Eagles

My eagles have come back! Two of them, on the river ice, flying past my window, all afternoon. Glorious! The ducks are also back. I feel somewhat sad for them huddled on the ice waiting for the water to come.

They announced the Magnetic Hill concert for this summer earlier this afternoon. The Eagles will headline, which is no surprise but there were some surprises in the opening acts including John Fogerty. That's pretty awesome! KT Turnstall is also on the bill, I know a couple of her songs but I'm not a big fan or anything, maybe I'll get into her before the time comes. And last, but certainly not least, my boy Sam Roberts! Love, love, love him! I've seen him before and have been dying to see him again. I am so there! Now if only they'd add Matt Mays to the bill or The Trews or something . . . my toes will curl into a permanent knot for the summer!

The concert is the August long weekend, so I guess someone else will have to keep everyone up all night at Preston and Karen's, cuz apparently last year, it was ALL ME! Though I seem to recall several other guilty siblings, cousins, spouses and the like . . .

Mood: cheerful
Drinking: chai
Listening To: the pretender, foo fighters
Hair: so soft and silky! vinegar rinse, my friends, try it sometime

Best Days of My Life

There's something about listening to Bryan Adams Reckless album that puts the butterflies into my belly. In particular the songs "Summer of '69," "One Night Love Affair" and "She's Only Happy When She's Dancing." That was the album to get for Christmas in 1984. I was 15 years old.

Was that the Christmas I had chicken pox? No, I think that was the first year R and I went together. Was that the Christmas I got my ghetto blaster? Maybe. It's quite possible. Was that the Christmas I had a party with my friends in the basement, and we played twister, and wrote and drew pictures on a big mural, and drank too much beer, and ate pizza, and someone puked on the cement floor? Yes, yes, I think it was.

I remember being upstairs in the kitchen, putting something in the garbage can under the sink and just slowly tipping over, slumping to the floor and being unable to stop laughing, just sitting there and laughing with the tears streaming down my face, Mom trying to help me up, but me laughing too hard, and Mom getting angry because I was apparently plastered drunk (though it wasn't that, I was stoned obviously).

I remember Mom growling R for letting me get that way, and him throwing up his hands, like he ever could've stopped me or got me to slow down . . . or got me to do anything, for that matter. That was the first clue that I couldn't and shouldn't smoke dope, though I didn't know it at the time.

Listening to Bryan Adams takes me back to the beginning, when everything was still brand new, being 14 and 15 and experiencing everything for the first time. Every day held some new adventure or excitement. Life was so unpredictable and random. I never knew from one moment to the next where I would be or what would happen. I was the girl who was up for anything . . . once. I blew whichever way the wind blew, changed my mind every second. If you looked up reckless in the dictionary you should find a picture of me. And I stayed that way for a really long time. Though in your 20s, unpredictable random adventures equal drama, and drama grows tiresome in an adult world.

I guess I'm still that girl, but I don't need those Bryan Adams reckless kinda butterflies anymore. Now, I have new and improved butterflies. I get them in springtime when a new season is born with endless possibility and opportunity. I love this time of year. I get them when I meet new fabulous people that I know will be in my life for a long time and probably forever. I get them when I count my blessings and feel so lucky and grateful for every second of my life, my family, my friends. I still feel like everyday is an adventure, like anything could happen, everything is possible, and situations change in an instant. These are my butterflies now. I'm excited about my life, everyday. And yes, I'm still the girl that can wake-up with one plan and find herself in a completely different place by the end of the day, but when you're excited about your life and focused on opportunities and being true to yourself, and not mindlessly following every whim, the universe delivers something more uplifting.

Mood: excited
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: yellow submarine, the beatles
Hair: ch-ch-chan-changes coming

Back on the Chain Gang

I seem to have a focus problem today. I start one task and then when I'm half-way through another completely different task, I remember that, oh yeah, I was doing something else . . . yeah, it's THAT kind of a day.

And I'm back, having been away for another 15 minutes doing something else . . . see what I mean?

Yesterday was a pretty good day. We went to the Farmer's Market in Chatham for breakfast, which is always fabulous. Then it was off to the office for BnM production. Unfortunately they were doing some work on the building. Much sawing with lots of choking dust followed by the loud pounding vibration of unrelenting jackhammering. Oi! So we only stayed for a few hours, just long enough to make all the changes from an initial proofing, and print four new copies for a second proofing. I'm quite pleased. It's the best first draft we've ever done. And it's the most balanced issue we've done to date too. And I wrote nothing other than my Editor's note and regular columns. Cool!

When we left the office we went and did a little shopping at the Big Deals, natural food store, the Dollar Store, Global second-hand, and Kent Building Supplies. I got the Clerks II 2-disc dvd still wrapped in cellophane for $5, and a couple of books. I was trying to be financially responsible and exercise restraint. Then we went to supper at O'Donaghue's Pub. Of all the times we've been there, we'd never eaten a meal. So this was our wellness reward treat for doing so well these past few weeks. We played it safe and greasy sharing a basket of onion rings, followed by fish 'n chips. I'm looking forward to sampling more of their menu this week when I'm in Chatham for WFNB.

The WFNB event is coming together nicely. I think we're okay, and nothing has slipped by unnoticed. Should be tons of fun! I'm starting to get excited about it now. Busy week on the rise though. Lots to get done. Guess I should get to it, huh?

Mood: content
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: raise a little hell, trooper
Hair: . . .

Dreams . . . Dreams, Dreams, Dreams

Holy cow! Talk about some crazy and terrible dreams going on last night!

I dreamed one of my co-workers died. Yeah. It was terrible. I went to a Christmas type party and he wasn't there and then I found out he had been killed in an accident. So the rest of the crew were just wandering around listlessly, drinking way too much wine, and trying not to fall apart. We were going party to party at these camps up Cain's River or someplace. It was very weird.

Then I dreamed we had our Thursday night event for WFNB and nobody showed up. I mean NOBODY! There was me and Sherry and Bernie. No audience. No readers. No Heritage Players cast . . . sheesh! I guess I'm a little nervous about Thursday night, huh?

So this morning Stacy is picking me up and we're heading to the Farmer's Market for breakfast with T, then off to the office to proof BnM (I already did!), print until we get a copy we love, then start mass production. Fabulous!

Mood: chipper
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: perking percolator
Hair: still needing some tlc . . . soon

My, My, My, M-M-My . . .

Oooh my little pretty one, pretty one . . . always takes me back to the scene in the corner store, loading up daddy's credit card with a junk food fix, winona singing, dancing with janeane . . . fun stuff, sometimes i miss being young, naive and irresponsible . . . most times i'm so very thankful to have gotten through to the other side without losing a limb, my life, my mind entirely.

Ethan Hawke's character in Reality Bites is named Troy. I have a theory about Troys. I mean look at that movie, look at how hideous that character behaves. Yes, he's full of his own demons and we're supposed to understand this is why he has such a potential for hurtfulness, but then in the end he comes round and they all live happily ever after. Blah, blah, blah . . . But I mean honestly, yeah, Troy and Lelaina probably had a good run, but if there was a sequel would they still be together or even friends? I doubt it. And I bet it ended explosively, in a totally hurtful if-it's-got-to-end-let's-make-sure-it's-good-and-dead series of events, mostly instigated by Troy. Lelaina could probably walk away more civilly. Troy would never allow that.

So I have this theory about Troys and that is that they just aren't nice people. Maybe there's something about the name that turns them this way, I don't know. But have you ever known a Troy who was a great guy? I mean a really great guy, one of those nice guys who finish last type of great guy? I never have, my range of personal knowledge of Troys goes from the extremely violent beating the crap out of his wife kind of guy to the kind of guy who kicks dogs for sport, with very little in between. Look at the show Nip/Tuck, there's Dr. Christian Troy, yes, it's a surname but even still, how hideous can that character be? The sadistic way he manipulates women, the hurtful way he has treated other people.

Even if I meet the nicest Troy ever to walk the face of the earth tomorrow and we become fast friends, I'll think he's just a fluke. The exception, rather than the rule.

When I was naming my new villainous leading man character for this story I'm working on, I thought about it very carefully. He's the worst character out of a string of really bad characters, worse even than that fucker, Tom, in Three Thirty Three. He is the mother of everything hideous. He invented manipulation. He is the father of sadism . . . and his name is Troy.

Mood: off-centre
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: gypsy, fleetwood mac
Hair: something happening soon

Yearning

I am having a kick-ass week for steps, so far. Three days in and I've got over 45 min aerobic each day as well as over 10,000 steps. Yay me! I am having issues in the sleep area of my life though. Yes, I know when don't I have issues with that? I've gone from insomnia to total exhaustion can't-wake-up-for-the-life-of-me-just-want-to-laze-in-bed-all-day . . .

Okay, honestly it's probably not that bad. I just expect to be able to function on 5 hours is all. So when I need 7 or more (and there have been a few days recently where I was down for 10, 11, 12!) I think I'm getting too much, it screws my schedule. You see, in order to get everything done in my life that I want to get done, there's no time for sleeping. There just isn't time. Five hours. That's all I have time for. I figured it all out on paper. What's important to me, what needs to be done, what I'm willing to give up, and I can get away with 6 hours for sleep, but 7 is too much.

When I'm exercising and getting my steps and physically working my body, like I have been these past three weeks, I get bone weary. I ache. I need more sleep. I need the infamous 8 hours. Or so it seems. Though last night was a 6 and a half thing, up by 7:30 this morning. Maybe if I start getting to bed earlier . . . maybe there's something else I can sacrifice . . . maybe I can combine some activities . . . maybe it's just a phase and I'll be back to the normal 5 soon . . .

Speaking of sleep problems, have you read this? I was a bit appalled at first. It seemed in poor taste, too soon . . . and then I read it . . . and . . . I dunno, it moved me in a way I hadn't expected. I'm still not sure of the timing, but it's a good read.

But if you only have time to read one thing today, then skip the Heath Ledger reported fiction piece and go directly to this blog post from the son of one of BnM's newest contributors. This is something everyone should read. What a blessing!

Mood: bone-tired
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: little bones, the tragically hip
Hair: twins with jon bon's

Luck of the Irish

When you're standing at the bus stop outside the Irving Mainway on St. Patrick's Day with your flaming red hair and bright blue eyes glaring in the sunshine, knowing you should have worn make-up to cover your blooming freckles, and a con who has just been released from prison and is now being recalled to meet with a parole officer because he may or may not have violated this parole for reasons unknown to you, and the con has determined that you need to hear his sermon no matter where you go to stand and wait for the Acadian Line that seems to be late, and his message is an increasingly agitated rant about the bitches that women be yet slightly better than the damn Irish . . .

When this happens, you might wish for a moment that maybe your great great great great so-and-so hadn't fled the famine, because then you wouldn't be at this bus stop being so obviously a woman and even more blatantly Irish on St. Patrick's Day with a crazy sometime-ex-con spitting in your face, you'd be in a pub like a normal person. And for one stressful moment as this giant criminal looms over you and steps a bit close pinning you to the wall, you might even wish that you had nothing whatsoever to do with the Irish, wouldn't it be nice to have Lebanese ancestry for a change? But other than during that longish half hour waiting on that very slow bus from Halifax there's never been another time when you didn't love all things Irish.

This is a true story of course, happened a couple of years ago at the Sackville bus stop where there was never any shortage of recently released cons travelling. At the time it was a stressful situation. Now, it's just a funny story, the luck of my Irish to be looking like that and to run into this particular man on St. Paddy's no less. But yesterday I had a different kind of Irish luck. Recently I submitted some stories. Fiction. Yes, I know! I NEVER do that! But on a whim last month I answered a call and sent some work off to something called The Sharp Review, published by the National University of Ireland at Galway's Society of Writers. I sent one piece that I thought was the better piece and then as an afterthought and throwing caution to the wind I sent "Three Thirty Three" (now in the first person) thinking "They'll likely read this and write back asking me to never submit another word."

So imagine my surprise when I received an email from a lovely chap named Liam informing me that my story "Three Thirty Three" has been accepted for publication and they welcome more of my submissions. I am being published! Ok, you're sitting there wondering what the big deal is because I'm clearly being published quite regularly in Bread 'n Molasses, and I've got a string of newspaper and magazine credits dating back into the early 90s that clearly show I can get published . . . BUT this is my first piece of short fiction to be published. This is my first time appearing in a literary periodical published by a university. And damn! This is the first time I'm being published in Ireland! I feel like I've finally done something. I feel like hey, maybe I don't have to write cheesy non-fiction for the rest of my days, maybe I can do fiction. Maybe. I feel possibility. There seems to be an awful lot of new stuff going on in my life lately. It's exciting!

Included in the note was an invitation to attend the official launch at a little pub on campus. How I wish! But the timing is impossible . . . yes, like that's the ONLY barrier. But contributors are invited to come and read at the launch, the editors would buy me a pint . . . and how much fun would that be? Ireland is where that writers retreat/workshop happens that I've had my eye on for a couple of years now. This isn't my year to attend, it's just impossible financially. But sometime. It's a goal.

So yeah, I'm being published . . . in Ireland . . . and I'm very happy. Today is a good day.

Mood: excited
Drinking: king cole tea, black
Listening To: the tv in the apartment below me
Hair: very fluffy

Marching Onward and Upward

Yesterday was a really good day for me. I know Sunday generally is a good day, that's why I love them, but yesterday was particularly good. I accomplished everything I wanted-- got over 10,000 steps and nearly 1500 words and ate right and exercised and all that kind of good stuff.

This morning I weighed in again to see that I've dropped 4 pounds since last time, which is encouraging. I only have 2 more to go to be back to where I was last spring/summer when I was doing the SparkPeople thing. I suspect another 10-15 after that will put me back to where I was at in Sackville, though I've no records to know for sure, the clothes will tell that tale. Then the journey begins for real to drop another size and keep it off. Time is running out if I want to be gorgeous again by the time I turn 40. It's doable though. I just need to stay focused and do the work. I know I can keep the weight off once I get where I want to be, but it's the getting there that requires my patience and commitment.

Today I am roasting a turkey breast, so I'll have turkey for stir-frys and wraps and all that good stuff. I tried these whole grain rye Triscuit crackers last night that I've had in my cupboard for eons. I got them for some sort of gathering or party and then either forgot to put them out or cancelled or something. Last night I was hungry. That hollow stomach growling kind of hungry.

I was about 50 calories short of the 1200 that a person needs in order to keep their body from going into starvation mode and clutching on to all your fat for dear life, so I figured even though it was pretty late I should eat something. I was also a few grams short on my protein. After much searching I opted for four Triscuit crackers and a half cup of salsa.

I warmed the crackers in the oven and then ate them like nacho chips with the salsa. Yummy! Of course I had more salsa than crackers, which meant I ended up eating salsa with a spoon, but that was fine by me. The snack did the trick and I didn't go to bed hungry, I got my calories and my protein count into more acceptable levels, and I now have a new favourite treat! Hopefully, I won't become obsessed with it, like I did with the lasagna. Too much of anything is not a good thing.

I had more crazy dreams last night. A whole series of them. I wouldn't even know where to begin to describe any of them. And anything that I am capable of describing in great detail, trust me, you DO NOT want to know!

Mood: excited about life
Drinking: king cole tea
Listening To: just me, typing
Hair: interesting

Angel of Harlem

A sunny Sunday morning. It is Easter and I'm home alone, no eggs, no chocolate, no roast pork with mashed potatoes, gravy, baked carrots, and certainly no apple crisp or pie of any kind. When you can't trust yourself not to partake, just stay home! No, I'm kidding. I just really had too much to do and going up home for the weekend seems to screw up my schedule. Last time I returned to insanity. This time we're too close to printing, can't take that chance. My grasp on things at the moment is tenuous at best. A weekend away could tip me over the ledge.

I have not been having a very good weekend, wellness-wise. I thought that freaking lasagna was going to be the death of me! It was really good. Too good. All I've wanted to do all weekend long is just curl up like Garfield on my fuzzy blanket with my big plate of lasagna in front of the tv. But today is Sunday! And on Sunday I always pull myself back from the lazy abyss and get back on track.

I did not have the greatest week last week as far as meeting my commitments to my wellness buddy. I only got over 7500 steps, half of the time, four days. On Tuesday I only got 3041 (that was the day I had all the company). Thursday I almost made it at 6711 but I left the final push too late, the clock struck midnight and I turned into a pumpkin. Yesterday, I didn't even try, 2005 steps.

My word count also went down this week. 867 total and I didn't write anything on Tuesday. But I guess any writing is better than no writing at all. So I'll take it. I am not deeply in love with this story I'm writing, yet I can't seem to work on anything else. I would rather just leave all this stuff in the black pit part of my brain where all things too painful to consider go to die, but at least part of me has a different plan I guess. Maybe it's time to just get it all out once and for all. I dunno. I just keep writing. I honestly thought I'd dealt with all of this already, but obviously there's more excavation to be done. So, I write. In small spurts. 100 words at a time. That's all I can do. I don't want to get sucked in. I think it might be too much. We'll see.

Calories were pretty good this week, until the lasagna entered the picture, then things got tricky. Just a little, over my limits by about 100 calories a day, which basically means consuming too much to lose weight, but not enough to gain any. So bygones! I'm not concerned about that. At least I was eating a healthy lasagna I made myself with all natural good ingredients and not sticky buns or potato chips or a Dairy Queen Blizzard or fried chicken or any of that crazy stuff.

I did not eat breakfast everyday. I confess, I postponed breakfast on more than one occasion just so I could suck back more of the lasagna . . . I know, I'm terrible. But hey, the good news is the lasagna is gone, and today I began on the rice cakes with peanut butter again.

This week is our third and final commitment week before we give ourselves a reward. I feel that if I have an awesome week this week, then I can continue onto the reward day guilt-free, having wiped out any of the small indiscretions from this past week. This week everything stays the same except I'm adding more steps and going for the 10,000 everyday. I am hoping for better weather because 10,000 is nearly impossible to get without going out for a stroll. I'm also adding taking vitamins everyday to the regime. Everything else stays the same. I feel good about it.

The following week I might do the brown rice detox again. For spring. I suppose I'd actually have to start this Thursday though, if I wanted to have it completed before AGM weekend . . . hmm, that won't work. Maybe I'll keep my spring detox until after AGM. I might need it more then anyway. Lord knows what all food and drink will enter my system that weekend!

Mood: optimistic, determined
Drinking: coffee, black, perked
Listening To: city of lakes, matt mays
Hair: needing some retouching

Original Sin

Crazy weather the past couple of days, tons of snow, freezing rain, and so on, non-stop for days on end. With April I am ready for seasons to change. I miss being able to walk at French Fort Cove, being able to walk at all really. The sidewalk situation has been not good here all winter. Apparently there is very little snow on the ground down Amherst/Sackville way. Wow! Such a huge difference from here to there. Today is cloudy, some wind, but not much else going on.

Even though I couldn't see Chatham Head from my windows all night last night, let alone the full moon, my body knew it was there. The dreams were much.

I dreamed that I was invited to dinner at my cousin's house. There were three couples. It was an odd mismatch of past versus present partners. The strangeness wasn't that I was there with Kevin, I expect he'll show up more and more in dreams in these months leading up to my Toronto trip. And Stacy was there with Alan, which was perfectly normal and logical. The oddness was that the hostess was one of Stacy's sisters and her partner was Stacy's ex, Ed. Yeah. That was very strange. Even in the dream I was sitting there being served a lovely roast beef dinner thinking to myself, "How on earth did this ever happen?! This can't be right." And Ed wasn't quite himself, but a version of himself. He looked the same as I remember but he'd gone a little redneck, slurping beer and slapping people on the ass, laughing a lot and making rude comments. It was like he'd turned into a giant version of Tom Arnold. It was all very uncomfortable and strange.

In another dream there was an older grey-haired man, definitely in his mid to late 50s or even early 60s, who had fallen in love with me. I met him through work somehow or a conference or something. Anyway, the guy was super rich, like private jet kinda rich, and lived in Vancouver. He would fly down, bringing me gifts, anything I could imagine, if I even thought I wanted something he'd show up with it. I would tell him I couldn't accept his gifts, that I had no feelings for him other than friendship, that there would be nothing between us ever . . . but he'd just keep coming back with something new or sending me things. It was an unrelenting pursuit of my affection.

I think I probably dreamed this one because yesterday I was doing some thinking about that sort of thing for some writing I'm doing. Plus the other night I watched planes flying low over Chatham. All these things in my subconscious surface in the full moon.

It was a night of nothing but dreams, leaving me to wake more unrested than when I went to bed.

Mood: a little foggy
Drinking: nothing
Listening To: speed of sound, coldplay
Hair: growing

Everybody Knows

It's been a day. I woke up to heavy wet snow, almost ice pellets, type weather, so I called F at Rogers and begged to reschedule my interview. Instead we opted for him to come to my place and film me in front of my bookcase, with my books. This was better than going out. I maybe should've worn a different top . . . I forgot about the mic thing . . . so it's quite possible dear old F got quite the eyeful as we got me plugged in. But maybe it wasn't as terrible as it seemed in the moment. I forgot to say an awful lot of stuff, but I did say some things, so hopefully it'll be enough and be okay, and I won't come off like the inarticulate idiot I felt like as we taped. I never get to see it anyway (even though it'll likely be picked up province-wide) so bygones! I'm not giving it another thought.

We finished just in time for me to get on the hunt for Leonard Cohen tix for Moncton or Fredericton. There were two of us looking . . . And that was a bust. Sold out pretty quickly. But that was okay, because then an email came in from WestJet announcing one of those purchase your tickets today seat sales and I have a friend in Toronto with tickets to Lenny already in hand who has offered to take me with. So I viewed the WestJet seat sale as a sign that I am to go back to the big city and immediately booked a flight. I leave June 5, return June 10. Yay me! I envision a low-stress, no-commitment excursion, none of the tourist stuff, no $15 martinis or $35 breakfasts and most definitely absolutely no excursions into the old Alderwood stomping grounds. Peace, relaxation, Cohen, you know, a zen-like buddist type trip. A spiritual and creative awakening, none of that freaking tension I had last time from the stress of returning to the scene of the crime. Hopefully the weather will be nice.

Somewhere in all this tickets racket I found time to make the lasagna I've been wanting to make. Chicken, spinach, sun-dried tomatoes, ricotta cheese . . . It is my first one. It has been kind of an ordeal. A learning experience. I won't get into all the nitty gritty details, suffice it to say that it took all freaking day! Off and on. My NEXT lasagna will kick ass, this one, not so much, lol, but hey, it's edible. Well, I'm eating it, I WILL be eating it for many days to come, I am not in any hurry to feed it to anyone else. Live and learn, they say. And now every pot and knife in my house is dirty, so I have to do dishes all night.

Despite the crazy weather outside, today is the first day of spring and boy! Do I ever feel it! Man! All this crazy spring energy whirling around my brain. I don't care that there's a ton of snow still, I feel springlike. I want to go places and do things and I feel recharged and energized. Maybe it's just all the company this week and all the talk of travel and all the plans I've made already and all the plans I've yet to make . . . I don't know. But I like it.

It's Easter weekend. I'm not going up home. Too much to do. Plus I didn't want to tempt myself by potatoes with gravy, apple crisp, and all that. I shall stay home and work and eat spinach salad and lasagna!

Mood: excited
Drinking: water
Listening To: in view, the tragically hip
Hair: actually looking quite lovely today! i blew it dry and even used a little hairspray because i was going on tv

Aww Jeeze!

And just when I think I have averted sudden disaster--my head will not explode but remain attached for another day . . . then I remember I have to go on tv tomorrow morning . . . Oh man! Now I've got all this other stuff to think about. What should I wear? What time do I have to leave? How much make-up do I need so I don't look washed out and super pale? And what the frig should I talk about anyway? Should I print off some notes? I probably won't be able to reference them. And what about my hair? Thank God I never get to see these pieces. I'd be a real wreck.

Leonard tix go on sale tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be back in time. With any luck my excursion will happen pre-snow/ice pellets.

The reason I couldn't open iTunes this morning, I think was because my hard drive was full. I deleted some programs and movies and stuff and got a gig back then iTunes opened fine. I need to clean up pix in the bnm files, i think. i have a crap load of music too, but the pix are backed up on the server anyway, so i don't think i need them anyway. Well, at least the ones that we've already pubbed. And I don't really want to burn all the tunes to disc, that's just so limiting in the randomness factor.

Mood: nervous
Drinking: water
Listening To: school, supertramp
Hair: seriously messed from my fingers pulling at the roots

The Day the Music Died

I cannot get iTunes to open. I don't know what's up with that.

This computer is a little slower than the last one. It seems to have lots of RAM. I mean I can play music, open 30+ tabs in Firefox including Facebook and Perez Hilton's site, work on the production or BnM websites in IE, receive and respond to email in Outlook, edit multiple documents in Word, size pics in PhotoShop, chat on both MSN and Skype, download from Limewire, upload to the server with Filezilla, and do a full virus scan, all at the same time. So yeah, I've got RAM or I'd be frozen solid.

This PC is just a little slow, things take more time to open, it takes a lot longer to reboot. Slow yet steady, it seems pretty stable, seldom freezes. And yet today I cannot get iTunes to open. I'll have to reboot and see if that helps the situation. Because I cannot function, cannot work, cannot edit or write or smile or even think straight if there is no music.

I've plugged myself into the mp3 player in the meantime, but I don't particularly enjoy blocking out all other sound. I can't hear the doorbell. I can't hear the phone. I can't hear anything right now, just Billy Joel telling me what I already knew . . . that I may be right, he may be crazy, but it just might be a lunatic I'm looking for. And even worse than me not being able to hear anything beyond Billy is the fact that I cannot hear myself singing with Billy . . . I can't hear myself, but the neighbours . . . well, one can only hope they've all gone out.

And as if all this was not disturbing enough, there is the dance factor. With the music deafening in my ears, it's impossible to sit still. I bob and weave, hips gyrate, arms in the air, close my eyes and before I know it a half hour has gone by and all I've done is danced my way round and round the living room lost in a dream with Def Leppard.

I just cannot work under these conditions! I need to fix iTunes asap!

Mood: playful
Drinking: black coffee
Listening To: search and destroy, iggy pop
Hair: hair news coming soon

Everybody's Broken

I am awaiting a sunrise on a cloudy day. I went to bed late and got up early. That's what happens when you're excited about your life. The trick to getting up early is to be excited about the day, you know like when you were a kid and you would get up in the wee hours on Christmas morning. Nothing could keep you in bed then. Yes, we should be THAT excited about life, just everyday general life. I am!

Leonard Cohen is also playing in Moncton I read in this morning's paper. Love Moncton! Would sooner go there maybe, rather than Fredericton. I'm thinking pretty hard on Toronto too. THAT would be freaking awesome on top of awesome! I'm still mulling. Decisions will be made by tomorrow. Toronto is totally doable if I skip Frye Fest this year, save that week's hotel living expenses. The cogs in my brain are spinning as I wrap my head around the possibilities.

Busy week this week. My list runneth over. Am taping a tv program later this week . . . I so dislike being on tv. Radio is fine, but tv . . . sheesh! Thank God I never actually get to see myself because I don't have cable. I'm being told that very soon everything's going high-def digital and my rabbit ears won't work anymore. I'll have to get cable then if I want to keep up with Coronation Street. I'll also have to get a high definition television. I don't know that I'll actually do all that. I may just give it up all together once and for all.

Mood: excited & excitable
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: ziggy stardust, david bowie
Hair: messed

Who Wants to Live Forever

I wrote 1841 words on a new story last week. It probably doesn't seem like a lot, but for me, on a personal story, not related to BnM, this is pretty major. It's all because I took a good friend's advice and committed to writing 10 new words a day on something personal. Just 10. I mean what kind of a wimpy writer am I if I can't jot down 10 new words in the run of a day, right?

But 10 leads to 20 and then 100 and before I know it I've laid down a couple hundred. My best day was the first one, last Sunday, I ran 413. My worst day was the crazy runaround day, Tuesday, when I really really did not want to write anything at all but the idea that I would wimp out on 10 words made it impossible to go to bed without doing them, and I wrote 84.

None of this writing is even close to first draft, it's pre-writing as DB would say. But it's something. And it's a subject I've been all around poking at in the past 8 years or so but never tackled right head on like this before, which is kind of exciting and scary all at the same time. So today is Sunday and Week 2 of my three-week contract with my wellness buddy begins today.

So here is my commitment for this week March 16-22:

1. I will eat breakfast everyday.
2. I will consume 1200-1550 calories per day. (I’ll track numbers.)
3. I will walk at least 7500 steps everyday.
4. I will strength exercise for at least 15 minutes on at least 3 different days this week.
5. I will write at least 10 words on my play or other personal creative writing everyday.
6. I will read at least one page out of a book for pleasure everyday.
7. I will use my netipot everyday.
   

I added some steps and more time to exercise, added an extra step to remember to use my netipot because it is doing absolute miracles for my sinuses, but other than that I'm not messing with a good thing. I'm keeping my commitment to just 10 words, because 10 is small enough to get me started, and getting started is the hardest part.

Mood: thrilled
Drinking: coffee, did i accidentally buy decaf?
Listening To: sunset grill, don henley
Hair: thinking about razoring the ends . . . just the ends

A Rush of Blood to the Head

Yesterday I went to Chatham for the regular BnM Production meeting. It was good. I daresay I have not seen hide nor hair of the mighty crew since last month's meeting. I am so lucky to work with really great people. Honestly, there's not a bad apple in the bunch. We laughed until we cried, threw beer over each other, shared food, argued a bit, and got a lot accomplished. It's like an injection of positive energy into my veins, spending time with them.

Went grocery shopping after and bought some lasagna fixings. I've never made one before. I'm not going the traditional route, doing something with spinach, ricotta, maybe some eggplant, and who knows what all will get tossed into the mix.

Then I came home and exercised while I watched my new Bon Jovi dvds. F-U-N! If I want to motivate myself, I should totally watch my Bon Jovi dvds all the freaking time. A little Jon Bon makes it all so much more exciting.

It is the last day, Day 7, of my one week wellness contract with my buddy. And I did it! I did everything! Well, you know, unless I totally screw it up today. Tomorrow I make a new deal, up the ante on a few things. I'll be taking my steps from 5000 to 7500 for one thing, which is not easy to get if you don't go out and try to get them, so I suspect I'll be taking to the streets with the mp3 player. Hopefully, the weather will cooperate.

Mood: good
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: carry on my wayward son, boston
Hair: longish

Everywhere

So much to fill you in on!

Yesterday I got the Bon Jovi dvds I ordered. Destination Anywhere is one I've wanted for a long time and have been keeping an eye out for a copy but it hasn't always been available. It's a must-have for any Jon Bon fan! I put it in and it works! I will watch this weekend. The other is Lost Highway - The Concert, which is probably one of their newest ones. If you'll remember, it took me awhile to get into that album with its country sound, but after I played it a number of times I got into in. I also tried this one in the player and it works. My player can be an issue as it's older and not all dvds work in it. So, I'm very excited to watch these over the weekend!

I was also thrilled to get my newsletter from The Playhouse in Fredericton announcing that Leonard Cohen is coming! Oh my God! Leonard! Tickets go on sale next week and I am going. If I can't find anyone to join me, I am going alone. It's Leonard! Surely I will not have this opportunity again in my lifetime. I am so there!

Last night I went to bed around midnight and read until about 12:30 then thankfully drifted right off to sleep. At 1:30 I heard someone come into the building, clump all the way to the top floor and then cross the catwalk above my window. It was two people. In my sleep stupor I cursed the guy upstairs for making so much noise coming home from . . . well, wherever it is he gets off to every night . . . and then as I heard him get up and go to the window upstairs to look out and see who was out there, it dawned on me that he hadn't gone out last night (which is rare and odd in and of itself). This brought me to full alert and I went to my window. Red flashing lights rolled over the yard and I looked out to see a half dozen firemen crossing the parking lot. Holy crap! Are we on fire? Their trucks were parked on the side of the road and they did not bring in any hoses. They went into the other side of the building and stayed there a good long while. Then they left. No sirens at any time, just the lights. I couldn't see anything they were doing. No idea what went on or why they were called. There didn't seem to be any fire . . . anyway, that had me up until after 4 this morning. One can't just go back to sleep when firemen are running all over the yard.

This morning I got a surprise phone call from an artist in Moncton. I've been to a couple of her exhibits and had admired some of her work, when I saw her last summer I mentioned how I loved this particular painting I had seen at an exhibit a few years ago. She said she thought she still had that one, it hadn't sold. The particular exhibit that I loved was a bit dark and disturbing, not everyone's cup of tea. Anyway, she called me this morning because her bookshop is closing and she's selling off as much as she can so she won't have to store it at home. And she wanted to know if I wanted that painting! I do! I so very much do! I have wanted that painting since I first laid eyes on it all those years ago. And now I know it's meant to be mine, because she remembered me and called and asked and I said YES! She's bringing it up on the WFNB weekend. I am so crazy excited about this! I can't even express it!

This afternoon I've got a BnM Production Meeting at the Irish pub in Chatham. I am eating light so I can have wine! I so need to get on the ball though and finish preparing the agenda, etc.

Now you're up to date.

Mood: excited!
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: the last night, bon jovi
Hair: blah

Rocket Man

Today was the first day this week that I didn't have any appointments or meetings or places I had to go, the first day I got to stay home all day. My kitchen is thanking me for staying in! Had some time to get caught up on some overdue household chores that needed doing. This is good, because I function much better when things are done.

So I'm on Day 5 of my commitment to my wellness buddy. My biggest struggle so far has been getting enough calories everyday. I mean before evening comes. It's because I'm not eating enough for breakfast I think. Normally I have 2 Wasa Rye Crispbreads with peanut butter, an apple, a glass of orange juice and some coffee. This is freaking plenty! As far as satisfying me. I usually have a pita or rice for lunch with some turkey, tuna or chicken for protein. Some more protein for dinner with a spinach salad or some rice and then I'm done for the day. I'm content. I have no urge to snack in the evening. No craving.

Except I don't have enough calories yet. I'm always under 1200 and 1200 is the magic number. If you don't consume at least 1200 calories in the run of a day your body goes into starvation mode and holds onto every bit of fat it possibly can, which is counter-productive when you're trying to slim down. So then I end up having a bed lunch of whatever I'm missing (carbs, fat, or protein) to get my calorie count up. Tonight I'm having rice cakes loaded pretty liberally with peanut butter because I was low on carbs and fat. One night I ate a whole can of tuna because I was low on protein.

I thought I would've come around by now, got my appetite back, would start feeling hungry again, but it hasn't happened yet. There was a migraine yesterday that I think was brought on because my body needed protein, but I felt no hunger pangs. This is what happens when you go long times without eating or not eating much for days and weeks on end, which I'm prone to do and let myself slip back into recently.

Last night at my writers' meeting one of the women said she was just coming off a 3-day fast where she took nothing but water. She seemed very surprised by the euphoric feelings she had and how she never felt hungry. She said she came off the fast rather reluctantly because she felt so good and she had no urge to eat. But that's just what happens. I don't know if I believe in fasting for detox. I tend to think our body's need fuel, nutrition, even if we don't feel like they do. That's why I never did a detox until I found one with proper nutrition.

And for me, fasting is dangerous. It's an old habit I can slip into so easily when I'm not paying attention. And I want to be healthy and well! That's the goal! I cannot be healthy and well if I'm starving my body. So I long for those days when my body tells me it's hungry every four hours or so with rumblings in my tummy and a hollow feeling in the gut. I've been there before. It'll come back. Soon.

Mood: stuffed to the gills with peanut butter
Drinking: irish breakfast tea
Listening To: all day and all of the night, kinks
Hair: still here

Lost in the Supermarket

Being led around by quadrant 1 today . . . trying to reel it back in under control. Will close my inbox soon.

Mood: busy
Drinking: water
Listening To: waiting for the miracle, leonard cohen
Hair: beyond my control at this point

Falling

I am so sore in through my sides and legs. It's from exercising on Monday. I always get sore the second day after, then I do it again and it goes away. So I guess I need to do some exercise today.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. Just me and another lady at my meeting, but we pushed through. Surprise doorbell ringer around 3:30 brought a huge smile to my face. I got in my steps, stayed within my calorie range, wrote, read, and all is well.

At 4am this morning I had one of those experiences with the man whispering my name against my ear. I jumped nearly clear of the bed. Talk about heart palpitations. This ghost of mine hasn't been around in a good long while. I mean a really long time. I can't say I'm surprised to see (I guess hear would be the better word) him again. The good thing was that after the initial fright which lasted all of about 6 seconds, I just muttered, "go away" and rolled over and went right back to sleep. Completely at ease. He'll have to up the ante if he hopes to faze me.

So I'm working on this new story, I'm hoping to have some parts up to snuff for WFNB reading in a few weeks. I am just so excited about life right now. It's hard to go to the dark side and dig up crap to put into stories. Maybe I should be working on a romantic comedy or something. I don't know. I've got three different things on the go and I waffle, writing wherever the mood strikes. I'm not sure this is a good thing. But maybe this is what I need to do and a front-runner will emerge, then I can commit myself. Maybe? At least I'm writing again. At least words are coming. I'm very thankful.

Lots on the do today! We're approaching BnM deadline. Let the insanity begin!

Mood: a little breathless with excitement
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: right here waiting, richard marx
Hair: getting fluffier

Random Sticky Business

I am off to the second meeting of the BnM Editorial Board this morning. I hope all goes well.

Absolutely amazing colours happening in the sky this morning as day dawns.

Yesterday, not only were the sidewalks non-existent in the city forcing me to walk on the road in traffic, but I also had a creepy encounter at the grocery store that freaked me out so much I took a cab home after shopping. And proceeded to have a very vulnerable feeling evening.

Today, I'm considering getting an unlisted number. My security counsel doesn't think it could hurt.

The sky! Have you seen the sky this morning?!

God! So much to do! Not enough time! I'm off!

Mood: panicked
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: hmmmmm
Hair: maybe it'll be okay someday soon

Say It Right

And finally some freaking sleep! Seven hours of almost uninterrupted pure bliss. Today I feel like I can do anything. The invincible Kel! Or rather, Kel the Invincible! Sunshine and all that there good stuff on top. Icing!

So I got all my books put into the bookcase with one shelf left for things like photo albums, copies of bnm and other magazines, that kind of thing. And that means . . . There's room to buy more books! The living room is still a bit of a mess, lots of cardboard to discard now, plus there were lots of papers in some of those boxes. Not sure where to put them, what to do about that. But I'll figure it out. Things are coming together. I can't wait to throw open the windows and do some serious spring cleaning.

We're about a month away from the WFNB weekend I've been planning here in Miramichi and so far it seems like things are on track to be a success. Workshop registrations have been coming in and people are buying banquet tickets. So this is good. I'm excited about it! I think it's going to be a great time. I'm hoping the ice will be running then, but honestly I can't see how. Last time we had it in Miramichi, it must have been a bit later in the year.

I also have to decide soon what I'm going to do about Frye. To go? Or not to go? To go for some of it? Or to go for all of it? These are the important questions. I have no answers yet. I'm still thinking on it. I think for sure that I'll go for one day to the WFNB reading, but anything beyond that . . . I don't know. It all comes down to time and money . . . and time being money. We'll see.

Yesterday was my first day of my new contract with my Wellness Buddy. Day 1 went off without a hitch. I hit all my targets. Some easier than others, but hey . . . I did it at least!

Last week was like the longest week. Ever! Like seriously. I think it was because I didn't sleep. Days are long when you don't sleep. But time seems to be out of whack too. And no, it's not just the spring ahead thing from the weekend. I sprung ahead without incident, didn't seem to bother me a bit. Time just seems a little wacky lately is all.

Well surely I've wasted enough time rambling on about nothing for one day.

Mood: happy
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: sway, bic runga
Hair: growing

The Elephant in the Room

Feeling calm today. Calm is good. Especially since yesterday I was all over the place emotionally, which is apparently normal, but nevertheless thank God for Sundays I say! I had a terrible time getting to sleep last night listening to the wind howl and the rain lash against my windows. But I got through it eventually, and got enough sleep that I woke up early to watch a week's worth of Corrie. Playing catch up with the show. Hadn't seen any episodes this week. Nothing like lazing around bed all Sunday morning with the gang from the street. I didn't even get up for coffee or anything until the show ended. God, I needed that! I feel like I'll be okay today. Today I will not be crazy.

Just sent my Wellness Buddy my commitment for this week. It's not overly ambitious, totally doable, and will definitely make a difference for me. I've been falling backward rapidly, doing the whole not eating thing, not walking, just not, not, not, and this will put a stop to that.

So here is my commitment for this week March 9-15:

1. I will eat breakfast everyday.
2. I will consume 1200-1550 calories per day. (I’ll track numbers.)
3. I will walk at least 5000 steps everyday.
4. I will strength exercise for at least 10 minutes on at least 3 different days this week.
5. I will write at least 10 words on my play or other personal creative writing everyday.
6. I will read at least one page out of a book for pleasure everyday.
   

I know! How easy is that? Piece of cake, right? But I've been so far away from any of this that it will be a good way to help me get back onto the road to wellness I think.

Off-topic: How much do I love Enrique Iglesias?! "You can run, you can hide, but you can't escape my love . . ." Couldn't you just eat him up?

Moving on . . . my living room is littered with empty boxes and stacks of books. I've got two rows of shelves filled on each bookcase. I'm kind of excited. At first it looked impossible that all the books would fit, but now, it's starting to look like I'll have lots of room. It's kind of slow going though, because of course I'm a freak when it comes to putting them in. You cannot have Anne Rice and Clive Barker beside Alice Munro and Margaret Atwood. That is just wrong on so many levels. I should probably just put them in any old way and then spend some time rearranging once I can see everything all at the same time. The big task today is to get them all in and then get rid of all the cardboard. That could be tricky.

Mood: cheerful, calm and content
Drinking: coffee, black, but had oj with breakfast
Listening To: today is the greatest day, smashing pumpkins
Hair: kind of missing the days of pony tails today for some reason, maybe i'll grow it out again

Come Dancing

A little Kinks to get me revved up for the day.

I'm spiraling downhill on the wellness circuit. Not getting enough steps. Not sleeping. Not eating enough food to keep a bird alive. Drinking way too much coffee. My wellness buddy has also fallen off track, we've collectively lost sight of our goals. So we're trying something different to help us regain our focus.

This week we're making a plan, sharing it with each other, and holding each other accountable. We've made a pact to take it one week at a time for three weeks. At the end of the three weeks if we've achieved our goal, then we're going to spend an old-fashioned Saturday together, like we used to do, but have gotten away from lately. A real treat! We're going to go to the Farmer's Market in Chatham, go to O'Donaghue's for a meal, spend the day shopping, etc. We've been wanting to do this for awhile now, so it's a good reward I think. If either one of us screws up, we ruin it for the other one. Screw up equals cancelled day. So, hopefully this will get us back on track.

It's supposed to storm today. I was thinking maybe I'd go pick up a few groceries before it begins. Maybe I can get motivated to do that soon, cuz the cupboard is getting seriously bare, especially in the protein department. I also want to do some major clean-up around here. Dust bunnies abound! And I want to write today. I mean really write. For me. The play or the story or something personal and real. I've started journalling long-hand again, which is a help. Something about putting pen to paper that gets my motor running. I also want to work for a few hours, get some stuff done. Lots needing doing. And perhaps most important of all, I want to fill my bookcase with my poor boxed books! Yes, the bookcase has been assembled! Finally! I'm so excited!

Yesterday, J&J brought the kids by for a March Break visit. Of course Jules brought me a lovely gift. Cookies and Rockets and everything! We read our tarot cards. First I did all the kids, then they each took a turn doing mine. I never look at the book to know what the cards are really saying, and I can't really remember because it's been so long since I was into it seriously, so we just go by the pictures. It's so much fun! Samuel was enthralled by all his money pentacles. The best telling of mine had to be from Abby though, when she said I got some money and then in the next breath very matter of fact continued that then the man sneaked away with it in the night. It was a good day. A good week really.

Mood: content
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: wish you were here, pink floyd
Hair: unkempt

Fly Like An Eagle

Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping . . .

Busy day today. Company coming. Errands to run. Work to be done. Chores desperately needing my attention. What to do first? Then next? Huge decisions. Sunshine this morning makes my heart flutter. More freezing rain coming tomorrow though, I see.

Yesterday was also kind of hectic. Lots of work going on. People passing through. Meetings. I never even had time to clean up all the wax in the bathroom from the possessed candle the night before.

This morning between 5am when my eyes first fluttered open to find the clock and 5:30 when I sighed and decided I'd better get up, I dreamed of failure. Mine. Not even failure really, just being overlooked, passed over, not chosen, or even really considered. It sucked. Dismal way to begin a gorgeous day.

Mood: manic
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: love is a battlefield, pat benetar
Hair: naturally parting on the side this morning for some crazy reason

Heart of Glass

Have you heard The Puppini Sisters yet? Sitting here listening to them do Blondie and it's freaking awesome. Love them! So many interesting fun artists popping up in the UK lately.

Damn! I just spilled coffee everywhere!

I couldn't sleep last night. Not even a little bit. I'm in a bout of insomnia or something. It's not good. A few days now of odd sleep patterns. I even took a bubble bath by candlelight with a glass of wine and a book. It was relaxing for sure, took at least one of the knots out of my back. Made quite the mess though, wax somehow got everywhere. One of the candles was possessed, burned a huge blaze, burned down to nothing in a matter of minutes. Anyway, I had gone into the boxes of books (yes, yes, I'm still waiting for someone to take pity on me and assemble my bookcase, the box was opened at least and a mental note made about a Phillips screwdriver, so I'm hopeful it'll happen soon)

So I had gone into the boxes of books to find something easy and fun and light that I had yet to read, but of course I don't really have stuff like that, so instead I spied a local book written by a former correctional officer, a work of fiction based on actual events, names changed to protect the innocent and the guilty. I had forgotten I had this book, T was going to toss it years ago and I took it instead, but never read it before.

So of course, off I went to my relaxing bath with my prison book. I know, I know, BIG mistake! Curiosity kills the cat every time. I ended up reading the whole thing, cover to cover, in one sitting, (it wasn't very thick) and then being unable to sleep. The few times I kind of drifted I dreamed unpleasant prison dreams. It should be required reading for anyone living around here.

But enough about that, I'm better today. Tonight I'll read something less close to home.

Mood: a little fogged in
Drinking: coffee, instant, cuz it's quick
Listening To: promiscuous girl, nelly furtado
Hair: needing something

It Ain't Me, Babe

Johnny & June doing a little Bob Dylan reminds me I still do not own Walk the Line on dvd. Must remedy that situation. It's a crazy kinda weather day. A little creepy, these howling winds, very Stephen King. I had hoped to get out today and pick up a few groceries. I am addicted to spinach, you know! But sunshine in tomorrow's forecast, so I'll hold off from going forth in ice pellets. Today I'm kinda half achy and a little foggy, dreamy, scattered . . . hard to focus on the stories hitting deadline tomorrow. I keep going round and round the words, looking for a tone, so far not really finding much of one. I worry that all my stuff is starting to sound the same, that there's nothing new under the sun, and the mag will suffer from my monotony. I know I need to read more, to expand my mind, but I'm just so tired of reading or something. So bored by it all. This too will pass. I'm thinking about maybe taking a vacation. Like a real honest to goodness vacation, with auto-responders on mail and everything. Completely unplug and disappear for a week. With no responsibility, no guilt, no worry, no feeling that I should be working on something. No deadlines. A planned vacation. Maybe in June. Maybe. The idea was suggested to me, that maybe we could all use a little break to recharge. I don't know though. The idea makes me a little anxious. Maybe in August. Maybe.

Mood: weather concerned
Drinking: coffee, black, brewed
Listening To: hero, enrique iglesias
Hair: growing out

Just Another Manic Monday

Yes, I'm manic again. Mind racing. Heart palpitating. I'm convinced it's sunshine that does this to me. And after a weekend of feeling poorly, drowning in snow, who wouldn't get a little manic when the sun shows itself briefly? I don't mind the mania, I'm certainly not complaining. I needed a good manic day. I have too much to do to just plod along systematically and expect it to all fall into place eventually. I know, I know, everyone has too much to do, I'm not alone. But somehow it feels like my too much is less diverse than other people's crazy juggling. And I wonder how I'm ever supposed to add anything else in, anything outside the realms of words, cooking and cleaning? Where do I put a significant other? An active lifestyle? Travel? Vacation time? Hobbies? How does it all come together into one manageable juggling act? I haven't figured it out yet. Maybe I'm on the brink.

Mood: manic
Drinking: coffee, fresh brewed for the first time in weeks!
Listening To: buddy buddy upstairs loping around in his morning routine
Hair: mussed, but not so much that I can't just throw on a hat and go

The Lonely End of the Rink

I stayed up half the night last night. Couldn't sleep. I think it's because I had a glass of Coke. The caffeine in pop must be wicked! I mean I can drink coffee like it's water, coffee never keeps me up. But pop seems to these days. It's not like I'm a big soft drink person anymore. I bought all this pop on sale before Christmas in case I had people in, and I'm just trying to get rid of it still. Not much left now, thankfully. Next Christmas maybe I'll leave people to fend for themselves . . .

Lots of dreams last night. Too many to go over. Most of them dark and disturbing, no doubt brought on by the howling winds outside lashing snow against my window. We're still under a blizzard warning. So March comes in like a lion, it should go out like a lamb, which hopefully will bode well for that first weekend in April when I've got WFNB events planned. I also need to start thinking about Frye soon. Need to book in if I'm going.

Today I'm doing laundry, dishes, and lots of other things, playing catch up from not feeling very well yesterday and Friday.

Mood: twisty
Drinking: nothing
Listening To: i remember nothing, joy division
Hair: lacking

Such a Sap

I'm such a sap today. Tearing up a bit listening to tunes. I mean, it's Kid Rock . . . Emotional I guess. Wanted to go downtown today, pick up a few things, but didn't really feel up to it. Things will keep. So much to do here. And I'm not feeling very well. Wrapped up in Nick's blanket in front of the computer nursing a hot cuppa. Chills. Legs aching, but feel better draped in warmth. So much to do today! Blah! And I can't seem to get my head into the game, out of the clouds. Part of me says I shouldn't fight it, just go lie down, this too will pass . . . the other part says get off your lazy butt and work through this! Time's a-wasting! Verdict is still out on which part I'll obey.

Mood: mentally/emotionally challenged
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: such a perfect day, velvet underground
Hair: stringy