Happy Anniversary to Me!

The day was half over before I looked at the calendar and noticed the date ... October 22nd ... Happy Anniversary to Me!

On this day nearly 25 years ago I started dating my first serious boyfriend, my high school sweetheart. I remember the months leading up to that date like they were yesterday ... wondering who that guy was at Herbie's pool hall ... wondering who that guy was at the Exhibition ... finding out who that guy was with my friend at the school dance. I remember what happened before we got together, but I remember nothing of the first date itself. Was the first night the rainy one with him shivering, soaked, in my parents kitchen? I'm not even sure how it came to be. I remember the falling in love part. I remember the falling out of love part. I remember some of the stuff that happened in the middle, but the very first date totally eludes me. I guess it didn't really matter in the scheme of things. For sure it no longer matters in any way shape or form.

Over 20 years ago I started dating my most serious boyfriend, my college sweetheart. Yeah, same day. Kinda weird. A double Happy Anniversary to me! His memory presents itself a little differently. I remember the first date, the second, the third ... I remember the first six weeks, in freakish detail. I could give you a blow by blow accounting. The first break-up can still bring a tear to my eye when I'm feeling particularly nostalgic. It was like something from a movie. And the getting back together is etched in my memory. The second break-up is fuzzy. And I wish I could forget all the stuff after because it was so unpleasant.

It's a little weird. Most days I forget why I've gone into the kitchen by the time I get there. I struggle with people's names and birthdays. I'm not very good at remembering song lyrics or names of bands or lines from movies. I never know what day it is. I couldn't tell you what happened last week ... yet these useless memories stick by me forever.

It's been the coldest day yet in my apartment without heat. At one point I put on gloves. It snowed outside. I've been feeling a little down all day. Hard to say why exactly, perhaps a combination of all these things. I wish I had brandy.

Mood: scattered
Drinking: nothing
Listening To: doors slamming in the hall
Hair: sassy

Been Sweltering & Busy

So we had a bit of a heatwave. My apartment was not a pleasant living/working environment for sure. I don't mind heat, but humidity is not good. A few night's this week I stayed up all night and worked rather than beat myself up about not being able to think during the day. I continued to go to the gym though, which was kinda nuts. Working out in the heat of the day during a heatwave takes some freaking dedication, let me tell you! Today is much cooler. MUCH! It's like I've moved to a completely new planet. But today I cancelled my training because I'm packing to go to Fundy. Leaving later this afternoon. And there's so much to do, that I didn't want to try and cram in a work-out too and get all stressed. I think that's okay.

I'm feeling a little ill today, sinus headache, queasy. Maybe I should check the expiry on those egg whites ... Cannot wait to be twittering from Alma!

Mood: excited, rushed
Drinking: water
Listening To: the fan
Hair: forgotten and neglected

Sticky

The humidity is high. How do I know this? My joints are swollen :( I hate that! Nevertheless I went to the gym today. Even though I have blisters on the pads of my feet the size of loonies and my head feels like it's going to pop off and my knees are locking and my fingers aching -- despite everything I walked down, trained, and walked home again. I even agreed to go walking this evening at the cove (which thankfully got cancelled!) because dammit getting into shape isn't easy and it's time to suck it up and stay on the move. But crap, this humidity sucks the big one. Honestly.

Today after I showered I just laid on the bed wet and naked for 20 minutes unwilling to move. I don't have A/C, just one fan. I keep the windows open for the breeze off the water, curtains closed to block the sun, lesser people would die in here, I'm sure of it.

My trainer remarked with surprise that he already noticed a difference in me today. I've only had four sessions. But it's true, I also notice a difference. My weight has always been pretty touchy, in that I can lose pretty quick and gain even quicker. Really, all I've done so far is walk more, drink more water, eat more frequently and go to the gym four times. I think I'll save the calorie counting for the plateau. That's the one thing everyone can count on.

Mood: tired
Drinking: nothing, need water
Listening To: a transport climbing Ledden hill
Hair: headbanded, slick, greasy, damp with sweat

Closing Time

Chilling in front of the A/C after brunch on a patio at a lovely restaurant. I had the Canadian bacon eggs benny with cajun potatoes, coffee and a mimosa. The eggs benny were not the stuff of legend Stacy and I still cannot speak of without drool puddling in the corners of our mouths, but they were still pretty damn good, and the cajun potatoes were amazing, spicy, but not overpowering, just interesting. I like being on vacation!

The city is hot and sticky. Apparently it hadn't been before I arrived; jacket weather all along they say, but no more. There is still a breeze though. It's not the sweltering "lying naked and still on the floor with fans aimed at my head, my torso, and my feet, sweat trickling down the small of my back, too weak to open my eyes" kind of humidity I remember. That first summer I moved back to New Brunswick my mother and I were at war over windows; whether to leave them open (she) or keep them closed (me). I would lie on the couch in the living room wearing my Ryersonian sweatshirt and black leggings, rolled into a flannel blanket, insisting the wind was cold. She would sit on her rocker by the open window wearing shorts and a t-shirt, her face red with heat as her breasts grew damp. But it wasn't much of a war; her house after all. So I spent that first summer shivering in sweatshirts and jackets while everyone else complained about the humidity. Humidity?! What humidity?

Of course now I've acclimated to NB and I feel the humidity there again. I don't know whether it's grown worse or whether I've just grown less tolerant, but I find it can get pretty bad. As bad as what it is right here, right now.

I cannot get Leonard out of my head. I hear his voice and see his sway. He is sublime.

Mood: cooling
Drinking: nothing at the moment
Listening To: the hum of the a/c
Hair: frizzy from humidity

Thunderstruck

Ten degrees at 9am. High of 18 predicted for today. Chance of thundershowers in the forecast. Despite all the rumours to the contrary, summer is really going to come! Last night was one of those gorgeous nights, not too cold, calm, no bugs, not too dark . . . I could have stayed out all night when Nick and I went for his bedtime walk about. It was one of those nights that take me back and make me crave cigarettes and beer. I seem like I've been craving cigarettes and beer an awful lot this past month. Hopefully, it's just a phase I'm going through and it will end soon, without consequence.

So yes, I was up home again last night. I'll be around there a fair bit over the next two weeks as we prepare for the play on the 24th. Practice! Practice! Practice! I totally forgot how much fun plays were.

Yesterday Darlene's Tea House opened for the season, so we went for supper. It was yummy! I had the grilled chicken breast dinner with baked potato, a glass of red wine, and the gingerbread for dessert. Can you say STUFFED?! It was very good. I'm hoping some night next week I can get up to try Rae's new restaurant in Blackville. Hearing lots of good things about it too.

I took some time earlier this morning to update my 101 in 1001 list. Time is running out on that one! I'm noticing some of my priorities have changed though. Some things no longer seem important. I guess when time runs out, maybe I'll make another list. Or maybe I'll make a bucket list.

Mood: cheerful
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: dirty deeds done dirt cheap, ac/dc
Hair: just blonde enough

Spring

Walking home on Adair, bare pavement running with melt, sweating in my jean jacket and short sleeved blouse, I can smell soap (laundry day for someone) and strawberry bubble gum. Seagulls scream as they dive-bomb one another fighting over a crust of bread. In a paved driveway, a child sits beside his miniature snowman drawing pictures with pastel chalk. As sweat slides down the middle of my back I notice the snowbanks are still over my head.

Mood: observant
Drinking: nothing
Listening To: also nothing
Hair: . . . got new conditioner finally

Ring of Fire

. . . down, down, down, and the flames went higher and it burns, burns, burns . . . I do enjoy a little Johnny Cash. I feel like I'm in a ring of fire a lot of the time. Stress, anxiety, and all that fun stuff. Just breathe babe.

I got some cleaning done yesterday. Not a lot, because a gal's got to work, but enough to make it feel like I made a dent. Scrubbed the entry hall and the kitchen, on my hands and knees with a scrub brush . . . I dunno, a toothbrush might be in order. Still not impressed with the results. Doing lots of laundry yesterday and today. Today I tackle the bathroom and the office. I'm hoping a stud with a stud-finder and a really big nail will turn up this evening and hang my painting, though I'm still not a hundred percent sure where to put it. Now, I'm leaning toward the office area . . . Once I get it hung I'll post a picture.

I'm waffling on Frye Fest . . . waffling I say. One day I say I can't possibly go, the expense of it all! And then I hear something else about it or from someone else who is going to be there and I think I can't possibly NOT go, the opportunity of it all! I should just send in my request for a press pass, just in case. Maybe I can go. Maybe I should go. Decisions, decisions.

Basically I got nothing to say today. I'm loving the weather, loving having the windows open, the heat off all night long . . . but I hear we're in for a turn . . . and that's okay too.

Mood: optimistic
Drinking: black coffee
Listening To: hallelujah, kd lang (leonard cohen)
Hair: growing longish again

Original Sin

Crazy weather the past couple of days, tons of snow, freezing rain, and so on, non-stop for days on end. With April I am ready for seasons to change. I miss being able to walk at French Fort Cove, being able to walk at all really. The sidewalk situation has been not good here all winter. Apparently there is very little snow on the ground down Amherst/Sackville way. Wow! Such a huge difference from here to there. Today is cloudy, some wind, but not much else going on.

Even though I couldn't see Chatham Head from my windows all night last night, let alone the full moon, my body knew it was there. The dreams were much.

I dreamed that I was invited to dinner at my cousin's house. There were three couples. It was an odd mismatch of past versus present partners. The strangeness wasn't that I was there with Kevin, I expect he'll show up more and more in dreams in these months leading up to my Toronto trip. And Stacy was there with Alan, which was perfectly normal and logical. The oddness was that the hostess was one of Stacy's sisters and her partner was Stacy's ex, Ed. Yeah. That was very strange. Even in the dream I was sitting there being served a lovely roast beef dinner thinking to myself, "How on earth did this ever happen?! This can't be right." And Ed wasn't quite himself, but a version of himself. He looked the same as I remember but he'd gone a little redneck, slurping beer and slapping people on the ass, laughing a lot and making rude comments. It was like he'd turned into a giant version of Tom Arnold. It was all very uncomfortable and strange.

In another dream there was an older grey-haired man, definitely in his mid to late 50s or even early 60s, who had fallen in love with me. I met him through work somehow or a conference or something. Anyway, the guy was super rich, like private jet kinda rich, and lived in Vancouver. He would fly down, bringing me gifts, anything I could imagine, if I even thought I wanted something he'd show up with it. I would tell him I couldn't accept his gifts, that I had no feelings for him other than friendship, that there would be nothing between us ever . . . but he'd just keep coming back with something new or sending me things. It was an unrelenting pursuit of my affection.

I think I probably dreamed this one because yesterday I was doing some thinking about that sort of thing for some writing I'm doing. Plus the other night I watched planes flying low over Chatham. All these things in my subconscious surface in the full moon.

It was a night of nothing but dreams, leaving me to wake more unrested than when I went to bed.

Mood: a little foggy
Drinking: nothing
Listening To: speed of sound, coldplay
Hair: growing

Everybody Knows

It's been a day. I woke up to heavy wet snow, almost ice pellets, type weather, so I called F at Rogers and begged to reschedule my interview. Instead we opted for him to come to my place and film me in front of my bookcase, with my books. This was better than going out. I maybe should've worn a different top . . . I forgot about the mic thing . . . so it's quite possible dear old F got quite the eyeful as we got me plugged in. But maybe it wasn't as terrible as it seemed in the moment. I forgot to say an awful lot of stuff, but I did say some things, so hopefully it'll be enough and be okay, and I won't come off like the inarticulate idiot I felt like as we taped. I never get to see it anyway (even though it'll likely be picked up province-wide) so bygones! I'm not giving it another thought.

We finished just in time for me to get on the hunt for Leonard Cohen tix for Moncton or Fredericton. There were two of us looking . . . And that was a bust. Sold out pretty quickly. But that was okay, because then an email came in from WestJet announcing one of those purchase your tickets today seat sales and I have a friend in Toronto with tickets to Lenny already in hand who has offered to take me with. So I viewed the WestJet seat sale as a sign that I am to go back to the big city and immediately booked a flight. I leave June 5, return June 10. Yay me! I envision a low-stress, no-commitment excursion, none of the tourist stuff, no $15 martinis or $35 breakfasts and most definitely absolutely no excursions into the old Alderwood stomping grounds. Peace, relaxation, Cohen, you know, a zen-like buddist type trip. A spiritual and creative awakening, none of that freaking tension I had last time from the stress of returning to the scene of the crime. Hopefully the weather will be nice.

Somewhere in all this tickets racket I found time to make the lasagna I've been wanting to make. Chicken, spinach, sun-dried tomatoes, ricotta cheese . . . It is my first one. It has been kind of an ordeal. A learning experience. I won't get into all the nitty gritty details, suffice it to say that it took all freaking day! Off and on. My NEXT lasagna will kick ass, this one, not so much, lol, but hey, it's edible. Well, I'm eating it, I WILL be eating it for many days to come, I am not in any hurry to feed it to anyone else. Live and learn, they say. And now every pot and knife in my house is dirty, so I have to do dishes all night.

Despite the crazy weather outside, today is the first day of spring and boy! Do I ever feel it! Man! All this crazy spring energy whirling around my brain. I don't care that there's a ton of snow still, I feel springlike. I want to go places and do things and I feel recharged and energized. Maybe it's just all the company this week and all the talk of travel and all the plans I've made already and all the plans I've yet to make . . . I don't know. But I like it.

It's Easter weekend. I'm not going up home. Too much to do. Plus I didn't want to tempt myself by potatoes with gravy, apple crisp, and all that. I shall stay home and work and eat spinach salad and lasagna!

Mood: excited
Drinking: water
Listening To: in view, the tragically hip
Hair: actually looking quite lovely today! i blew it dry and even used a little hairspray because i was going on tv

Aww Jeeze!

And just when I think I have averted sudden disaster--my head will not explode but remain attached for another day . . . then I remember I have to go on tv tomorrow morning . . . Oh man! Now I've got all this other stuff to think about. What should I wear? What time do I have to leave? How much make-up do I need so I don't look washed out and super pale? And what the frig should I talk about anyway? Should I print off some notes? I probably won't be able to reference them. And what about my hair? Thank God I never get to see these pieces. I'd be a real wreck.

Leonard tix go on sale tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be back in time. With any luck my excursion will happen pre-snow/ice pellets.

The reason I couldn't open iTunes this morning, I think was because my hard drive was full. I deleted some programs and movies and stuff and got a gig back then iTunes opened fine. I need to clean up pix in the bnm files, i think. i have a crap load of music too, but the pix are backed up on the server anyway, so i don't think i need them anyway. Well, at least the ones that we've already pubbed. And I don't really want to burn all the tunes to disc, that's just so limiting in the randomness factor.

Mood: nervous
Drinking: water
Listening To: school, supertramp
Hair: seriously messed from my fingers pulling at the roots

The Elephant in the Room

Feeling calm today. Calm is good. Especially since yesterday I was all over the place emotionally, which is apparently normal, but nevertheless thank God for Sundays I say! I had a terrible time getting to sleep last night listening to the wind howl and the rain lash against my windows. But I got through it eventually, and got enough sleep that I woke up early to watch a week's worth of Corrie. Playing catch up with the show. Hadn't seen any episodes this week. Nothing like lazing around bed all Sunday morning with the gang from the street. I didn't even get up for coffee or anything until the show ended. God, I needed that! I feel like I'll be okay today. Today I will not be crazy.

Just sent my Wellness Buddy my commitment for this week. It's not overly ambitious, totally doable, and will definitely make a difference for me. I've been falling backward rapidly, doing the whole not eating thing, not walking, just not, not, not, and this will put a stop to that.

So here is my commitment for this week March 9-15:

1. I will eat breakfast everyday.
2. I will consume 1200-1550 calories per day. (I’ll track numbers.)
3. I will walk at least 5000 steps everyday.
4. I will strength exercise for at least 10 minutes on at least 3 different days this week.
5. I will write at least 10 words on my play or other personal creative writing everyday.
6. I will read at least one page out of a book for pleasure everyday.
   

I know! How easy is that? Piece of cake, right? But I've been so far away from any of this that it will be a good way to help me get back onto the road to wellness I think.

Off-topic: How much do I love Enrique Iglesias?! "You can run, you can hide, but you can't escape my love . . ." Couldn't you just eat him up?

Moving on . . . my living room is littered with empty boxes and stacks of books. I've got two rows of shelves filled on each bookcase. I'm kind of excited. At first it looked impossible that all the books would fit, but now, it's starting to look like I'll have lots of room. It's kind of slow going though, because of course I'm a freak when it comes to putting them in. You cannot have Anne Rice and Clive Barker beside Alice Munro and Margaret Atwood. That is just wrong on so many levels. I should probably just put them in any old way and then spend some time rearranging once I can see everything all at the same time. The big task today is to get them all in and then get rid of all the cardboard. That could be tricky.

Mood: cheerful, calm and content
Drinking: coffee, black, but had oj with breakfast
Listening To: today is the greatest day, smashing pumpkins
Hair: kind of missing the days of pony tails today for some reason, maybe i'll grow it out again

Come Dancing

A little Kinks to get me revved up for the day.

I'm spiraling downhill on the wellness circuit. Not getting enough steps. Not sleeping. Not eating enough food to keep a bird alive. Drinking way too much coffee. My wellness buddy has also fallen off track, we've collectively lost sight of our goals. So we're trying something different to help us regain our focus.

This week we're making a plan, sharing it with each other, and holding each other accountable. We've made a pact to take it one week at a time for three weeks. At the end of the three weeks if we've achieved our goal, then we're going to spend an old-fashioned Saturday together, like we used to do, but have gotten away from lately. A real treat! We're going to go to the Farmer's Market in Chatham, go to O'Donaghue's for a meal, spend the day shopping, etc. We've been wanting to do this for awhile now, so it's a good reward I think. If either one of us screws up, we ruin it for the other one. Screw up equals cancelled day. So, hopefully this will get us back on track.

It's supposed to storm today. I was thinking maybe I'd go pick up a few groceries before it begins. Maybe I can get motivated to do that soon, cuz the cupboard is getting seriously bare, especially in the protein department. I also want to do some major clean-up around here. Dust bunnies abound! And I want to write today. I mean really write. For me. The play or the story or something personal and real. I've started journalling long-hand again, which is a help. Something about putting pen to paper that gets my motor running. I also want to work for a few hours, get some stuff done. Lots needing doing. And perhaps most important of all, I want to fill my bookcase with my poor boxed books! Yes, the bookcase has been assembled! Finally! I'm so excited!

Yesterday, J&J brought the kids by for a March Break visit. Of course Jules brought me a lovely gift. Cookies and Rockets and everything! We read our tarot cards. First I did all the kids, then they each took a turn doing mine. I never look at the book to know what the cards are really saying, and I can't really remember because it's been so long since I was into it seriously, so we just go by the pictures. It's so much fun! Samuel was enthralled by all his money pentacles. The best telling of mine had to be from Abby though, when she said I got some money and then in the next breath very matter of fact continued that then the man sneaked away with it in the night. It was a good day. A good week really.

Mood: content
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: wish you were here, pink floyd
Hair: unkempt

It Ain't Me, Babe

Johnny & June doing a little Bob Dylan reminds me I still do not own Walk the Line on dvd. Must remedy that situation. It's a crazy kinda weather day. A little creepy, these howling winds, very Stephen King. I had hoped to get out today and pick up a few groceries. I am addicted to spinach, you know! But sunshine in tomorrow's forecast, so I'll hold off from going forth in ice pellets. Today I'm kinda half achy and a little foggy, dreamy, scattered . . . hard to focus on the stories hitting deadline tomorrow. I keep going round and round the words, looking for a tone, so far not really finding much of one. I worry that all my stuff is starting to sound the same, that there's nothing new under the sun, and the mag will suffer from my monotony. I know I need to read more, to expand my mind, but I'm just so tired of reading or something. So bored by it all. This too will pass. I'm thinking about maybe taking a vacation. Like a real honest to goodness vacation, with auto-responders on mail and everything. Completely unplug and disappear for a week. With no responsibility, no guilt, no worry, no feeling that I should be working on something. No deadlines. A planned vacation. Maybe in June. Maybe. The idea was suggested to me, that maybe we could all use a little break to recharge. I don't know though. The idea makes me a little anxious. Maybe in August. Maybe.

Mood: weather concerned
Drinking: coffee, black, brewed
Listening To: hero, enrique iglesias
Hair: growing out

The Lonely End of the Rink

I stayed up half the night last night. Couldn't sleep. I think it's because I had a glass of Coke. The caffeine in pop must be wicked! I mean I can drink coffee like it's water, coffee never keeps me up. But pop seems to these days. It's not like I'm a big soft drink person anymore. I bought all this pop on sale before Christmas in case I had people in, and I'm just trying to get rid of it still. Not much left now, thankfully. Next Christmas maybe I'll leave people to fend for themselves . . .

Lots of dreams last night. Too many to go over. Most of them dark and disturbing, no doubt brought on by the howling winds outside lashing snow against my window. We're still under a blizzard warning. So March comes in like a lion, it should go out like a lamb, which hopefully will bode well for that first weekend in April when I've got WFNB events planned. I also need to start thinking about Frye soon. Need to book in if I'm going.

Today I'm doing laundry, dishes, and lots of other things, playing catch up from not feeling very well yesterday and Friday.

Mood: twisty
Drinking: nothing
Listening To: i remember nothing, joy division
Hair: lacking

Blizzarding . . . Again!

The snow started just after midnight, then tapered off a bit, but is in full force out there now. All schools canceled yet again. This is the worse winter for snow in my life. For real. George Strombo told me last night. The last winter worse than this one happened in the early 60s, so if you're younger than 43 or something like that, then this is the worst winter of your life, older than that and you got no reason to complain.

I'm supposed to go downtown this morning to interview somebody, run to the bank, etc. etc. but I dunno, it's blizzard conditions outside, snow, blowing snow, more snow . . . I'm so concerned about getting hit by a passing snow plow (which seems to happen around here every couple of years, though with budgets blown the plow is not on the ball so much as it used to be) I think I'll have to call and reschedule or see if he can do it over the phone.

Yesterday I wrote 861 words on my play. F-U-N!

Mood: surprisingly sunny
Drinking: nothing, oj earlier
Listening To: the fridge kick on
Hair: needing shampoo, not just conditioner

London Calling

The ice age is coming, the sun's zooming in
Meltdown expected, the wheat is growing thin
Engines stop running, but I have no fear
Cause London is drowning and I, live by the river

A little Clash to get things going. I love living by the river. How about that lunar eclipse last night? I had an amazing view from my windows, without having to go outside and freeze. I sat in the picture window with my binoculars. It was very pretty by times.

Yesterday was a full busy day, lots of company. I walked down to the post office and Sobey's. It was a helluva lot colder outside than what my sunshiny apartment indicated. I had the heat turned off, the front windows open, and still the sweat was running down my back. So, I wasn't prepared for the wind chill of it all. Brrr!

Had a nice lunch with my friend. Talked about writing and upcoming writerly events we're planning. It's always so good to get together. Recharges the creativity for sure.

Later, in the evening, Lee & Charlotte came down for a bit to get some cds burned and have a little tarot reading. Funny, I've been thinking about tarot for about a week now, then at lunch yesterday we were just talking about doing our cards, and then out of the blue I get a request and out come the cards. Charlotte's cards are always good. I didn't do mine though.

Stacy dropped by much later to bring me some magazines and mail I got at the office. So then we chatted for a bit, catching up. Big Brother kinda sounds whacked this year! I haven't been watching.

I exercised in the moonlight after she left, for about 20 minutes or so, then watched the eclipse for awhile, then caught the last bit of The Hour, where they went to Coronation Street, fell asleep during Arrested Development, woke at 5:30 but didn't get up. The moon takes a lot out of me. Dream-wise. So I was stuck in some dreams and generally feeling like the truck had run over me. I'm looking forward to the weekend, seeing my dog, going to dinner theatre, making Jerk Chicken nachos, Oscars, catching up with Corrie and all that.

But first, I've got a crap load of stuff to do.

Mood: a little foggy
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: it's raining again, supertramp
Hair: closer to the razor every passing day

Under My Skin

I've got you under my skin
I've got you deep in the heart of me
You're so deep in my heart, that you're really a part of me
And I've got you under my skin

I've tried so not to give in
You know I've said to myself this affair ain't gonna go so well
So why should I try to resist, when baby will I know so well
That I've got you under my skin

I'd sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And repeats in my ear

Don't you know you fool, you never can win
Use your mentality, step up to reality
But each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin
'Cause I've got you under my skin

I'd sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near
In spite of the warning voice
That comes in the night and repeats how it yells in these ears

Don't you know you fool
No chance to win
Why not use your mentality
Wake up, step up to reality
But each time I do just the thought of you
Makes me stop just before i begin

Because I've got you, you're under my skin
And I love you, under my skin

Do I love Sinatra as much as Michael Buble? Probably not, but I think I might love Michael Buble doing Sinatra just as much.

I've made a mess in the kitchen! Chocolate, strawberries . . . it's not as easy as it looked in my head . . . that's all I'm saying. Freaking rain is trying to ruin my parade. I didn't really want to get soaked. I might have to postpone the planned run around for one more day. I am seeing sunshine in the forecast later this week. Maybe even tomorrow. I know I should just throw on a hat and go now . . . I know I should. Argh! Weather!

Mood: indecisive
Drinking: nothing
Listening To: dazed and confused, led zeppelin
Hair: definitely needing a hat if it's going outside

Road Trip

Heading to Fredville in the a.m. for official WFNB business. Had planned to leave today, wine all night, but plans snowed out. Oh well, hopefully in the morning travel will be easier. Moonlight overhead now. Fluffy clouds in shadow. Steady stream of traffic crossing the bridges. Snowmobiles breaking trails on snowy river ice. Buddy takes his dog out next door. Dog loves the snow, runs round and round circling the back yard, plowing through the drifts. Playful. Last night I dreamed I had to put Nick to sleep. He was sick. Mom insists soon enough this will be true.

Mood: jittery
Drinking: water
Listening To: socializing happening below
Hair: getting too long and thick

Whatever Gets You Through the Day

Haven't been myself this week. I need to go outside. I'm too much inside my head . . . again! So I'm heading downtown this afternoon for some shopping. I want bacon. In particular I want a BLT sandwich. Yeah. I think I need to take care of that little craving.

It was very cold here last night. I kept the thermostat at 21-22 in my bedroom and closed the door to keep the heat in, so it was okay in there, but now my head is plugged solid from the electric heat. Crazy sinuses. I should go to PharmaSave and see if they have any netipots. OR I can just buy something spicy to eat. Some of that sweet pepper sauce I love with crispy chicken. Or something jerked. That'll clear things up, bust my sinuses loose.

The front rooms are very cold. They get that way when there's no sun. The sun makes a huge difference here. Anyway . . .

In keeping with yesterday's meme trend. Here's an offensive six for Saturday.

1. Which of the following two would you find more offensive if you saw it out in the open in a family restaurant: two men holding hands or a woman breast-feeding a child? Why?

Neither of these things would offend me in the slightest.

2. Which of the following would you find more offensive if you heard someone say it: a blond joke or a racial joke? Why?

Definitely a racial joke. The dumb blonde doesn't really exist. I mean, yeah, there are dumb blondes, but there are dumb brunettes and red heads too. The whole dumb blonde thing was created in the media by blondes themselves. But a racial joke is a whole other thing entirely.

3. Which of these would you generally consider more offensive: An atheist who badmouths Christians, or a Christian who badmouths atheists? Why?

It's equally offensive. I'm offended by people badmouthing others in general. It's okay to have different views. It's okay to debate those different views. But calling someone down just because they have a different view is not okay. And it's not even that I'm offended so much by these people, I just don't want to be around them.

4. Which of the following ideas about a presidential hopeful would you find more offensive: that a woman shouldn’t run for president because a woman doesn’t belong in the White House, or that a black man shouldn’t run for president because a black man doesn’t belong in the White House? Why?

Again, how could a person even choose the most offensive thing here, they're both atrocious.

5. Which of the following political terms or movements would you find the most offensive: “Pro-Life” or “Defense of Marriage”? Why?

I'm not sure what Defense of Marriage is exactly, but I'm thinking it's probably an anti-gay movement. And if so, I think I'd be more offended by them. I'm not comfortable with any ultra-conservative movements. And I do think that some sects of pro-life can be too radical, but I also think the abortion issue is a very grey area. It's not so easy to come down solidly on one side or another because there are so many things to consider. When is the fetus an actual kid? What are the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy? But the whole gay marriage thing is totally black/white to me. Gay couples should have exactly the same rights as hetero couples. Period.

6. Which of the following forms of protest are you likely to find most offensive: an animal rights group’s members shedding clothes to encourage people not to buy fur, or a war protest group’s members burning the American flag to criticize war policy? Why?

Neither offends me. Get naked! Burn those flags! Throwing acid on people, burning books, those things offend me.

Mood: full of wonder
Drinking: nothing
Listening To: beautiful day, u2
Hair: i keep looking at in the mirror, studying the possibilities . . . soon

Don't Stop Believin'

Sometimes I feel like taking the midnight train to anywhere . . . but not today! It's too damn cold! I think. My apartment is kinda chilly. I think I need to crank up the oven, cook a roast or something. I'm distracted by Journey in the background. Street lights, people . . . ok, not much time, need to focus. I'm a little fuzzy around the edges (ok, A LOT!)

Low tide this morning brought a lot of crap out from high waters upriver. A lot of trees, some other things like plastic barrels and other garbage. There was even a fishing boat out there, which is rare these days as all the docks have been pulled back, everybody's ready for winter. Anyway, I took some pictures before it got too bad.

Here you can see some crap on the water, but it got way worse about 10 minutes later right at the height of low tide.


This is the view outside my front picture window. Kinda cool, huh? I like it, it's a constant source of inspiration for me. Just makes me happy and grounded, you know.


So here you can see some more junk coming down on the tide, there's some sort of plastic barrel and some branches and things.

The view looking toward Chatham, you can see the outline of the Centennial Bridge in the distance. It was a kind of blue/grey misty morning. Another storm coming, not as bad as Noel.

This is my living/dining room. The whole front wall is pretty much two big windows. I work in a corner by the littlest window. I like eating in front of the big window. At night the lights on the water are lovely.

Mood: a little weird
Drinking: coffee (INSTANT!! shh, don't tell anyone, don't want to ruin my "coffee snob" rep)
Listening To: how to save a life, the fray
Hair: ponied for life