Ending/Beginning?

Yes, I love Sunday. Anybody who follows my blog knows that, I say it almost every week. Being in Sunday is like being born on the cusp in astrology. It's a weekly identity crises of not quite knowing where you belong. Is it the beginning of the week? Or the end? My Latino art wall calendar clearly shows it as the beginning, the first day of a new week. In my Woman's Agenda for daily planning, Sunday is the last day of the work week. In the Bible God rested on the seventh day, the sabbath, Sunday, obviously the last day of his work week. In school we were taught the days of the week in order beginning with Sunday in both English and French. It seems Sunday is neither here nor there but firmly rooted in both weeks, and I think that's why I love it so much.

I always have a great day on Sunday. It's the only day that always begins with me taking time to indulge myself in my life's simplest pleasures, lingering in bed until well after 9 to sip coffee, have breakfast and watch my favourite television programs on CBC, completely relaxed, not a responsible thought in my head nagging me to do anything. I begin the day with simple indulgences and then I get productive, energetic. This is a day where nobody expects me to do anything, so anything I accomplish is like extra frosting on the week. Sunday is the day I will clean up the kitchen, cook a nice dinner, scrub the bathroom, do loads of laundry, sweep my floors, catch up on tv shows, watch that movie I've been saving for "me" time, clean out my inbox, file things properly, write articles, edit articles, design web pages, and so much more. Throughout the day I will feel relaxed and happy, after all there's no pressure on Sunday to do anything at all, so there's no need to rush, no need to worry, no need to beat myself down with guilt over my ever-growing to-do list. The more I accomplish, the more energy I have, and the more energy I have, the more things I accomplish.

And in this way I end every week on a positive productive note, and I also begin every week with a positive energetic tone. Can there be anything better than that? Sunday belongs to both weeks, so have a great one and begin/end your week on the right footing!

*****

It is Day 13 of a brand new year of focus and wellness. One of my goals for the year is to take 10,000 steps every day. I've been wearing my pedometer, tracking my progress. It's been challenging so far for sure, but yesterday I hit goal for the first time! 10,432 steps total! That's nearly 4 miles, or over 6 kilometres. Yay me! I'm also tracking my creative writing and I have to say it's a lot more challenging. So far I'm staring at big zeros on the word count. It'll come. On the procrastination front, I am excelling. This past week has been one of the most consistently productive weeks I've had in a long time. Great momentum as I head into the final days of putting February BnM to bed. I am looking forward to a visit up home for a Guitar Wars party, and excursions to Fredericton and Moncton once the print mag rests.

Mood: blazing
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: someone's washer/dryer, still haven't taken time to reload tunes
Hair: in limbo

Wicked Come Winter

The wind here is insane this morning! Wicked!

I had a perfect day yesterday. I put my house in order. I got a lot of work/work done. Sunday is my favourite day of the week. Seriously. I frigging love it! I wake up at 7:30 no matter how late I've stayed up Saturday night. My body is in tune with Coronation Street. But this week I had watched Corrie every evening at 7 so there was no need to flick on the tube at 7:30 as usual. Instead I lazed until 8 and then got up, made coffee, and jumped into some long overdue housework. I vacuumed. I scrubbed. I did laundry and dishes. I took out the trash. I dusted. I made a blt! I took time to watch a couple of episodes of The Closer. I worked on bnm until after midnight. Then went to bed and read until after 1. It just felt like the most wonderful productive day ever! I love those days. I loved yesterday.

And the best part of yesterday--no Sunday Night Anxiety! I was way too tired from having done everything. Plus today is a holiday so there was no Monday morning meeting to interfere with my productivity and throw me out of sorts. I get to continue in the manner I've started the week. Yay!

Today is also going to be an amazing day.

Mood: productive & focused
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: milord, edith piaf
Hair: i try not to think about it

Must Be Sunday

Sitting in bed, sipping coffee, about 9:15 on a sunshiny morning, Corrie on the set, Blanche actually willing to part with her life's savings, Jason actually undertaking some responsibility, audrey embracing being second best, ches trying to take that monstrous dog on the bus to liverpool, and it hits me. it starts in my stomach and works slowly up through my chest causing my heart to flutter and sputter as it passes into my throat. is it excitement? panic? is this what joy feels like? or maybe loneliness? i don't want to miss the rest of the shows and they're on for another 45 minutes yet, but it's all i can do to stay put. there's lots of time, i tell myself. no need to rush, i say. ah, but it's sunday, and on sunday i can't be reasoned with. when the flutter spreads from my throat and lands in my brain it's all over, i can no longer hear the lines, follow the plot. my brain is preoccupied with lists. first i'll check email, then i'll load my mp3 player with new music for the week. i must do dishes and laundry. i want to sweep, mop and vacuum. i should clean the bathtub. i think i'll clean the windows. i want to go for a walk. i need to get organized for the week work-wise, make a plan in the dayplanner. i want to edit some stories and put them up online. i should write a column. i should work on the play. i need to call mom about that question i had. oh, i've got to hang that picture. there's supper to think about, and breakfast and lunch before that. i need to make interview questions. i'm going to lose both monday and tuesday this week, need to compensate for that. if i finished writing those two things and edited some of the quick stuff, maybe i'd be ahead of the game. i want to blog. i want to read blogs. i want to tidy my bedroom. i should do some exercises. should i do an italian lesson today? maybe i should make those motivational tapes. the sun is so nice, i should go outside. do bears wander the cove in daytime? should i fill the mp3 player before or after a walk. should i put on lighter sheets or is this weather going to hold? oh, i need to respond to those people's questions. and i need to remember to do that thing. i'll have to make a list. yes, i'll make a list first. no, first i'll blog, i'm bursting to type. then i'll make a list. then i'll start the laundry. then the dishes. mustn't leave the walk too late. ok, so i'll walk first. right after i blog and make the list and load the mp3 player. is someone smoking? is something burning? oh dear, is corrie over? what happened? and i'm off. another manic sunday.

Mood: crazed
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: north american dream, nathan wiley
Hair: pulled back

Best/Worst Day

I love Sunday.

I hate Sunday.

I love waking up Sunday morning, rolling over one eye open to snatch the remote and click on Coronation Street so I catch up on the week's events as I slowly come to full consciousness. I love rushing to the kitchen during commercial breaks to grab coffee and granola bars and then racing back to my cozy bed to snack and caffeinate as British soap opera turns to CBC Sunday Morning with my boy Evan. I love the guilty pleasure of staying in bed until noon and just watching tv.

I love the excitement of a new week begun. I love the anticipation of the known and the unknown. I love the endless possibilities.

I hate that I can't slow down as day turns to night. I hate that I can't shut off my mind and go to sleep. I hate that Sunday night turns to Monday morning and I lie there awake watching the transition. I hate that I'm never rested for my weekly Monday morning meeting. I hate that I'm groggy and foggy all day on Monday.

I don't know how to make it stop.

I love Sunday. I hate Sunday night.

Yesterday was a good day. Went shopping with Mom. I got a new pair of pants. Black cords, though it was the hottest day ever! :-) I also bought an mp3 player. It's for walking. To go with the pedometer. I'm motivated by music. I know that. So, it's a good purchase. I didn't buy a very expensive one, it's not an ipod or anything, but I like it.

Having trouble today shaking last night's dreams. They made me sad. That's all I'm saying. Damn dreams!

Mood: pleasant
Drinking: nothing at the moment
Listening To: seagulls squawking, dryer tumbling, stomach gurgling, The Luckiest, Ben Folds
Hair: getting spruced for matt

The Surreal Life

Slept late, til just after 10. Last night some strange combination of complete exhaustion, Sunday Night Anxiety, joy and excitement at being home took hold and had me bouncing off the walls and ceilings until nearly 5am. A little knackered today, but trying to get on track, get organized and get stuff done. Somebody mowed the lawn at the house next door. FINALLY! Remember the puppy who used to live there? Remember when he moved away? Like ages ago! Yeah, lawn hasn't been mowed since then, until late last week. It was like a field, small trees coming up, grass to your thighs, weeds growing willy nilly, looks much better now.

The skin continues to peel off my arms from the super bad sunburn I got on the long weekend at the family reunion. It's kinda gross. I also think the kitty scratches on the palm of my hand are going to permanently scar, kinda sorta looks that way. A new life line! There are a couple on my arm that may leave scarring too, but maybe it just hasn't been long enough for them to go away completely yet.

Today I need to clean up my inbox, plan my week, do laundry, tidy up my bedroom and put on my fuzzy sheets (because I'm still cold!), edit a bunch of stories, determine what I need for groceries, take a shower, and maybe go to the store. I also need to catch up on last night's BB8. Yesterday I watched the Season Premiere of Weeds. Yay! I've also started watching Heroes. I'm only on the third episode but I'm liking it so far. Lets hear it for high-speed! :-)

Oh well, not getting anything done this way, am I? And she's off!

Mood: chipper
Drinking: coffee, fresh ground, organic, fair trade, french roast, black
Listening To: fish (probably trout) sizzling in a fry pan on a hot plate on the patio next to the one below me
Hair: pulled back out of the way

The Dristan Hangover

Right now it's difficult to think of anything worse than the Dristan hangover. Yeah, I know I've had way worse alcohol induced hangovers. Yes, I have been more sick with cold and flu. But somehow, right now, in the middle of a sunshiny afternoon with pain around my eyes and a throbbing heavy head that is home to my foggy brain . . . those things pale in comparison. I feel like crap. I think my ear is getting better though. I need to Google some home remedies for the actual sinus infection. Hot sauce helps, in the moment (and I'm having tacos for supper to continue that regime), but I've yet to knock it right outta me. And I need this sickness to be gone. Like right now. Please and thanks.

So Happy Sunday! Yay! I have a love/hate relationship with Sunday. I love waking up around 7, rolling over, flicking on the tv and gradually coming to full consciousness to Coronation Street. Having coffee in bed and slowly waking up with Evan Soloman and CBC Sunday Morning. I like turning that part of my brain on that says, "Today is Sunday and you're allowed to take time to do things just for you and your personal sanity." So I can stop working and do the laundry, sweep the floor, or I can even go so far as to read a book or watch a dvd and not feel that I'm neglecting my job. (Yeah, I know that'll seem weird to some people, but I think it goes with working from home . . . you feel like you're always on, it's hard to power down.) This is the love part. Then enter Sunday night, a time when I'm usually fairly energized having spent the whole day resting, relaxing, and knocking stuff off the personal list. As soon as my head hits the pillow to go to sleep, my ME DAY relaxing guilt-free self shuts off and my regular OMG I'VE GOT TOO MUCH WORK self kicks in. And I get Sunday Night Anxiety (SNA), whereby I toss and turn and make lists in my head and remember stuff I'm supposed to have done already that I forgot about and try to prioritize and generally work myself up into a tither, barely sleep, and crash headlong into Monday morning completely zapped of energy and creativity, totally cranky and unproductive. Monday is rarely a good day for me.

I haven't quite figured out how to stop this from happening. I've tried cutting things out of my life to make more room for my work so that I can get on top of it, stay on top of it, and thus not be overcome by anxiety. I cut stuff out and even more work stuff, freakishly big projects, manifest to replace the stuff I've taken away. I try better organizing my time, using a daytimer, making lists, knocking things off. But the list never ends, it only grows larger. The more I do, the more I have to do. I've given up television, renting and/or buying dvds, I've cut WAY back on my volunteer and social, I'm getting up consistently earlier (well, except for this week cuz I'm sick) and still staying up pretty late most nights . . . I've pretty much stopped cooking meals, stopped reading books, stopped going on trips, stopped hanging out with friends, stopped writing creatively, stopped cleaning my house, just stopped everything and I still have no time. I feel like my job is the only thing in my life and even then I can't do it all. I've got to figure this out. I've got to somehow get things into balance. Maybe I need to put some other stuff back in. Cuz this is whacked! Me and Microsoft Word and a few words being painfully extracted like wisdom teeth from my brain everyday all day is not the way I want to live my life.

Yeah, it's the Dristan hangover talking. I'll feel better tomorrow. Or when I find a natural sinus cure.

Mood: foggy
Drinking: hot java!
Listening To: buddy upstairs is watching tv
Hair: stringy