going directly to Barnettville, but somehow me and another girl ended up on the regular late bus, the one that goes back through Lockstead, down through Pineville and Renous and then on to Barnettville. We realized our mistake too late. She was wining about back pain, how she had three vertebrae fused together and needed constant chiropractic care. The bumps on the road were not helping. I told her about my own back pain, how I ended up flat on my back for weeks one time. She asked how many vertebrae I had fused together. I shrugged and said I didn't know, I'd never gone to the doctor about it, just rested until it got better. She was shocked. How do you know it was your back? she asked. Maybe you had a stroke. Don't strokes run in your family? I shrugged again. Do strokes run in families? She smiled knowingly. The bus stopped at an old Irving and all the kids piled off to go inside and buy candy. She went too. It was like Clayton Tucker's old garage only it was back Lockstead and there was a huge candy counter that I could see through the grimy windows. The bus driver got up to get off last and it was Archie Beaton. He looked back and noticed I was the only one left on the bus. Aren't you coming? he asked. I looked in at the kids buying pixie sticks and lick em fun dips, then looked back at him and shrugged. No, I said, I just want to go home.

Mood: starting to get hungry
Drinking: water
Listening To: Matt Mays and El Torpedo - Move Your Mind
via FoxyTunes
Hair: pony-tailed for better comfort

The Last Night

In the words of Bon Jovi:

There's nothing worse than living less
When you yearn for something more

I be yearning. I be yearning LOTS! Not today necessarily, but off and on throughout the months, mostly on, sometimes off. But what I need to do is stop yearning and get down to serious business. I can't even define what it is I yearn for, I just know I yearn. Gotta name it to claim it says . . . Dr. Phil? I need to do the mighty complex exercise my sister posted on her blog. Get to the root of this yearning and do something about it. Because right now I'm all over the place . . . boys, words, money, adventure, fitness, health, travel, family, etc. etc. I've no idea what I want. It's something we don't spend a lot of time thinking about. What do I want? Most of the time we just go along dealing with whatever happens. And frankly, it can be pretty scary to honestly sit down and identify what it is you want in all areas of your life. So we trudge along complacently accepting where we're at . . . I don't want to be that person, a person who just accepts their fate and never steps outside the box, who never breaks through the terror barrier.

I need my Simple Abundance book! Who's got it? And the other one too, Something More. Are they packed in my boxes of books awaiting a bookshelf? I think not . . . they're on loan someplace. I'm calling my mother. She'll know.

Yesterday I got so much done! But not the lamp. I tried really hard to hang this vintage 70s ceramic lamp I've been hauling around in a box for years now, but all I did was tear my ceiling to pieces. I need better hooks and help I think. I'm calling my mother! She'll help.

My mother's camping :-( I'll call her later.

So yesterday was a really good day. I mean a REALLY good day! And I totally know it's because I turned on the music. You just can't sing and dance to your favourite tunes and have anything but a good day. I think that's why I've been depressed this past while. I forgot to take any tunes to Barnbonia. I would listen to the Galaxy Rock Alternative station where I'd get the occasional Killers tune and lots of Marilyn Manson's Heart Shaped Glasses, but it just wasn't the same as having at the tip of my fingers, one click away, all my Jon Bon and all the Killers and the Scissor Sisters and Matt Mays and the Sex Pistols and the Black Eyed Peas and and and . . . you know, all the stuff that makes me happy, and making my own playlists on itunes. I function better with the music on. I know this. Silly to have forgotten to pack some tunes. Oh well, bygones, I'm back and it's on and all is well in my world again, my energy's on the rise.

I'm craving fish 'n chips. Suddenly. It just struck me. I will resist.

Mood: every which way
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: Bon Jovi - It 's My Life (Album Version)
via FoxyTunes
Hair: thick and hot in today's humidity

Moving Day

Over the past week I've been moving things around in the front rooms. Changing the lay-out, decluttering my money corner (and you thought i wasn't paying attention i bet!) and just trying to generally get all my furniture into more functional positions. I've missed the futon! I'm not kidding. I really haven't been using it much because the tv is in the bedroom and the futon just seemed to be in the middle of the other room all alone, only used for the occasional nap. So I moved my table and chairs into the living room in front of the big picture window. What a view! Moved the futon into the dining room where the table and chairs used to be. That was more functional and I immediately started using the futon, using the table and chairs, spending less time at the desk doing stuff like watching tv and eating, spending more time at the desk doing what I'm supposed to be doing like work and blogging and banking etc. But then there was the problem of the big empty living room versus the somewhat cramped and cluttered no longer dining room just strictly office. So today I moved the desk out of the money corner right by the window and into the opposite corner, so now I sit with my back to the window (which is less distracting, when I need to focus . . . hopefully) I took my white shelves into the living room and then I actually put up things on my wall! I hung pictures! And I'm liking the end result. Tons of floor space still, functional, even homey by times, F-U-N!! Come visit and see for yourself! I'll make jerk chicken nachos and open a bottle of wine!

A friend of mine is featured in the National Post. We met at Rye High in the days of journalism, when my head was filled with silly dreams of being a foreign correspondent. His stuff is amazing, really cool! It still freaks me out that he does this. Who knew?! I got to get me one of those clocks!

Mood: joyful
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: mr. brightside, the killers
Hair: long and loose, slightly damp from recent laundering

One Time . . .

In the early 90s when I lived in Toronto I was desperate to find work. There didn't seem to be many jobs at that time, seems like the economy was in a recession or something, but maybe not. And maybe I wasn't out of work all that long, maybe it just seemed really long in that early 20's everything takes so long kinda way. My lack of employment was causing a strain in my relationship though, so it was a big fat hairy deal. My hon couldn't take care of himself, let alone me, and though I didn't realize it at the time he counted on me to take care of him. God help him! Anyway, finding a job became my full-time job. I applied for everything I was remotely qualified. I registered and tested with every temp agency. I trekked all over the damn place for interviews from Markham to Scarborough out to Oakville and Burlington. If I could get there, no matter how long it took, I went. I was interviewing at three and four places a day, blindly groping around for anything. I suppose it only lasted a couple of months at the most before I got something good, because I remember I had EI from my job at the radio station in NB and by the time I got that all transferred and straightened out so I might actually receive a cheque I was employed full-time, so the good ole Ontario government didn't have to give me any money, which I'm sure pleased them immensely because they weren't too keen on people coming from the East Coast to collect UI.

Anyway, I remember this one interview I went to was way the hell north in . . . I wanna say Newmarket, but surely to God I did not take public transportation all the way to Newmarket! That's crazy. Must've been Markham. It took 3 buses and the subway to get as close as I could and then I had to walk for about 20 minutes from the bus stop way the hell into an industrial park type area to get to their building. It was probably a 2 and a half hour journey one way, which I would have had to do everyday twice if I'd got the job. But really there wasn't much chance of that.

This was an actual editorial position for some non-profit Jewish organization doing their newsletter and other publications. All the jobs I was interviewing for were administrative so I was pretty excited to get into a door in my field. I was ready to convert if they'd have me! I think they were willing to hire a lapsed protestant, but only if she had a general understanding of all things Jewish, which I didn't. And there went my one and only chance of meeting a nice Jewish boy and settling down for good :-(

So the interview was going really well and I was loving the people I'd be working with, the job I'd be doing. It was one of those rare times when I felt completely at ease immediately. The woman was upfront with me that I'd be a hard sell to her board because I didn't know the first thing about being Jewish, but she seemed like she really liked me and might go to bat for me if nobody better showed up. The interview ended I stood up, shook her hand, smiled and said good bye. Turned to leave and promptly fell in a heap on the floor. Damn weak ankles! She shrieked and came running from around her desk. I was so embarrassed, sitting there on the floor, putting on a brave smile and assuring her I was ok, just went over on my ankle, happens all the time (and it did then, sprained my ankle once a year it seemed). It was a really bad sprain that day. One of the worst I'd had in years. It instantly started to swell and turn purple as I made a hasty retreat from the nice lady's office, assuring her I would be okay, and yes I'd see a doctor.

Then I had to walk 20 minutes to the bus stop, in two and a half inched pumps, with a sprained ankle. And it was rush hour, so there were no seats on the bus. I had to stand most of the way home. For two and a half hours, in two and a half inched pumps, with a sprained ankle.

I've been on dozens and dozens of job interviews, but whenever I'm reminded of them, this is the one that always springs to mind. Seriously, how friggin Bridget Jones am I?

Mood: up in the air
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: just me, typing
Hair: uncertain of itself

New Addictions

I am addicted to Wasa Multigrain Crispbread. They are fantabulous!! And I'm not even kidding. I had tried the Ryvita Dark Rye Crispbread before but found it lacking. I wasn't that impressed. So then right before I took off to Barnbonia I had purchased the Wasa brand. Then I went off the deep end into the pit of burgers, nachos, fried chicken, french fries, ketchup chips, Rolo ice cream . . . you get the idea. I still haven't gone for groceries, haven't restocked a healthy larder here. I should be saving the Wasa for a healthy day! But I can't help myself. I love, love, love them! I spread them with peanut butter and enjoy with a hot cup of coffee or rooibos tea. They never go soggy. And they are totally yummy. Products like those make eating healthy easy.

Save the cheerleader, save the world. WOW! Just a few episodes and I am totally addicted to Heroes. I think Season One came out on DVD yesterday or maybe it's next week, but if you didn't get to see this during the regular season, you must get caught up before Season Two begins! I can't stop watching. The cliffhanger endings are going to be the death of me. I love the Japanese guys. I've been watching online, which you can also do if you have high-speed. There are only a few tv shows that I'd consider buying on dvd, and mostly they're sitcoms, like Seinfeld, Frasier and Friends, stuff that never gets old and you love to watch repeatedly, but Heroes, much like Lost, is one show where I would love to get hold of the extras, watch and analyze upside down right side up and sideways. I'm almost ready to turn comic book geek . . . almost.

I desperately want a pedometer. Studies show that people who focus on upping their steps to at least 10,000 per day have more success at maintaining an active lifestyle than people who focus on minutes or distance. So I want a pedometer. I've wanted one for awhile. My mom bought me one at the Dollar Store, but surprise surprise it really doesn't work. Then she gave me hers, which was an expensive good one back in the day . . . but it only measures in kilometres. So I want a good pedometer that's not going to break the bank. I'm not real sure what I'm looking for, which brands are good, what features are important . . . any thoughts? Anybody? I want to become addicted to movement. It's a thought.

Mood: in withdrawal
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: the dryer tumbling my jeans
Hair: still pulled back out of the way

Hello Again

So last night I slept in my own bed for the first time in three weeks. Sunday night I slept on the futon, I was just too wired, stayed up too late, too restless . . . Anyway, last night with a frost warning in effect I put on my fuzzy sheets, grabbed a book and headed to bed, falling asleep by a respectable 1am (given my tardy rising and the lateness of the night before). There's something about those sheets! I never never never want to get up when I'm in them. The alarm went about 6:30 and I was pretty much awake but oh so comfy and cozy . . . I turned off the clock and rolled back into my dream. I dreamed we were putting on a play I had written, the one that I've had rolling around my head for awhile now, the one I've got lots of notes on but haven't sat down to a complete first draft yet. In the dream it was done and we were in production, I'm not sure who the actors were but there were some definite plot twists that I didn't see coming! Fun stuff! So, I slept in again. And that's okay. I'm feeling pretty good. I feel like I'm slowly inching my way back to normal routine. I'm coming out of the foggy thought pattern and starting to see a bit more crisply. I'm even writing in my sleep. That's a good sign.

Mood: cheery
Drinking: coffee, black (i wonder how many calories i'm cutting just by foregoing the cream?)
Listening To: buddy upstairs puttering about his morning routine after another late night out
Hair: on my radar

The Surreal Life

Slept late, til just after 10. Last night some strange combination of complete exhaustion, Sunday Night Anxiety, joy and excitement at being home took hold and had me bouncing off the walls and ceilings until nearly 5am. A little knackered today, but trying to get on track, get organized and get stuff done. Somebody mowed the lawn at the house next door. FINALLY! Remember the puppy who used to live there? Remember when he moved away? Like ages ago! Yeah, lawn hasn't been mowed since then, until late last week. It was like a field, small trees coming up, grass to your thighs, weeds growing willy nilly, looks much better now.

The skin continues to peel off my arms from the super bad sunburn I got on the long weekend at the family reunion. It's kinda gross. I also think the kitty scratches on the palm of my hand are going to permanently scar, kinda sorta looks that way. A new life line! There are a couple on my arm that may leave scarring too, but maybe it just hasn't been long enough for them to go away completely yet.

Today I need to clean up my inbox, plan my week, do laundry, tidy up my bedroom and put on my fuzzy sheets (because I'm still cold!), edit a bunch of stories, determine what I need for groceries, take a shower, and maybe go to the store. I also need to catch up on last night's BB8. Yesterday I watched the Season Premiere of Weeds. Yay! I've also started watching Heroes. I'm only on the third episode but I'm liking it so far. Lets hear it for high-speed! :-)

Oh well, not getting anything done this way, am I? And she's off!

Mood: chipper
Drinking: coffee, fresh ground, organic, fair trade, french roast, black
Listening To: fish (probably trout) sizzling in a fry pan on a hot plate on the patio next to the one below me
Hair: pulled back out of the way

At Last!

I could weep! I'm so so so happy to be home and able to sleep in my own bed tonight! Two days short of three weeks is just too damn long to live in Barnbonia. The next time I have to be away for so long I will actually go someplace, do something. But not anytime soon, already I am dreading the weekend when I'll have to go again. When does summer holiday end? Two weeks? Cannot be soon enough for me. Bring on the snow! I'm ready to bundle up! I wonder just how much plastic on the windows will help . . . I guess we'll see. It could be intense.

I'm making rooibos tea and wondering how quickly somebody will post bb8 online tonight. Maybe I should just do the joker's updates thing. My thoughts are all over the place. I can't remember the last time I was so tired. I haven't slept well the whole time I've been away. Hopefully recovery won't take long.

Mood: happy
Drinking: rooibos
Listening To: fireworks? shots fired? church bells chiming the top of the hour
Hair: long enough for a little pony tail

Last Days

Up early this morning. The kitty seems to know the mornings I want to be up early. On those days she climbs into bed with me and kneads my shoulders and neck. Purrs insistently in my face. Meows and paces under the bed until I rise. She was doing this every morning (and all night long) when I first arrived, but in the time since she's taken to sleeping in the living room or lately in the spare room and mostly leaves me alone, except for those mornings when I need her as pesty alarm clock. Interesting, that.

I'm getting ready to leave. They might be back tonight, but definitely by tomorrow, so I'm washing the bedding, tidying up, making sure I don't leave a mess or anything for Stacy to worry or bother with when she gets home. I'm sure she's going to be exhausted after so many days away and so many of those spent on the back of a motorcycle. It will be nice if she can just go to bed and not have to bother with anything domestic. I haven't fallen into my usual slothful ways. I loved having a dishwasher! Yes, if I had one I would definitely use it. Though there is something therapeutic about hands in soapy warm water too.

Anyway, today I'm going into town to get my Aliant account straightened out and drop off the bulk of my stuff at home. I just need a few things for the weekend at Mom's, then Monday life returns to normal. Yay! Normal is good. There's something to be said for routine and being surrounded by your own stuff. I miss my place, my kitchen such as it is, my bed, my windows, the river, the boats, the boy upstairs and the new neighbors below. I miss all the sirens and all the watching and wondering about the goings on in people's lives around me. It's good for my creativity. There hasn't been much to speculate about here. I haven't seen much of the neighbors. Yes, getting back to my routine will be good! I'm looking forward to it. Gotta run and catch the rinse cycle!

Mood: chipper
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: galaxy rock alternative
Hair: again with the headband

@#$% Aliant!

So something's happened with my Aliant email account. I don't know how or why or what's even going on but somehow it seems like my password has been reset and now I can no longer log into my Aliant email online. They don't keep passwords on file, so the only way to fix it is to have them reset my account with a new password. Easy peasy, right? Except the only way to request that is to do so over the phone from the number connected to the email account ie. my apartment in town where I've not been living for two weeks. ARGH! So I haven't been able to check that account since Monday. Depending on how many big assed pictures or submissions that are coming through to that email instead of my BnM email, that account will go about 36 hours (give or take) before it fills and shit starts to bounce. Stuff might be bouncing now. I can't get to town until tomorrow. So, if you email and it bounces, you know why. If you email and you're expecting a response, now you know why I'm not answering. @#$% Aliant!

Comments from upstate New York!! Yay! That's exciting! Looks like the bikers will arrive back just in time for me to move to my Mom's house to stay with the dog while everyone goes camping. He's my dog, so I guess I can't really complain. Must get my fill of movies before I leave! Need to start PVRing like a mad woman, stay up all night glued to the screen before I return to no tv land.

Mood: angry at aliant
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: why are there so many big trucks on the road these days? is everyone trucking now?
Hair: still mike reno circa 1982

10 Days in the Valley

Ten days without a post. That's gotta be some sort of new record for me. Never have I been rendered so speechless as by this boring summer. What can I say? There are many trees, lots of drug traffic (literally traffic, as in cars coming and going to and fro the dealers), much tearing around leaving black marks and ruining perfectly good motors into the wee hours of the morning. Same old. Same old. The incessant chirp of peepers (because I'm living in a cedar swamp kind of) wears on my nerves.

Peepers! They're not just for nighttime anymore!

I find it rather chilly here most of the time. I know people all around the province are sweltering, but I haven't been one of them. Every day I throw open the windows and invite the heat into the house . . . but I'm lucky if I get up to 75 degrees by 7pm and then the whole thing starts to cool off again. Lots of shade here. I am constantly goose pimpled and seeking heavier sweaters. In a true heatwave, this is the place to be. I've been here for two weeks and nearing the end of this little experiment in kitty land just as I start to settle in and finally feel comfortable, just as the kitty begins to show signs that maybe she's ok with me being here and she understands I'm her girl as far as food and water goes. Isn't that always the way? It'll be nice to get home and sleep in my own bed. Something to look forward to at least.

I feel like summer came and went and I missed it. I started with such excitement and anticipation. This was going to be THE SUMMER! I was going places! Doing things! And then nothing happened. I just kinda want it all over now, so at least other people will stop doing things without me and we'll all be on the same boring page again. All this freezing to death stuff has brought on premature feelings of autumn . . . how I hate autumn! It's my worse season. So depressing. Just die already and snow!

Ok, enough of that, moving on to a different rant . . . what is up with me and married men? Like seriously. It's like I've got on a t-shirt that says "Kiss me if you're married!" It's always been like that. You can trace my married man history all the way back to 1983. I have a theory. It has to do with my fear of comittment. I give off an aura that says I'm not looking for anything long-term, married men pick up on that as they also are not looking for long-term. They hit on me. I am disgusted by the lack of comittment in marriage today thereby becoming even more fearful of comittment, afraid to trust . . . it's a vicious circle. How do I break free? Just when I think I'm ready to face the fear, the worst thing that can happen is I'll get hurt, been there, done that, lived . . . then some married guy comes out of the woodwork to show me just how silly the whole monagomy myth is and makes the inevitable possibility of being hurt all that more real, and I beat a hasty retreat behind the wall. Just once I'd like to meet a guy that doesn't or wouldn't cheat under the right circumstances. I don't know that he exists. And then I think maybe that's not even the ultimate goal, maybe I just need to find someone who will just be honest, whether monogamy plays into the relationship or not. A little honesty. How freaking refreshing would that be?

Can you tell I've been eating nothing but junk for two weeks? Yes, I'm a little off :-) I'm sure hormonal levels will return to normal once I've broken up with the french fry and rededicated myself to the romaine.

Mood: wacky
Drinking: coffee, starbucks, french roast, black
Listening To: jeepers peepers and . . . TRAFFIC!
Hair: headbanded like an 80's mike reno

Catching Up

Tuesday evening after a crazy hot day of cleaning and packing and working and getting ready to move myself for an extended away, I went to my mom's and spent the night. Nick was happy to see me. I guess. Wednesday I left my parents' and moved up the road and into Stacy's house. She is gone on vacation for 2 1/2 weeks and I am house/cat sitting. Yes, not being a cat person, I was wary of undertaking this task. And can I live/work in Barnettville without losing my mind . . . remains to be seen, lol.

The cat is a little challenging. She's probably upset by this change in her life. Her mommy is gone. I mean, if I were a cat I probably wouldn't be very pleased with me as the substitute caretaker. I've been trying. I'm following the routine. I'm getting up at 5:30 to let her outside. I'm rolling her ball around and trying to get her to play. I'm giving her treats and letting her sleep with me in the bed (as if there's a choice for me to make there! lol) Still, it's an adjustment. For both of us.

I am tired. I'm not sleeping well. And the cat seems to meow all night long, starting anytime after 2am and continuing periodically through until I let her out after 5. So I've slept maybe 8-10 hours total in the three night's I've been here, none of it deep and refreshing, just surface half asleep/half awake stuff. I drank a bottle of wine before bed last night. Knocks me out semi, but it's probably not the best medication either. I'm hopeful we'll adjust soon. Me and kitty. She did seem to sleep more herself last night, no meowing until around 5 when she could go outside. So I'm thinking it's just been the upset, the change, and now we'll get into the groove. Fingers crossed!

Yesterday was a DAY! I mean a real doozy! Sherry called and asked me if I wanted to go to town. I did! I wanted to check my mail at home, pick up a cd I had forgotten, check on things in general and pick up a few things at the grocery store.

There was a severe thunderstorm warning in effect.

Kitty was outside and I wanted her to come in before I left in case the storm happened while I was gone. I called. Sherry called. We both shook the treat bag and called some more. No kitty. So I called Janice and left a message on her machine that the cat was out in case it stormed, and could she come later and put her in. Then we went to pull out and I saw the kitty under the step (ignoring our calls and treat rattlings). So I got out took the treat bag and tried to coax her out from under the step. She was having none of it really.

The other evening when she escaped from the house past her outside time nearly after dark, I just picked her up and brought her back inside. Easy peasey. So when she came out from under the step I went to pick her up the same as I did the other night . . . not so easy peasey . . . she FREAKED OUT! I wasn't expecting claws and hissing and crazy squirming, yet I didn't let go, raced up the steps and put her in. Quickly closed the door. Crazy!

I had to go to Mom's and wash my scratches (bleeding) and douse my arms and hands in peroxide because everyone worries about infection. Note to self, up my garlic intake these next few days.

When you begin your day with a bloody fight, you should just stay home and hide.

No sooner had we got to Douglastown, when the brakes went on the van. We hung around Gary's work for a good 15-20 minutes and then ended up having to take his car and leave the van behind. No air conditioning. On the hottest most humid day yet. Yay!

Off to Newcastle with our hair whipping in the wind and the sweat dripping off the ends of our noses. We decided to go to Dixie Lee for lunch. Also, curiously, without air conditioning, only fans.

While we were in the liquor store the storm started. Thunder. Lightning. Rain. LOTS of rain! Soaked running to the car from the store. Sherry couldn't figure out how to run the wipers so I had to reach over and hold them on while she drove. No place close to park at Super Valu. A little lull in the storm though, so we didn't get any more soaked going in. Idling around the fresh produce there was a huge crack of thunder and simultaneously all the lights in the store went out. We looked out the big windows and all you could see was rain and debris. You couldn't see cars parked in the lot. You couldn't see the King George Hwy. Just rain and debris that seemed to be coming from two directions at the same time. You could hear the wind roaring. I wondered if a tornado struck directly onto the store how badly it would be damaged. It would be a bad place for a person to be, with so much stuff flying around. I wasn't surprised at all to find out that a tornado had been on the radar later when we got home.

We pretty much drove home without incident, but discovered we didn't have the keys to Sherry's house because we had switched vehicles in town, so we had to lug all her perishable groceries to Mom's fridge and wait for Gary to come home from work. Kitty was happier to see me when I got back. Didn't give me a hard time or anything. Slept better last night than others. So that was good.

Today I'm going to my family reunion. I'm making jerk chicken nachos for snacks. Yummy! Going to stay overnight. Will pass on cat duties to Janice for a day. Monday, we'll settle in for the long haul.

Mood: pretty good
Drinking: coffee, starbucks french roast, black
Listening To: wind chimes
Hair: pulled back in a pony

Melting

Slept very little. From after 2 am til about 6:30. Tossed and turned. It's hard to function properly in heat. I'm such a winter girl! Yesterday a reporter from one of the daily papers contacted me to interview me about . . . THE WEATHER! She was looking for an enthusiast, and somehow found me. Weird, huh? I mean, yes, I'm a watcher, but to be interviewed for an article. That's just too weird. Anyway, I didn't have time, so don't go looking to see me as the freaky weather lady in today's paper.

I've got the place closed up today, trying to keep the heat out. I don't know if it's working or just making my life worse. I desperately need to do some housework. I have a houseguest arriving later and I promised some cleanliness. Think of the calories I will burn in this heat!! Yeah, that's good motivation . . .

Mood: ready to get sweaty
Drinking: black coffee
Listening To: uncle johnny, the killers
Hair: loosely knotted

Return to Oz

Like the phoenix from the ashes . . . blah, blah, blah, lets not go cliche crazy. I'm alive, nuff said.

We're in BnM production. Yes, again, so soon. June was late, August is almost kinda sorta early, which is to say, right on time. And I am all over October. I don't know, could it be after a year of this, I'm getting into the groove? August was painless, no blood, very little sweat, zero tears. It doesn't seem right. Of course, my house looks like a bomb went off and I'm completely off all my personal development stuff and I'm completely blowing off the half dozen guys chatting me up for dates and I'm working till 3am and sleeping in past 6am . . . oh god, it's hot, eh? Sweltering like in my place. All I want to do is eat fruit and drink chilled wine and water. But the wine gives me an instant headache in this weather. So, I'm sucking back water.

I was really sick all last weekend. Dead knackered come Monday morning. Feeling much better heading into this weekend. My last home for a bit as I head upriver for family events and a bit of house/kitty sitting. Going to a bbq tomorrow afternoon. Looking forward to it, think it will be fun. Heading to Kouchibouac on Saturday. Should be a good weekend. NO WORK!! Seriously, none. No computer only for fun stuff like watching Big Brother or the Sopranos or listening to tunes etc. It's a NO WORK WEEKEND! For real. And I can! Because as I've already said, we're on time.

Got tix to see Matt Mays at Harvest Jazz fest in Sept. He doesn't come on til after midnite. Staying over at a b and b. Should be a lot of fun. An opportunity to wear my new shoes! Perhaps.

I feel like I'm all over the place here. Scattered. Brain is a bit fuzzed for sure. I watched the first season of Dirt from F/X with Courtenay Cox. LOVE IT!! Can't wait for the second season! Watch this show! It's good. Watched Evan Almighty. I actually liked it better than the original Bruce Almighty. I liked it a lot more than The 40-year-old Virgin. Maybe because I didn't like either of those things so I had below zero expectations it made the movie easier to like . . . or something. Anyway, bic runga started to get into my head. Time to get myself into bed.

Mood: moodless
Drinking: water, both red and white wine earlier
Listening To: sway, bic runga
Hair: strands beginning to escape from this evening's severe ponytail

Self-Imposed Blogging Break

So I haven't blogged all week, not since last Friday. I'm really busy with work and feeling a bit under the weather besides. But still here. Still around. Just taking a bit of a self-imposed blogging break.

This weekend I had wanted to go to the Irish Festival, take my nieces and nephew (if he was interested) but mostly my nieces who love music and dancing. I wanted to take them to see the Nelson Doyle Dancers in particular. I thought it would be really cool if we could all go, the whole family, including my parents. Because we are, after all, Irish, and the festival at the LBA during the day is really inexpensive at $6 a head and kids free, and I know everyone would really have a great time and enjoy themselves . . . once they got there. But everybody else had zero interest, and you can't have fun if it's like pulling teeth to get people to go, so that idea went out the window.

So then me and S were going to do our road trip to Kouchibouac this weekend instead. But then some stuff shifted and she wanted to switch to next weekend, which initially conflicted with the long-awaited much-anticipated Fundy trip . . . that got canceled this week. Yeah :-( Honest to God, the only reason for me to ever get my driver's license is so that I can frigging go to Alma whenever the hell I want. It's the only time the thought ever crosses my mind. But there you go. Now, I'm free to go on the annual day trip with S next weekend. That'll be fun. We always have a good time.

I really want to go camping this summer. I have nobody to go camping with though, so it'll likely not happen. I really wanted to go camping last summer. Didn't happen. I really need a friend who is single and doesn't have children and likes to go places and do things. Making friends seems to be hard to do though. I make acquaintances easily enough, but those deep friendships . . . never easy.

So as I sit here this week watching my summer fall apart and knowing now that I won't have the opportunity to do anything until the middle of August, I've started looking at the possibilities, opportunities for me i.e. places I can go on my own, alone. Sigh. Yeah, I can stay home for that one, I know, but a change of scenery is definitely in order this summer. I considered Shediac for a few minutes. Bus goes there. Touristy place. Beaches and all that. Or the Island . . . not big on the Island though, there's touristy and then there's TOURISTY . . . and the Island was too much so for my liking 20 years ago, I doubt it's gotten anything but worse. NS doesn't really appeal to me. I considered Grand Manan even. Bus will drop you at the ferry terminal. But somehow it just seems so pathetic to go do any of these places alone. They seem like couple or family places. No, an alone adventure needs to be different.

So, I've started thinking farther afield. I've always wanted to cross Canada on the train . . . I have a bunch of frequent traveler points I can cash in. There are organized tours in the Rockies via train. Even without organized tours. I am perfectly capable of crossing Canada on the train on my own. And you know, I don't think I'd even want to do that with anybody else anyway. That's the kind of trip that could destroy a friendship or other relationship. Think of the writing I'd do! Think of the things I'd observe and the people I'd meet! What kind of an adventure might that be?! Of course, this I can't possibly afford as early as next month. But you know, if I saved my money, if I socked away my 10% regular-like, there's no reason why I couldn't do this next spring, summer or fall. I need to stop waiting for someone to do things with and just go do stuff. Maybe I'll go to Moncton or Fredericton or Saint John or someplace for a weekend soon, just some time in a hotel, in a different city (it seems more okay to be alone on vacation in a city than at the ocean for some reason) some time away from myself and my pitiful little life. But set my sights on something bigger for next summer. Forget about everyone else, (I mean I hardly think I come into anyone else's mind when they're making summer plans) and just make my own plans, go on an adventure alone. Cross Canada on the train. Go on a writer's retreat to Ireland. Take a women's tour of Italy.

If this is my life (and after seven years, I gotta think this is indeed my life) then I just need to get on with it . . . that is all. We now return you to whatever it is you were doing, self-imposed blogging break to continue.

Mood: excited, and afraid
Drinking: coffee, black, organic, fair trade, dark roast, fresh ground
Listening To: sirens, there are many sirens in this town
Hair: surprisingly clean after a week of no poo

My Lucky Day

Happy Friday the 13th! I worked pretty late last night and slept on the futon for the first time in months. It used to be a weekly occurrence back in Sackville. Of course, things were more scrunched up then, sleeping on the futon was mostly just to get a better view of the tv or in hopes that some morning sunshine might creep in through the skylight and hit me the next morning. Now, my tv is in the bedroom and definite walls separate rooms. Still the morning sunshine happens with the futon because the sun rises over the river. So that's where I laid down for a few hours this morning, so the sun would wake me after a cat nap and I wouldn't have to deal with a blaring alarm and a comfy bed.

This week's humidity has wreaked total havoc on my body, inflaming and swelling. Weeks like this it's hard to work. Everything takes ten times as long because I'm in a perpetual state of pain and fog. My legs have been so swollen! It's hideous. And it hurts, you know. I sit at my keyboard and I feel a sharp burning in my thighs. My knees ache and lock, like an un-oiled hinge. Calves and ankles disappear as everything swells to the same size. There's a sharp pain in my hips and I'm constantly fidgeting to try and get into a more comfortable position in my chair. All the little bones in my hands burn, like I jammed my hands in a slamming car door. My wrists ache. Finger co-ordination becomes difficult because my fingers are stiff and swollen. I make more mistakes when I'm typing. I type more slowly. I take more frequent breaks from the computer to stretch and walk around the room. I couldn't go for a walk outside to the cove or the wharf in this position. It would be too painful. I would swell too much. And I worry about things with swelling, like blood clots, so yes, while I do have a high tolerance for pain and I probably could force my way through it and into a walk, I try not to promote the swelling, I try to keep it to a minimum. So a stiff jaunt down the few stairs to my mailbox, and many slow moving walks about my apartment are all I can do in the high humidity. I've spent most of this week in an almost zombie state, never quite asleep, never at full conscious, but in that grey place between life and dreams. Chronic pain puts you there.

I've come to realize there's nothing to be done about these flare-ups. I mean I used to be much worse. I'm doing all that I can and I've made huge leaps and bounds. I have movement and flexibility. I can do things I couldn't before, like walk miles and miles. I no longer take any medication and am mostly pain-free. But when you have arthritis there is no cure, there's only management, a life without pain no longer exists for you. All my flares are triggered by changes in the weather. When seasons shift from higher to lower to higher temperatures. When summer humidity soars. When freezing winter temperatures rise above zero. I eventually acclimate to seasons changing, to rising winter temperatures. I have a painful week and then my body adjusts. That doesn't seem to ever happen with high humidity. There is no adjusting to humidity in the 80s and 90s percentile. The agony continues steadily until the humidity breaks. Which can make for the occasional exhausting hell of a week.

Luckily for me, it broke sometime last evening, and now it's below 60%. I'm still aching, I will ache for awhile until my body readjusts, but every hour it gets a little bit better. As long as it stays relatively steady, I will be right as rain again within a few days, by Monday. So I should be able to make up any ground lost this week on the weekend. And did I ever lose ground?! The perpetually tidy kitchen I've enjoyed for the past two weeks seems to have taken its summer vacation . . .

Mood: improved
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: birds singing, saws whizzing, kids laughing
Hair: pushed up and back in a black/white headband

Water Water

I've started drinking tap water. The plastic jugs are over-running the apartment and starting to drive me crazy. Note to visitors -- if you want bottled water, from now on bring your own. FYI. Yes, the tap water is a bit skanky. I will probably invest in some sort of filter to put right on the tap or at the very least a Brita pitcher. But I never really liked water anyway, it's purely for health reasons that I drink it at all, so why not suffer for it? Think of the money I'll save! And the room!

Yesterday I wrote a scene, fleshed out the notes from the day before. That's pretty cool. I'm shocked the boy has started talking again. I'm shocked to be seeing these folks again after such a long period apart.

I thought the writers' group meetings were finished for the summer, so I was pretty surprised yesterday to get a call seeing if I was going to go. I guess the Sackville group must be the one that takes summers off. So, my new thing is not to turn down any opportunity no matter how busy I am (which is a struggle I don't always win) so I said sure, I'd go! Then I scrambled to find something to share. The new stuff seemed too raw, plus there's not much of it yet. I went into Gun Play (the Katt's Lives stories) edited somewhat, added some character names, but couldn't get it to within sharing distance. So I opened the only other thing I had on my computer that I hadn't shared with this group yet, 3:33. I took some time to change it from third person to first. I've been doing a lot of first person writing lately. Experimenting. I'm still not comfortable there. I still don't feel I'm very good at it. It's easier to take a third person and put it into first than to start from fresh in the first. 99.99% of people/writers would likely disagree with that point, I would think. Most people start out writing in the first person because it is easiest and then move into the thirds as their skills develop. Not I. Exact opposite. I have yet to meet anyone like me in that way.

Anyway, I changed the point of view on the story, took it, and read it to the group to much praise and compliments . . . but I still don't know if it works or not. That piece is over-written. On purpose. I wanted it to be a bit over the top, melodramatic, etc. because it's about a woman's unhealthy obsession with an ex-boyfriend, her first true love. You know, she can't get him out of her mind, and all the memories of him are wonderful, idyllic, perfection! Until the last, when he suddenly goes off to marry someone else. So I deliberately overwrote it . . . which in the third person, I gotta say, confused the crap out of a lot of people who know the way I normally write. I mean I've got alliteration up the wazoo in this piece! "...snuggled satisfied in the sagged centre...concealed in the cedar scented shadows silently waiting..." That's some kinda wordy overblown stuff for me to be spouting there! So, the third person totally didn't work because it just looked like I didn't know how to write. I put it into first and I still don't know. The small group last night thought I was brilliant, but I gave a reading of the story, which meant I could add subtle nuances and cadence with my voice . . . would they have had the same sense if they read it on their own? I don't know. I mean, maybe the story is done. Maybe that's it. Send it off! To where? I'm not sure. But maybe I need to give up on the theory that the overwriting adds something to the tone, strip it naked and just let the story speak for itself. Or maybe the story isn't strong enough to stand naked and just be told? Maybe there's not enough to care about there? Maybe I'm just not interested in telling this particular story anymore? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Maybe I need to let someone else see it in its current state. Aha! There's a plan.

Mood: pondering
Drinking: coffee, cold, black, and water, chlorinated from the tap
Listening To: church bells announcing noon
Hair: pushed off my forehead

Just Another Day

I am gradually discovering the world of internet television. It is interesting for sure.

Today I woke up with a scene in my head. A scene. A line. A bit of foreshadowing, some irony. And then I got up out of bed, hit the keyboard and wrote a draft. 776 words. Yay! I see this thing taking shape again. It's exciting.

There was thunder earlier. I haven't seen any lightning, but it's around. I can see it on the map. I wanted to walk . . . reconsidering that.

Yesterday, I did some research on how to live a greener lifestyle. I'm doing a lot already, but I could do more. So, I did some research and have a list of things to implement. Already, I work from home and don't own a car. Most of the light bulbs in my apartment are energy efficient. They all were in my last place but I haven't got them all changed up yet since I moved. I only have the lights on if I'm in the room and need them. Usually I only turn them on in the kitchen because it is a windowless room, all the other rooms are lit enough by the streetlights outside my building. I unplug appliances when not in use i.e. tv, dvd player, lamps, computer, toaster, microwave, etc. I don't have air conditioning and in the winter I keep the thermostat set at 20C, adding extra blankets to the bed, and putting on sweaters instead (which can be DAMN cold!) I cook quite a bit in the oven in winter and when I'm done cooking I'll keep the oven door open to allow the heat to escape and help heat the apartment. I use enviro-bags for grocery shopping and use the collection of plastic bags I've accumulated previously to line garbage cans. I recycle paper in my printer, so both sides get used. I seldom print though. I use travel mugs and my own water bottles. I buy recycled, organic and local whenever I can. I don't buy paper towels at all.

I guess it all adds up. But I've found a lot of other things that are easy to do that I'm going to start doing.

Mood: fantastic
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: brian tracey, act boldly and unseen forces will come to your aid . . .
Hair: over and out

What A Morning!

I'm having a great day! I packed my backpack with scribblers, books and pens, strapped it on and headed off over the hill. Even though I was going to the Goodie Shop restaurant, I went through the Ritchie Wharf and walked along the water for a way. Just because I like walking by the water. I should go to strawberry marsh some day and walk. I noticed the hours on the library door (closed today until 1pm) and lucked out by getting the last booth in the restaurant, the only one without a window. That way I couldn't get distracted by passersby and parking lot mishaps.

I ordered water, black coffee, the MANGO approved omelet with onions, mushrooms, green peppers & tomatoes, and whole wheat toast, plain, no butter. While I waited for the food to arrive I opened a notebook and put pen to paper for "morning pages." Julia Cameron talks about morning pages in her book The Artists Way, which I have yet to read. Basically it's three pages of writing, long hand, anything that comes to your head. There is no pressure to make it perfect. It can be a to-do list repeated over and over or even your name. It doesn't have to make sense. It's just the act of putting pen to paper. To get going.

I struggle with that freedom, letting loose, not worrying about editing, re-writing, perfecting. It's an issue for me. Morning pages are supposed to help. Writing the Sammy story helped. It's kind of the same exercise. Without morning pages, I never would have finished the salmon adventure. I had to allow myself the freedom to just let fly and write whatever came into my head, push forward without thought to grammar, spelling, even making sense of the whole thing. It's a good practice for me to get into and maintain. Especially since I want to get back to my real writing, the serious stuff, the novel, to Limbo itself and my little Irish man Callum and the leaves swirling in the lane.

Yeah! I'm ready to go there again. And how do I know I'm ready? (cuz I've thought I was ready before and nothing happened you know) Because when I opened my notebook and put pen to paper to begin morning pages while I waited for breakfast, without hesitation I began, "Callum met Prue at the legion. He would often go there on a Thursday night to sit and sip a beer quietly in the back corner of the pool room . . ." And I continued through breakfast and a second cup of coffee. I didn't want to stop. I could have wrote all day. It was like I had never stopped writing. I could see him and her and how they met as if I just saw them yesterday. And the excitement! The thrill of having the words spill out and onto the page. To create on the fly and form be damned! I cannot even describe the adrenaline, how pumped I got sitting there with the waitress giving me strange looks, perhaps wondering what I was furiously scribbling. I wanted to come home and let fly for the rest of the day. (But I've got A LOT of work to do on other things, no time for that right now.)

It felt good. I feel good about it. I need to do more of that. I will do more of that. I will not keep myself from my true passion any longer. Life is too short. There are enough hours in the day. I can do it all, have it all, be it all. And I will.

Mood: charged up
Drinking: water
Listening To: gulls and crows
Hair: damp from sweat

Tuesday Morn Coming Down

My Tools to Life work is starting to take up a lot more time, which kinda freaks me out. I got up at 5:58 before the alarm screamed at 6, right into the bathroom, right into my clothes, right to the computer and my daily lesson and check list. I was at it by 6:15. And I haven't even done today's new exercises yet and it's almost 8am. I need to get to that place in my heart (my head already knows) where I feel that it's okay to spend so much time working on myself. This is important stuff. I'm changing my life. I'm important. My life is important.

I am without any breakfast foods, without coffee even. I need to go out. I think I might treat myself to breakfast at the Goodie Shop or Tim's. I think I'll pack my backpack with a notebook and/or the book I'm currently reading and just go enjoy breakfast and people watch. Maybe write. Maybe find a character or something fun like that. There's been a lot of talk lately about morning pages. Frankly, blogging is my morning pages. This is the dumping ground. This is where I purge almost daily. But there's something to be said for pen on paper. There's something to be said for writing in public.

Then I will go shopping and buy some coffee. Because coffee is also important. Coffee is very, very important. And I've been without for over a week.

Mood: un-caffeinated
Drinking: water
Listening To: the fridge hum
Hair: a bit messy

Adios Amigos!

Happy Friday! I'm scrambling to get as much done as I can before leaving to go to my parents. So I'm cleaning and editing and doing dishes and writing and taking out the trash and blogging and getting something to eat and uploading things to a website. Multi-tasking! Hell yeah! S and I are supposed to go shopping after work today. I'll have to inquire about that later, see if we're still on and for when so I can plan the rest of the day accordingly. If that's not happening then I need to track down my sister or brother-in-law to catch a ride out of town. We're going clothes shopping for something new and fresh for the weekend, which will be fun.

Tonight I have to go through some boxes at my mom's, apparently I still have some stuff there, so I need to sort through and either toss or bring with me to my place.

Tomorrow afternoon I'll be at the Blackville Park for the Whooper Festival's Bread 'n Molasses contest. I've got prizes! And I'll be selling copies of the latest issue.

Tomorrow night I'm going to Nine Pine's for a high school reunion. Anybody who went to BHS in the 80's and 90's can come, so that might be fun, especially if they're going to play music from then. Are you coming? I hope so!

Sunday I'm back in town for the finale of the Rock 'n Roll Festival. There's the car show and kids stuff happening in the afternoon. I'll have to check the schedule for full details. Last night's fireworks were postponed until Sunday night on account of the rain so the plan is for everyone to gather at my place Sunday evening instead to see what we can see.

Kinda busy weekend. Wished the weather was more predictable it's hard to know how to dress, what to wear, and most importantly what to pack. Oh well, adios amigos! Have a great weekend.

Mood: manic
Drinking: black tea, boiled, which will drive you crazy
Listening To: the dryer tumbling
Hair: pulled back in a red headband that matches my bright red peejays

She's Back!

So yesterday was like this crazy big day or something. I slept in a little until nearly 8 then had to rush around in my usual morning routine in order to get to the bank shortly after it opened at 10. I needed to deposit the rent before the landlord cashed the cheque. It took a little frigging, but mission accomplished!

Then I popped over to Sobey's with my new enviro-bags and picked up some much needed fruits, veggies, yogurt and bread. Those enviro-bags are sturdy suckers! Nice! Because the bank took so long I was later coming back over the hill than I had anticipated and it was quite hot by that time so I arrived at my place dripping sweat and beet red in the face. I think some old ladies on the street thought I was about to collapse, the looks they were shooting me with!

I immediately ate a tomato/cucumber pumpernickel sandwich (yummy!) for lunch and then got REALLY sleepy. I should have just napped. I have to learn how to do the nap thing, make it work for me. So the afternoon passed in foggy email and work. I tried to write, but sleepy and writing just don't mesh, I did good to edit. About 4pm I decided if I wasn't going to wake up and accomplish any work I should just leave the desk, have an early supper and plan to attend the live music at the wharf.

So I had supper while watching the Tom Green show. I'm not really a fan of Tom Green but sometimes he has interesting guests and the one I was watching happened to be a scientist on all kinds of freaky stuff like ufos, lake monsters and (hide your eyes, stace) sasquatch. So it was a pretty good show, or the first half-hour I saw was at least.

After dinner I seemed to have shaken off the sleepys and got a new energy for work and writing so I decided to skip the music after all and listened from a distance through my open window as I pitched myself full-force into writing and editing. Along about 8pm I decided I needed a break, so even though my abs were killing me with soreness I launched into my exercises. I exercised for about an hour, listening to Ti-Blanc on the wharf sing Beatles and wail Jerry Lewis on his keyboard. It sounded like a pretty good show from where I was perched.

After I exercised I felt really good, so I decided to clean up the house some and then dye my hair. I finished everything by 11pm but still wasn't sleepy (I had slept in yesterday morning if you remember) so I came back to the computer and writing and worked until a quarter to one. Eep! I'm not supposed to stay up that late anymore! Ooops! So I shut 'er down and hightailed it to bed, but I was restless, so I thought I'd just read for a little bit, finish my chapter and then sleep.

At 1:30 am I shut off the light, and soon after drifted into a restless state of unconsciousness that may or may not have really been sleep. And then 3:30 came and buddy upstairs came home from the bar with the same girl he brought home a couple of weeks ago. Did I tell you about her? The screamer? Luckily he forgot to take his viagara or drank too much or something, so he wasn't quite up to his former multiple performance and the whole thing was over in a measly five minutes. Or it should have been, at least. If the girl had just gone to sleep like he repeatedly coaxed her to do, but NO! She wanted to talk.

"LISTEN TO ME! I'M TELLING YOU I'VE GOT THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON YOU! I WANT TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!"

Oh boy! I feel for her, I really do . . . but maybe she should have thought about that before she came home with him a few weeks ago. He tried to diffuse the awkwardness of the situation by playfully pushing her out of the bed. No, I'm not kidding, he really did, her butt hit my ceiling and I expected to see her lying in bed beside me after the smoke cleared.

"YOU FUCKING THREW ME ON THE FLOOR! I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING! I'M TRYING TO BE SERIOUS! AND YOU FUCKING THREW ME ON THE FLOOR!"

Maybe the boy's a happy drunk cuz I know he's got a string of eff-words of his own that he could have lobbed back at her as she worked herself up to tears. He's got a set of lungs on him too, there used to be another girl who would quietly sit on the bed and take his tongue lashings. But at 4:30 this morning he was all sweetness, I imagined him rubbing her back as he soothed her hurt feelings with his playfulness and tried to kiss her back into bed to sleep. Bitch was having none of that!

"LISTEN TO ME!! I SAID I WANT TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!"

And Avril Lavigne starts singing in my head, "Hey! Hey! You! You! I could be your girlfriend!" I wonder how old this sad little girl is.

There's a bit of a row as she stomps around the room gathering her things, getting dressed, while he tries to ease her back into the bed without ever once addressing the issue of girlfriends. She storms to the front of the apartment and he stays in bed, goes to sleep, is snoring within minutes. I think she called a cab and left. Or else she slept on his couch. She was pretty quiet after that. But it was a quarter to five before the fracas died down. My alarm went off at six and I got up like I had slept a full night though. I'm clear headed, energized, and already productive. I'm kinda hoping that's the last we've seen of the screamer, maybe the next girl will take him home instead. That would be nice.

Kids are coming to watch the fireworks with me this evening I think. Another big day looms. Loving it!

Mood: buoyant
Drinking: king cole, black
Listening To: sweet avenue, damien rice
Hair: a new shade of summer sweetness

Rock the Casbah

I can hear what sounds like "Great Balls of Fire" wafting up from Ritchie Wharf, mingling with all the birds singing and boat traffic passing. The official opening doesn't happen until tomorrow night, but the Rock 'n Roll Festival is definitely underway!

I'm not heading down there this evening. I'm tired and I've got things to do. But tomorrow night I'm going to the opening and then later back to my place to watch the fireworks. I had hoped to see the Duck Race this year, but I've got to be in Blackville on Saturday and will miss it. What do you do? When you gotta work, you gotta work. But I'll be back for events on Sunday at least.

The schedule of things to come, should you be interested:

THURSDAY JULY 5
8 p.m. Opening Ceremonies & Street Dance
Susan Butler will sing O Canada and we will have the official opening of the festival. "Overdrive" will take you back to an era that will live forever, and of course there will be lots of activities for the children.
Cash Prize For Best Dressed At The Opening Ceremonies
Location: Waterfront Parking Lot, Newcastle.

10:30 p.m. Rock 'N' Roll Festival & Tim Hortons present Fireworks.
They've been called the best in the Maritimes, come and enjoy the spectacle.
Location: Waterfront Parking Lot, Newcastle.

FRIDAY JULY 6
1 p.m.-3 p.m. "Dude...Where's My Car"?
Pick up and drop off ballots at Vogue Optical. Locate the "cars" on the list and you could win $200.00.

1 p.m.-5 p.m. Free Live Entertainment
Location: Town Square

5 p.m. Registered Car Owners Meet & Greet
Great entertainment again this year by Ronald Doiron. Make sure you register your vehicle and take part in the fun.
Location: Goodie Shop Lounge.

9:30 p.m.-1:30 a.m. Dance For Adults
"The Reunion Band" will be celebrating 50 years of playing Rock 'N' Roll. Their sound is second to none and we are expecting a sell out. Doors open at 8:30 p.m. and you must be 19 years of age or over to attend.
Cash Prize For Best Dressed At The Dance
Location: Miramichi Civic Centre

SATURDAY JULY 7
SALE SALE SALE
Check out the Newcastle Business District for great sales

11 a.m. Show Off Your Baby
Owners of Antique Cars come show them off. Security will be on site.
Location: Town Square

11 a.m.-4 p.m. Rockin' In The Park
Music will fill the downtown as you take a trip through yesteryear.

Noon-3 p.m. Children's Activities
Location: Town Square

12:30 p.m.-2:30 p.m. Karaoke
Get your vocal chords warmed up and show off your talent
Location: Town Square

2 p.m. Rock 'N' Festival and Jaycees "Tire Fryer"
Hold'er for 45 seconds...if you dare in this burnout competition. Register at 1 p.m. Tire Frying at 2 p.m. Cost is $25 and space is limited
Location: Waterfront Parking Lot, Newcastle

4 p.m. Camp Sheldrake Great Duck Race
This event will really "quack" you up.
Location: Ritchie Wharf

5 p.m. How Fast Is Your Car?
Test your speed and your nerve in the 1/4 mile. No charge
Location: Miramichi Dragway Park

6 p.m. Golden Oldie Cruise Around The River
Parade begins and ends at the Goodie Shop Restaurant parking lot.

9:30 p.m.-1:30 a.m. Dance for Adults
The Ambassadors of Rock 'N' Roll, "Donnie and the Monarchs" are back!! You'll rock, you'll roll, you'll swing and sway with the music from yesterday. Ya just gotta dance. Doors open at 8:30 p.m. and you must be 19 years of age or older to attend.
Cash Prize For Best Dressed At The Dance
Location: Miramichi Civic Centre

SUNDAY JULY 8
8:30 a.m. Rock 'N' Run
1/2 Marathon, 10 & 5km. Walkers welcome in 5km only. The 10km is a NB Provincial Championship. Over $1600.00 in prize money. T-Shirts guaranteed to the first 250 registered in the 1/2 Marathon or 10km. 5km finishers will receive a participant medal. Last year, runners recorded some of their best times. For more information contact Scott at 778-9900 or register on line here
Location: Start at the Lindon Rec Centre

1 p.m.-4 p.m. Kids Fun Day
Jump Castles, Face Painting and a whole lot more.
Location: Behind the Beaverbrook Kin Centre

1 p.m.-5 p.m. Goodie Shop Restaurant Golden Oldie Car Show
A spectacular display of classics. There will be great prizes as well as entertainment by Ben "Ti-Blanc" Morin.
"The Very Best" Car Show In Atlantic Canada
Location: Goodie Shop Restaurant Parking Lot

Mood: slight headache
Drinking: king cole tea, black
Listening To: ti-blanc in the distance
Hair: trying something out

weekend ends

I have returned from a couple of days at the folks, where I slept very late and went to bed very early and was super sleepy most of the time. Yeah, I guess I needed a rest. I'm feeling much more lively now. Of course! As I should be in bed already and gearing for a busy week. I attended the Blackville Canada Day Parade for the first time since . . . I honestly cannot remember when, likely sometime in the early to mid 90s. It was uneventful. Both my sisters' families had their old cars in it though, so there were children to wave at and be excited to see. I bowed out of the annual family BBQ get-together thingy quite early with a raging headache (perhaps caused by balloons being bonked off my face . . .) and went home to down the last of my mother's asa with a half bottle of Wolf Blass. I molested the carcass of a chicken and watched the last half hour of the concert for Diana, dancing with my favourite boy to Tiny Dancer blaring in the living room. Later, I would play chess, cards and rock paper scissors with three little monkeys climbing all over my chest and lap, shrieking and trying to escape red wine kisses. Definitely the high point of any day. All in all, a pretty good weekend. I returned in a downpour to 150 new email. Life continues as usual.

Mood: clear-headed
Drinking: water
Listening To: time of your life, matt mays
Hair: entering a week of scientific experiments