And so ends my foray into the world of detox. SIGH. Don't I feel better now? This morning I had some multi-grain Cheerios and skim milk with my banana/strawberry fruit breakfast staple. And the best part! The absolute freaking best part! . . . I HAD COFFEE! Italian, fair trade, organic, ground myself, only one cup, black. Life is beautiful! I didn't actually know how to make one cup so I ended up making more like two cups, but so as to resist the temptation to have a second cup, I immediately made a mental note of how much to make the next time and dumped the excess down the drain. I am a good girl. I'm also rocking some 100% natural orange juice this morning. Another habit I will continue and bring forward from this detox.
I weighed in this morning and was pleasantly surprised. I hadn't weighed in when I started this a week ago, but I had weighed sometime right before Christmas and was horrified to see the number. I know I put on even more weight after that and throughout the holidays. So I can only guestimate but I know that I lost at least 10 pounds over the last 7 days, perhaps even 15 or more. I am now right back to where I was when I was religiously following SparkPeople, which makes me feel good inside and out!
But the weight is totally bottom of the totem pole in comparison to all the other benefits like increased energy, better sleep, more mentally alert, etc.
So I did detox and it was a little difficult the first few days, but then it smoothed out, and I highly recommend it to anyone who just wants to get their head clear and gain some focus. For me that has been a critical part. A fog lifted off my brain and I just feel all around lighter and clear. I definitely will do this again, perhaps in six months time at the beginning of June. Great way to start the summer! And I mean it's only 7 days. A person can do anything for 7 days.
So in case you want to try this at home, here it is:
General Instructions for the 7-Day Brown Rice Detox:
Sometimes our digestive organs need a break from the many aggravating and toxic foods we put into them. Cleansing our body and digestive tract allows us to function better and to absorb nutrients more efficiently, thus making our bodies stronger and healthier. This diet will give you the nutrition you need while your body cleanses and heals itself. You do not have to go hungry and you do not have to watch your calories, weigh food, or pay attention to the food selection. You can eat whenever you are hungry and as often as you like. Eat until you feel full but not engorged. It is better to have several small meals rather than 3 large ones. Do not drink with your meals as this will dilute your stomach acid and enzymes needed to properly digest your food. Wait about 10-15 minutes before or after eating to have a drink. We suggest you do the cleanse at least twice per year.
What can you eat?
Brown Rice – rinse the rice before cooking, three times or until the water runs clear, add onions, herbs or spices during the last 15-20 minutes of cooking time if you desire.
Vegetables – All kinds of fresh whole vegetables can be eaten (no mushrooms though). Make sure to wash them really well in a solution of water and vinegar (1 part vinegar for every 4 parts water). Vegetables can be eaten raw, steamed or baked. No frozen, canned or jarred vegetables should be eaten, fresh only. Onions are particularly good for cleansing.
Fruits – All kinds of fresh whole fruits may be eaten (no dried fruits). Make sure to wash them very well in the vinegar/water solution. Eat raw fruit only.
Condiments – Fresh garlic, gingerroot, olive oil, lemon, cayenne pepper, cinnamon, oregano, any herb or spice that is a single herb without any salt seasoning.
Beverages – Filtered, distilled or spring water (drink lots and lots of water!), naturally decaf herbal teas, vegetable and fruit juices either freshly made or if they are purchased make sure they are 100% pure juice. Dilute juice half and half with water. Remember to wait 10-15 minutes before and after eating to have a drink.
Other foods – lentils, rice cakes, sesame seeds, chicken, fish, hummus, and tofu.
No shellfish (shrimp, oysters, scallops, clams, lobsters), no caffeine and no alcohol.
What to expect!
Day 1-3 you will be very hungry.
Day 2-3 you may experience headaches, fatigue, aches and pains. This is your body cleansing of toxins. Please do not take any medication or have coffee/tea/cola to suppress the symptoms.
Day 3-4 an increase in energy and decrease in appetite and cravings.
By the end of the week you will see an improvement in skin, digestive problems and mental focus. Pain will be decreased and you will have an overall great sense of well being.
Please come off the cleanse gradually. You will find you are very sensitive to sugar, alcohol, caffeinated beverages, large meals and medications after finishing the cleanse.
Mood: chipper
Drinking: oj
Listening To: the phone ringing in at stacy's house, wakey wakey!
Hair: definitely needing me to either go nuts with the razor again or seek professional help
Friday, January 11, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Sweet Talk
Of course in the computer crash I lost all my music again, except for what's on my mp3 player, so I haven't been really quick to load up again, have taken instead to listening to the radio. Virgin Xtreme is right up my alley with Kate Nash followed by Babyshambles and then The Killers.
Yesterday was a good day! If I could live like I did yesterday everyday then by George you'd see some frigging progress. Yesterday I did a lot of stuff, dealt with a lot of people, handled a lot of different situations as they arose, I worked A LOT! I talked with so many interview subjects and writers yesterday, it makes my head spin. Yet, I still found time to prepare three healthy meals, do two loads of laundry that included changing bedding, do dishes, watch a little George Strombo on tv and get in 5350 steps. It is very true that the more you do, the more you are capable of doing.
Yesterday I was talking to someone about getting up early and I was struck by what he said -- "I feel more successful when I get up early." I hadn't really thought of it that way. I mean I know I feel better about myself, about the day, about life in general when I'm getting up early than when I'm not. But I hadn't thought it out that far. That's it, exactly! I feel more successful when I get up early. And if you start the day successfully, it's so much more motivating and positive than if you sleep late and begin the day feeling like a big old failure. I have completely changed my sleep pattern this last year. From night hawk to morning dove. That, to me, is almost as huge as quitting smoking. Not as difficult to do, mind you, but I think just as huge a deviation from that person I always was.
And now I'm off for another flurry of a day. More people to talk with, more things to edit, lots to write.
Mood: positive
Drinking: peppermint herbal tea, 100% pure orange juice diluted half and half with water
Listening To: Virgin Xtreme, Hot Chip - Ready for the Floor
Hair: growing more and more everyday
Yesterday was a good day! If I could live like I did yesterday everyday then by George you'd see some frigging progress. Yesterday I did a lot of stuff, dealt with a lot of people, handled a lot of different situations as they arose, I worked A LOT! I talked with so many interview subjects and writers yesterday, it makes my head spin. Yet, I still found time to prepare three healthy meals, do two loads of laundry that included changing bedding, do dishes, watch a little George Strombo on tv and get in 5350 steps. It is very true that the more you do, the more you are capable of doing.
Yesterday I was talking to someone about getting up early and I was struck by what he said -- "I feel more successful when I get up early." I hadn't really thought of it that way. I mean I know I feel better about myself, about the day, about life in general when I'm getting up early than when I'm not. But I hadn't thought it out that far. That's it, exactly! I feel more successful when I get up early. And if you start the day successfully, it's so much more motivating and positive than if you sleep late and begin the day feeling like a big old failure. I have completely changed my sleep pattern this last year. From night hawk to morning dove. That, to me, is almost as huge as quitting smoking. Not as difficult to do, mind you, but I think just as huge a deviation from that person I always was.
And now I'm off for another flurry of a day. More people to talk with, more things to edit, lots to write.
Mood: positive
Drinking: peppermint herbal tea, 100% pure orange juice diluted half and half with water
Listening To: Virgin Xtreme, Hot Chip - Ready for the Floor
Hair: growing more and more everyday
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Walk Idiot Walk
Only today and tomorrow for detox and I'm done. Feeling pretty good today as well, though I slept in a bit later than 5:30 this morning. It's the fog. Hard to motivate in the grey. I have a theory that optimum sleep for me means 5-7 hours, any less or more and I'm dead knackering myself for the coming day. I will not shake the drowse without drugs. Too much sleep last night. Having a hard time shaking it off. But other than a case of the sleepies, I'm feeling well.
Yesterday was a busy day. Lots of work happening. Spent over an hour on the phone doing an interview. Have 2-3 calls to do today, an interview to pop out for this evening, another telephone interview tomorrow. The columns are starting to flow in so there's lots of editing. Another pub meeting on Friday afternoon. The online version is nagging at the back of my brain, but I know I have to focus on print. I really really really want to put it to bed by the 18th deadline. I'm supposed to go to Fredericton on the 19th. It'll be difficult to take the time if things aren't finished.
I walked downtown yesterday on slippery water over ice sidewalks. The King George Hwy needs some frigging TLC for walkers. Honest to God, it's terrible! The Barnettville Road is less treacherous, no sidewalks and all. I went to Jean Coutu and bought a couple of wall calendars. They're all on sale at half price this week. I got one with angels. The other I hung in my kitchen (where I always put the sark calendar). It's Happy Bunny. For January he's thrown his hands up and declared, "Whatever, you moron." Cracks me up every time I walk by. I went to Sobeys and picked up some chicken and strawberries. But the best score of the day was going to post office and getting my parcel from Amazon with two dvds -- The Wind that Shakes the Barley and Catch & Release. Very different genres, featuring boys I love to love, Cillian Murphy and Timothy Olyphant, throw in some bonus Kevin Smith, and I'm even able to ignore the fact that Jennifer Garner is the main star. (She's just too sweet to be real, don't ya think?) I also got "A Woman's Agenda 2008 celebrating movers & shakers." I needed something to bring my total up in order to be eligible for the free shipping, couldn't think of any more dvds (though I have since thought of lots) so I went looking in books, found this, and thought I'd try it out. It's kinda fabulous!
Oh well, it's a half hour since I drank anything, time to eat something.
Mood: confident
Drinking: nothing, food time
Listening To: virgin radio xtreme (alternative)
Hair: on the back burner for now
Yesterday was a busy day. Lots of work happening. Spent over an hour on the phone doing an interview. Have 2-3 calls to do today, an interview to pop out for this evening, another telephone interview tomorrow. The columns are starting to flow in so there's lots of editing. Another pub meeting on Friday afternoon. The online version is nagging at the back of my brain, but I know I have to focus on print. I really really really want to put it to bed by the 18th deadline. I'm supposed to go to Fredericton on the 19th. It'll be difficult to take the time if things aren't finished.
I walked downtown yesterday on slippery water over ice sidewalks. The King George Hwy needs some frigging TLC for walkers. Honest to God, it's terrible! The Barnettville Road is less treacherous, no sidewalks and all. I went to Jean Coutu and bought a couple of wall calendars. They're all on sale at half price this week. I got one with angels. The other I hung in my kitchen (where I always put the sark calendar). It's Happy Bunny. For January he's thrown his hands up and declared, "Whatever, you moron." Cracks me up every time I walk by. I went to Sobeys and picked up some chicken and strawberries. But the best score of the day was going to post office and getting my parcel from Amazon with two dvds -- The Wind that Shakes the Barley and Catch & Release. Very different genres, featuring boys I love to love, Cillian Murphy and Timothy Olyphant, throw in some bonus Kevin Smith, and I'm even able to ignore the fact that Jennifer Garner is the main star. (She's just too sweet to be real, don't ya think?) I also got "A Woman's Agenda 2008 celebrating movers & shakers." I needed something to bring my total up in order to be eligible for the free shipping, couldn't think of any more dvds (though I have since thought of lots) so I went looking in books, found this, and thought I'd try it out. It's kinda fabulous!
Oh well, it's a half hour since I drank anything, time to eat something.
Mood: confident
Drinking: nothing, food time
Listening To: virgin radio xtreme (alternative)
Hair: on the back burner for now
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Day Five
It's Day Five of Detox, folks, and I feel mighty fine! I mean MIGHTY fine! It occurs to me as I look out my window at the fog and rain that my arthritis should be flaring in this wacky temperature rise. For many years now that's been my reality. But not today. My joints feel great.
I woke at 5:20, got up at 5:30, went to work by 6am. I've worked an hour and a half, got my day planned and on track, fired off some email and now I break to blog and eat breakfast. I would have eaten earlier, but I'm not allowed to eat and drink at the same time. For me this has probably been the most difficult part of the detox process, well you know, once you get past all the pain and lack of caffeine. You're not supposed to drink anything a half hour before and after you eat. That's pretty hard! But liquids dilute your stomach acids making your food more difficult to digest. So I wake up thirsty. I drink water. I have a cup of peppermint tea. Then I must wait a half hour before breakfast. So here we are, going on 8 and I'm having a banana and an apple. I have never eaten so much fruit in all my life! I chop it up into a bowl and eat it like a salad. This seems to work better for me than biting into a whole apple. The bite-sized pieces are more appealing.
Yesterday at the office T asked how much weight I had lost so far. Everyone said my face looked different, thinner. The weight loss aspect is so far removed from why I'm doing this, I hadn't even given it a thought. I feel different, yes. I feel great for sure. But I haven't noticed any difference in the mirror or in my clothes. And I didn't weigh myself before I started. I just wanted to do something safe and healthy to rid my body of nasty chemicals and toxins. Get totally off the caffeine for a bit to give my body a break, and then try not to get right back up to a pot of coffee a day. I wanted to find a plan I could do a couple of times a year. And I think I've found it all right. What a way to start the summer in six months time! And if I shed some pounds in the process, woo-hoo! Bonus! But for me the focus always has to be health, not weight, because if I start focusing on weight I invite all kinds of nasty things into my life. Maintain good health, stay active, and the rest falls in line.
Now I do wish the fog would lift, I have places to go and things to do!
Mood: chipper
Drinking: nothing
Listening To: buddy upstairs readying to leave early for the second morning in a row, think he's got a job, or a New Year's resolution
Hair: still atop my head
I woke at 5:20, got up at 5:30, went to work by 6am. I've worked an hour and a half, got my day planned and on track, fired off some email and now I break to blog and eat breakfast. I would have eaten earlier, but I'm not allowed to eat and drink at the same time. For me this has probably been the most difficult part of the detox process, well you know, once you get past all the pain and lack of caffeine. You're not supposed to drink anything a half hour before and after you eat. That's pretty hard! But liquids dilute your stomach acids making your food more difficult to digest. So I wake up thirsty. I drink water. I have a cup of peppermint tea. Then I must wait a half hour before breakfast. So here we are, going on 8 and I'm having a banana and an apple. I have never eaten so much fruit in all my life! I chop it up into a bowl and eat it like a salad. This seems to work better for me than biting into a whole apple. The bite-sized pieces are more appealing.
Yesterday at the office T asked how much weight I had lost so far. Everyone said my face looked different, thinner. The weight loss aspect is so far removed from why I'm doing this, I hadn't even given it a thought. I feel different, yes. I feel great for sure. But I haven't noticed any difference in the mirror or in my clothes. And I didn't weigh myself before I started. I just wanted to do something safe and healthy to rid my body of nasty chemicals and toxins. Get totally off the caffeine for a bit to give my body a break, and then try not to get right back up to a pot of coffee a day. I wanted to find a plan I could do a couple of times a year. And I think I've found it all right. What a way to start the summer in six months time! And if I shed some pounds in the process, woo-hoo! Bonus! But for me the focus always has to be health, not weight, because if I start focusing on weight I invite all kinds of nasty things into my life. Maintain good health, stay active, and the rest falls in line.
Now I do wish the fog would lift, I have places to go and things to do!
Mood: chipper
Drinking: nothing
Listening To: buddy upstairs readying to leave early for the second morning in a row, think he's got a job, or a New Year's resolution
Hair: still atop my head
Monday, January 07, 2008
Out of Tune
Okay, I think I have a few minutes before I am whisked away to M5 (Mighty Miramichi Monday Morning Meeting for those not in the know). I am on Day 4 of a 7 day brown rice detox program. The first three days were frigging hell, let me tell you! I had a constant migraine and stomach cramps, leg pains, felt like I was freezing. And worst of all I was unable to medicate!! I've just been grinning and bearing it, or actually, going to bed and assuming the fetal. The headache I think I can blame on the lack of caffeine. Other ailments might have little to do with detox and could be related to my cycle (as could the headache partly), arthritis, flu, etc. Certainly my bowels are a tad upset by the sudden addition of all this fruit in my life. Now I get why my niece can't eat all the fruit she wants! But today so far I'm feeling not too shabby. There is a hint of a headache but it hasn't come to light yet. There is the hint of cramps but nothing concrete yet. I'm not feeling tired at all. I have energy. So things are looking up.
In other news, I haven't hit 10,000 steps in the past week but I am tracking the numbers. They're written right on my wall calendar in the office/living/dining room available at a glance for all the world to see. There is no doubt that I do make more of an effort to move when I'm wearing the pedometer than when I'm not. I think I'm averaging about 4500 steps a day this first week. But it's been a bitch of a week really, so I'm not at all discouraged. My high was 7140 on Saturday. Yesterday I dropped back a bit to 5703. Today could be tough as I'm going to the office. It's been difficult anyway because I've been chained to my PC trying to get back control of the situation since the crash.
The writing front suffers severely of course. Last week I only wrote creatively 2 days on Tuesday and Thursday, eeking out a meagre 236 words on a story from a prompt that is probably never going anywhere and about another 400 words on a kids story from prompts the kids gave me. Not too exciting there. No play work at all. So, I need to pay more attention to that part of my life and not let it fall through the cracks as it so often does.
And that's all for now. I need to get ready to leave.
Mood: okay
Drinking: vanilla rooibos herbal tea
Listening To: those strange sounds below
Hair: damp and air drying
In other news, I haven't hit 10,000 steps in the past week but I am tracking the numbers. They're written right on my wall calendar in the office/living/dining room available at a glance for all the world to see. There is no doubt that I do make more of an effort to move when I'm wearing the pedometer than when I'm not. I think I'm averaging about 4500 steps a day this first week. But it's been a bitch of a week really, so I'm not at all discouraged. My high was 7140 on Saturday. Yesterday I dropped back a bit to 5703. Today could be tough as I'm going to the office. It's been difficult anyway because I've been chained to my PC trying to get back control of the situation since the crash.
The writing front suffers severely of course. Last week I only wrote creatively 2 days on Tuesday and Thursday, eeking out a meagre 236 words on a story from a prompt that is probably never going anywhere and about another 400 words on a kids story from prompts the kids gave me. Not too exciting there. No play work at all. So, I need to pay more attention to that part of my life and not let it fall through the cracks as it so often does.
And that's all for now. I need to get ready to leave.
Mood: okay
Drinking: vanilla rooibos herbal tea
Listening To: those strange sounds below
Hair: damp and air drying
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Bet You Didn't Know
I'm back! And I bet you didn't even know I was gone! You won't believe what happened to me for New Year's . . . wait for it . . . I blew up another freaking hard drive!!!! No really! I really did! I have lost count of how many that is now, and the last one was only 5 months ago, so I don't know what the hell is going on, but I appear to be Dr. Death to computers. Anyway, if you've been emailing me or wondering why I haven't twittered, blogged, updated my Facebook status or anything else, that is why. I am back now. I will get up to date in time. It would be helpful if you could send me a link to your blog.
Mood: pretty happy actually
Drinking: nothing, i have to be drink free for a half hour before i can eat
Listening To: sadly my music has been ravaged :-(
Hair: clean but messy
Mood: pretty happy actually
Drinking: nothing, i have to be drink free for a half hour before i can eat
Listening To: sadly my music has been ravaged :-(
Hair: clean but messy
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
New Dawn
Well here we are, that time again. A brand new year. Yesterday I took stock. Today I lay down the new tracks, define my focus for 2008. This year my goals are for my wellness. I've been thinking about it a lot. And I think I've narrowed things down, got to the heart of the matter. There are three key areas to wellness--mind, body and spirit.
Thinking about my mind I could have gone in several different directions, into learning and growth, but for me it all kept coming back to peace of mind, quieting the mind. And when I started to think of ways that I gain peace of mind, the list was huge, keep on top of bnm work, keep on top of housework, keep on top of . . . well everything in my life. When I'm not on top of it, I lose my peace of mind. There's a pattern there.
The body part of my wellness was more obvious and quite easily figured out once I decided which area needed my attention most, but when it came to spirit again I could have went in any number of directions from religion to meditation and many other tangents. So I started thinking about my spirit, about the times when I've felt most centred and connected with the universe and the direction very soon revealed itself to me.
Without further fanfare, here are the things I will do in 2008:
In the past I've had some very practical point-blank goals about things like paying bills and attending special events, but I think if we look after ourselves, if we pay attention to our wellness, then all the practical things we want to achieve will flow outward from our balanced centre. Unlike past years, this year I also challenged Stacy to write wellness goals for 2008 and post them on her blog. And now, I challenge you. Take some time to think about your wellness, to really think about your mind, body and spirit, to reflect on peace and harmony and happiness in your soul. It's a brand new day, a brand new year, and anything can happen but you set the tone, you lay out the course, you determine the direction. Maybe you want to think about that and write your own wellness goals for yourself in 2008. Maybe you'll even share them on your blog.
Mood: energized
Drinking: coffee (still the last before detox)
Listening To: my mind, body and spirit
Hair: needing a shampoo
Thinking about my mind I could have gone in several different directions, into learning and growth, but for me it all kept coming back to peace of mind, quieting the mind. And when I started to think of ways that I gain peace of mind, the list was huge, keep on top of bnm work, keep on top of housework, keep on top of . . . well everything in my life. When I'm not on top of it, I lose my peace of mind. There's a pattern there.
The body part of my wellness was more obvious and quite easily figured out once I decided which area needed my attention most, but when it came to spirit again I could have went in any number of directions from religion to meditation and many other tangents. So I started thinking about my spirit, about the times when I've felt most centred and connected with the universe and the direction very soon revealed itself to me.
Without further fanfare, here are the things I will do in 2008:
Mind
I will not put off to tomorrow what I can do today. In 2008, my comfortable old friend "procrastination" becomes my worst enemy and I will see to his demise. Everyday I will do it now, whatever it happens to be. Everyday I will do the thing I least like to do, first, whether it's the dishes or making phone calls or working in my least favourite computer program. If I don't like to do it, I will do it first. If it needs doing, I will do it now.
Body
I will wear my pedometer everyday and consistently reach for a goal of 10,000 steps. I will track my progress. I will keep records. By the end of 2008 I will be able to look back at my records and determine exactly how many days I succeeded and how many I let fall by the wayside. I will be able to accurately determine my success rate. I will post those numbers here when I take stock at the end of the year.
Spirit
With or without the support of a writing group, in 2008 I will write fiction. I will create characters and plots and settings and dramas. I will hear strange voices in my head and capture their dialogue. I will write a stage play by spring. I will complete a novel by year's end. I will create consistently, producing new drafts every week. I will take the time to nourish my spirit. I will value my creativity and make room in my life for it to grow.
In the past I've had some very practical point-blank goals about things like paying bills and attending special events, but I think if we look after ourselves, if we pay attention to our wellness, then all the practical things we want to achieve will flow outward from our balanced centre. Unlike past years, this year I also challenged Stacy to write wellness goals for 2008 and post them on her blog. And now, I challenge you. Take some time to think about your wellness, to really think about your mind, body and spirit, to reflect on peace and harmony and happiness in your soul. It's a brand new day, a brand new year, and anything can happen but you set the tone, you lay out the course, you determine the direction. Maybe you want to think about that and write your own wellness goals for yourself in 2008. Maybe you'll even share them on your blog.
Mood: energized
Drinking: coffee (still the last before detox)
Listening To: my mind, body and spirit
Hair: needing a shampoo
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year! I spent a quiet evening at home last night watching movies. It was blissful! I watched No Country for Old Men and Atonement.
Why is it that a lot of the award contenders this year seem particularly violent? Like Eastern Promises, very violent.
I enjoyed both the movies, though I kind of had a Sopranos moment at No Country's fade to black. I hadn't really been listening to what Tommy Lee Jones was saying, my mind had wandered, so I feel I should watch the ending again sometime.
I cried after Atonement, but not a lot, it didn't wrench the guts right out of me or anything. I watched it second and by the end it was nearly midnight so then I was like, "Oh great, now I'm all sad and weepy just as the calendar flips."
So I went to bed and watched the last few skits with the Royal Canadian Air Farce's New Year's special, so I was laughing again by the time the countdown started and then sweet Suzie McNeil sang Auld Lang Syne and all was well in the world.
The first Austin Powers movie came on directly after and I watched the first 15 minutes or so before I started to drop off.
So all in all I brought in the year with giggles, smiles and a feeling of contentment. They say whatever you're doing as you bring in the year you will continue to do throughout the coming year (thus my horror at having tears and sadness) so if there's any truth to it then certainly I'll take giggles, smiles and a feeling of contentment any freaking day!
Happy 2008!
Mood: cheerful
Drinking: coffee (the last before detox!)
Listening To: hey hey, my my, neil young
Hair: growing again
Why is it that a lot of the award contenders this year seem particularly violent? Like Eastern Promises, very violent.
I enjoyed both the movies, though I kind of had a Sopranos moment at No Country's fade to black. I hadn't really been listening to what Tommy Lee Jones was saying, my mind had wandered, so I feel I should watch the ending again sometime.
I cried after Atonement, but not a lot, it didn't wrench the guts right out of me or anything. I watched it second and by the end it was nearly midnight so then I was like, "Oh great, now I'm all sad and weepy just as the calendar flips."
So I went to bed and watched the last few skits with the Royal Canadian Air Farce's New Year's special, so I was laughing again by the time the countdown started and then sweet Suzie McNeil sang Auld Lang Syne and all was well in the world.
The first Austin Powers movie came on directly after and I watched the first 15 minutes or so before I started to drop off.
So all in all I brought in the year with giggles, smiles and a feeling of contentment. They say whatever you're doing as you bring in the year you will continue to do throughout the coming year (thus my horror at having tears and sadness) so if there's any truth to it then certainly I'll take giggles, smiles and a feeling of contentment any freaking day!
Happy 2008!
Mood: cheerful
Drinking: coffee (the last before detox!)
Listening To: hey hey, my my, neil young
Hair: growing again
Monday, December 31, 2007
Taking Stock
The last time I took stock was January 3rd, 2007. On my blog that day I looked at my 2006 goals and decided I had accomplished about 50% of what I set out to do, then I set new goals for 2007. Now, it's that time again, time to take stock. Here's what I wrote:
Now let's break it down. I think I accomplished more this year with regard to the work part of the goals than on the health side. I feel like I slipped on the health side of things.
I do feel more organized, uncluttered, planned and focused on the work front than ever before. If you were to check my inbox right now you'd only find 40 emails there, everything else has been filed in the right spot. This is major! A year ago you would have found hundreds, perhaps thousands. I'm getting better at dealing with email as they arrive whether to file or delete or reply or whatever action is needed.
This year I also had another hard drive blow up on me, which was relatively painless as far as my work went because everything was backed up and filed where it was supposed to be. Systems are getting better. I'm getting better. Writing the novella Sammy story changed everything with regard to my ability to maintain focus and follow a plan.
I have developed some really good work habits this year. Some strong habits. Including actually using my day planner to make a plan and then following that plan. I've not been really good at maintaining that sort of organization and focus ever before. Yes, there are still a goodly number of pages left blank as I finish off the book for 2007, but I've done well, much better than any other year. And I'm exceling at using a wall calendar, having touched every day, even if just to mark its passing. I feel I've grown more conscious of my time and in doing so have become better aware of how to more productively manage it.
I feel like I improved about 80% on the work front this year. I feel strong heading into 2008, ready to overcome more obstacles, only grow better and take things to the next level. I haven't gotten ahead of the work load yet. I'm still chasing the work. But it feels like that is the next piece to fall into place.
But health is another matter. Moving to Miramichi seemed to majorly impact my success level. There have been a lot of weeks spent in high stress and anxiety this year, many more than the year previous, all related to me moving back to Miramichi. Not that I regret the move in any way, it's just like anything else, there's been a period of adjustment.
Yes, I had months of absolute brilliance but I also had way more months of absolute crap than I'd had years previous. On the healthy balanced diet front, I think if we put my good days on one side of a scale and my bad on the other, they would not balance but the bad would weigh the thing down. I lost nutrition ground this year. I stopped eating the way I had been consistently eating in Sackville. Overall, I'd say I probably did at least 50% worse on diet this year than I did last year, quite possibly more. I need to work hard just to get back to the level I was once at.
As poorly as I did on the nutrition front, I did even worse on the fitness front. Yes, I had brilliant moments of stepping. Yes, I purchased a pedometer. But overall the year was crap as far as fitness. I walked less than the year before in Sackville. In Sackville I walked consistently. Here, I've been beyond patchy. If I lost 50% ground on nutrition, I'd have to say I've lost a good 75% ground on fitness.
As my one year anniversary of moving approaches in February, I'm feeling more calm, more settled, more stable, and better able to make up the ground I've lost and continue the journey forward.
The only physical fitness aspect where I feel I've gained any ground at all is under the sleep component. Consistently I am getting better rest here than I was in Sackville. Consistently I am getting up earlier. Rising anytime after 8 really has become a sleep in, whereas my natural rising time in Sackville was consistently after 10am and anything before 8 seemed very damn early. Yes, I still stay up late a lot of the time, but I am able to go to bed before 10pm without thinking it's too early. I'm able to function better on less hours than I used to before. This seems to be a major benefit of the move and having more natural light in my life.
I came into this exercise of taking stock really feeling as if overall 2007 was a bit of a lost year for me, a wash out, but now I'm not so sure. I have grown. And while I did lose ground in one area, I really came ahead in another. So maybe like other years before this I was actually 50% successful at what I set out to do. And accomplishing 50% is not too bad to my way of thinking.
Later I will post my goals for 2008. This year they will be wellness goals in keeping with the new year being one of wellness and accountability. Let's give the buddy system a whirl and see if it increases our success ratio.
Mood: contemplative
Drinking: instant coffee
Listening To: just me typing
Hair: uncombed, unwashed, unrazored, unkempt
The areas I will focus on in 2007 are:
1. Health
2. Work
And that is all.
Or more specifically:
HEALTH
1) Diet
a. Drink lots of water
b. Eat breakfast
c. Control portions
d. Nutrition & balance
2) Fitness
a. Walk everywhere, every day
b. Strength exercise consistently
c. Find an activity (or activities) that you enjoy and participate regularly (dancing, swimming, tennis, ?)
3) Mental
a. Yoga
b. Meditation
c. Sleep
WORK
1) Get organized & stay organized
2) Declutter and maintain
3) Plan and follow through
4) Focus and maintain focus
5) Get ahead of the workload and stay out in front
6) Develop time-saving and productive work habits
Now let's break it down. I think I accomplished more this year with regard to the work part of the goals than on the health side. I feel like I slipped on the health side of things.
I do feel more organized, uncluttered, planned and focused on the work front than ever before. If you were to check my inbox right now you'd only find 40 emails there, everything else has been filed in the right spot. This is major! A year ago you would have found hundreds, perhaps thousands. I'm getting better at dealing with email as they arrive whether to file or delete or reply or whatever action is needed.
This year I also had another hard drive blow up on me, which was relatively painless as far as my work went because everything was backed up and filed where it was supposed to be. Systems are getting better. I'm getting better. Writing the novella Sammy story changed everything with regard to my ability to maintain focus and follow a plan.
I have developed some really good work habits this year. Some strong habits. Including actually using my day planner to make a plan and then following that plan. I've not been really good at maintaining that sort of organization and focus ever before. Yes, there are still a goodly number of pages left blank as I finish off the book for 2007, but I've done well, much better than any other year. And I'm exceling at using a wall calendar, having touched every day, even if just to mark its passing. I feel I've grown more conscious of my time and in doing so have become better aware of how to more productively manage it.
I feel like I improved about 80% on the work front this year. I feel strong heading into 2008, ready to overcome more obstacles, only grow better and take things to the next level. I haven't gotten ahead of the work load yet. I'm still chasing the work. But it feels like that is the next piece to fall into place.
But health is another matter. Moving to Miramichi seemed to majorly impact my success level. There have been a lot of weeks spent in high stress and anxiety this year, many more than the year previous, all related to me moving back to Miramichi. Not that I regret the move in any way, it's just like anything else, there's been a period of adjustment.
Yes, I had months of absolute brilliance but I also had way more months of absolute crap than I'd had years previous. On the healthy balanced diet front, I think if we put my good days on one side of a scale and my bad on the other, they would not balance but the bad would weigh the thing down. I lost nutrition ground this year. I stopped eating the way I had been consistently eating in Sackville. Overall, I'd say I probably did at least 50% worse on diet this year than I did last year, quite possibly more. I need to work hard just to get back to the level I was once at.
As poorly as I did on the nutrition front, I did even worse on the fitness front. Yes, I had brilliant moments of stepping. Yes, I purchased a pedometer. But overall the year was crap as far as fitness. I walked less than the year before in Sackville. In Sackville I walked consistently. Here, I've been beyond patchy. If I lost 50% ground on nutrition, I'd have to say I've lost a good 75% ground on fitness.
As my one year anniversary of moving approaches in February, I'm feeling more calm, more settled, more stable, and better able to make up the ground I've lost and continue the journey forward.
The only physical fitness aspect where I feel I've gained any ground at all is under the sleep component. Consistently I am getting better rest here than I was in Sackville. Consistently I am getting up earlier. Rising anytime after 8 really has become a sleep in, whereas my natural rising time in Sackville was consistently after 10am and anything before 8 seemed very damn early. Yes, I still stay up late a lot of the time, but I am able to go to bed before 10pm without thinking it's too early. I'm able to function better on less hours than I used to before. This seems to be a major benefit of the move and having more natural light in my life.
I came into this exercise of taking stock really feeling as if overall 2007 was a bit of a lost year for me, a wash out, but now I'm not so sure. I have grown. And while I did lose ground in one area, I really came ahead in another. So maybe like other years before this I was actually 50% successful at what I set out to do. And accomplishing 50% is not too bad to my way of thinking.
Later I will post my goals for 2008. This year they will be wellness goals in keeping with the new year being one of wellness and accountability. Let's give the buddy system a whirl and see if it increases our success ratio.
Mood: contemplative
Drinking: instant coffee
Listening To: just me typing
Hair: uncombed, unwashed, unrazored, unkempt
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Happy Christmas!
I'm so over Merry y'all. It's days past the big day and I'm just getting into it. Well, maybe I'm not getting into the Christmas thing at all, just the New Year thing, but no matter my belly is fluttery with butterflies and I'm excited about life! Maybe this is just because I seemed to sleep a bit better last night and the mucus in my throat has dissipated somewhat. But who cares! I'm excited about the day! It's snowing! Like big ass flakes!
Last night Stacy and I exchanged our Christmas gifts. As usual I felt like I didn't get her nearly enough, but mine was the gift that if properly executed will just keep on giving throughout the year, so maybe that compensates. As usual she got me everything I wanted and more! Bakeware! A set of six pieces, that is like earthenware that you can go from oven to table. Just makes ya want to bake beans and make a lasagna! They're brown (very earthy and good!) and the set includes a rectangle piece, a square pan, a round pot with cover (for the beans don't ya know!) and two smaller round ones (are they called ramekins?). Very excited about it!
That on its own was enough, but the giving continued. She also got me a mug made by an NB potter named Babineau. It's lovely and big, which is how I like them and unique in that the base of the mug is pinched, good for picking up by the base instead of the handle. Good grip. The base is light coloured, plain, and it's trimmed in green tones. Kinda rough and imperfect, not too much glaze, which is exactly what I like so well.
And now you're thinking surely that's all, but nooooo, she also got me two gift sets one from St.Ives and the other from The Healing Garden Organics (Fig and Lavender!), which are both things I love but other than the St. Ives apricot facial scrub (which I just ran out of and needed some more) I never buy for myself.
Another gift was the Sentimento Latino wall calendar featuring artwork by Antonio Broccoli Porto, which has some very interesting and lovely paintings in it. Fabulous! There was also a dayplanner for 2008, a tin of Timothy's Coffee of the World White Hot Chocolate, which I'm dying to try, and two body bars from the Method line (which is natural, organic, etc.) The bars are called pure minimalist, which we all know suits me pretty well, lol. Oh and I nearly forgot! (Because I've nearly eaten them all) A box of homemade chocolate truffles! Oh boy! They are yummy!
So we had a great time exchanging gifts and catching up. Part of my gift to her involves our blogs. The theme of my gift was Wellness and Accountability. Basically her and my wellness, us being accountable to one another. It's kind of a gift to both of us. I promise to be all up in her face every day and this will help both of us. I wrote her three notes on postcards of different women. One said that we would each write three wellness (mind, body, spirit) goals for 2008 and post them on our blogs for the world to see (and thereby hold us accountable to achieve them). Another said that beginning in the New Year the first email I send every day will be to her, telling her how many steps I took the day before and asking for her numbers (we both have pedometers). And the third card said that we would begin the year with a cleansing detox diet for seven days. I emailed her the instructions for that one this morning. My gift included Sobeys gift cards to buy the fresh produce for the cleanse. I also gave her a Women's Day Planner, a time management course with cd, a book on emotional health and two planters. So yeah, totally doesn't seem like I got her very much in comparison. I need to be extra diligent in my bugging her to keep stepping.
Today I'm expecting more company. A friend is coming to stay the night. Girl talk!! Yay! Hopefully, the snow will not ruin our plans. Fingers crossed.
Mood: happy
Drinking: coffee, instant, black
Listening To: the fridge hum (it seems excessively loud these past few days)
Hair: forgotten and neglected
Last night Stacy and I exchanged our Christmas gifts. As usual I felt like I didn't get her nearly enough, but mine was the gift that if properly executed will just keep on giving throughout the year, so maybe that compensates. As usual she got me everything I wanted and more! Bakeware! A set of six pieces, that is like earthenware that you can go from oven to table. Just makes ya want to bake beans and make a lasagna! They're brown (very earthy and good!) and the set includes a rectangle piece, a square pan, a round pot with cover (for the beans don't ya know!) and two smaller round ones (are they called ramekins?). Very excited about it!
That on its own was enough, but the giving continued. She also got me a mug made by an NB potter named Babineau. It's lovely and big, which is how I like them and unique in that the base of the mug is pinched, good for picking up by the base instead of the handle. Good grip. The base is light coloured, plain, and it's trimmed in green tones. Kinda rough and imperfect, not too much glaze, which is exactly what I like so well.
And now you're thinking surely that's all, but nooooo, she also got me two gift sets one from St.Ives and the other from The Healing Garden Organics (Fig and Lavender!), which are both things I love but other than the St. Ives apricot facial scrub (which I just ran out of and needed some more) I never buy for myself.
Another gift was the Sentimento Latino wall calendar featuring artwork by Antonio Broccoli Porto, which has some very interesting and lovely paintings in it. Fabulous! There was also a dayplanner for 2008, a tin of Timothy's Coffee of the World White Hot Chocolate, which I'm dying to try, and two body bars from the Method line (which is natural, organic, etc.) The bars are called pure minimalist, which we all know suits me pretty well, lol. Oh and I nearly forgot! (Because I've nearly eaten them all) A box of homemade chocolate truffles! Oh boy! They are yummy!
So we had a great time exchanging gifts and catching up. Part of my gift to her involves our blogs. The theme of my gift was Wellness and Accountability. Basically her and my wellness, us being accountable to one another. It's kind of a gift to both of us. I promise to be all up in her face every day and this will help both of us. I wrote her three notes on postcards of different women. One said that we would each write three wellness (mind, body, spirit) goals for 2008 and post them on our blogs for the world to see (and thereby hold us accountable to achieve them). Another said that beginning in the New Year the first email I send every day will be to her, telling her how many steps I took the day before and asking for her numbers (we both have pedometers). And the third card said that we would begin the year with a cleansing detox diet for seven days. I emailed her the instructions for that one this morning. My gift included Sobeys gift cards to buy the fresh produce for the cleanse. I also gave her a Women's Day Planner, a time management course with cd, a book on emotional health and two planters. So yeah, totally doesn't seem like I got her very much in comparison. I need to be extra diligent in my bugging her to keep stepping.
Today I'm expecting more company. A friend is coming to stay the night. Girl talk!! Yay! Hopefully, the snow will not ruin our plans. Fingers crossed.
Mood: happy
Drinking: coffee, instant, black
Listening To: the fridge hum (it seems excessively loud these past few days)
Hair: forgotten and neglected
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Dreams With Deadlines
As we get closer to the end of 2007 I've been a little concerned about myself. Normally as soon as the calendar flips to December I go into reflection and planning mode. I start to take stock of the past year and get excited about setting new goals for the new year. But this December came and stayed and I felt nothing. And there's been a little nagging voice in the back of my mind whispering, "What's wrong? Are you gonna take stock or what? Don't you have any dreams to fulfill?" And then the other day at the office we were having a last holiday toast before we all scattered to our various family festivities for a week and T asked me to reflect on the past year, and I had nothing. Not a thought in my head. So I was concerned, understandably. Very out of character for me. But this morning the first reflective rumblings in my tummy, the first anticipation of new goals. Whew! That was close! Maybe I've just been too busy to get into it. But rest assured I'll be back next week to look at the year in review and plan for the year ahead. Yay! I'm back!
It's Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Wish me luck!
Mood: excited
Drinking: black coffee
Listening To: somebody to love, queen
Hair: soon to washed and fluffed
It's Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Wish me luck!
Mood: excited
Drinking: black coffee
Listening To: somebody to love, queen
Hair: soon to washed and fluffed
Friday, December 21, 2007
Achy Again
Awake since 5am though I tried to continue sleeping until 6:30, should have just gotten up. I'm in an achy season again. There seems to be an excess of moisture in the air or something. Pain makes me tired. I self-medicate. IOW (my own shorthand for In Other Words) I drink. And this is the drinking season too, so that can get excessive. One glass of wine can easily turn into two this time of year. And as I saw on the weekend two glasses quickly becomes two bottles. So I'm kind of in constant pain. There is no isolated spot, it's an all-over achy weariness. Even in sleep I'm in pain. Last night's series of dreams involved me being tortured. I'm not sure what information was being sought of me or why these people wanted to bend me to their will, but I found myself repeatedly being strapped into machines for various painful exercises. Chained into a chair with my arms dangling loosely by my side. Suddenly my wrists are enclosed in steel cuffs and the chair begins to rise. Lying on my back on a concrete slab, the man with the welders goggles begins to drill slowly into my knee cap. And so it went, from dream to dream, all night long. That is the sleep of one who is in pain. This morning I don't feel like going to any of the soirees I have been invited to this afternoon/evening. Perhaps I'll shake it off as the day progresses.
Mood: tired, sore
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: still haven't found what i'm looking for, u2
Hair: uncombed
Mood: tired, sore
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: still haven't found what i'm looking for, u2
Hair: uncombed
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Right Next to the Right One
Yeah, I'm listening to Celine. Go figure. Well, here we are, heading into insanity. No turning back now. This evening Stacy and I went grocery and liquor store shopping, then back to my place for a way late supper and wrapping gifts for the family we've sponsored at work. Tomorrow morning we're going to deliver them. Tomorrow night me and Stace had thought maybe we'd exchange our gifts but now I think we're going to hold off until next week. After the holiday rush. Something for later. Friday the crush begins in earnest for me. I'm going to the office to work. We're going to knock off early and dig into a bottle of wine or two, the bulging beer fridge, enjoy some spirits. Then me and Stacy head off to Barnbonia for the Tea House staff party, followed directly by a road trip to the rip roaring rapids for a house party. I'll stay all night at the folks, return to town on Saturday, where I'll try to make sure everything is prepped for a longer stay upriver. Take care of the last minute shopping and housework, etc. It's possible I'll be nursing a hangover. With any luck I will be completely recovered and relaxed by Sunday's big adventure with CMC, definitely lunch, maybe a ball game, who knows what else? Anything is possible. Conversation lasting into the wee hours, fits of giggles, holding hands . . . I have a good feeling about this one. But a new adventure is always exciting. Monday I pack up and leave for a couple of days at the folks. I am now leaning toward making the jerk chicken nachos for the xmas eve festivities, purchased some fixings this evening including the frigging Maple Leaf Prime boneless skinless chicken breasts! That's some damn fine chicken! It's funny, at the store all I wanted to buy was stuff that needed no prep, like pudding and microwave dinners, you know quick stuff, open the package shove the food in your mouth. I don't know why I always fall out of love with food this time of year. I crave nothing. I'm ho-hum about everything. It's weird. I'm doing a 7-day toxin cleanse after the holidays, maybe that'll bring some spunk back into my taste buds. No caffeine. No alcohol. No chemicals. Nothing unnatural. Should be interesting. Need to spend the couple of days I'm in Barnbonia visiting. Then back home on Boxing Day, where life should return to normal unless people visit me, which I'm hoping some will. No plans for New Year's Eve yet. I may bring it in on my own terms. I'm due, I think. We'll see if anything more interesting presents itself. And so ends this eve's ramble.
Mood: sleepy now
Drinking: california cabernet sauvignon
Listening To: harvest moon, neil young
Hair: messy
Mood: sleepy now
Drinking: california cabernet sauvignon
Listening To: harvest moon, neil young
Hair: messy
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Butterflies
I'm having a butterflies kind of day/week/almost month. Fluttering in my gut. Yes, I am excited. Nervous. Crippled with anticipation. Heart racing in my chest. This is not a panic attack. At the same time swatting self-doubt. Shoo! Go away! I am cool. I am confident. I am a good person. I am intelligent. I am fun to be around. I am beautiful, inside and out. I will take slow calming deep breaths and repeat this mantra all day every day until Sunday. Then the adventure begins in earnest.
Mood: fidgety
Drinking: water
Listening To: 1979, smashing pumpkins
Hair: wrecked
Mood: fidgety
Drinking: water
Listening To: 1979, smashing pumpkins
Hair: wrecked
Monday, December 17, 2007
O Xmas Tree
I posted pics on Facebook already, but here some of them are again for those who don't go there. It's hard to get a good pic of the tree it seems. It's much more lovely in person.
Mood: sore
Drinking: water, lots and lots of water
Listening To: guy downstairs wheezing and sneezing
Hair: we're not sure
Mood: sore
Drinking: water, lots and lots of water
Listening To: guy downstairs wheezing and sneezing
Hair: we're not sure
Friday, December 14, 2007
Mania Settling In Again
Just in time for the weekend another bout of heart-racing lip-trembling doe-eyed insomnia-inducing mania. Yay! I need someone to say, "Catch your breath, babe." Unfortunately I live alone, it's snowing and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be snowed in, alone all evening. Plus, I'm not big on people calling me babe, though I call others babe all the time. A double standard, I know. So maybe I'll just keep running around like a nut, flitting from project to project, trying to keep my brain in my skull.
It's excitement. It's anticipation. It's happiness. It's the last week before Christmas.
That is all.
Mood: manic
Drinking: water
Listening To: on top, the killers
Hair: flat and messy
It's excitement. It's anticipation. It's happiness. It's the last week before Christmas.
That is all.
Mood: manic
Drinking: water
Listening To: on top, the killers
Hair: flat and messy
Thursday, December 13, 2007
The Bootleg Saint
Sam Roberts is in studio working on a new album. Very cool!
I am having some wicked crazy ass dreams this week. Yeah, what else is new? Right? There are some people who show up in my subconsciousness way too much for my liking. I need more celebrity guest stars. The only one I've had lately was Barbara Streisand, which was not as cool as one might imagine it would be.
Yesterday I had lunch with a writer friend at the Rodd. The food was great, the conversation even better, like an infusion of creativity for my soul. In the evening I went to the writers' group meeting. Very small group, tis the season after all, but it was good. Got some submissions, read some crap. In the new year my old writing workshop is supposed to be starting up again. We're going to meet regularly every week or two with the common goal to each complete a new novel by spring/summer. I am so up for something like that. I desperately need to do something. I am beyond stagnant.
Mood: getting a headache
Drinking: nothing
Listening To: what is it about men, amy winehouse
Hair: all over the place
I am having some wicked crazy ass dreams this week. Yeah, what else is new? Right? There are some people who show up in my subconsciousness way too much for my liking. I need more celebrity guest stars. The only one I've had lately was Barbara Streisand, which was not as cool as one might imagine it would be.
Yesterday I had lunch with a writer friend at the Rodd. The food was great, the conversation even better, like an infusion of creativity for my soul. In the evening I went to the writers' group meeting. Very small group, tis the season after all, but it was good. Got some submissions, read some crap. In the new year my old writing workshop is supposed to be starting up again. We're going to meet regularly every week or two with the common goal to each complete a new novel by spring/summer. I am so up for something like that. I desperately need to do something. I am beyond stagnant.
Mood: getting a headache
Drinking: nothing
Listening To: what is it about men, amy winehouse
Hair: all over the place
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
38 Years Old
Twelve men broke loose in '73
From millhaven maximum security
Twelve pictures lined up across the front page
seems the mounties had a summertime war to wage
The chief told the people they had nothing to fear
The last thing they'd wanna do is hang around here
They mostly came from towns with long French names
But one of the dozen was a hometown shame
Same pattern on the table, same clock on the wall
Been one seat empty 18 years in all
Freezing slow time away from the world
He's 38 years old, never kissed a girl
He's 38 years old, never kissed a girl
We were sitting round table, heard the telephone ring
Father said he'd tell em if he saw anything
Heard the tap on the window in the middle of the night
Held back the curtains for my older brother Mike
See my sister got raped, so a man got killed
Local boy went to prison, man's buried on the hill
Folks went back to normal when they closed the case
They still stare at their shoes when they pass our place
My mother cried "The horror has finally ceased"
He whispered "yeah, for the time being, at least"
Over his shoulder, on the squad car megaphone
Said "Let's go Michael, son, we're taking you home"
Same pattern on the table, same clock on the wall
Been one seat empty 18 years in all
Freezing slow time away from the world
He's 38 years old, never kissed a girl
He's 38 years old, never kissed a girl
Just sitting here listening to some Hip. I'm 38 years old. Never kissed a girl. Lots of frogs tho :-) Still waiting for the prince . . . aww, who am I kidding, kissed a few of them too.
Last night I purchased a tree and trimmings, then proceeded to stay up half the night assembling things into what is now one mighty fine piece of Christmas in my living room. I love my tree! It's my first one. Ever. Well I had one someplace else one year a long time ago, but it doesn't count because it wasn't really mine, I was just there is all. This one, this one is mine and mine alone. And it's fucking beautiful! I'm tempted to keep it til spring.
Kidding. Kinda.
I am having an unusual time of things lately. I'm not sure what's going on. Maybe it's just the time of year. Maybe it's hormonal. Maybe this permanent sinus headache has rotted my brain. Maybe I'm just stressed. Who the frig knows?! I just feel different. I'm going through a phase or something. I think it started when I chopped all my hair off. Or rather chopping all my hair off in the middle of the night was a symptom of the beginning of . . . whatever the hell this is. Or something like that. I am . . . restless.
Mood: compulsively running my fingers through my hair
Drinking: water
Listening To: fuck the pain away, peaches
Hair: mussed, and sporty according to the mighty boys . . . i don't think that means the same thing as it would on coronation street
From millhaven maximum security
Twelve pictures lined up across the front page
seems the mounties had a summertime war to wage
The chief told the people they had nothing to fear
The last thing they'd wanna do is hang around here
They mostly came from towns with long French names
But one of the dozen was a hometown shame
Same pattern on the table, same clock on the wall
Been one seat empty 18 years in all
Freezing slow time away from the world
He's 38 years old, never kissed a girl
He's 38 years old, never kissed a girl
We were sitting round table, heard the telephone ring
Father said he'd tell em if he saw anything
Heard the tap on the window in the middle of the night
Held back the curtains for my older brother Mike
See my sister got raped, so a man got killed
Local boy went to prison, man's buried on the hill
Folks went back to normal when they closed the case
They still stare at their shoes when they pass our place
My mother cried "The horror has finally ceased"
He whispered "yeah, for the time being, at least"
Over his shoulder, on the squad car megaphone
Said "Let's go Michael, son, we're taking you home"
Same pattern on the table, same clock on the wall
Been one seat empty 18 years in all
Freezing slow time away from the world
He's 38 years old, never kissed a girl
He's 38 years old, never kissed a girl
Just sitting here listening to some Hip. I'm 38 years old. Never kissed a girl. Lots of frogs tho :-) Still waiting for the prince . . . aww, who am I kidding, kissed a few of them too.
Last night I purchased a tree and trimmings, then proceeded to stay up half the night assembling things into what is now one mighty fine piece of Christmas in my living room. I love my tree! It's my first one. Ever. Well I had one someplace else one year a long time ago, but it doesn't count because it wasn't really mine, I was just there is all. This one, this one is mine and mine alone. And it's fucking beautiful! I'm tempted to keep it til spring.
Kidding. Kinda.
I am having an unusual time of things lately. I'm not sure what's going on. Maybe it's just the time of year. Maybe it's hormonal. Maybe this permanent sinus headache has rotted my brain. Maybe I'm just stressed. Who the frig knows?! I just feel different. I'm going through a phase or something. I think it started when I chopped all my hair off. Or rather chopping all my hair off in the middle of the night was a symptom of the beginning of . . . whatever the hell this is. Or something like that. I am . . . restless.
Mood: compulsively running my fingers through my hair
Drinking: water
Listening To: fuck the pain away, peaches
Hair: mussed, and sporty according to the mighty boys . . . i don't think that means the same thing as it would on coronation street
Saturday, December 08, 2007
As I Am
Yesterday afternoon we had a story session at O'Donaghue's. It was good, got some good ideas. Then we rushed back to the office to decorate the mighty van for the parade of lights. Stacy and I went in the parade on our own, everyone else went to a Christmas party at the Rodd. But that was okay. The parade was really quite lovely. Quite a few floats. Santa and the Missus were adorable in their horse drawn sleigh. I kept thinking the kids would love this, but it's kind of a crazy weekend for my kids. It was pretty chilly too, but there was a good crowd around.
After we traded vehicles in the Rodd parking lot and then went to Pizza Delight for supper. Garlic fingers, pizza, even cinnabons for dessert, couple of glasses of wine. Fabulous! But maybe it was too late for eating or maybe I was just feeling too mighty off the successful meeting and parade, but when I got home shortly after 10 I couldn't turn my brain off so I settled into the computer and worked on BnM until 2 in the morning. I had big plans for this morning, wanted to get up early and go to Zellers, buy a tree and all the trimmings, come home and put it all up. So at 2am I yawned once and said that's good, go to bed now. In bed I tossed and turned until 3:30 then I drifted off for exactly 20 minutes, just long enough to get into a nightmare, which I promptly shook off at 3:50. Wide awake until 4:40 and then I drifted again, right smack into another nightmare. Wide awake again at 5am, stayed that way until after 6, then drifted for another 20 minutes into another nightmare that had me wide awake until after 7:30. Sometime shortly before 8 I fell asleep for real, unsettling dreams but not scary enough to wake me up. Didn't kick until Sherry phoned going on noon. Morning plans ruined.
I'm a little stressed. I don't seem to have the Christmas stress going on, it's all work related, just having too much to do and not feeling a hundred per cent physically and mentally to be up to the challenge. No big deal really. I don't know if that was keeping me awake or if it was eating supper so late in the day or if maybe it was the fact I took sinus meds the night before and slept so soundly for 12 hours straight, no dreams, nothing. One super good night's rest equals another of crazy unrest. Perhaps. Whatever got into me, the day is not turning out like I had hoped so far. Think I'll shower and go downtown Newcastle this afternoon. Take care of some household errands. Then later this evening maybe if I pop down to Zellers it won't be a complete zoo. Maybe. I'm pursing my lips. Unconvinced. Nobody dislikes the mall during holiday shopping more than me :-(
Mood: a little unsettled, unwell, just un
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: an ode to no one, smashing pumpkins
Hair: sassy
After we traded vehicles in the Rodd parking lot and then went to Pizza Delight for supper. Garlic fingers, pizza, even cinnabons for dessert, couple of glasses of wine. Fabulous! But maybe it was too late for eating or maybe I was just feeling too mighty off the successful meeting and parade, but when I got home shortly after 10 I couldn't turn my brain off so I settled into the computer and worked on BnM until 2 in the morning. I had big plans for this morning, wanted to get up early and go to Zellers, buy a tree and all the trimmings, come home and put it all up. So at 2am I yawned once and said that's good, go to bed now. In bed I tossed and turned until 3:30 then I drifted off for exactly 20 minutes, just long enough to get into a nightmare, which I promptly shook off at 3:50. Wide awake until 4:40 and then I drifted again, right smack into another nightmare. Wide awake again at 5am, stayed that way until after 6, then drifted for another 20 minutes into another nightmare that had me wide awake until after 7:30. Sometime shortly before 8 I fell asleep for real, unsettling dreams but not scary enough to wake me up. Didn't kick until Sherry phoned going on noon. Morning plans ruined.
I'm a little stressed. I don't seem to have the Christmas stress going on, it's all work related, just having too much to do and not feeling a hundred per cent physically and mentally to be up to the challenge. No big deal really. I don't know if that was keeping me awake or if it was eating supper so late in the day or if maybe it was the fact I took sinus meds the night before and slept so soundly for 12 hours straight, no dreams, nothing. One super good night's rest equals another of crazy unrest. Perhaps. Whatever got into me, the day is not turning out like I had hoped so far. Think I'll shower and go downtown Newcastle this afternoon. Take care of some household errands. Then later this evening maybe if I pop down to Zellers it won't be a complete zoo. Maybe. I'm pursing my lips. Unconvinced. Nobody dislikes the mall during holiday shopping more than me :-(
Mood: a little unsettled, unwell, just un
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: an ode to no one, smashing pumpkins
Hair: sassy
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
I'm It
Tagged by Jenn, just as I was thinking to myself, "this one wouldn't be a good one for me to do . . ."
Eat, Drink & Be Merry
A meme for the holidays....
Four things you always find yourself drinking at Christmastime
1. wine
2. brandy
3. hot apple cider
4. hot chocolate
Four things you always eat around Christmastime
1. i don't really eat anything differently, not big on the turkey dinner and all that, not really big on all the sweets and candy, i'm one of those people who will lose weight over christmas, who finds it easy to stick to the diet over the holidays, i'm more of a beverage person
Four people you buy presents for every Christmas
1. stacy
2. the kids (they are more than 4, i didn't want to single any one of them out)
3. mom
4. dad
Four people you always receive a present from at Christmas
1. mom & dad
2. stacy
3. grammie
4. lee (usually)
Four presents you remember getting as a child
1. the barbie motor home
2. saturday night fever album
3. ghetto blaster
4. i remember nothing else. poodle was obviously a cherished one, but i don't recall the moment he arrived
Four places you always visit over the holidays
1. i don't really do that. i go to mom's for a couple of days and see what happens. usually i end up at jenn's for games and things, usually i go visit paulina and anna so they can show me their toys, but that's about it
Four people who always visit you over the holidays
1. nobody ever visits me over the holidays. maybe they will this year
Four Holiday Gatherings you usually attend
1. the mighty party
2. the tea house "staff" party
3. xmas eve at mom's house
4. can't think of any other gatherings
Four Holiday movies you watch every year
1. i don't really do this either, if I stumble onto Home for the Holidays or National Lampoon's I'll watch it cuz I love those two. I probably watch Love Actually on purpose. This year I hope to watch The Holiday. But who really knows
Four Christmas specials you still love to watch
1. Not big on Christmas specials, haven't really seen The Grinch or Charlie Brown or any of that stuff in years
Four great holiday memories
1. i can't think of any
Four not-so-great holiday memories
1. too many to list, couldn't possibly pick the top 4
Four things you love about Christmas
1. giving gifts
2. the tree, lights, decorations, music
3. Christmas Eve
4. christmas cheer i.e. playing games, food & drink
Four things you don't love about Christmas
1. shopping in crowded malls
2. being depressed
Four people you are tagging
noboby, i'll spare you
Mood: pretty happy til i did this thing
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: nothing
Hair: still short spiky uneven and amateurish
Eat, Drink & Be Merry
A meme for the holidays....
Four things you always find yourself drinking at Christmastime
1. wine
2. brandy
3. hot apple cider
4. hot chocolate
Four things you always eat around Christmastime
1. i don't really eat anything differently, not big on the turkey dinner and all that, not really big on all the sweets and candy, i'm one of those people who will lose weight over christmas, who finds it easy to stick to the diet over the holidays, i'm more of a beverage person
Four people you buy presents for every Christmas
1. stacy
2. the kids (they are more than 4, i didn't want to single any one of them out)
3. mom
4. dad
Four people you always receive a present from at Christmas
1. mom & dad
2. stacy
3. grammie
4. lee (usually)
Four presents you remember getting as a child
1. the barbie motor home
2. saturday night fever album
3. ghetto blaster
4. i remember nothing else. poodle was obviously a cherished one, but i don't recall the moment he arrived
Four places you always visit over the holidays
1. i don't really do that. i go to mom's for a couple of days and see what happens. usually i end up at jenn's for games and things, usually i go visit paulina and anna so they can show me their toys, but that's about it
Four people who always visit you over the holidays
1. nobody ever visits me over the holidays. maybe they will this year
Four Holiday Gatherings you usually attend
1. the mighty party
2. the tea house "staff" party
3. xmas eve at mom's house
4. can't think of any other gatherings
Four Holiday movies you watch every year
1. i don't really do this either, if I stumble onto Home for the Holidays or National Lampoon's I'll watch it cuz I love those two. I probably watch Love Actually on purpose. This year I hope to watch The Holiday. But who really knows
Four Christmas specials you still love to watch
1. Not big on Christmas specials, haven't really seen The Grinch or Charlie Brown or any of that stuff in years
Four great holiday memories
1. i can't think of any
Four not-so-great holiday memories
1. too many to list, couldn't possibly pick the top 4
Four things you love about Christmas
1. giving gifts
2. the tree, lights, decorations, music
3. Christmas Eve
4. christmas cheer i.e. playing games, food & drink
Four things you don't love about Christmas
1. shopping in crowded malls
2. being depressed
Four people you are tagging
noboby, i'll spare you
Mood: pretty happy til i did this thing
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: nothing
Hair: still short spiky uneven and amateurish
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
And That's A Wrap
Finally, the girl can breathe, just a smidgen. Finally, she can go put her feet up and let the swelling go down. Finally, she can take the sleepy sinus meds and slip away for many hours. Finally! I'm so relieved.
I finished the writing on Dec today. All the articles, all the tidbits. Can't do anything else til I see a first draft. Getting one soon. Stacy's dropping it off.
Late. I hate being late. And I'm always confused when I'm late, as to what happened, where did it all go wrong. Yes, this time I had some health stuff this past two weeks. Sinus. Arthritis. Bowel. You name it! It came to call in the past couple of weeks. But still . . . that's not enough. And the time that it went so easy and we were on time, early even, what about that time? What did I do differently? How did I handle that one?
These stories, man. Killers.
And that got me thinking about the process. I must not be acknowledging the time it really takes to go through the process. I must not be realistic about it. So then I'm going through it in my head.
First I get the story, generally somebody puts me onto it, often times they don't even know what it's all about because someone has told them about it. So then I have to sit and make a list of questions I need to ask the subject of the story in order to find out what the story is about. Sometimes I need to do research on the Internet in order to write intelligent questions. I need the questions first just in case when I call whoever it is they say they have a few minutes right now and then they're leaving the country for three months. In case I come up against a now or never situation, it's good to be prepared. But usually, it's not now, it's later. So I call and make an appointment. Then I call back or arrive in the person's place at the time of the appointment. I ask the questions I have written down. I ask questions I don't have written down. I take pages and pages of notes.
The next step is transcribing the notes. Depending on the story I may also need to do more research. This time for instance, I had quite a few stories that needed a lot of research because they're big topics I know nothing about. I'm talking 3-4 hours of online research per story. From the research I will cut and paste up to a dozen pages of pertinent notes into my existing interview notes document. So I end up with a 15-20 page document of random story things that I need to peel back to about a thousand words of coherent smooth flow. This is challenging. This doesn't happen on the same day I did the initial research.
Then I have to find the lead. The beginning is the most important part, it sets the tone for the whole thing. Oftentimes there are a few ways I could go and I need to find the one that does what I want to do in the best way. Finding the lead is hard. Sometimes no lead readily presents itself and then I'm pulling my hair out and freaking out. Finding the lead is a physically draining dilemma. I can find the lead on a couple of stories in the same day, but I can't do anything else with that story on the day I find the lead, because I have mush brain on that story. So what I always do is find the leads on all my stories first. Then I go back and finish them one by one.
When I get to this last stage I generally know the information so well and understand where I'm going so the writing goes very quickly, it's not even like writing at this stage, it's more like putting the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together. This is the quote that follows the lead, this sentence segues into the next quote, this topic followed by that topic, there's the ending, delete the flabby unused portion and voila! There's the story. I can knock off a few of these puppies in a day, once they get to this stage. And there I have it, my lateness clarified. Now I know. Seven days to comfortably get a feature story done. Four features this issue equals 28 days or 5 and a half weeks, plus all the regular articles I write (editor's note, movie review, wellness article, sammyscope), plus all the editing and blurbs writing, plus all the admin, coordination and correspondence with the contributors, plus the online issues that were coming out every two weeks until I decided I didn't have time to do the online issue two weeks ago. And then I get sick! Suddenly it all makes sense. Why do I repeatedly set myself up to fail?
And then that part of my brain that truly believes I am Wonder Woman kicks in and says, but wait, you don't need all those days. You don't need all those steps and gel time. And outside the heat of the writing, in the quiet time when the stories have been laid to rest, I hear that voice and I think, that's right! I can take a story from interview to finished in one day! I can totally do that! And the next story I write, I even try to do that. I try to lump steps together, and I get so tired, and I get so stressed, and I don't get any further ahead, and I have to admit I can't do it. But by then, it's too late, because I've already committed to write all these stories. So there you go.
I'm an idiot.
Mood: wound up
Drinking: not yet
Listening To: nothing
Hair: neglected
I finished the writing on Dec today. All the articles, all the tidbits. Can't do anything else til I see a first draft. Getting one soon. Stacy's dropping it off.
Late. I hate being late. And I'm always confused when I'm late, as to what happened, where did it all go wrong. Yes, this time I had some health stuff this past two weeks. Sinus. Arthritis. Bowel. You name it! It came to call in the past couple of weeks. But still . . . that's not enough. And the time that it went so easy and we were on time, early even, what about that time? What did I do differently? How did I handle that one?
These stories, man. Killers.
And that got me thinking about the process. I must not be acknowledging the time it really takes to go through the process. I must not be realistic about it. So then I'm going through it in my head.
First I get the story, generally somebody puts me onto it, often times they don't even know what it's all about because someone has told them about it. So then I have to sit and make a list of questions I need to ask the subject of the story in order to find out what the story is about. Sometimes I need to do research on the Internet in order to write intelligent questions. I need the questions first just in case when I call whoever it is they say they have a few minutes right now and then they're leaving the country for three months. In case I come up against a now or never situation, it's good to be prepared. But usually, it's not now, it's later. So I call and make an appointment. Then I call back or arrive in the person's place at the time of the appointment. I ask the questions I have written down. I ask questions I don't have written down. I take pages and pages of notes.
The next step is transcribing the notes. Depending on the story I may also need to do more research. This time for instance, I had quite a few stories that needed a lot of research because they're big topics I know nothing about. I'm talking 3-4 hours of online research per story. From the research I will cut and paste up to a dozen pages of pertinent notes into my existing interview notes document. So I end up with a 15-20 page document of random story things that I need to peel back to about a thousand words of coherent smooth flow. This is challenging. This doesn't happen on the same day I did the initial research.
Then I have to find the lead. The beginning is the most important part, it sets the tone for the whole thing. Oftentimes there are a few ways I could go and I need to find the one that does what I want to do in the best way. Finding the lead is hard. Sometimes no lead readily presents itself and then I'm pulling my hair out and freaking out. Finding the lead is a physically draining dilemma. I can find the lead on a couple of stories in the same day, but I can't do anything else with that story on the day I find the lead, because I have mush brain on that story. So what I always do is find the leads on all my stories first. Then I go back and finish them one by one.
When I get to this last stage I generally know the information so well and understand where I'm going so the writing goes very quickly, it's not even like writing at this stage, it's more like putting the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together. This is the quote that follows the lead, this sentence segues into the next quote, this topic followed by that topic, there's the ending, delete the flabby unused portion and voila! There's the story. I can knock off a few of these puppies in a day, once they get to this stage. And there I have it, my lateness clarified. Now I know. Seven days to comfortably get a feature story done. Four features this issue equals 28 days or 5 and a half weeks, plus all the regular articles I write (editor's note, movie review, wellness article, sammyscope), plus all the editing and blurbs writing, plus all the admin, coordination and correspondence with the contributors, plus the online issues that were coming out every two weeks until I decided I didn't have time to do the online issue two weeks ago. And then I get sick! Suddenly it all makes sense. Why do I repeatedly set myself up to fail?
And then that part of my brain that truly believes I am Wonder Woman kicks in and says, but wait, you don't need all those days. You don't need all those steps and gel time. And outside the heat of the writing, in the quiet time when the stories have been laid to rest, I hear that voice and I think, that's right! I can take a story from interview to finished in one day! I can totally do that! And the next story I write, I even try to do that. I try to lump steps together, and I get so tired, and I get so stressed, and I don't get any further ahead, and I have to admit I can't do it. But by then, it's too late, because I've already committed to write all these stories. So there you go.
I'm an idiot.
Mood: wound up
Drinking: not yet
Listening To: nothing
Hair: neglected
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
This is the Sound
I am loving the Foo Fighters. Big time. It's like I put on the iTunes random shuffle and I go off to do dishes or whatever and then I'll hear this song I don't recognize but totally love so I look to see who it is and it's Foo Fighters, every freaking time! I just got a bunch of their stuff the other day.
Today I want to decorate for Christmas. I never wanted to decorate in Sackville. I never even wanted to hang pictures. I only did it (and after I'd already been there a year) because other people seemed to think it was odd to have bare walls. But here I'm all about the Christmas! I want lights! And a tree!
I peppered a steak with numerous spices and put it in the over to slow-cook for supper. The smell!! Oh my God! It's fabulous. It begs for some pasta and marinara, a nice glass of wine. I have the pasta part anyway. Maybe I can make something happen.
Mood: pretty good
Drinking: water
Listening To: i don't feel like dancing (remix), scissor sisters
Hair: still short 'n sassy
Today I want to decorate for Christmas. I never wanted to decorate in Sackville. I never even wanted to hang pictures. I only did it (and after I'd already been there a year) because other people seemed to think it was odd to have bare walls. But here I'm all about the Christmas! I want lights! And a tree!
I peppered a steak with numerous spices and put it in the over to slow-cook for supper. The smell!! Oh my God! It's fabulous. It begs for some pasta and marinara, a nice glass of wine. I have the pasta part anyway. Maybe I can make something happen.
Mood: pretty good
Drinking: water
Listening To: i don't feel like dancing (remix), scissor sisters
Hair: still short 'n sassy
Monday, November 26, 2007
Knowing Me, Knowing You
Went to dinner theatre at the Rodd last night for the Mighty Christmas party. Had a great time! It was frigging hilarious because we were front and centre so many at our table had interaction with the actors, who stay in character throughout the evening. One of the night's highlights happened when our fearless leader, Terry, took the microphone from the pregnant lady and ran around our table leading the mighty crew in a rousing rendition of Rudolph so we could get permission to go to the buffet table. The buffet, by the way, was really good. Rolls with butter, tossed salad, pasta salad, potato salad, coleslaw, whipped mashed potatoes, rice, whipped turnips/squash, roast beef, roast turkey, gravy, and a cranberry chutney or spicy sauce (really yummy!) Dessert was assorted cakes and coffee. The slab I had was marble with an amazing icing. I'm not usually big on the icing thing, but this was damn good! Throw in a couple glasses of wine and you have good times. I didn't want to go, too much work to do, not feeling it, but now I'm glad I went.
Mood: druggy
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: the more i see you, michael buble
Hair: all over the place in a playful bedhead look
Mood: druggy
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: the more i see you, michael buble
Hair: all over the place in a playful bedhead look
Sunday, November 25, 2007
The River is Wild
My mighty river is freezing in. Yesterday I thought I saw ice near the shore in Chatham Head, but I couldn't be certain. Today there is no doubt. Ice floes throughout. Have the ducks all gone where they're going yet? This week every morning there have been hundreds boogeying up past my place. But now there's ice. I wonder if I'll start seeing the eagles again soon. I haven't seen them since the ice went out. I've been thinking they'll come back when it returns.
Had bacon, eggs, toast and coffee for breakfast. Woke at 8:20 after only 3 hours sleep. Went to the bathroom but then went back to bed and slept til nearly 10. I needed it. I've been burning the candle at both ends all week. And today I only have 2 non-drowsy sinus caps to take, so I can't rely on drugs to push me through. Plus I'm going out this evening with the mighty crew, don't want to be dead knackered. So I woke up all stuffed up from lack of meds. I need to somehow make my way to Douglastown this week for a neti pot.
I need to rededicate myself to wellness. I need to do that asap! Because I've let it go by the wayside and I'm unwell.
Mood: rough around the edges
Drinking: coffee, italian roast, black
Listening To: fistful of throttle, nathan wiley
Hair: it's growing on me
Had bacon, eggs, toast and coffee for breakfast. Woke at 8:20 after only 3 hours sleep. Went to the bathroom but then went back to bed and slept til nearly 10. I needed it. I've been burning the candle at both ends all week. And today I only have 2 non-drowsy sinus caps to take, so I can't rely on drugs to push me through. Plus I'm going out this evening with the mighty crew, don't want to be dead knackered. So I woke up all stuffed up from lack of meds. I need to somehow make my way to Douglastown this week for a neti pot.
I need to rededicate myself to wellness. I need to do that asap! Because I've let it go by the wayside and I'm unwell.
Mood: rough around the edges
Drinking: coffee, italian roast, black
Listening To: fistful of throttle, nathan wiley
Hair: it's growing on me
Saturday, November 24, 2007
The Razor's Edge
Have I mentioned that I took it upon myself to do away with almost a whole head of hair? Yeah. Chopped it off. Razored throughout. Who knows why I do these things? I've never gone this far before. When I turn 40 I'm going to have a mid-life crises and dye it blue/black. I suppose the hair doesn't really matter. Yeah, it's pretty effed up, all different lengths. But I think all it needs is the right attitude to carry it off. If I hold my head high, smile with confidence, as if I think my hair looks fabulous, maybe nobody else will notice. Maybe.
I am so frigging sleepy. Got just under 4 hours sleep last night. Moon dreams. Nightmares. Not the truly scary kind where I wake up screaming or crying or both, but the kind where I come to in a rush of breath and immediately realize I'm ok. Those ones aren't too bad. Got caught up on some housework today. Lord knows it was needed! When I get behind, I get WAY behind. Feeling better now.
Just made a pot of coffee. I am giving myself four hours to complete a certain amount of work and then I can go to bed and watch one of the dvds Stace dropped off earlier. Tomorrow is Sunday! So I'm probably looking at a 7:30 morning, even though I've already seen all of this week's Corrie. Oh well, give me lots of time to frig with my hair before the mighty rodd outing.
Mood: medicated
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: calm like a bomb, rage against the machine
Hair: razored, strawberry blonde
I am so frigging sleepy. Got just under 4 hours sleep last night. Moon dreams. Nightmares. Not the truly scary kind where I wake up screaming or crying or both, but the kind where I come to in a rush of breath and immediately realize I'm ok. Those ones aren't too bad. Got caught up on some housework today. Lord knows it was needed! When I get behind, I get WAY behind. Feeling better now.
Just made a pot of coffee. I am giving myself four hours to complete a certain amount of work and then I can go to bed and watch one of the dvds Stace dropped off earlier. Tomorrow is Sunday! So I'm probably looking at a 7:30 morning, even though I've already seen all of this week's Corrie. Oh well, give me lots of time to frig with my hair before the mighty rodd outing.
Mood: medicated
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: calm like a bomb, rage against the machine
Hair: razored, strawberry blonde
Friday, November 23, 2007
Git 'er Done!
I stayed up pretty late last night, until about 3:30 or so. I took my last dose of sinus meds around 5:30 but still it didn't seem to help as far as sleepy went. I had lots of work to do anyway. I watched An Evening with Kevin Smith while I ate a frog and did some transcribing of stories that came in handwritten on looseleaf. Fabulous! Don't even ask me how I've come this far and not seen any of these films. There were quite a few stories I had already heard on Smodcast, which was a bit of a surprise, but lots of giggles regardless. I'm going to watch the newer one from last year sometime this weekend.
The Mighty crew is going to the Christmas Dinner Theatre at the Rodd on Sunday night. It's out annual staff Xmas gathering. It should be fun. I haven't been in a few years. The last time we went there was just me, Stacy and Terry. Times have changed! We'll fill a table now. I think me and Stacy are going to sneak our way into a Christmas party at the Tea House! LOL No seriously, we've been talking about it. The Tea House is all decked out and looking mighty cozy and Christmas-like, I can't think of a better place to get in the spirit. I'm kinda actually getting in the spirit on my own. The other night when me, Stace, and Les were shopping at Jean Coutu they were playing carols over the speakers. Whenever I'm in Jean Coutu I'm reminded of Sackville and I get a little nostalgic. I miss it a lot sometimes. The quaintness, the compactness. Miramichi is much bigger. I need to go downtown and shop around the square, see if I can find some quaintness there. Decorations in the park and such must come soon. Santa Claus parades must happen soonish.
Oh well, enough rambling about stuff. The meds seem to have kicked in so I'm off for another productive day.
Mood: chipper
Drinking: coffee, water
Listening To: 1973, james blunt
Hair: sliced and diced. literally. i totally chopped off my ponytail and then took the razor to my head. seriously. i went from three inches below my shoulders to just below my ears. all by myself!! it's the drugs man, it's gotta be the drugs
The Mighty crew is going to the Christmas Dinner Theatre at the Rodd on Sunday night. It's out annual staff Xmas gathering. It should be fun. I haven't been in a few years. The last time we went there was just me, Stacy and Terry. Times have changed! We'll fill a table now. I think me and Stacy are going to sneak our way into a Christmas party at the Tea House! LOL No seriously, we've been talking about it. The Tea House is all decked out and looking mighty cozy and Christmas-like, I can't think of a better place to get in the spirit. I'm kinda actually getting in the spirit on my own. The other night when me, Stace, and Les were shopping at Jean Coutu they were playing carols over the speakers. Whenever I'm in Jean Coutu I'm reminded of Sackville and I get a little nostalgic. I miss it a lot sometimes. The quaintness, the compactness. Miramichi is much bigger. I need to go downtown and shop around the square, see if I can find some quaintness there. Decorations in the park and such must come soon. Santa Claus parades must happen soonish.
Oh well, enough rambling about stuff. The meds seem to have kicked in so I'm off for another productive day.
Mood: chipper
Drinking: coffee, water
Listening To: 1973, james blunt
Hair: sliced and diced. literally. i totally chopped off my ponytail and then took the razor to my head. seriously. i went from three inches below my shoulders to just below my ears. all by myself!! it's the drugs man, it's gotta be the drugs
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Merry Happy
Oh boy, how could I have forgotten how lovely non-drowsy sinus meds are?! I've been in agony for weeks, months even, and all I needed to do was go buy some drugs. Sheesh! I had not intended to buy a non-drowsy formula. Because my goal was to get some sinus relief, not get that little amphetamine-like energetic loss of appetite buzz that I am highly susceptible to addiction. Sometimes I miss bennies. There. I've said it. I mean 10,000 steps happened daily back in those days, I'll tell ya! Should've had a pedometer strapped on, just for fun. I can't even imagine how many miles I put on regularly. The queen of the 10 minute walk. Ten minutes from Mom's to M's. Ten minutes from the club to R's. Or maybe that was 15, but even then, DAMN! That's far! Walking from back the clubhouse in Cains River to Mom's, in cowboy boots. On my feet 24/7 behind the bar, in heeled granny boots. Yeah, sometimes I miss that. Sometimes. And how many steps would that walk from the Anglican Church in the Rapids to home have been?! That's far! You know, I still love walking, still love being on my feet. Just can't convince my brain that I should make more time for that. Getting there.
I also bought a mild laxative last night. Been having some issues. But I was thinking the mixture, speed, laxative, you'd think I was trying to quickly shed some pounds. I'm not. But hey, now I have the tools I need for a quick 10 drop in a most unhealthy manner. Or I could just stop eating fried chicken and potato chips. That's a thought.
Mood: buzzing
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: at the 100th meridian, tragically hip
Hair: currently, it's kinda like i gave myself a mullet . . . i'm gonna try again, chop more off, i may be in need of emergency hair care from a professional very soon
I also bought a mild laxative last night. Been having some issues. But I was thinking the mixture, speed, laxative, you'd think I was trying to quickly shed some pounds. I'm not. But hey, now I have the tools I need for a quick 10 drop in a most unhealthy manner. Or I could just stop eating fried chicken and potato chips. That's a thought.
Mood: buzzing
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: at the 100th meridian, tragically hip
Hair: currently, it's kinda like i gave myself a mullet . . . i'm gonna try again, chop more off, i may be in need of emergency hair care from a professional very soon
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
BodySnatchers & Stuff
Speaking of remakes of movies . . . What if a filmmaker decided to remake you? Your life? Would you be cool with that? And while they were the new improved you, who would you be? . . . Speaking of remaking . . . Would you rather be body snatched or kill yourself? This is what Kevin and Scott are talking about on Smodcast right now. I am laughing my ass off. Laughter is good.
If Kevin Smith wants to remake my life. I'm in! That would be freaking hilarious.
I feel slightly better today. Human again, almost. Time to get back to work.
Mood: giggly
Drinking: coffee (instant! I KNOW!!)
Listening To: smodcast 37: In a Row??
Hair: in a daring move, I chopped off a bunch of my hair, ALL BY MYSELF!!
If Kevin Smith wants to remake my life. I'm in! That would be freaking hilarious.
I feel slightly better today. Human again, almost. Time to get back to work.
Mood: giggly
Drinking: coffee (instant! I KNOW!!)
Listening To: smodcast 37: In a Row??
Hair: in a daring move, I chopped off a bunch of my hair, ALL BY MYSELF!!
Monday, November 19, 2007
Going to California
Zeppelin reminds me of Cameron Crowe . . . Jack Black . . . and . . . Kevin.
I want a cigarette.
I want cc and coke.
I want to lie on a dirty floor with my eyes closed and feel the bass vibrating off my spine.
I don't feel very well today.
Mood: unwell
Drinking: water
Listening To: led zeppelin
Hair: i'm frigging cutting it, right now!
I want a cigarette.
I want cc and coke.
I want to lie on a dirty floor with my eyes closed and feel the bass vibrating off my spine.
I don't feel very well today.
Mood: unwell
Drinking: water
Listening To: led zeppelin
Hair: i'm frigging cutting it, right now!
A Day
I'm skipping Mighty Monday because I'm sick. Been feeling a little off since last week. But really started to get bad on Saturday, worse yesterday, still lingers today. Sore throat, major headache and sinus clogging, achy all over. Blah! Oh well. It seems that some (or one) of my past blog posts were read aloud to diners at Mel's on Friday night during a roving of poets at Sackville's annual midnight madness. Fabulous! Wish I could have been. The BnM party on Saturday went very well. I think everyone had a good time. I know I did, despite nearly losing my voice during my reading. The company was wonderful, the food fabulous, great wine! All good stuff. I no longer have to go to Fredericton for a couple of days this week, which is really good, because I need to get some work done. I need to get my head on straight.
Mood: dazed
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: general household appliance hums
Hair: dammit! i'm cutting it!
Mood: dazed
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: general household appliance hums
Hair: dammit! i'm cutting it!
Friday, November 16, 2007
Ow Wow
So my below zero feeling normal look ma no aches bit didn't last long. Temperatures in the teens! The frigging teens! You don't even want to know how bad this messes me up. My toes on my right foot . . . god love me :-(
It's the not the pain so much. Pain I can handle. But handling it, feeling it, living with it 24/7 for days on end is just so frigging exhausting. It's hard to wake up. Hard to stay focused. Much harder to get things done.
Mood: most of my body feels like it's on its fire (and not in a good warm nice way)
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: email plunk into my inbox
Hair: blah
It's the not the pain so much. Pain I can handle. But handling it, feeling it, living with it 24/7 for days on end is just so frigging exhausting. It's hard to wake up. Hard to stay focused. Much harder to get things done.
Mood: most of my body feels like it's on its fire (and not in a good warm nice way)
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: email plunk into my inbox
Hair: blah
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Snowy Walk
It snowed. White stuff on the ground. Just a layer, but still. Winter. Finally. Last night I went for a walk after I got home from work. I walked down the Old King George Hwy almost to French Fort Cove (to the last house, I worry about bears closer to the cove). I love when the temperature goes below zero. It's difficult to describe how it feels, but last night racing along the pavement my legs felt fantastic, like I could walk forever, like a perfectly oiled machine. No pain, but even more than an absence of pain, like an injection of . . . youth? Joints swinging, no catching. No shin splints, no muscles pulling double duty. Pure perfection. Is this the way walking feels to other people all the time? And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I love winter! It's the only time of the year when I get to be completely normal.
When I walk the Old hwy I plug in both ear buds and get lost in my head with the music. Normally there aren't many or even any people around, I only cross two streets, sidewalk all the way, so I feel okay not necessarily having a grip on all the sounds around me. When I walk around the neighborhood, or on the hwy, downtown, etc. I leave one ear open so I don't accidentally step out in front of a car or people passing on the street don't sneak up on me and so on.
Anyway, last night just as I was getting back, passing the Co-op, I thought I could hear the train, and it seemed like it was too early for the train, so I was wondering if it was just trucks or if it was later than I thought (wanted to get home in time to watch Corrie) Lost deep in thought, slowing down on the sidewalk to see if I could see anything, Michael Buble crooning in my ears, and this young guy in a long coat, hood up, hands thrust into pocket, steps around me on the inside. Scared the freaking crap out of me! I screamed. I may even have pushed him. Which scared the freaking crap out of him! So he screamed. And then I saw it was just a geeky kid, probably going to the store or someplace, maybe one of the FatKat boys. So I apologized. And he hightailed it down the road and I barely made it home from doubling over, laughing so hard. It was freaking hilarious. Poor guy. I feel bad for him. I bet he thinks twice about passing anyone on the street again.
Mood: giggling
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: eyes of a stranger, queensryche
Hair: a constant puzzlement
When I walk the Old hwy I plug in both ear buds and get lost in my head with the music. Normally there aren't many or even any people around, I only cross two streets, sidewalk all the way, so I feel okay not necessarily having a grip on all the sounds around me. When I walk around the neighborhood, or on the hwy, downtown, etc. I leave one ear open so I don't accidentally step out in front of a car or people passing on the street don't sneak up on me and so on.
Anyway, last night just as I was getting back, passing the Co-op, I thought I could hear the train, and it seemed like it was too early for the train, so I was wondering if it was just trucks or if it was later than I thought (wanted to get home in time to watch Corrie) Lost deep in thought, slowing down on the sidewalk to see if I could see anything, Michael Buble crooning in my ears, and this young guy in a long coat, hood up, hands thrust into pocket, steps around me on the inside. Scared the freaking crap out of me! I screamed. I may even have pushed him. Which scared the freaking crap out of him! So he screamed. And then I saw it was just a geeky kid, probably going to the store or someplace, maybe one of the FatKat boys. So I apologized. And he hightailed it down the road and I barely made it home from doubling over, laughing so hard. It was freaking hilarious. Poor guy. I feel bad for him. I bet he thinks twice about passing anyone on the street again.
Mood: giggling
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: eyes of a stranger, queensryche
Hair: a constant puzzlement
Monday, November 12, 2007
Wicked Come Winter
The wind here is insane this morning! Wicked!
I had a perfect day yesterday. I put my house in order. I got a lot of work/work done. Sunday is my favourite day of the week. Seriously. I frigging love it! I wake up at 7:30 no matter how late I've stayed up Saturday night. My body is in tune with Coronation Street. But this week I had watched Corrie every evening at 7 so there was no need to flick on the tube at 7:30 as usual. Instead I lazed until 8 and then got up, made coffee, and jumped into some long overdue housework. I vacuumed. I scrubbed. I did laundry and dishes. I took out the trash. I dusted. I made a blt! I took time to watch a couple of episodes of The Closer. I worked on bnm until after midnight. Then went to bed and read until after 1. It just felt like the most wonderful productive day ever! I love those days. I loved yesterday.
And the best part of yesterday--no Sunday Night Anxiety! I was way too tired from having done everything. Plus today is a holiday so there was no Monday morning meeting to interfere with my productivity and throw me out of sorts. I get to continue in the manner I've started the week. Yay!
Today is also going to be an amazing day.
Mood: productive & focused
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: milord, edith piaf
Hair: i try not to think about it
I had a perfect day yesterday. I put my house in order. I got a lot of work/work done. Sunday is my favourite day of the week. Seriously. I frigging love it! I wake up at 7:30 no matter how late I've stayed up Saturday night. My body is in tune with Coronation Street. But this week I had watched Corrie every evening at 7 so there was no need to flick on the tube at 7:30 as usual. Instead I lazed until 8 and then got up, made coffee, and jumped into some long overdue housework. I vacuumed. I scrubbed. I did laundry and dishes. I took out the trash. I dusted. I made a blt! I took time to watch a couple of episodes of The Closer. I worked on bnm until after midnight. Then went to bed and read until after 1. It just felt like the most wonderful productive day ever! I love those days. I loved yesterday.
And the best part of yesterday--no Sunday Night Anxiety! I was way too tired from having done everything. Plus today is a holiday so there was no Monday morning meeting to interfere with my productivity and throw me out of sorts. I get to continue in the manner I've started the week. Yay!
Today is also going to be an amazing day.
Mood: productive & focused
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: milord, edith piaf
Hair: i try not to think about it
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Seven on Sunday
Another meme. Just because. This is one that you're supposed to do every Sunday. Same questions every week. It's to help you pause and reflect on the important stuff. Had I known I was going to do this today maybe I would have went out more, or paid better attention. Anyway, here goes.
Seven things you're grateful for:
1. my fantastic family
2. my wonderful workplace
3. my natural knack for words
4. my harmonious health
5. my amazing apartment
6. my fabulous friends
7. life so far
Seven meaningful events from the past week:
1. mighty monday is always meaningful
2. immediately recognizing my phobias as being nothing but when they kicked in full-force this week
3. having the ability to talk sense to myself to push past the phobias despite major discomfort
4. having the ability to hang onto my positive attitude in the face of many little challenges that would normally rattle my cage big time
Hmm, it would seem that it's difficult to have meaningful events when you stay in all week feeling a bit sickly and anti-social. Maybe more will come to me later.
Seven upcoming events on your horizon:
1. a third and possibly fourth date this week
2. a mighty tuesday complete with cake and smoothies
3. publishing bnm online on wednesday
4. a bnm gathering of staff and contributors on saturday
5. interviewing an interesting young miramichier this week
6. finishing the print editorial for december this week
7. possibly an overnight to freddy middle of next week
Seven things that made you happy last week:
1. coronation street
2. red wine
3. kevin smith
4. dutch cookies
5. J/A/S/O/N/
6. sweet chili sauce
7. phone calls that made me smile
Seven steps of progress you made toward a goal:
1. i went through submissions and planned the next 3 online issues of bnm
2. i emailed contributors new deadline info
3. i outlined the dec print page line-up
4. i edited many stories for the dec print edition
5. i wrote stories for the dec print edition
6. i set up final interviews for the dec print edition
7. i made contacts and laid groundwork for feb print edition
Seven acts of kindness this week you observed:
gosh! it's hard to see kindness when you never leave the house! and this week i REALLY stayed inside.
1. jen went out of her way to take me on an errand run
Seven acts of kindness you performed:
1. i printed out stuff for sher and left it on my door for her to pick-up
2. i remembered to give gas money!
3. i accepted people's submissions, edited and gave critical feedback
4. i agreed to proof a book
5. i made time in my deadline raged schedule to spend with a friend
6. i said hello to guy on bicycle even tho he was pissing me off (lol, i know, i'm grasping at straws here)
okay, so i need to get out more, do more kind things.
Mood: reflective
Drinking: coffee, a new kind, not sure i'm loving it
Listening To: say it right, nelly furtado
Hair: ponied for housework
Seven things you're grateful for:
1. my fantastic family
2. my wonderful workplace
3. my natural knack for words
4. my harmonious health
5. my amazing apartment
6. my fabulous friends
7. life so far
Seven meaningful events from the past week:
1. mighty monday is always meaningful
2. immediately recognizing my phobias as being nothing but when they kicked in full-force this week
3. having the ability to talk sense to myself to push past the phobias despite major discomfort
4. having the ability to hang onto my positive attitude in the face of many little challenges that would normally rattle my cage big time
Hmm, it would seem that it's difficult to have meaningful events when you stay in all week feeling a bit sickly and anti-social. Maybe more will come to me later.
Seven upcoming events on your horizon:
1. a third and possibly fourth date this week
2. a mighty tuesday complete with cake and smoothies
3. publishing bnm online on wednesday
4. a bnm gathering of staff and contributors on saturday
5. interviewing an interesting young miramichier this week
6. finishing the print editorial for december this week
7. possibly an overnight to freddy middle of next week
Seven things that made you happy last week:
1. coronation street
2. red wine
3. kevin smith
4. dutch cookies
5. J/A/S/O/N/
6. sweet chili sauce
7. phone calls that made me smile
Seven steps of progress you made toward a goal:
1. i went through submissions and planned the next 3 online issues of bnm
2. i emailed contributors new deadline info
3. i outlined the dec print page line-up
4. i edited many stories for the dec print edition
5. i wrote stories for the dec print edition
6. i set up final interviews for the dec print edition
7. i made contacts and laid groundwork for feb print edition
Seven acts of kindness this week you observed:
gosh! it's hard to see kindness when you never leave the house! and this week i REALLY stayed inside.
1. jen went out of her way to take me on an errand run
Seven acts of kindness you performed:
1. i printed out stuff for sher and left it on my door for her to pick-up
2. i remembered to give gas money!
3. i accepted people's submissions, edited and gave critical feedback
4. i agreed to proof a book
5. i made time in my deadline raged schedule to spend with a friend
6. i said hello to guy on bicycle even tho he was pissing me off (lol, i know, i'm grasping at straws here)
okay, so i need to get out more, do more kind things.
Mood: reflective
Drinking: coffee, a new kind, not sure i'm loving it
Listening To: say it right, nelly furtado
Hair: ponied for housework
Saturday, November 10, 2007
BBS
I have to do something about my hair. Cut it. Dye it a darker colour. I don't know. Something. Honest to God I can't go anywhere anymore! And it's driving me crazy.
I've been here since February. I've been out and about, walking for exercise, walking for errands, walking, walking, walking . . . but only in the past few weeks has anyone noticed. Every time I go out there are cars slowing, strangers tooting, men leering and whistling and calling out, "Hey lady!" I thought it was the hat. Then when it happened when I wasn't wearing the hat, I thought maybe it was the black pants, the jean jacket, the leather backpack even. So I left all that stuff at home. And still the boy nearly falls off his bicycle in his zealous waving to get my attention. It's the effing hair. Got to be. That's all I got left.
The hair is long now. And thick. And blonde. And all spring, summer, early fall, it's been up in a pony tail and I've been invisible, but now it's loose and flowing and suddenly everybody and their dog is looking and pointing and wondering who the hell I am and will I have sex for money or just for kicks. This place has a bad case of Big Blonde Syndrome (BBS). PEOPLE! Please! Get a freaking grip!
It just annoys the crap out of me. Okay, yes, I admit, the first day it was kinda fun. And yeah, even the second day brought a little grin to my chapped lips. But having to race home with my heart pounding in my chest, terrified I've been followed by some lunatic manchild who may or may not be right the hell out of 'er on lord knows what, not so much fun! And everything after, just perplexes me. I mean it's not like I'm the skinny young chick with the bare midriff and the platinum blonde hair anymore. I'm out doing grocery shopping, eyes red and puffy with sinus infection, no make-up, bundled up in my big winter coat! I'm a black blob carrying WAY too many bags!
So why do people always follow ME home?! Like seriously. I don't get it.
Ever since I was a kid . . . crazy street kid chasing me into the subway yelling "hey blondie!" Crazy Jamaican dude waiting for me at the bus stop every day for a week. Crazy boy with a 2-4 on his bicycle handlebars. Crazy man chasing me through the field from Sobey's in Moncton. Everybody else lived there for freaking years, I'm there a few months, laying REAL low, I mean soooo low, yet I'm the one getting chased through the field. Crazy, crazy, crazy, everywhere I turn.
But you know, I'm older now. And . . . blobbier. I thought I'd put the crazies behind me. But nooooo, apparently they were only on vacation.
Mood: dripping in sarcasm
Drinking: cold coffee, water
Listening To: annie's song, john denver
Hair: UP!!
I've been here since February. I've been out and about, walking for exercise, walking for errands, walking, walking, walking . . . but only in the past few weeks has anyone noticed. Every time I go out there are cars slowing, strangers tooting, men leering and whistling and calling out, "Hey lady!" I thought it was the hat. Then when it happened when I wasn't wearing the hat, I thought maybe it was the black pants, the jean jacket, the leather backpack even. So I left all that stuff at home. And still the boy nearly falls off his bicycle in his zealous waving to get my attention. It's the effing hair. Got to be. That's all I got left.
The hair is long now. And thick. And blonde. And all spring, summer, early fall, it's been up in a pony tail and I've been invisible, but now it's loose and flowing and suddenly everybody and their dog is looking and pointing and wondering who the hell I am and will I have sex for money or just for kicks. This place has a bad case of Big Blonde Syndrome (BBS). PEOPLE! Please! Get a freaking grip!
It just annoys the crap out of me. Okay, yes, I admit, the first day it was kinda fun. And yeah, even the second day brought a little grin to my chapped lips. But having to race home with my heart pounding in my chest, terrified I've been followed by some lunatic manchild who may or may not be right the hell out of 'er on lord knows what, not so much fun! And everything after, just perplexes me. I mean it's not like I'm the skinny young chick with the bare midriff and the platinum blonde hair anymore. I'm out doing grocery shopping, eyes red and puffy with sinus infection, no make-up, bundled up in my big winter coat! I'm a black blob carrying WAY too many bags!
So why do people always follow ME home?! Like seriously. I don't get it.
Ever since I was a kid . . . crazy street kid chasing me into the subway yelling "hey blondie!" Crazy Jamaican dude waiting for me at the bus stop every day for a week. Crazy boy with a 2-4 on his bicycle handlebars. Crazy man chasing me through the field from Sobey's in Moncton. Everybody else lived there for freaking years, I'm there a few months, laying REAL low, I mean soooo low, yet I'm the one getting chased through the field. Crazy, crazy, crazy, everywhere I turn.
But you know, I'm older now. And . . . blobbier. I thought I'd put the crazies behind me. But nooooo, apparently they were only on vacation.
Mood: dripping in sarcasm
Drinking: cold coffee, water
Listening To: annie's song, john denver
Hair: UP!!
Whatever Gets You Through the Day
Haven't been myself this week. I need to go outside. I'm too much inside my head . . . again! So I'm heading downtown this afternoon for some shopping. I want bacon. In particular I want a BLT sandwich. Yeah. I think I need to take care of that little craving.
It was very cold here last night. I kept the thermostat at 21-22 in my bedroom and closed the door to keep the heat in, so it was okay in there, but now my head is plugged solid from the electric heat. Crazy sinuses. I should go to PharmaSave and see if they have any netipots. OR I can just buy something spicy to eat. Some of that sweet pepper sauce I love with crispy chicken. Or something jerked. That'll clear things up, bust my sinuses loose.
The front rooms are very cold. They get that way when there's no sun. The sun makes a huge difference here. Anyway . . .
In keeping with yesterday's meme trend. Here's an offensive six for Saturday.
1. Which of the following two would you find more offensive if you saw it out in the open in a family restaurant: two men holding hands or a woman breast-feeding a child? Why?
Neither of these things would offend me in the slightest.
2. Which of the following would you find more offensive if you heard someone say it: a blond joke or a racial joke? Why?
Definitely a racial joke. The dumb blonde doesn't really exist. I mean, yeah, there are dumb blondes, but there are dumb brunettes and red heads too. The whole dumb blonde thing was created in the media by blondes themselves. But a racial joke is a whole other thing entirely.
3. Which of these would you generally consider more offensive: An atheist who badmouths Christians, or a Christian who badmouths atheists? Why?
It's equally offensive. I'm offended by people badmouthing others in general. It's okay to have different views. It's okay to debate those different views. But calling someone down just because they have a different view is not okay. And it's not even that I'm offended so much by these people, I just don't want to be around them.
4. Which of the following ideas about a presidential hopeful would you find more offensive: that a woman shouldn’t run for president because a woman doesn’t belong in the White House, or that a black man shouldn’t run for president because a black man doesn’t belong in the White House? Why?
Again, how could a person even choose the most offensive thing here, they're both atrocious.
5. Which of the following political terms or movements would you find the most offensive: “Pro-Life” or “Defense of Marriage”? Why?
I'm not sure what Defense of Marriage is exactly, but I'm thinking it's probably an anti-gay movement. And if so, I think I'd be more offended by them. I'm not comfortable with any ultra-conservative movements. And I do think that some sects of pro-life can be too radical, but I also think the abortion issue is a very grey area. It's not so easy to come down solidly on one side or another because there are so many things to consider. When is the fetus an actual kid? What are the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy? But the whole gay marriage thing is totally black/white to me. Gay couples should have exactly the same rights as hetero couples. Period.
6. Which of the following forms of protest are you likely to find most offensive: an animal rights group’s members shedding clothes to encourage people not to buy fur, or a war protest group’s members burning the American flag to criticize war policy? Why?
Neither offends me. Get naked! Burn those flags! Throwing acid on people, burning books, those things offend me.
Mood: full of wonder
Drinking: nothing
Listening To: beautiful day, u2
Hair: i keep looking at in the mirror, studying the possibilities . . . soon
It was very cold here last night. I kept the thermostat at 21-22 in my bedroom and closed the door to keep the heat in, so it was okay in there, but now my head is plugged solid from the electric heat. Crazy sinuses. I should go to PharmaSave and see if they have any netipots. OR I can just buy something spicy to eat. Some of that sweet pepper sauce I love with crispy chicken. Or something jerked. That'll clear things up, bust my sinuses loose.
The front rooms are very cold. They get that way when there's no sun. The sun makes a huge difference here. Anyway . . .
In keeping with yesterday's meme trend. Here's an offensive six for Saturday.
1. Which of the following two would you find more offensive if you saw it out in the open in a family restaurant: two men holding hands or a woman breast-feeding a child? Why?
Neither of these things would offend me in the slightest.
2. Which of the following would you find more offensive if you heard someone say it: a blond joke or a racial joke? Why?
Definitely a racial joke. The dumb blonde doesn't really exist. I mean, yeah, there are dumb blondes, but there are dumb brunettes and red heads too. The whole dumb blonde thing was created in the media by blondes themselves. But a racial joke is a whole other thing entirely.
3. Which of these would you generally consider more offensive: An atheist who badmouths Christians, or a Christian who badmouths atheists? Why?
It's equally offensive. I'm offended by people badmouthing others in general. It's okay to have different views. It's okay to debate those different views. But calling someone down just because they have a different view is not okay. And it's not even that I'm offended so much by these people, I just don't want to be around them.
4. Which of the following ideas about a presidential hopeful would you find more offensive: that a woman shouldn’t run for president because a woman doesn’t belong in the White House, or that a black man shouldn’t run for president because a black man doesn’t belong in the White House? Why?
Again, how could a person even choose the most offensive thing here, they're both atrocious.
5. Which of the following political terms or movements would you find the most offensive: “Pro-Life” or “Defense of Marriage”? Why?
I'm not sure what Defense of Marriage is exactly, but I'm thinking it's probably an anti-gay movement. And if so, I think I'd be more offended by them. I'm not comfortable with any ultra-conservative movements. And I do think that some sects of pro-life can be too radical, but I also think the abortion issue is a very grey area. It's not so easy to come down solidly on one side or another because there are so many things to consider. When is the fetus an actual kid? What are the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy? But the whole gay marriage thing is totally black/white to me. Gay couples should have exactly the same rights as hetero couples. Period.
6. Which of the following forms of protest are you likely to find most offensive: an animal rights group’s members shedding clothes to encourage people not to buy fur, or a war protest group’s members burning the American flag to criticize war policy? Why?
Neither offends me. Get naked! Burn those flags! Throwing acid on people, burning books, those things offend me.
Mood: full of wonder
Drinking: nothing
Listening To: beautiful day, u2
Hair: i keep looking at in the mirror, studying the possibilities . . . soon
Friday, November 09, 2007
Friday Fifteen Fun
I haven't been feeling very well this week. Kinda sickly. Starting to come around some maybe today. At least I'm starting to feel like Crispy Chicken and Sweet Pepper Sauce! LOL
Been awhile since I did a meme, so I thought I'd post one. Maybe you'll be inspired to post your own results on your blog . . . especially those of you who haven't blogged in a really LONG time . . . you know who you are. Nuff said. Onward.
The topic is: 15 Cancelled TV Shows That I Miss (in no particular order)
1. What About Brian
2. Freaks and Geeks
3. Out of Practice
4. Everwood
5. Felicity
6. The Mole
7. Push, Nevada
8. Vanished
9. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
10. Roswell
11. Arrested Development
12. Firefly
13. Third Watch
14. On-Air with Ryan Seacrest
15. American Dreams
Wow! That's a hard list to make. At first I thought I would never think of 15 but then once I got rolling I remembered way more and had a hard time to narrow it down.
Mood: playful
Drinking: cold coffee
Listening To: in the sun, coldplay
Hair: i dunno about my hair anymore
Been awhile since I did a meme, so I thought I'd post one. Maybe you'll be inspired to post your own results on your blog . . . especially those of you who haven't blogged in a really LONG time . . . you know who you are. Nuff said. Onward.
The topic is: 15 Cancelled TV Shows That I Miss (in no particular order)
1. What About Brian
2. Freaks and Geeks
3. Out of Practice
4. Everwood
5. Felicity
6. The Mole
7. Push, Nevada
8. Vanished
9. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
10. Roswell
11. Arrested Development
12. Firefly
13. Third Watch
14. On-Air with Ryan Seacrest
15. American Dreams
Wow! That's a hard list to make. At first I thought I would never think of 15 but then once I got rolling I remembered way more and had a hard time to narrow it down.
Mood: playful
Drinking: cold coffee
Listening To: in the sun, coldplay
Hair: i dunno about my hair anymore
Thursday, November 08, 2007
One of the Worst Ones
Celebrity guest star in last night's dream, none other than Rosie O'Donnell herself. Details are fuzzy. We were working together, on a new show, I can only assume to be the rumored MSNBC show I read about yesterday. She's doing talky blogs while in hair and make-up. It's a dream montage of the first day. Cut to sunset on a white sand beach, warm breeze off the water. I'm tiptoeing through the sand in my gold strappy sandals, pencil leg black pants (I am no longer a fatty! back to my right size!) and there she is with shiny black hair much wispier than I imagined. She's in full make-up, red red lips, really pretty. Her blouse is a blue/grey plaid-like print with silver threads that sparkle in the setting sun. She passes me a flute of champagne and lifts her own in a toast, "Well, we had a good run, Kid." We drink. I wake. This morning I learn talks have broke off with the network and her show is kaput.
This week I've been doing something a bit different. I've been turning off the computer in the evening, going to the bedroom, watching the 6pm CBC NB news, then Corrie, then reading. No computer all evening. No computer work (though the reading has sometimes been work related). I didn't even turn the computer on at all on Monday when I got home from Mighty day. Sometimes you just need to disconnect, disentangle, to get some perspective, to recharge creativity cells. There are only so many ways to say this person is doing great stuff.
Mood: achy
Drinking: coffee, nowhere even near the good stuff
Listening To: nathan wiley! needle in the groove
Hair: i'm gonna cut it! dammit! today! on my own!
This week I've been doing something a bit different. I've been turning off the computer in the evening, going to the bedroom, watching the 6pm CBC NB news, then Corrie, then reading. No computer all evening. No computer work (though the reading has sometimes been work related). I didn't even turn the computer on at all on Monday when I got home from Mighty day. Sometimes you just need to disconnect, disentangle, to get some perspective, to recharge creativity cells. There are only so many ways to say this person is doing great stuff.
Mood: achy
Drinking: coffee, nowhere even near the good stuff
Listening To: nathan wiley! needle in the groove
Hair: i'm gonna cut it! dammit! today! on my own!
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Here We Go Again
And though time goes by I will always be in a club with you in 1973 . . . it's more like 1988 or 1993 or 1997 in my case, but I get the sentiment. James Blunt gets me with this song, makes me melancholy. It's unusual for me to get so sentimental. But seriously I tear up every time I hear 1973. It takes me different places with different people. People who are no longer part of my life, who I will likely never see again, and who I'll certainly never be close to again. And yeah, there are lots of people who I'm ecstatic to never have another conversation with for as long as I live, and there are many moments with many people that I'd just as soon forget . . . but there were some good times too. Some really great times.
When I was younger I didn't appreciate these moments. In the way of most young people I just thought things would go on forever. Moments came and went and I didn't savour them, I didn't pause to enjoy being in them, they were just blips on my way to somewhere else. Always moving. Ok, that was great, but what's next? I never once thought this might be the last time I see this person or this might be the last kiss or this might be the last time we make love. If I knew it was the last, surely I would've cared more. I would have committed the moment to memory in greater detail. Wouldn't have I?
Live and learn.
I'm so in the moment now, it's difficult to plan ahead. I'm just so conscious. I have been. Years now. When things are happening, I know all I have is right now. I close my eyes and let the feelings wash over me. The way his arm brushes mine as we stand close. The cool breeze on my face, bringing the fresh scent of the season. The way my hair falls into my eyes. That nervous giggle. The way the light shimmers on our hair. The way the music makes me sway just a little. In a second my mind imprints everything to memory and I grin. No matter what happens tomorrow or next week or even in the next five minutes, this moment is perfect and I'm happy and I'll never forget.
These aren't the moments I get melancholy and sentimental about. I only get sad about the ones that passed without me being fully in them. Some people say you should take pictures so you'll never forget. Yes, pictures are nice too. But I have those and they don't help. Even in the photos I'm not fully present. My strongest memories, the ones that bring a smile to my lips, that can take me back and allow me to once again feel the joy and happiness of that time, are the ones where I consciously looked around and said to myself, "This is my happiness and I will treasure it always." There are no photos to remind me, no videotapes or sound recordings. Just me, being there and understanding the significance.
So many times I have put off doing things, or decided to wait for better timing. Nearly always these things end up being my regrets. I don't have many regrets, I tend to be of the school of thought that everything that has happened has shaped me to the person I am today and without those experiences I might be someone else I don't like nearly as well. I have never regretted any of the things I've done, no matter how terrible, traumatic or stupid those decisions might have been. My only regrets are things I didn't do. I look back and think if only I'd known that was my only opportunity or that I'd never see that person again, I would have gone for it. I would have squashed any of my fears that held me back and I just would have went for it. So I try to do better. I don't like having regrets. I try to stay in the moment. Yes, I get off-track sometimes. It's always easier to allow your fear to win. It's never easy to feel very afraid and vulnerable but push on anyway. It's hard! But that's when the good stuff happens.
Sometimes I need to remind myself of this.
Mood: philosophical
Drinking: coffee (i'm too lazy to grind the good stuff . . .)
Listening To: the city destroyed me, nathan wiley
Hair: damp, long and loose
When I was younger I didn't appreciate these moments. In the way of most young people I just thought things would go on forever. Moments came and went and I didn't savour them, I didn't pause to enjoy being in them, they were just blips on my way to somewhere else. Always moving. Ok, that was great, but what's next? I never once thought this might be the last time I see this person or this might be the last kiss or this might be the last time we make love. If I knew it was the last, surely I would've cared more. I would have committed the moment to memory in greater detail. Wouldn't have I?
Live and learn.
I'm so in the moment now, it's difficult to plan ahead. I'm just so conscious. I have been. Years now. When things are happening, I know all I have is right now. I close my eyes and let the feelings wash over me. The way his arm brushes mine as we stand close. The cool breeze on my face, bringing the fresh scent of the season. The way my hair falls into my eyes. That nervous giggle. The way the light shimmers on our hair. The way the music makes me sway just a little. In a second my mind imprints everything to memory and I grin. No matter what happens tomorrow or next week or even in the next five minutes, this moment is perfect and I'm happy and I'll never forget.
These aren't the moments I get melancholy and sentimental about. I only get sad about the ones that passed without me being fully in them. Some people say you should take pictures so you'll never forget. Yes, pictures are nice too. But I have those and they don't help. Even in the photos I'm not fully present. My strongest memories, the ones that bring a smile to my lips, that can take me back and allow me to once again feel the joy and happiness of that time, are the ones where I consciously looked around and said to myself, "This is my happiness and I will treasure it always." There are no photos to remind me, no videotapes or sound recordings. Just me, being there and understanding the significance.
So many times I have put off doing things, or decided to wait for better timing. Nearly always these things end up being my regrets. I don't have many regrets, I tend to be of the school of thought that everything that has happened has shaped me to the person I am today and without those experiences I might be someone else I don't like nearly as well. I have never regretted any of the things I've done, no matter how terrible, traumatic or stupid those decisions might have been. My only regrets are things I didn't do. I look back and think if only I'd known that was my only opportunity or that I'd never see that person again, I would have gone for it. I would have squashed any of my fears that held me back and I just would have went for it. So I try to do better. I don't like having regrets. I try to stay in the moment. Yes, I get off-track sometimes. It's always easier to allow your fear to win. It's never easy to feel very afraid and vulnerable but push on anyway. It's hard! But that's when the good stuff happens.
Sometimes I need to remind myself of this.
Mood: philosophical
Drinking: coffee (i'm too lazy to grind the good stuff . . .)
Listening To: the city destroyed me, nathan wiley
Hair: damp, long and loose
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Don't Stop Believin'
Sometimes I feel like taking the midnight train to anywhere . . . but not today! It's too damn cold! I think. My apartment is kinda chilly. I think I need to crank up the oven, cook a roast or something. I'm distracted by Journey in the background. Street lights, people . . . ok, not much time, need to focus. I'm a little fuzzy around the edges (ok, A LOT!)
Low tide this morning brought a lot of crap out from high waters upriver. A lot of trees, some other things like plastic barrels and other garbage. There was even a fishing boat out there, which is rare these days as all the docks have been pulled back, everybody's ready for winter. Anyway, I took some pictures before it got too bad.
Here you can see some crap on the water, but it got way worse about 10 minutes later right at the height of low tide.
This is the view outside my front picture window. Kinda cool, huh? I like it, it's a constant source of inspiration for me. Just makes me happy and grounded, you know.
So here you can see some more junk coming down on the tide, there's some sort of plastic barrel and some branches and things.
The view looking toward Chatham, you can see the outline of the Centennial Bridge in the distance. It was a kind of blue/grey misty morning. Another storm coming, not as bad as Noel.
This is my living/dining room. The whole front wall is pretty much two big windows. I work in a corner by the littlest window. I like eating in front of the big window. At night the lights on the water are lovely.
Mood: a little weird
Drinking: coffee (INSTANT!! shh, don't tell anyone, don't want to ruin my "coffee snob" rep)
Listening To: how to save a life, the fray
Hair: ponied for life
Low tide this morning brought a lot of crap out from high waters upriver. A lot of trees, some other things like plastic barrels and other garbage. There was even a fishing boat out there, which is rare these days as all the docks have been pulled back, everybody's ready for winter. Anyway, I took some pictures before it got too bad.
Here you can see some crap on the water, but it got way worse about 10 minutes later right at the height of low tide.
This is the view outside my front picture window. Kinda cool, huh? I like it, it's a constant source of inspiration for me. Just makes me happy and grounded, you know.
So here you can see some more junk coming down on the tide, there's some sort of plastic barrel and some branches and things.
The view looking toward Chatham, you can see the outline of the Centennial Bridge in the distance. It was a kind of blue/grey misty morning. Another storm coming, not as bad as Noel.
This is my living/dining room. The whole front wall is pretty much two big windows. I work in a corner by the littlest window. I like eating in front of the big window. At night the lights on the water are lovely.Mood: a little weird
Drinking: coffee (INSTANT!! shh, don't tell anyone, don't want to ruin my "coffee snob" rep)
Listening To: how to save a life, the fray
Hair: ponied for life
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Back in Black
Stomach is a bit flippy today. Getting ready for an interview this afternoon. Not wanting to do the work, not feeling like research, like asking questions. Just want to laze and listen to music, maybe see if I can find the latest Friday Night Lights. The girls visit went well. No incidents, minor or major. I didn't sleep very well, but that's okay. We had a good time. Lots of surprises. J&J and kids arriving shortly for brief drop-in. Just before my interview. Should be reading all the pdfs on her website instead of blogging . . . but I'm tired and sometimes it's just as well not to go in knowing too much.
Yesterday was a good day. D picked me up around 3pm, late after getting lost en route from an excursion down the baie. I wasn't too concerned, running late myself, since the kids stayed longer than I had anticipated. His punishment was not so harsh, just a brief shopping excursion into Zellers to get Nick a dog bed. Mission accomplished, we went and got a coffee at Tim's then sat in the parking lot and talked for about an hour and a half. Mostly I listened. I'm kind of like an interrogator. By times. Oh well, he doesn't seem to mind. The interest of full disclosure seems topmost.
Conversation continued over dinner at Boston Pizza. My choice. It's close to the movie theatre. The rain started while we were eating. It wasn't so bad when we left the restaurant, much worse hours later when we left the movies. We saw American Gangster with Russell Crowe and Denzel Washington. It was good. Not great. But good. Not as violent as I had imagined. Still, enough to make me jumpy. After the movie the streets were flooding with so much water, the rain was coming down in sheets and waves. We sat in my apartment parking lot for another hour or two, and then I made the boy go home in the storm. He called to let me know he made it okay, though it was a stressful long slow drive. He called again this morning. Just to say good morning and wish me luck with my work today. I'm not used to all this attention. But it's nice.
And now I must go get my head in the game. Get ready to depart for interview.
Mood: content
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: photograph, def leppard
Hair: soon to be wet
Yesterday was a good day. D picked me up around 3pm, late after getting lost en route from an excursion down the baie. I wasn't too concerned, running late myself, since the kids stayed longer than I had anticipated. His punishment was not so harsh, just a brief shopping excursion into Zellers to get Nick a dog bed. Mission accomplished, we went and got a coffee at Tim's then sat in the parking lot and talked for about an hour and a half. Mostly I listened. I'm kind of like an interrogator. By times. Oh well, he doesn't seem to mind. The interest of full disclosure seems topmost.
Conversation continued over dinner at Boston Pizza. My choice. It's close to the movie theatre. The rain started while we were eating. It wasn't so bad when we left the restaurant, much worse hours later when we left the movies. We saw American Gangster with Russell Crowe and Denzel Washington. It was good. Not great. But good. Not as violent as I had imagined. Still, enough to make me jumpy. After the movie the streets were flooding with so much water, the rain was coming down in sheets and waves. We sat in my apartment parking lot for another hour or two, and then I made the boy go home in the storm. He called to let me know he made it okay, though it was a stressful long slow drive. He called again this morning. Just to say good morning and wish me luck with my work today. I'm not used to all this attention. But it's nice.
And now I must go get my head in the game. Get ready to depart for interview.
Mood: content
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: photograph, def leppard
Hair: soon to be wet
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Oh What a Life
My list just keeps getting bigger and bigger. And I cross off more and more every day. And it just gets bigger again. So much to do. So precious little time. I'm played out. Doing interviews, editing, doing websites, publishing, doing admin . . . there is absolutely no time for health or housework. None. I mean ZERO! No time to go for a walk. No time to cook breakfast, lunch or dinner. No time to sweep, take the garbage out, do dishes, clean the bathroom . . . Though I did manage to get some laundry done and to actually get myself showered. I just need to not even turn the computer on tomorrow morning. Just focus on the basics. Kids are arriving after 2pm for a sleepover. I like to spend time with them. I don't mind them coming. It'll be fun. But right now, I'm soooo not ready. Then I may have a date Saturday night. (Yes! Another one so soon!) It was supposed to be Sunday, but I've got to work on Sunday, have an interview with someone who can only meet me then. So really, all I got is tomorrow morning to get my shit together for a busy weekend. Then right into Mighty Monday, which is always hectic and next week is my deadline. Yeah, I'm taking tomorrow off to get my household ducks in a row. I need to.
In last night's dream I was a cop, like a detective. I think with CSIS. I was investigating a terrorist cell and having an affair with my very adorable partner. Kinda Saving Grace of me. We were in Montreal. I could speak French! And a bunch of other languages too. There was a guy, in robes, long hair, a holy man like a modern day Jesus (hah! Jesus of Montreal!) and his following was almost cult-like. They had a bunch of warehouses that we had warrants to search. But when we got there, they were empty. Just this Jesus-like guy sitting on the floor, meditating, in the middle of this huge empty warehouse. It was weird.
These are my dreams. All the time. I don't always tell you. But I always have them. My mother thinks we're genetically flawed in some way . . . or cursed.
Mood: tired
Drinking: water
Listening To: come together, the beatles
Hair: in the royal blue head band
In last night's dream I was a cop, like a detective. I think with CSIS. I was investigating a terrorist cell and having an affair with my very adorable partner. Kinda Saving Grace of me. We were in Montreal. I could speak French! And a bunch of other languages too. There was a guy, in robes, long hair, a holy man like a modern day Jesus (hah! Jesus of Montreal!) and his following was almost cult-like. They had a bunch of warehouses that we had warrants to search. But when we got there, they were empty. Just this Jesus-like guy sitting on the floor, meditating, in the middle of this huge empty warehouse. It was weird.
These are my dreams. All the time. I don't always tell you. But I always have them. My mother thinks we're genetically flawed in some way . . . or cursed.
Mood: tired
Drinking: water
Listening To: come together, the beatles
Hair: in the royal blue head band
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