Bloody Well Right

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Sunday, October 28, 2007, and sent via FutureMe.org

Dear FutureKel,
A year ago you listened to motivational speaker Les Brown speak about how sometimes when we experience a set-back or trauma we pull off to the side of the road and park. We roll up the windows and settle back into our leather seats completely oblivious that there are people out on the highway who will stop and help us, give us a boost, give us a lift, if only we put on the four-way flashers and let them know we are there.

This impacted you.

You understood that with regard to love and relationships you had pulled off the road a long time ago. You decided to do something about it. One year ago today you were supposed to have a coffee date with a man from Bathurst.

So what happened FutureKel? Did you stay open to the idea of love? Or did you close yourself off and ignore opportunities? Are you seeing anyone now? When was the last time you went out on a date? Have you made any new friends?

I hope you are doing wonderfully well and enjoying life to its fullest. I hope you have love and happiness and someone to share in your joy. But if you don't, take some time today to remember the lesson of Les Brown and turn on those 4-ways again.

Peace and joy always!
PastKel

What a shocker to get this email from myself this morning! Has it only been a year? That seems like ages ago. Time has slowed to a crawl.

Okay, so what happened? Bathurst guy ended after an annoying abundance of phone calls and two dates. Then there was Sussex guy, two months of emails, one date, no chemistry. This was followed by Salisbury guy, four months, fell in love, got heart broke. Then rebound Blackville guy, couple of rendezvous. And finally summer fling Woodstock guy, who was lovely in text message, but I nearly killed in person. A year, five guys, one broken heart, I can live with that. I think I'm out of the car.

Mood: contemplative
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: i wanna be sedated, the ramones
Hair: imagine if i stuck a fork into an electrical outlet ...

The Writer in Me

I think I should write a book about dating in the 21st century. Seriously. I KNOW it would be funny! Oh, and educational. For sure! It could start with, "A magician, a prison guard and a backslid Christian walk into a bar ..."

But seriously. I am putting together a manuscript. I really am. An honest to goodness for real manuscript. I know, it's about time, right? Still, there's a huge part of me that doesn't believe anyone is interested in anything I've got to say. I know there are people who look to me and think I know a thing or two about this writing stuff ... damn! Have I ever pulled the wool over their eyes! :)

Mood: procrastinating, but trying to get back on track and write something
Drinking: water, but thinking maybe tea or hot chocolate is in order
Listening To: train whistling past enroute to Bathurst, Campbellton, Quebec City and Montreal by tomorrow morning
Hair: ponied up and clean

The More You See, The Less You Know

Oh you look so beautiful tonight, in the city of blinding lights ...

Well here I am on a sunny Monday morning. I wish I could say I was early to bed, early to rise, but no such luck. No rest for the wicked. I guess I slept too much on the weekend. I did spend most of the day Saturday and Sunday either lounging or sleeping as I didn't feel very well. This translated into a restless Sunday night of trying to sleep, given up as hopeless by 5am this morning. I feel surprisingly well rested and alert for someone who's been up all night. But the big question is, will I be able to handle the gym on no sleep? Today is only upper body which is never as brutal as lower so perhaps it's possible.

Last week was a crazy run-around week for me.

Wednesday I went to the office for a BnM meeting and then met up with the girls for Chinese buffet supper at the Rice King restaurant in Douglastown. I've only ever eaten there at lunch time. It seems a little pricey for supper in comparison to the other buffets in town ... but I guess you get dessert so maybe it's fine. We got there late and I barely had time to taste my food, let alone digest, before we had to get to the theatre for the movie so I didn't get to enjoy supper much. We saw Mama Mia! And I loved, loved, loved it! I could have walked right back in and watched it again at the late showing. Pierce shouldn't sing, but he's gorgeous so he's forgiven. I even cried. And I never cry in the theatre.

Thursday I met a friend for lunch and had a great chat for a couple of hours about everything under the sun including writerly type stuff and more. Definitely need to do that again! It's so refreshing to have someone else, single, in her 30s, going through the whole dating madness, to talk with. God, I needed that!

Thursday night because it was the last time for The Dark Knight to be shown at our theatre, Stacy and I made a spontaneous decision to go to the movies for the second night in a row. This time we had no time for supper so we munched out on popcorn and nachos and chocolate and all kinds of junk. I loved the movie! The best Batman movie ever, in my opinion. And I really enjoyed the last one because of my boy Cillian, of course. I've never been big on the Michael Keaton ones to begin with, so I'm all about Christian Bale. I just like him. He's a good Batman. But Heath! OMG! He was such a great Joker. Better than Jack. It's such a sin that he's gone and won't be able to do more.

Friday night I went to the Napan Fair with the family and children. It was wet. There were flies. No really, there were FLIES! Like thousands of them! Houseflies, not black flies. It's because of the horses and livestock, but still ... there's something unsettling about bags of cotton candy covered with houseflies. Needless to say any urge I had for a candy apple didn't last long. I was covered to my knees in mud. Very reminiscent of the long weekend family reunion. And my feet are still cold. As if the flies and soggy ground weren't enough, it actually piss-poured rain and I didn't get to enjoy any of the events in the ring other than some border collies herding sheep and ducks and jumping through hoops. My aunt's event was postponed until the following day. So I pretty much ruined my sandals and got all wet for ... the ability to say I've been ... without actually seeing anything. I would go again next year, but only in good weather.

I'm going to Fredericton next month to participate in a Small Press Fair. It's the same weekend as the Side by Side literary festival so I'm going to take in some events for that too. And this weekend I also noticed that same weekend is TNB's midnight production of Rocky Horror, so I got tickets! I'm psyched about it! Makes for a busy weekend, not a lot of sleep, but I think it'll be something to experience for sure. I'd been debating whether to go or not, but since I'm going to be in town anyway, that just sealed the deal for me.

Yesterday, I got invited to an authentic Cajun feast happening next month too. Someone from Louisiana who I've only met through email and has written about Mardi Gras and Hurricane Katrina for BnM is coming to the Miramichi to visit. I'm excited to meet him after all these years and happy to have been invited to the dinner he's preparing. Should make for an interesting evening for sure.

And now I should stog some protein down my throat and try to make my way to the gym.

Mood: getting a little foggy
Drinking: coffee, black, cold
Listening To: email dinging into my inbox
Hair: laundered and wild

Men Are Like Lightbulbs

You just keep screwing them until you find the right one. They tend to burn out with time. All of them are not equally as bright ... Thanks, Swingers!

It's not over until the fat lady tries to strangle you. Ha!

And that's all I'm saying about that.

***

Yesterday was one of those glorious fall-like days with sunshine and cool breezes that make me feel reborn. I needed a day like that. Badly. I've been a little off. All summer. Since before summer even. But no more! I'm back! And I mean business! This week I'm going to take time to do goal setting. Real goal setting. I need to check in and remind myself of the goals I set out with at the beginning of this year. I need to look at my list of 101 things and see if they're still relevant to my life. I need to ask myself what I want and nail down some solid answers. This week I'm focused on seizing control of my life. I feel like I've stepped to the sidelines and been willing to just accept whatever happens, rather than make what I want to happen. I've been without direction, wandering aimlessly, dealing rather than seeking or creating. But no more. Sunday morning I was reborn and also reconnected with the me I used to be--the me I was when I first moved back to Miramichi, the happy me who had a direction and a purpose, the me filled with gratitude and love. I know things are not right in my universe when I'm not blogging everyday. And I haven't been blogging everyday all summer. But that's changing starting today. I'm back! And I'm better than ever!

Mood: energized
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: boats chugging past on the water
Hair: tousled

Onward

The days are rolling by with me barely hanging on in the whirlwind. No time for blogging, still. And stuff has been going on. Lots and lots of stuff. Interesting stuff and boring stuff. But I'm not going to tell you any of it! And some of it, I know, you'd really like to know. Maybe later, in another life, when we are cats.

Left yesterday morning around 6 on 2 hours sleep and headed to Grand Falls for a seminar on the Law of Attraction. Did not return until nearly 9pm. Worked til nearly midnight. Slept very late today. Feeling much better. Crunch week at BnM. Looking forward to the weekend when I have a date! Yes, a real one, and no, that's all I'm saying about that, details under wraps for now. Also thinking some friends might be coming in from Toronto. As yet, unconfirmed. But that could be a lot of fun.

Mood: tornado in the brain
Drinking: coffee, black, organic
Listening To: crows cawing and another bird sounding oddly like a rooster
Hair: needing a little tlc

Sympathy for the Devil

Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name ... Happy Monday! Another crazy week beginning. I am so tired. Fingers crossed I get some sleep sometime this week, cuz next week I'm outta here for a bit! Off to the big city and that's not going to be a restful excursion, lol. My flights to and from are insanely early. I need to figure out the logistics of all that trip stuff soon.

So this weekend was pretty good. INSANE, but ... is there any other way? Went to the movies Friday night and saw What Happens in Vegas with Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz. Great date movie! A good laugh. A drink and some conversation afterward, turned into me not going to sleep until the wee hours.

Up wicked early Saturday morning on a couple hours restless nervous semi-sleep. Had a hung over feeling despite having not been drunk. Rushed around all morning house cleaning and doing laundry and tidying up extraneous play details as I tried to get to the theatre early. Didn't happen. Got there about a quarter after noon. But the stage still wasn't set up so it didn't really matter, I could have been later even.

First run-through of the play was much less shaky than Wednesday night's rehearsal, which was heartening, though everyone was subdued, not bringing 'er just yet. Grabbed some Dixie Lee for lunch and then quickly ran through a dress rehearsal before heading backstage to suit up for the real deal.

Hair, make-up, singing, nervous chatter, jokes ... the wait to go on was a little brutal. I was so worried I was going to forget everything, that we'd screw up the lines and leave out the important part, like we had in EVERY rehearsal. But before I knew it we were huddled backstage listening to Sherry welcome everyone and talk about the cause, the girls, diabetes, which is never easy and at one point I even plugged my ears because I was starting to tear up.

Then the curtain opened and the boys went out to do their thing while I held my breath, freaking ... until they got a laugh, which didn't take long, and then I relaxed because I knew we were on and it was going to be ok. I forgot what it was like to be in a play. I forgot about the complete gut-wrenching wanna puke nervous energy turning into dead calm, complete focus. Wow! I can't believe I didn't remember that. I swear that's the lowest my heart rate has been in years, acting is better than yoga! Meditation even! And all this before I even made my entrance.

I stumbled a bit in the third act and needed to be prompted, but other than that there were no noticeable blunders on my part I don't think, and I remembered the important line in the first act that we'd never remembered before, which was good.

After expenses the play raised $900 for Juvenile Diabetes research. And that's it for our group fundraising effort, this week individual members of Team Keenan will be soliciting pledges from people in order to reach their personal fundraising goal. If you haven't supported our Walk for the Cure happening this Sunday in Moncton and you'd like to, there's still time. Click here to pledge me and help me reach my personal goal of raising $100.

Thanks so much for supporting us through the yard sale, play, and pledges. It means so much to me and my whole family.

So after the play came the crash. I forgot about that part too. Total zonk out. And an insatiable thirst for a strong drink. There had been talk of a wrap party with cast and crew, but then everyone was like they were going home, so I just went home with a couple of friends who had come to see the play ... and missed the wrap party that apparently did come together later ... oh well, I was tired anyway. Had a cosmo and a glass of wine, which made me super sleepy so then I made a hot chocolate and woke up a bit. My friends stayed for one drink and left shortly after my Friday night first date showed up for a second ... which went so well, a third is planned for next weekend.

I couldn't sleep Saturday night at all, was awake until after 5am, and up again on only a couple of hours sleep because I had to work. Stacy had dropped off the second draft of bnm at the end of the play for proofing and Sunday was Anna's birthday party so I wanted to try and get up home. I didn't figure there'd be many changes, we got lots of stuff fixed up in the first draft. So I sent Stacy a few changes, wrote a few cover blurbs, showered, packed, and was ready to leave when Mom got here around noon. We went to the mall so Mom could get The Missus a gift. I seized the opportunity to buy some freaking new underwear, because what I've been wearing makes me feel like a homeless person, underwires busting out of bras, poking in my armpit, scratching my breasts, panties full of holes or just a bunch of loose threads tied in a knot, and socks ... man, I have no idea where my socks have been disappearing to?! There really is a sock monster in the dryer! Buying underwear is so much fun! I really should do it more often.

So yesterday was spent up home having Burke's take-out, cake & ice cream, watching a week's worth of Corrie, in bed by 11 but still couldn't sleep. Read until long after midnight. Slept eventually for a couple of hours. Up early and came home with everyone on their way to work. Have arrived to email saying I'm needed at the office today for manual printing of bnm. No rest for the weary. I should sleep tonight though. In my own bed. With a lot of the last month's pressure relieved. One can hope.

And there's a big ole long post for those of you who have missed me. Now, you're up to date!

Mood: sleepy
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: we got the beat, the go-go's
Hair: pretty blonde

The World I Know

Have I mentioned I'm dreaming in play? Yeah, for about a week now. In the dreams I know not just my lines, but everyone else's too! It's fabulous!

Yesterday I actually took some time and sat down with the script. I have not had much time with the script to be honest, yesterday was the third time I've sat with it to practice, I've just kind of been winging it and picking it up from doing it in practice, which shows on stage when I suddenly have no idea where I am and what I am doing. It's a little terrifying to go completely blank.

So today I'm trying to find a zen-like ability to block the daily crap and totally immerse myself in being Sarah :-)

But of course there are extenuating circumstances . . . something else on my mind. I'm on the cusp of Friday night . . . date night . . . and I'm going out. First dates are . . . well, they just are, but at least I kinda know this guy all ready, that should take some pressure off . . . right?

Mood: becoming zen
Drinking: sarah's coffee
Listening To: free money, patti smith
Hair: needing a tlc transformation

I Would Walk 500 Miles

And once again the walls and the proclaimers put it all in perspective . . .

When I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you
When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you

If I get drunk yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And if I haver yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

When I'm working yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you
And when the money comes in for the work I'll do
I'll pass almost every penny on to you

When I come home yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
And if I grow old well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

When I'm lonely yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man whose lonely without you
When I'm dreaming yes I know I'm gonna dream
Dream about the time when I'm with you.

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

Mood: buoyed
Drinking: absenthe, still, but i'm nearly ready to try solid food
Listening To: animal, def leppard
Hair: perhaps too blonde

Beautifully Broken

Who knew Ashlee Simpson could sum it up all so well?

It seems like yesterday that my world fell from the sky
It seems like yesterday I didnt know how hard I could cry
It feels like tomorrow I may not get by
But I will try
I will try wipe the tears from my eyes

[Chorus:]
I'm beautifully broken and I don't mind if you know it
I'm beautifully broken and I don't care if I show it

Every day is a new day I'm reminded of my past
Everytime theres another storm I know that it wont last
Every moment I'm filled with hope
cause i get another chance
But I will try I will try
Got nothing left to hide

[Chorus]

Without the highs and the lows
Where will we go?
Where will we go?

[Chorus]

I am beautifully broken, I am beautifully broken
I am beautifully broken and I don't care if I show it
[Repeats til end, and fades out]

Mood: sad
Drinking: absenthe
Listening To: matt mays
Hair: blonde

My Hero

Too alarming now to talk about
Take your pictures down and shake it out
Truth or consequence, say it aloud
Use that evidence, race it around

There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary

Don't the best of them bleed it out
While the rest of them peter out
Truth or consequence, say it aloud
Use that evidence, race it around

There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary

Kudos my hero leaving all the best
You know my hero, the one that's on

There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary

There goes my hero
Watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
He's ordinary

I have recently discovered the Foo Fighters. I mean I always kinda sorta knew about them you know, but then I got some of their tunes and now I'm hooked. They're kind of like The Killers, they don't have any bad songs! I'll hear a song I've not heard before and it'll catch my attention because well, it's catchy, and I'll go look to see who it is and 9 times out of 10 it's Foo Fighters. Love them!

So I've been up since 4:45 this morning. Couldn't sleep very well, restless. Stayed up to watch the first episode of The Hour from London, England. Then watched about half of Arrested Development before clicking the tv off. Tossed and turned mostly until I finally got up. Company coming this morning. Yes, I have a new friend. Yes, he is a man. So, I think I've hit the highway heading west in a convertible with the top down, wind whipping my hair.

Mood: happy
Drinking: coffee, instant, with a bit of skim
Listening To: can't stop loving you, phil collins
Hair: damp from a rinse earlier

Sway

When marimba rhythms start to play
Dance with me, make me sway
Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore
Hold me close, sway me more

Like a flower bending in the breeze
Bend with me, sway with ease
When we dance you have a way with me
Stay with me, sway with me

Other dancers may be on the floor
Dear, but my eyes will see only you
Only you have that magic technique
When we sway I go weak

I can hear the sounds of violins
Long before it begins
Make me thrill as only you know how
Sway me smooth, sway me now

Other dancers may be on the floor
Dear, but my eyes will see only you
Only you have that magic technique
When we sway I go weak

I can hear the sounds of violins
Long before it begins
Make me thrill as only you know how
Sway me smooth, sway me now
You know how
Sway me smooth, sway me now

My God I love Michael Buble in the morning! Gets me dancing, every time!

So I just had a visit from some gals from the Kingdom Hall down the road. They left me some books. I feel bad for them. I probably should not have taken their books without giving them some money. You know, they have to pay for those books out of pocket. I used to work with a guy who spent every last extra cent buying books to give away, to spread the message. We're kind of in the same business, me and that church, publishing. Anyway, now they know where I live . . . I could probably do with some good honest Christian fellowship in my life, but the idea of preaching totally turns me off. I wonder where the Jehovah Witness stand on the big issues like gay marriage, abortion, etc. I know they're strictly Old Testament. But other than that, I know very little.

Okay, moving on. I went grocery shopping last night and bought many wonderful things! Spinach by the bucket! Lots of leafy greens. I came home and cleaned out the fridge of some expired condiments. Filled it up with the good stuff. Today I'm looking forward to trying the spinach/strawberry/almond salad with a couple of chicken wings.

I think I'm going to attempt to put together my book shelves today. Yeah. That could be interesting. If you'll remember it took me 6 hours to put together my Christmas tree. I am not practiced at assembly. I've never had to do any of that stuff before. I tried to entice JC to take it on as a project the other night. And while he did appear to ponder the prospect, inquired about what tools were needed etc. I'm not expecting him to show up with a hammer any time soon, lol. So, I'm going to take the plunge and put these freaking shelves together on my own! I can do this! Yes, they are crazy heavy, but no matter! I am woman with a hammer! I can do anything! And finally my books will leave their boxes and come join me in this home I love.

Mood: optimistic
Drinking: coffee, mexican morning, fresh ground, organic, fair trade, black
Listening To: this river is wild, the killers
Hair: very straight all of a sudden, cute 'n sassy too methinks

Dreams With Deadlines

As we get closer to the end of 2007 I've been a little concerned about myself. Normally as soon as the calendar flips to December I go into reflection and planning mode. I start to take stock of the past year and get excited about setting new goals for the new year. But this December came and stayed and I felt nothing. And there's been a little nagging voice in the back of my mind whispering, "What's wrong? Are you gonna take stock or what? Don't you have any dreams to fulfill?" And then the other day at the office we were having a last holiday toast before we all scattered to our various family festivities for a week and T asked me to reflect on the past year, and I had nothing. Not a thought in my head. So I was concerned, understandably. Very out of character for me. But this morning the first reflective rumblings in my tummy, the first anticipation of new goals. Whew! That was close! Maybe I've just been too busy to get into it. But rest assured I'll be back next week to look at the year in review and plan for the year ahead. Yay! I'm back!

It's Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Wish me luck!

Mood: excited
Drinking: black coffee
Listening To: somebody to love, queen
Hair: soon to washed and fluffed

Right Next to the Right One

Yeah, I'm listening to Celine. Go figure. Well, here we are, heading into insanity. No turning back now. This evening Stacy and I went grocery and liquor store shopping, then back to my place for a way late supper and wrapping gifts for the family we've sponsored at work. Tomorrow morning we're going to deliver them. Tomorrow night me and Stace had thought maybe we'd exchange our gifts but now I think we're going to hold off until next week. After the holiday rush. Something for later. Friday the crush begins in earnest for me. I'm going to the office to work. We're going to knock off early and dig into a bottle of wine or two, the bulging beer fridge, enjoy some spirits. Then me and Stacy head off to Barnbonia for the Tea House staff party, followed directly by a road trip to the rip roaring rapids for a house party. I'll stay all night at the folks, return to town on Saturday, where I'll try to make sure everything is prepped for a longer stay upriver. Take care of the last minute shopping and housework, etc. It's possible I'll be nursing a hangover. With any luck I will be completely recovered and relaxed by Sunday's big adventure with CMC, definitely lunch, maybe a ball game, who knows what else? Anything is possible. Conversation lasting into the wee hours, fits of giggles, holding hands . . . I have a good feeling about this one. But a new adventure is always exciting. Monday I pack up and leave for a couple of days at the folks. I am now leaning toward making the jerk chicken nachos for the xmas eve festivities, purchased some fixings this evening including the frigging Maple Leaf Prime boneless skinless chicken breasts! That's some damn fine chicken! It's funny, at the store all I wanted to buy was stuff that needed no prep, like pudding and microwave dinners, you know quick stuff, open the package shove the food in your mouth. I don't know why I always fall out of love with food this time of year. I crave nothing. I'm ho-hum about everything. It's weird. I'm doing a 7-day toxin cleanse after the holidays, maybe that'll bring some spunk back into my taste buds. No caffeine. No alcohol. No chemicals. Nothing unnatural. Should be interesting. Need to spend the couple of days I'm in Barnbonia visiting. Then back home on Boxing Day, where life should return to normal unless people visit me, which I'm hoping some will. No plans for New Year's Eve yet. I may bring it in on my own terms. I'm due, I think. We'll see if anything more interesting presents itself. And so ends this eve's ramble.

Mood: sleepy now
Drinking: california cabernet sauvignon
Listening To: harvest moon, neil young
Hair: messy

Butterflies

I'm having a butterflies kind of day/week/almost month. Fluttering in my gut. Yes, I am excited. Nervous. Crippled with anticipation. Heart racing in my chest. This is not a panic attack. At the same time swatting self-doubt. Shoo! Go away! I am cool. I am confident. I am a good person. I am intelligent. I am fun to be around. I am beautiful, inside and out. I will take slow calming deep breaths and repeat this mantra all day every day until Sunday. Then the adventure begins in earnest.

Mood: fidgety
Drinking: water
Listening To: 1979, smashing pumpkins
Hair: wrecked

Back in Black

Stomach is a bit flippy today. Getting ready for an interview this afternoon. Not wanting to do the work, not feeling like research, like asking questions. Just want to laze and listen to music, maybe see if I can find the latest Friday Night Lights. The girls visit went well. No incidents, minor or major. I didn't sleep very well, but that's okay. We had a good time. Lots of surprises. J&J and kids arriving shortly for brief drop-in. Just before my interview. Should be reading all the pdfs on her website instead of blogging . . . but I'm tired and sometimes it's just as well not to go in knowing too much.

Yesterday was a good day. D picked me up around 3pm, late after getting lost en route from an excursion down the baie. I wasn't too concerned, running late myself, since the kids stayed longer than I had anticipated. His punishment was not so harsh, just a brief shopping excursion into Zellers to get Nick a dog bed. Mission accomplished, we went and got a coffee at Tim's then sat in the parking lot and talked for about an hour and a half. Mostly I listened. I'm kind of like an interrogator. By times. Oh well, he doesn't seem to mind. The interest of full disclosure seems topmost.

Conversation continued over dinner at Boston Pizza. My choice. It's close to the movie theatre. The rain started while we were eating. It wasn't so bad when we left the restaurant, much worse hours later when we left the movies. We saw American Gangster with Russell Crowe and Denzel Washington. It was good. Not great. But good. Not as violent as I had imagined. Still, enough to make me jumpy. After the movie the streets were flooding with so much water, the rain was coming down in sheets and waves. We sat in my apartment parking lot for another hour or two, and then I made the boy go home in the storm. He called to let me know he made it okay, though it was a stressful long slow drive. He called again this morning. Just to say good morning and wish me luck with my work today. I'm not used to all this attention. But it's nice.

And now I must go get my head in the game. Get ready to depart for interview.

Mood: content
Drinking: coffee, black
Listening To: photograph, def leppard
Hair: soon to be wet

Oh What a Life

My list just keeps getting bigger and bigger. And I cross off more and more every day. And it just gets bigger again. So much to do. So precious little time. I'm played out. Doing interviews, editing, doing websites, publishing, doing admin . . . there is absolutely no time for health or housework. None. I mean ZERO! No time to go for a walk. No time to cook breakfast, lunch or dinner. No time to sweep, take the garbage out, do dishes, clean the bathroom . . . Though I did manage to get some laundry done and to actually get myself showered. I just need to not even turn the computer on tomorrow morning. Just focus on the basics. Kids are arriving after 2pm for a sleepover. I like to spend time with them. I don't mind them coming. It'll be fun. But right now, I'm soooo not ready. Then I may have a date Saturday night. (Yes! Another one so soon!) It was supposed to be Sunday, but I've got to work on Sunday, have an interview with someone who can only meet me then. So really, all I got is tomorrow morning to get my shit together for a busy weekend. Then right into Mighty Monday, which is always hectic and next week is my deadline. Yeah, I'm taking tomorrow off to get my household ducks in a row. I need to.

In last night's dream I was a cop, like a detective. I think with CSIS. I was investigating a terrorist cell and having an affair with my very adorable partner. Kinda Saving Grace of me. We were in Montreal. I could speak French! And a bunch of other languages too. There was a guy, in robes, long hair, a holy man like a modern day Jesus (hah! Jesus of Montreal!) and his following was almost cult-like. They had a bunch of warehouses that we had warrants to search. But when we got there, they were empty. Just this Jesus-like guy sitting on the floor, meditating, in the middle of this huge empty warehouse. It was weird.

These are my dreams. All the time. I don't always tell you. But I always have them. My mother thinks we're genetically flawed in some way . . . or cursed.

Mood: tired
Drinking: water
Listening To: come together, the beatles
Hair: in the royal blue head band

Porchlight

I'm running late this morning. Only have a few minutes to blog before I gotta boot, scoot 'n boogie. It is Mighty Monday after all! Yesterday was a good day. I had a good time. Coffee stretched into a walk, ice cream, another walk, magic tricks, hours of conversation and more. A four or five hour relaxing comfortable time, rather than a half hour of trying to fill agonizingly uncomfortable silences. This is good. Wants to see me again. And likewise :-) Nothing like anybody else, which is promising I guess. Need to be careful not to repeat past patterns and errors in judgment.

Another crazy week on the rise. Have to get many more interviews done this week. Should be in full writing mode next week, no interviews left. This taking the weekend off for a personal life stuff is throwing me off my game a bit. I'm used to having 7 work days per week, not five. Well, four, Mighty Monday never seems to bring about much productivity.

Okay. Scooting!

Mood: absent minded
Drinking: coffee, black, cheapo compliments
Listening To: blank page, smashing pumpkins
Hair: ponied up for the day

Radio Nowhere

Yeah, I thought the time changed last night. I had it marked on my calendar even. I didn't change the clock though, it usually takes me a few days to get around to doing that, but I woke this morning at 7:30 thinking smugly to myself, "Hey it's really only 6:30! Aren't I swift this morning?" And I rolled over and laid there planning breakfast, my day, etc. thinking I had time to kill before Corrie came on. Nevertheless I flicked on the tv about 15 minutes later only to find to my surprise Corrie was already in progress! WTF?! Did CBC not turn their clocks back? So I watched Corrie and had breakfast and stumbled around in a stupor unsure what time it was exactly until after 10 when I turned on the computer and asked Google. It's still Daylight Savings Time until next weekend apparently. Okay. So now I feel kinda rushed like I lost another hour :-( It's okay. I guess I'll get it back next Sunday.

Today, I have a date. Yes, a real date. The mysterious love life comes to the surface. On the one hand, I'm semi-nervous in that first date kinda way. On the other hand, I'm thinking it's really no big deal. I'm just going for coffee with a nice intelligent man who just happens to think I'm beautiful. No big deal.

I will not be wearing my latest hat to this venture. Maybe if it clouds over . . . but never in bright sunshine again, lol, because I think the silver threads catch the sunlight and turn ole Kellie into quite the spectacle. On Friday I went to the rink to interview the coach of the junior hockey team. I walked. In the sunshine. Wearing my hat. Oh boy! Who knew the hat was such a force to be reckoned with?! Nearly everyday I walk and nobody notices me in my ponytail as I zip up the highway and through downtown. Occasionally, an elderly couple will smile and say hello as I pass them, but other than that, I might as well not exist. But I put on the hat and suddenly every passing truck honks, cars slow and the men behind the wheels give me broad grins and big waves, did I even see a wink at the lights?! Every guy I meet on the street smiles and says, "Great day!" Was that whistle for me? I've got men rushing up the steps to beat me to the door so they can hold it open for me. I walked into the Farmer's Market and all the guys sitting having their coffee nudged one another and pointed. I made my rounds and as I passed the tables on my way out I heard them buzzing, "There she goes again, boys! Who's that girl? Who is that?" My God! It's a hat people! Get a grip!

So yeah, a little attention is not a bad thing. But that was too much. Like WAY too much. The hat is a menace to society. Who knew? I think I'll have to retire it, tuck it away, a secret weapon to seal the deal. Had I known of its super power though, I might have worn it to the college on Thursday evening . . .

Mood: a little nervous
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: queen of apology, the sounds
Hair: up and back in black