Give Me Your Strength

I'm a bit stressed. Can't sleep. Can't read. Having some wicked stomach cramps . . . like I've eaten something questionable . . . again. Ever since Mickey Dee's yesterday actually. So maybe it's just the crappy mac. I've got all this stuff swirling in my brain and I can't turn it off. Wanna peak inside? Okay, here goes nothing . . . from my brain to the page . . . here's a little Sunday Night anxiety for you.

I should be typing a story to give the girls this week. They need a story. It's this week right? The meeting at the library. Wednesday? Yeah. I NEED a story. Which one? Hmm. What was up with that guy today about the cyberbullying summit? He cc'ed the Prime Minister for godsake. The Prime Minister of Canada!! Like how crazy is that? What is up with people like that. OH, what about The Writing Through the Wall, never workshopped it before. Yeah, gotta type it in. Need to pack some stuff. Books. Think I'll leave Michael Crichton, just take the literary stuff. Noticed a Book Crossing section in the coffee shop down there. I could leave some books there maybe. Take Paul Reiser. Oh my God!! I've got to finish Frank's book before I go and that one from Judy. Got to finish reading those books right now, so I can return them before I leave. Yeah. Lots of stuff to do before I leave. Need to get back all my dvds, buy the furniture, don't forget a garbage can and laundry basket . . . although, I wouldn't really need a laundry basket, just a hamper. Gotta get a hamper. Need to write that down. So what am I gonna do about the Computer guy who keeps emailing me? Need to sort that out. He's either in or he's out. The other day on the train I sat with the Emergency Hammer. The fucking emergency hammer! $300 fine for using that tool for any other reason other than an accident. Never saw anything like it before. Emergency exit, yes. Emergency window, of course. But a freaking Emergency Hammer. It was red and really quite small. You wouldn't think it could help in the event of a big emergency let alone a major accident, still 300 clams for casual usage. But hey what do I know. MUST SLEEP! Gotta get up early. Gotta do laundry. Everything I own is dirty. Yesterday I wore dirty clothes to Sackville, dirty, out of the suitcase I've been living out of since Moncton . . . the first time. Man, I spent WAY too much money that second time. What the hell was I thinking!? But hey, the landlord gave me a break . . . bit of a break . . . really not much of fucking break considering I'm only gonna be there for a week and a half all month. Oh well. Googled him and he is for real. Gotta do the WFNB press release. Gotta do that first thing tomorrow. Gotta get up early. Do the press release right after I straighten out the bnm list. The list is screwed I think. Take forever to administrate it. Changing servers is not fun. DAMN! I forgot to put those stories in bnm this time. SHIT! Gotta do that ASAP. Have to get another email out to the list as soon as I can. Can't forget the poetry I've got hidden on there. And didn't he send me something else. Check in with A and see if she's done. What am I going to do without Nick? Can't even think about it. And the kids! They'll grow up without me. They won't know me anymore. We won't be close. Is it worth it? Gotta remember to watch that discussion on the forum, that could get out of hand. Think that guy is back under a different name, stirring the pot. What are all those racial posts about? That's crazy. Saturday morning I saw three leaves caught in a mini-whirlwind. Fodder for Callum. Just three leaves and they were clicking along the ground, ragged edges, beat around, bouncing along the ground like kids running and holding hands. Can't forget that. Gotta use it. Good visual. Also, can't forget the ring scene. Need to get that in there someplace. Think I'm psychic. Thought of Sandra and there she was. Thought of Herb and there he was too. Crazy the way that happens. Herb sent me an ebook. Should read it. He probably wants feedback. Need to find a minute to do that. At least skim. Never found a Catholic church. Surely there must be one. I need a Catholic Church. An old priest. A bunch of Catholic fanatics. Must have them. ANd a carpenter. Need a carpenter if I am to proceed. OH! Hey, wasn't he building things in that shed? Yeah, I think the journalist is a carpenter too. Maybe he can tell me how to build a nice coffin. Gotta get the coffin done for the kid. That's pivotal. Gotta get the blog fixed. Haven't been able to blog about Frye. Stuff is there but can't publish. Damn server! Tomorrow night gotta remember to tape The Shield for Mom. Almost forgot last week and she missed Bosco. Gotta do that for her. No more AI for me! CONSTANTINE!! I should be reading. I should be listening to poetry or Chopin. I should be relaxing. My hip is still killing me. Stacy wants to do a treatment on me, could be good, could fix. I have faith. Can't go on like this. Can't walk right. Haven't been able to since just after Moncton, the first time. Damn tradeshow! I can't cancel on the writing girls because it will be the last time before the move. Heaven knows when I'll see Susan again! Judy at the AGM probably. Judy in school. OMG! What the hell is wrong with you, you've got to remember to get the application ready for the workshop in July. That is due soon. And another story out. Must be five this month to stay on track. Haven't heard about the others yet. God I love Cameron Crowe! Watched Say Anything commentary last night and it was fabulous. John Cusack is genius too of course. Dad's getting me a microwave? What's up with that. Where are all those email? Those ones for bnm? Where did I put them? WFNB newsletter for June, should start a blank one and get ready so it's not a rush job. Gotta do that. Wonder if he's getting the INternet put in or do I need to do something about that. Should call him maybe. When did he say he was going away? And when are those kids coming? Were they kids? Faculty? Daniel Richler!! IMagine. Fingers crossed. Gotta sleep. So late. Up so early this morning . . . and yesterday morning. Can't sleep. Too crazy. Even after PJ party. Drank too much. Slight headache and dry mouth. Couldn't sleep worth nothing. Up all night, up way too early. Is this a sign of things to come? Is this the amazing energy of living your dream? I would love to get up early every morning there and walk around the park. Come home and do yoga, have coffee and maybe even a bagel. Shower and working by 8 am. HA! I'd even like to try life without coffee, more green tea. It almost seems plausible. I'm semi-concerned about starvation . . . there is the food bank . . .could I do that? I will eat cheap and less. Much less. AND never out. Never. It'll be okay. I've been eating like a pig this past week, like I'm fattening myself up for the winter. Except it's spring. ALmost summer. ANd I'm a cow. A bloody cow. Need to sleep, cow. Need to close those eyes and get some rest. Okay. Even if I just lay here with my eyes closed and focus on breathing, this will help me rest. I will get up in a few hours more rested than if I lay here rolling all over and cursing. yes. Focus. Breathe. Close your eyes. . . breathe in, breathe out. Imagine a babbling brook . . . Aww shit! I need to pee.

Mood: Neurotically Ill
Drinking: 7-Up
Listening To: Gavin DeGraw, Chariot
Hair: Fading fast