I have a concern. There's something going on in my house . . . something not so good . . . something kinda downright nerve-wracking by times. Be afraid. Be very afraid to come to my house in the wee hours of the night. I noticed the change a couple of days ago . . . I was reluctant to believe it, accept it for what it seemed to be. Kevin insisted gifts came this way and I should welcome them into my life . . . and I admit a little one every now and again is no problem. A little one I can live with -- I have lived with.
But this is too fucking much. If this is a gift I don't want it. Thanks, but no thanks. Take it to someone else. I'm done!
I'm talking about spiders. And not just little cutesy fun to hang out with do I really have time to fish him out of that corner spiders. I'm talking about mother fucking big ass monsters of spiders. EVERYWHERE! The house is full of them. One darted out into the hall tonight, in the dark, and I could see him! Like a mouse or something!! THAT'S how big he was. I was afraid to step on him. Afraid not to. I was too worked up to clean up and dispose of the body. AND I MEAN BODY!! Not a little tissue deal, a full blown paper towel burial after a huge scraping.
It's crazy. I'm having a nervous breakdown from it. Last night I killed three and Mom killed one. Tonight I killed two. The last one, the unlucky bastard who accosted me in the hall. They probably came in on the wood, hung out in the basement snoozing most of the winter, but the spring is bringing them to higher ground like all the other bugs. Something has got to be done. I can't live this way, and I still have some time left to live here before the move.
After the slaughter in the hallway, I turned on all the lights in the house and made a lot of noise. Can spiders hear? I thought maybe they would stay away, because I don't see any in the daytime, only at night after everyone is gone to bed. I was freaked out. I mean seriously freaked out. Mom got up and told me to have a glass of wine to calm down, because I was so freaked out she was worried I was going to have a heart attack or something. So I had a glass and it did nothing. So I had another. And I'm still freaked out. So I brought the bottle to bed with me and hope I don't have to go out and pee later. I feel like if I'm in here with lights glaring, music blaring, tapping my foot, nick snoring and barking and just generally rattling around the room . . . then maybe I'll be okay in here and not have to see anymore. Because I can't deal with the stress of it. I HATE them! And whatever it is they're trying to bring me, I don't fucking care how big the delivery guy gets, I'm stomping him into the ground cuz I don't want any!! You hear me spirits?! I don't want any! So, abort any future missions right now. You DO NOT want to go to war with me on this, they didn't call me Killer Kel for nothing -- I'm armed, dangerous and deadly . . . and a little drunk.
Mood: Nervous
Drinking: Cheap Chilean Merlot
Listening To: Just Friends, Gavin DeGraw
Hair: Straggly ponytail
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Ummmm....Why was I not told about the spider situation? I mean if one is going over to visit one's house, shouldn't they be warned or something?
I'm with you on the whole "bringing you gifts" thing. I've literally said out loud:
"If you're trying to give me something, FIND ANOTHER WAY!!"
Yesterday,while walking down the hall, my head was down, when suddenly I looked up and I walked right into something black, that had been hanging in the middle of the hallway. I screamed bloody murder! The worst is I've never found it. I don't know if it was a spider or maybe a fly? But it disappeared. Hey, maybe it was an ambush! I finally got the gift they've been bringing me for years!!
Post a Comment