Thursday, May 31, 2007

Walk Away Kel

I nearly pissed myself laughing last night. I've started listening to Podcasts while I have dinner. It helps to kill two birds with one stone. First, it keeps me from popping in a DVD and mindlessly vegging in front of the TV for two hours while I eat. Eating at the table in the dining room keeps me focused. And two, I get to actually listen to all these great Podcasts I subscribe to on iTunes without making me feel like I'm wasting time and being unproductive. I subscribe to about a half dozen, including about three from CBC Radio about books, authors, and writing, one from CBC Televison, YouTube, Tom Green (yeah, I can't help myself), but my absolute favourite is Smodcast with Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier. If you have never listened to this, you just have to, I dare you not to laugh. Yesterday's episode had a special guest host with Kevin Smith because Scott Mosier's dog died (so sad :-( I feel for him) and was taped on the east coast in Jersey because Kevin was on the road. They spent the whole hour pretty much talking about this gigantic flea market they went to. I snorted water up my nose a couple of times. They should issue a "Warning: Not to be consumed when consuming anything else" label on that. It's some freaking crazy stuff. Anyway, I'm NOT going to tell you anything about it, other than you need to look that stuff up and give it a listen.

Walk weekend is rapidly approaching. I think it's going to be a good experience. I'm looking forward to going to Moncton and spending some time with the kids. I'm not looking forward to trying to eat healthy and balanced while living in a hotel on a Mountain Road . . . but we'll see how I do with that. Hopefully, I'll find alternatives and not end up feeling crappy and lackluster. There are nearly 700 calories in a small peanut butter cup Blizzard. Think about that. I've much work to accomplish before I can mentally be prepared to leave for the weekend. But I'm working away at it diligently. Consistency is my new favourite word. Yesterday I cracked 2,000 words on a story, a personal record for me. That's one story. THE story. That doesn't include all the other crap I write on a daily basis. I never count any of that stuff. I never count this blog. I should though. Because sometimes I blog good stuff. Not today, perhaps. But sometimes. But when I think about the act of committing anywhere from 1,000-2,000 focused words per day, EVERY day, consistently . . . the possibilities blow my mind. Maybe there's hope of me evolving into a "real" writer yet. I'm certainly evolving. I hardly recognize myself in the mirror when I look into it at 6:05 every morning and say, "Hello inner voice! The day is mine!" Yeah, right out loud. And I don't care who hears. And at that quiet time of the morning if anyone's listening, they will hear. But I don't care how crazy it might seem to be talking to myself out loud in the mirror, because dammit if this motivational stuff isn't working. It's starting to take. Stuff is happening!

Mood: driven
Drinking: water, coffee, luke warm and black
Listening To: nothing yet, but I'm about to put on a little Tragically Hip
Hair: damp from this morning's shower still

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

No Worries

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles . . . it empties today of its strength." - Aunt Linda, as quoted by Jennifer Cribbs, SparkPeople community member


Truer words were never spoken. Everyone has worry from time to time I guess. A big thing for me has been making myself conscious of my worry and talking myself off the ledge for the silly little things. I still worry about the big stuff, when it happens. You know, family illness and things. I try never to worry about things I have no control over. I try not to worry about every little thing that happens. I used to be a pretty intense worrier back in the day. But I have MUCH too vivid an imagination! I can always create the worse things in my mind, if I allow it to happen. I had to teach myself to be conscious of my worry. I had to practice talking myself out of it. Every now and again a situation will come up where no amount of positive logical self-talk alleviates my worry, but I'm happy to say they are fewer and more far between. Practice really does help. Even if it feels unnatural in the beginning.

Little thundershower last night. Nothing major. Yes, I really do have an excellent view. Not that I really want one. I closed the curtains for most of this one. Though not before I saw some pretty wicked chains coming out of the sky. Afterward there was the most beautiful rainbow ever! It arced over the length of the river from Nelson Miramichi down to Douglastown. It felt like I could reach out and touch it. Gorgeous! Well worth putting up with a little lightning.

Mood: up and at 'em
Drinking: coffee, fresh ground, with skim, and the prerequisite glass of water
Listening To: rehab, amy winehouse
Hair: puzzling

Monday, May 28, 2007

Living with Purpose II



Mood: sleepy and wondering what to have for dinner
Drinking: lots and lots of water
Listening To: someone outside talking
Hair: washed this morn

Sunday, May 27, 2007

1000 Actions Challenge

An interesting thing happened this evening. I decided to sign up to take a 1000 Actions Challenge on a Message Board I'm part of. The concept is that procrastination is a result of inaction, therefore there can be no procrastination in action only inaction. To reach big goals it's less overwhelming if you break the process down into smaller action steps to get there. So, anyway, there's this challenge to do a thousand actions and I wanted to join. So I went to look for a notebook that I could keep track of my actions, posting them at the end of every day on the message board. Like today for example will look something like:

1. Joined the challenge.
2. Drank 10 glasses of water.
3. Ate breakfast.
4. Did my dishes.
5. Ate supper at the table.
6. Read for pleasure for 30 minutes.

And anything else I've done today that is an action step toward me becoming the balanced person I want to be. Ok, so I went looking for a notebook to track this thing in. The chances of finding a brand new one would be slim, but I thought I could find one that wasn't too full of insanity. Into the spare room and into some boxes I dove, discovering many notebooks with lists, and schedules, and interview notes, and story ideas, and plot outlines, and tarot readings, and journal entries, and drafts of letters, and doodlings, and much more . . . I spied a small yellow spiral notebook and flipped it open to find lots and lots of my neat printing, the kind I do when I'm taking serious notes I want to be able to decipher forever or even pass on to someone else to read, pages and pages and pages of the trying super hard to be neat blue ink. This was unusual for a couple of reasons. First it was the only thing in the book. There was no other scribbling or doodling or messy in the heat of the moment passionate notes to myself. And second, it went on for about half the notebook, or 100 pages! That's a long time for me to be focused and neat. What could I possibly have been so fixated on? And when did this happen?

I started reading. Stuff about stopping the guilt, loving yourself, writing letters to the universe, candle rituals, prayers for your health and healing, visualization techniques, cutting negative people out of your life, and many different daily affirmations and prayers. It ends with instructions on how to do a candle prayer-- "For nine nights, at precisely 9:00, light a candle and repeat: I am a blessed child of God. I am well. I am happy. Great abundance is on its way because, as God's child, I am empowered to create miracles."

And then I have my notes from the nights I did this prayer Feb 9-17, 2000. The notes are very specific, who I included in my prayers and what I was praying for them. Some excerpts:

Wed Feb 9/00 -- my brother, shield from negativity
Feb 10/00 -- Dad, to find his spirit; Me, patience
Feb 11/00 -- Me, patience, patience, patience, shield from negativity
Feb 12/00 -- my uncle, to pass to the other side
Feb 13/00 -- my ex-boyfriend to find acceptance & happiness
Feb 14/00 -- relief for all the people suffering on this earth
Feb 15/00 -- Me, get on the path, do better
Feb 16/00 -- Me, strength to fight the negative forces around me, patience, courage to live my life with joy and harmony and peace
Feb 17/00 -- Me, patience

I prayed for a lot of people. I prayed for friends and enemies and people I hadn't seen or heard tell of in many, many years. The lists are really long, and I didn't want to put it all out here. I remember this time in my life really well. This is when I first started to change my life. This is when I looked at how I was living and said I didn't want to continue the old patterns anymore and that I would break out of the mold and make changes. This is when I made the pact to myself that I would not move right into another relationship like I'd always done, but instead I'd take some time to be alone (which I'd never been since I was 14) and work on myself and my issues. Seven years ago!! And I haven't had a relationship since. Dates, but no boyfriend. Wow!

It's interesting now to read my prayers and to realize how very far I've come. I have patience now! Seven years worth! LOL! I have joy in my life like I'd never known at that time. I enjoy spending time with myself and understand that nobody else can complete me, I'm complete in myself. I know that I cannot control other people's actions only my reaction to them, and that people reveal themselves in the things they do, not by what they say. I have come such a very long way from the mixed up chaos and madness of that time.

So today I'm starting the 1000 Actions Challenge to help me with wellness and balance in my life. And I'm using my best handwriting and continuing right after those prayers from seven years ago. Because this is the right notebook for this journey.

Mood: inspired
Drinking: red wine
Listening To: trains, planes and automobiles
Hair: still unwashed

Sunday, Sunday Here Again a Walk in the Park

And here we are again--Sunday! My favourite day of the week. A bit chilly this morning because I slept with my window open and temperatures dropped overnight. I plugged in the tv last night for the first time since last Sunday, so I could just roll over at 7:30 this morning and snap on Coronation Street.

Some people think my Corrie obsession is a bit odd, but I say, don't knock it until you've given it a go. There are reasons why it's the most popular soap throughout the world. It's fun! I love the humour. And I also like how story lines unfold quickly, not like the American soaps where you can tune in only once every few years and still find everyone facing the same problems they were the last time you tuned in. And there are no evil enemies with supernatural powers to be overcome. The antagonists are just regular everyday bitches and scoundrels--womanizers, liars, cheaters, wife beaters, manipulators, thieves, murderers, etc. It's all very ordinary. Yes, you wish someone would finally slap that smug look off Charlie's face because he is a bastard, and you've met many like him in your travels about the world. And when he finally gets his (and he will) you can trust that he won't be coming back from the dead in some sort of miracle surgery that nobody in the real world has ever heard tell of.

Anyway, with the Stanley Cup almost claimed, the Street will move back to its regular Mon-Fri evening time slot at 7pm and my Sunday mornings will no longer be filled with a full week's worth of episodes. I'm kind of considering not returning to my regular evening schedule and keeping the Sunday morning ritual instead, but then if I miss a Sunday morning because I'm away, I will miss a whole week of episodes . . . and if you miss a whole week of Coronation Street, you miss a lot of stuff! A lot can happen in a week on the Street.

I seem to be developing a bit of an obsession for all things British these days--music, movies, tv shows, books. One day I will cross the pond and visit, fill my boots!

And now a gorgeous Sunday afternoon beckons. Jumbo jets heading west fill the sky. Pleasure boaters cruise past on the river. Somewhere somebody mows their lawn. The puppy next door barks at kids playing basketball and boomerangs. I need to eat lunch before I lose the afternoon and find myself at dinner.

Mood: peaceful
Drinking: water, water, water, 20 oz at a time
Listening To: life beyond the screens of my windows
Hair: needing colour

Friday, May 25, 2007

Living with Purpose



Mood: motivated
Drinking: water & coffee . . . and Hardy's red later!!
Listening To: birds chirping!
Hair: still pulled back, but soon to be laundered

Foundation

Thursday night, every thing's fine, except you've got that look in your eye
when I'm tellin' a story and you find it boring,
you're thinking of something to say.
You'll go along with it then drop it and humiliate me infront of our friends.

Then I'll use that voice that you find annoyin' and say something like
"yeah, intelligent input, darlin', why don't you just have another beer then?"

Then you'll call me a bitch
and everyone we're with will be embarrassed,
and i wont give a shit.

My finger tips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,
and i know that i should let go,
but i can't.
And every time we fight i know it's not right,
every time that you're upset and i smile.
i know i should forget, but i can't.

You said I must eat so many lemons
'cause i am so bitter.
I said
"I'd rather be with your friends mate 'cause they are much fitter."

Yes, it was childish and you got aggressive,
and i must admit that i was a bit scared,
but it gives me thrills to wind you up.

My finger tips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,
and i know that i should let go,
but i can't.
And every time we fight i know it's not right,
every time that you're upset and i smile.
i know i should forget, but i can't.

Your face is pasty 'cause you've gone and got so wasted, what a surprise.
Don't want to look at your face 'cause it's makin' me sick.
You've gone and got sick on my trainers,
I only got these yesterday.
Oh, my gosh, i cannot be bothered with this.

Well, I'll leave you there 'till the mornin',
and i purposely wont turn the heating on
and dear God, i hope I'm not stuck with this one.

My finger tips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,
and i know that i should let go,
but i can't.
And every time we fight i know it's not right,
every time that you're upset and i smile.
i know i should forget, but i can't.

-- Foundation, Kate Nash

I love, love, love her! And you should too.

Mood: loving her
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: kate nash
Hair: a bit stringy

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Love Her!



Mood: boppy
Drinking: water
Listening To: foundation, kate nash
Hair: unchanged

Opportunity Knocks

This morning my feet hit the floor at 6am again in one swift motion with the act of turning the alarm clock off. And did I EVER want to go back to bed! Oy! I was so groggy I had to read my checklist to see what I was supposed to say and do next, lol. I teetered on the edge of the bed for a good 30 seconds staring longingly at my pillow. But then I said to myself, "You'll be fine once you're up and around. Just do it!" And I did. And I was. And when I smiled in the mirror and declared the day was mine, I felt it!

Yesterday started off strongly enough, but got off-track around noon and didn't really make a comeback after that. I mean I still got a lot done, hell, I even exercised! But some important things (there are some very, very important things) didn't get done. That's not going to happen today! Today I am focused and determined to get as much done as I possibly can. This day is really mine!

I think I've mentioned that I've started devoting about a half hour each day to life lessons, working on my toolbox for living, my life skills. That's where the morning exercise came from. I am very determined to evolve into that person I've always wanted to be. And this is part of the journey. One thing in particular that I am working on is becoming a person of action, leaving my procrastinating self in the dust. It's difficult. Yesterday I might even have said it's a problem. Yesterday I probably would have said I'm having a situation. But today I'm striking the word "problem" from my vocabulary. A problem is something you can't do anything about. It's a brick wall you can't go through, around, over or under. I don't have a problem with procrastination.

What I do have is an opportunity to take control of my projects, to be a leader and an example to others, to be successful in every aspect of my life, to fill myself with the satisfaction of having reached my goals and to energize my life with the excitement of always pursuing new dreams and goals. My life is full of opportunities! And that's pretty exciting stuff!

Mood: motivated
Drinking: water, fresh ground java with a splash of skim
Listening To: revving engines somewhere nearby
Hair: headbanded in blue speckled elastic

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Love, Love Him!



Mood: tears running down my face from laughing
Drinking: 2003 cab
Listening To: the god of late night
Hair: in a blue bandana

Foggy Morn

I can't even see the river in this fog. And it's freezing. I'm not really liking the freezing of this past week. It's been hard to get up early in the cold. I wake up throw off the covers . . . and then climb back into the fuzzy sheets as fast as I can lest I turn blue! Except for this morning. Last night I set an alarm. Because I was up late, until 12:30 and then I read for nearly an hour. But I didn't want to sleep the usual 7 or 8 and get up around 9, I wanted to make sure I hit the floor running at 6. Cuz I'm a busy girl and I've got a lot on the go. And not sleeping at all, no longer seems to be an option in my bag of tricks.

So I set the alarm. And even this isn't necessarily a guarantee of anything. I mean Snooze Buttons happen. Sometimes in my sleepy stupor, the whole thing gets turned off and reset for the next day while I'm still mostly in a dream. This morning I didn't want to take any chances, so I followed a plan I'd read about, designed to get you out of bed and raring to go for a great day in under 10 minutes. If repeated daily, my body will be trained to wake at 6am all on it's own and rise excited by the possibilities. I had read about this technique before I actually evolved into a morning person, because anybody can use it to train themselves to be a morning person, and that's what I intended to do.

Anyway, so last night I decided to give it a go. The whole thing only took 7 minutes to complete this morning, but I was a little draggy, it should probably only take about 4 minutes once I've got it memorized and I've developed the habit. Here's the routine:

1. Set your clock for time. Be honest with yourself, use the real time, not 10 minutes either way. Trust yourself to get up on time when you need to.

2. Check the clock to make sure it's set properly for time and set an alarm time. As long as you're not working shift-work, this time should never change, not even on the weekends. Mine is 6am.

3. Place the clock in one spot. I have mine on the shelf beside the bed. It is within arms reach but I have to rise up to hit it. You keep your clock in the same place all the time, it's part of building the habit.

4. When the alarm goes off in the morning, roll over, swing your legs over the side of the bed, sit up and turn the clock off. Resist any urge to lay back down, no matter how cold or tired you are! Once you get up, you'll be fine, and a few more minutes sleep or another hour isn't going to make any difference now, it'll just make you groggier.

5. Clap your hands and say, "I'm having a great day!" Remember when you were a kid on Christmas morning, how excited you'd be to wake up, how excited you'd be about the possibilities the day held for you, well, every day holds great possibilities, so get excited! "I'm having a great day!"

6. Now take a deep breath in through your nose, filling your chest, and exhale through your mouth as you rise to your feet and walk with confidence to your bathroom. Don't drag your feet. Don't mumble and grumble. Stride with confidence! Because you're having a great day!

7. Splash your face with water. (I actually pee first, because I have to, so that's okay too I think.) I don't do the splash, or I didn't this morning at least, I used a facecloth and washed my face. I'm not big on the whole splash thing. But it's up to you. Get some water on your face!

8. Brush your teeth. It's simple, should be part of your regular routine anyway. And nothing says get up and go like a clean mouth.

9. Look in the mirror and smile at yourself. Smile! You can do it! I did.

10. Say: "The day is mine!" And if you've done it all, if you've followed the steps to the letter, by the time you get to this one, you can't help but believe it!

So, this is what I did this morning. And what I'm going to do tomorrow morning. And the morning after that. And so on and so on . . . This is good stuff! Last night when I devised this plan I could not have imagined just how sleepy I'd be this morning, just how much I would want to dive back under the covers. But I didn't. I thought to myself, if someone was going to give me a million dollars to do this thing this morning would I go back to bed or would I go through with it? Of course I'd go through with it! The early bird gets the worm. The new me is a morning person. Early birds and morning people make millions of dollars. It's a no-brainer.

And suddenly some of the fog burns off and I can once again see Chatham Head if not anything above the Frank McKenna Bridge. I'm having a great day!

Mood: excellent
Drinking: i've become rather boring with my water, but it's too early for merlot
Listening To: my fingers clipping over the keyboard anxious to tell you my secrets and share my ideas
Hair: a little flat

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Curing Procrastination

"You can't escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today." - Abraham Lincoln


This quote came to me in one of the emails I get from my new favourite website SparkPeople.com Yes, I know some of you are getting sick of me and SparkPeople, but I don't care. It's a great website! And for now, a constant source of positive energy pour moi.

So as anyone who knows me knows or should know I have a long history with procrastination. Look up procrastination in the dictionary and you're liable to see my father's picture with an inset of me as the princess in training to carry on the family tradition. I'm saying, I get it honest, but I'm not blaming Dad (cuz I know J was getting ready to jump on that blame Dad bandwagon) I accept full responsibility for my own actions. I'm just saying, I didn't dig it up from under a rock in the backyard.

For me, I think my procrastination is tied up a lot with my perfectionism. If there's no time to get it done "right" I become paralyzed and unable to even begin. Like if I can't do all the laundry all the time (like in Sackville, where I did a load everyday) then I won't do any until I'm completely out of clothes and linens and there's dirty laundry piled in every nook and cranny of my bedroom. Yeah, I didn't say it wasn't weird. (ASIDE: Great news! I'm getting a washer and dryer of my very own! Laundry OCD resumes shortly!) Now with laundry, other types of housework, getting enough exercise, even eating right, this really isn't a major problem. I mean it's a problem, but it doesn't effect anyone else, only me and my house or my health. BUT when procrastination carries over into work . . . Houston, we have a problem!

So late last autumn/early winter (right after my third hard drive of 2006 arrived, bnm launched in print, etc.) I launched an attack on my procrastination. Because my workload quadrupled and I need to be on top of my game, all the time, everyday, to make a go of it. There's no more time for procrastination in my work life. It can't exist. I changed my screensaver to scroll DO IT NOW! in teal script. Because really, that's all that is required to overcome procrastination. It's very simple. Just do it! It shouldn't be that hard. Right? Well, actually, it kinda is. Some days are better than others. Some days I feel like I've got the world by the tail. Some days I feel like the world's got me by the tail. Some days I'm immobilized. Some days I get a lot done. Getting organized, staying organized, being on the top of my game with regard to work is one of the two major goals I've set out for myself to accomplish in 2007. I feel like I'm making progress, despite set-backs, despite the bad days, despite missed deadlines and disappointments. I may be only inching along like a caterpillar rather than charging ahead like a wild bull, but at least I'm moving forward. And I feel pretty good about that. I can build on this momentum.

Mood: optimistically doing it now
Drinking: water and the last cuppa Canadian Joe
Listening To: the killers
Hair: damp still from shower and starting to curl every which way

Monday, May 21, 2007

Back Again

I've returned from spending time with family this weekend. Got to see my dog, my kids, my parents, sisters and brothers-in-law. It was good, despite me being sick. I got a wok and a new pair of exercise/walking pants at the Yard Sale. J&J raised a whopping $1,000 for the JDRF walk on June 3rd!! Which is fabulous! Still time to sponsor me, if you haven't already (thanks, by the way!), here's the link again, click here. My new personal goal is $200. Maybe this is doable.

In other news, I weighed myself this morning (I'm weighing in once a week, not that the numbers really mean shit to me, but it's less time consuming than measuring [yes, i know i should do both] and apparently getting real is the way to go) and I lost another five pounds. This means I've officially lost the 10 pounds I gained when I moved home. I'm back to normal again. This is good. I feel much better, much more like myself, finally it feels like my life is back. Thank the goddess!

This despite being really sick still. I crawled into bed last night around 7 after tossing back a couple of Dristan intending to watch Strange Brew followed by Bob and Doug's 2-4 Special, but was snoozing before 7:30 and never kicked until 9 this morning. Yeah, I slept 14 hours!! That is sickness, my friend. I have a lingering headache and coma brain today.

For dinner tonight I'm roasting a turkey breast, baking a potato and having some peas and carrots plus I'm thinking some spinach, because I'm low on fiber and iron today. I think spinach has iron. I'll check. Find some veggie with iron and consume. Turkey is really high in sodium! Who knew?! I'm learning so much about nutrition.

Mood: somewhat steely like the lingering grey fog
Drinking: water
Listening To: how do i get it right, sass jordan
Hair: beyond greasy

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Real Jerk

I made jerk chicken tacos/nachos for dinner (because I thought I had three taco shells, but I only had two) and they were superb! I tried a new jerk sauce I found at the SuperValu in the International section. A little dab will do ya! This is hot stuff! Just the way I like it.

Every time I eat anything jerked I think about the Real Jerk Restaurant in Toronto. When I was working in the tele-personal/phone sex industry (pre-internet dating) one year for my birthday a couple of my co-workers took me to this restaurant for a celebratory lunch. It sticks out because it was a 4-hour 6-drink type of lunch that the bosses paid for (I loved those guys!) and one of the gifts I got was a plant that supposedly could not be killed, which died within a couple of weeks. Anyway, I can't believe it's still there! On Queen Street! That's pretty crazy, because this was many a year ago now. This was back in the day when I didn't do spicy (ask S about the Taco Bell mild salsa debacle sometime) and I didn't know anything about other culture's food. I remember going to the restaurant and not having a clue what to order. I ordered some chicken, skewered if I recall, with the mildest of the mild jerk. It was hot, but I ate it, and didn't totally hate it. I remember thinking I wanted to go back there and try other things sometime, but I never did. I believe I moved back to NB within 7-8 months. Shortly after Christmas sometime. Or maybe not. It's all a blur, can't remember how long I worked at that place. I know it was the longest job I kept before working for myself. It was a good place to work. I hear it still is.

Anyway, I kind of forgot about jerk after that. I mean it's not a big thing on any NB menu I frequent, so it kinda slipped out of sight, out of mind, while my tastes grew increasingly toward the very hot and very spicy (which totally happened AFTER I quit smoking and could really taste food for the first time.) I may or may not have run into the jerk once or twice since then but then me and S returned to the city of the crime for the Bon Jovi concert and on our hotel's menu discovered jerk chicken nachos. Can you say yummy?! While in Toronto we also visited the Market where I purchased a big-assed bottle of jerk sauce, the hot stuff, no mild for me, which I pretty much devoured on a daily basis upon returning to Sackville until the jar was empty. I couldn't find any more in the stores in Sackville. Not in their International sections, not in the health food store, not anywhere . . . no more jerk :-( Grocery shopping in Sackville was difficult because of their limited selections, but no more! I'm discovering all kinds of goodies here. The regular access to hot peppers alone is enough to keep me happy but the jerk is pretty darn awesome.

And so easy. Take one chicken breast, cut it up into strips with your meat scissors, rub a tsp of sauce all over and refrigerate for at least an hour. Chop some tomatoes, onions, and black olives up. Stir-fry the chicken for five minutes or until it's not pink. Top nachos with jerk chicken and chopped veggies. Grate a bit of cheese on top if you like. And voila! There you have a very tasty dinner on its own or served with a side salad. It's really good. Go mild if you don't do spicy well, but try it!

Mood: nostalgic, but not teary-eyed, tho perhaps a little drunk (2 glasses)
Drinking: just water at the moment
Listening To: me, sneezing
Hair: beyond redemption again

Snuffleupagus

The tightness in my sinuses disappeared and I awoke to a runny nose and much sneezing. Still some pain around my eyes, but mostly just over my right eye, so I think it's more migraine than sinus related. The dam has broken! Let the drainage begin!

So last night I made my salsa (tomatoes, jalapenos, onion, garlic, lime juice, cayenne) and enjoyed about two and a half cups of the zesty wonder with some baked Tostitos tortilla scoops with a smidgen of low-fat mozza melted over them in the microwave accompanied of course by a glass of red wine and then another glass. Then I had some dark chocolate, dates and almonds. I gorged myself! And it was wonderful. All those sinful feelings when you eat a good cheesecake with none of the empty calories. When I make my own salsa I don't put anything sweet in it, no sugar, I like it spicier and tangier, just the fruit & veggies. So a whopping big bowl full is only 115 calories, no fat, lots of vitamins!

Those baked Tostitos are quite the find too. I had a full plate and then another half plate and it was only 314 calories, 8 grams of fat. When you take into account that I ate this meal as supper and snack all in one and I planned for it earlier in the day making good low-cal choices for breakfast (a bowl of cereal) and lunch (turkey sandwich). I finished the day off at only 1,245 calories total. If you consume less than 1,200 calories per day your body goes into starvation mode (where I've been most of my life) and stores every bit of fat it gets. At 1,245 my body feels relaxed and unworried about starvation, so it burns calories and fat rather than storing. If I eat between 1,200 and 1,550 calories per day I will gradually lose weight because I'm consistently consuming less than what I'm burning. And if I choose veggies, whole grains, lean meats, etc. these all have less calories, which means I can eat tonnes and feel fabulous and my body will just naturally return to its best weight.

And what do all these figures mean besides a stunning display of my ability to embrace numbers? I can totally pig out and satisfy those pesky periodical cravings and still be healthy and wise! (Not wealthy so much, because well, you know, some of the healthy things like the fat-free tasty turkey luncheon meat I love cost more than the what's-in-this-anyway regular variety.)

So there you have it! We now return you to your regular broadcast. Snuffy out!

Mood: optimistic
Drinking: water, cold coffee
Listening To: my refrigerator humming quite loudly, perhaps it's the death rattle
Hair: greasy

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Sluggish

Sluggish start to this overcast snow threatening day. Sinuses plugged solid. Sinus headache resulting. Yay! I'll fix that with lots of garlic and hot peppers later. It's salsa day!

So the date for my high school reunion got finalized and it's not a very good one for me. It's the same weekend as the Rock 'n Roll Festival and some new festival they're starting in Blackville that is supposed to have a Bread 'n Molasses contest that I'm to be involved with (at what level, remains to be seen). So, now I've got to be in three places at the same time. Can she do it? She will give it a go. Hey Blackcat, you should come with me to the Saturday night gathering as it's opened up to other grads who graduated from bhs within a few years before and after us. Could be interesting. A thought anyway.

I am supposed to be going to my mom's for the weekend, to help with the walk fundraising yard sale, so I guess I'd best be getting some work done now.

Mood: all fogged in
Drinking: coffee, fresh ground myself, cream, water
Listening To: brian tracy earlier
Hair: needing some help

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Craving Salsa

My bones say a weather change is enroute. Maybe even snow, says my dad and Environment Canada. Yeah . . . won't that be lovely? NOT! This evening I am craving salsa and those multi-grain tortilla chips. I love those! They are the devil. Of course, I've never actually read the ingredients to see how devilish they are, so maybe they're not that bad. I'll have to have a look-see. I have all the fixings to make my own salsa (tomatoes, hot peppers, limes, onions, etc.) which I like a lot better than the stuff you buy anyway, and mine doesn't have any sugar or preservative crap. I don't have any chips, but I've got some rye crisp breads that might work. Trouble is, I'm much too tired to go about making all that and then eat it as my chin falls onto my chest and I crash for the night. Not good! So maybe tomorrow. IDEA! I could make some with eggs for breakfast! That would be yummy.

This morning I got up around 7 and went for a walk down to the Cove. This time I actually went in and did a loop. Didn't see a soul. Saw a huge ground hog though. Soon I'll start packing my backpack and getting some creative time down there. Looking forward to that, but for now I'm too caught up in other work-writing to take the extra time. Soon. Of course, with the weather being what it is today, my left knee has complained all day that it went walking and insists it won't go willingly again tomorrow. We shall see. Perhaps I can trick the stubborn joint by bribing it with the promise of red wine after a walk downtown to the liquor store, rather than the usual nature hike with squirrels? Ahh! Now, there's a solid plan. Best idea I've had in days.

Mood: bizarre
Drinking: rooibos
Listening To: twitters . . . or maybe just twits
Hair: off my face, and turning a most hideous shade of blonde from harmful uv rays :-(

Moo-Lah & More

Because I don't want to think . . . play along if you want.

1. What is the most amount of cash that you've ever held in your hands at one time?

Hmm, maybe 7 or 8 grand in cash. I once held a personal cheque for a million that wouldn't bounce though, lol.

2. Have you ever accepted any bribe? What for?

Nope. I'm not really the bribe-able type. If I'm dead set against something, it would take lots and lots of money to change my mind. And depending on the circumstances, all the money in the world wouldn't do it.

3. Have you ever offered any bribe? What for?

Not that I can recall. Not a monetary bribe anyway. I mean bribing the kids with cookies doesn't count, does it?

4. How rich do you wish to be in your lifetime?

Rich enough to live well, have everything I need, go the places I want.

5. Who is the richest person you know personally? Do they deserve it?
I've got some relatives who are pretty well off I'd guess :-) And yes, I think they deserve it. Accumulating and maintaining wealth is not easy. Even winning the lotto is no guarantee of lifetime financial freedom for some people. Personally, I don't know of anyone who was born into a wealth so great they couldn't possibly spend it all. That would be undeserving.

6. Tell about a time when you had to be brave.


Aye! There's been many a time when I had to be brave . . . perhaps when I was sitting on the floor of the phone booth while downtown Toronto rioted around me, might rank pretty high.

7. Which upcoming movie are you excited about seeing?


Why The Bourne Ultimatum of course!

8. Name an item you try to always have on hand.

Hot sauce!

9. On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being highest), how spiritual or religious are you?
Spiritual 7-8 Religious 0

10. What is the first thing you did this morning?

I got dressed and went for a walk.

Mood: happy
Drinking: water
Listening To: someone doing laundry around here somewhere
Hair: in my eyes

Monday, May 14, 2007

Where There's Smoke

My neighbor below smokes :-( She appears to be retired and therefore home all day and as far as I can tell all she does is sit outside, drink coffee, and SMOKE! Smoke rises and comes into my apartment. I can't stand it. I really, really can't stand it.

On a lighter note, I've lost five of the six pounds I gained during the whole move debacle. Yay Kel! I haven't been dieting, just getting in regular meals, eating more fresh produce, making sure I drink enough water and walking more. Pounds melt away (slowly but surely) when you focus on health and balance.

Mood: fantastic . . . except for the smoke
Drinking: water!
Listening To: birds twittering on the back lawn
Hair: damp from recent shower

Sunday, May 13, 2007

MindStorming (20 Ideas)

What can I do to reach my target weight within one year?

1. Drink at least 8 glasses of water every day.
2. Eat 1200-1550 calories everyday.
3. Go for a walk everyday.
4. Strength exercise at least three times per week.
5. Sleep 8 hours per night.
6. Meditate every day.
7. Listen to motivational messages every day.
8. Track my progress by weight and inches weekly.
9. Go dancing once a week.
10. Buy more fruit, green leafy vegetables, lean meats, and whole grains.
11. Take up a recreational sport like curling and/or tennis.
12. Buy a bicycle and use it to attend meetings/got to the office/run errands/go shopping in Douglastown and Chatham.
13. Join a gym.
14. Eat only Mango approved meals at restaurants.
15. Drink decaf coffee only.
16. Take classes like pilates, tai chi, and yoga.
17. Take the time to plan your week and follow the plan.
18. Eat all my meals at a table, sitting down.
19. Make a motivational dream board.
20. Listen to a get up and go song everyday.

It's tougher than it looks to come up with 20 responses! Ok, so you can use this exercise to help you reach any goal you want. Want more money, ask yourself What can I do to double my income within the next year? And then list 20 things you can do to make this happen. Want to find the love of your life, ask yourself, What can I do to meet more men? Or define it further, What can I do to meet a man aged 30-45, over 5'9 inches tall, gainfully employed, who doesn't have any children, doesn't want any children, loves wine, books and camping? Then list 20 things you can do. Once you have your list, pick one item off it and focus on doing it. When you've conquered that item, pick another and get it done, and so on and so on, until . . . BAM! I've reached my target weight! You've doubled your income! And we've all found the partners of our dreams!

How cool is that?! :-D

Happy Mother's Day! All you Mommies in blogland!

Mood: chip, chip, chip, chipper!
Drinking: water
Listening To: requiem, mozart
Hair: headbanded

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Sha-La-La-La

Up late last night, working and stuff, nearly 3am by the time I got into bed, later than that by the time I fell asleep. Up at 8:45 this grey cool morn. I'm not such a big fan of working into the wee hours anymore. I honestly never thought I would ever say this but I like being in bed before midnight. It's the craziest thing. Who the hell am I and what have I done with Kellie?! But seriously, I've spent the first 37 years of my life being a night hawk, pulling frequent all-niters, sleeping 5 hours/night on average and then one day it just stopped. Exhausted from moving, packing, unpacking, carrying, I tumbled into bed around 8pm and fell into a coma sleep, awaking completely refreshed and alert in a way I'd never quite experienced before at 4:30 the next morning. And I got up and lunged into the day, thinking it was a fluke, a one-shot deal. And I've been consistently getting 7-8 hours sleep every night, getting to bed before midnight, and getting up anywhere from 4:30 to 7am ever since. This freaks me out in all kinds of ways.

I was just checking in with my goals. You remember, I do them every January, post them on the blog, then assess how well I did and set new goals the following January. I've also got my goals written in the front of my day planner, so they're not buried in the blog out of sight out of mind. This year I was very focused. Two things-Health & Work. These were broken down into more specific steps . . . drink 8 glasses of water/day, eat breakfast everyday, focus on getting all your nutrients everyday, control portions, walk everyday, strength exercise, find an activity, get 8 hours of sleep every night, practice yoga, meditate, get organized & stay organized, declutter, plan and follow through, focus & maintain focus, and get ahead of your workload and stay out front. I'm feeling pretty good about these goals! I'm doing them! Not just some of them but I'm hitting a lot of the steps and it's only May still. I continue on this path and come January I'm going to have an excellent progress report and be ready to set some heavy duty goals for next year. I'm excited about this. I feel like I'm right on the verge, the cusp, of finding the balance I've been craving in my life for years.

Mood: adrenalinized
Drinking: coffee/water (getting my 8 glasses of water consistently everyday now)
Listening To: time of your life, matt mays & el torpedo
Hair: damp and drying

Friday, May 11, 2007

Love Him!

Storm Watch

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a big fan of the thunderstorm. Well, it's not even the t-storm so much, I am not a big fan of lightning . . . and I'm really, really, really not a big fan of the tornado. Yeah. So, tornadoes come out of severe t-storms, therefore, t-storms are the devil.

A few years ago we had a really bad storm, like wicked. This was before I moved to Sackville even, because I was at my mom's. I'm talking hail, zero visibility, insane winds. It was a little terrifying. The worst storm I've ever been in. There were a couple of summers where every day it seemed like we were having lightning. S and I drove from Bathurst to Miramichi in a terribly nerve-wracking storm that seemed to follow us along the highway, keeping pace. We never drove out of it. So for awhile I had some kind of post-traumatic thing going on with t-storms. I was obsessed. What? Yes, I WAS obsessed, I'm not anymore. Now, I'm just aware. There is a difference. I know some of you think I'm still obsessed, but trust me, I am 200x better than I used to be.

We had some pretty crazy storms the past two summers in Sackville. We even had a tornado watch down there last year, a funnel cloud spotted on the highway in Moncton. Eek! So I had a routine in bad t-storms in Sackville, where I would go downstairs into my foyer, sit on my favourite chair beside my bookcase and read. And depending on how severe the storm got, have a shot of vodka to calm my frazzled nerves. I liked that spot because it was a non-electrical room, no outlets. And you also couldn't see outside from there, very little window coverage going on. So in this way I got through the storms without becoming obsessed again.

So here's the thing. All I've been doing since I moved here is rave about my fantastic view . . . my whole front wall is nothing but WINDOWS! And I'm wired to the max! An electrical outlet on every wall and usually two or three . . . it's convenient . . . but the question becomes, where do I go now when a severe t-storm hits? Where is my comfort zone?

Environment Canada says:
Text Forecast from Environment Canada
Miramichi: Issued 11.00 AM ADT Friday 11 May 2007

Today
Cloudy with sunny periods. Showers beginning this afternoon. Risk of a thundershower. Amount 5 mm. Wind southwest 20 km/h. High 24. UV index 7 or high.
Tonight
Showers ending near midnight then clearing. Risk of a thundershower. Amount 10 to 15 mm. Wind southwest 20 km/h becoming light this evening. Low plus 5.

And here I am, without a plan, without a safe zone, without any vodka! What the hell?!

Mood: nervous
Drinking: coffee/water
Listening To: cocaine cowgirl, matt mays
Hair: in a headband

Thursday, May 10, 2007

On Creativity

Five Years

Five years ago today, I quit smoking . . . and fattened up for the kill. Quitting was the hardest thing ever. It ravaged my body. Ravaged! Nobody tells you about how ugly the detox part gets. Imagine 20 some years of poison leaving your body. It's not pretty. I didn't feel like myself for about 2.5 years after quitting. Constant craving, constant sticking something into my mouth to soothe the craving, absolutely zero metabolism so everything I shoved in stuck. I was obese within months of quitting. It happened really quickly. I still sometimes crave cigarettes. I suspect I always will. It's a terrible addiction. But now at least I'm able to combat the lingering aftereffect, the weight. Now, when I watch what I eat, drink lots of water, get some exercise, my body immediately reacts and I begin to notice subtle changes in the way my clothes fit, big changes in my energy levels, a nice change in my overall spirit and physical health. In the throes of quitting nothing I did mattered. No amount of exercise, healthy eating, water drinking, nothing made a difference, everyday I just got fatter and felt worse. It was a terrible time.

I've been thinking about the quit and about when I first found out I had arthritis before the quit. I've been thinking on the lesson of these things, how they helped me or changed me. I mean obviously both things have led to a healthier lifestyle for me, an awareness of my body that I never had before, but beyond that I think they taught me something else, about control.

When I was in bed with my first really bad arthritis flare and unable to get out and wondering if I would ever be able to walk normally again or if I'd be bedridden the rest of my days, I couldn't get up. I mean I really couldn't get up. There was no mind over matter, push through the pain, and go about my business solution to this thing, that had always worked for me in the past. Lord knows I tried, but no matter how much I demanded that my body respond, it just wouldn't. It shut down. I couldn't bend it to my will. And the same thing happened when I quit smoking and I was trying to lose weight. I exercised. I ate balanced, proportioned, healthy meals. I ran on the treadmill for 45 minutes every night and did strength exercises and drank gallons and gallons of water . . . and I just got fatter and fatter. I couldn't make it happen. I couldn't bend my body to my will.

I'm a control freak. I am, I admit it. It's only in the past five years that I've realized I'm a control freak, likely the rest of the world knew long before me. When I was trying to bend my body to my will, I didn't know I was a control freak. Both times I was emotionally devastated that I had no control. I mean it's not like I was trying to control somebody else's body, this was my body, and I've got a strong spirit, strong will, strong mind--it just made no sense to me that I couldn't make anything happen, I couldn't even comprehend, it seemed impossible that this could be happening. If I told my body to walk and ignore the pain, then dammit, I should've been able to walk!

Both these things pushed me over the edge of incomprehensibility. I'm talking major meltdowns. Before finally, I was forced into acknowledging these were physical conditions that were beyond my control. I have arthritis, I will always have arthritis, I have pretty much always had arthritis. It's a physical condition that is beyond my control. I needed to acknowledge that and rather than continue my daily life on sheer willpower and mind over matter, I needed to focus on what I could control, and that was living with arthritis in the most comfortable way possible. No quick fixes, but an overall change in lifestyle and philosophy for long-term results.

After I quit smoking my metabolism went on a long vacation, I did everything right and continued to gain weight. Again it was a physical thing that I couldn't control. And it wasn't until I acknowledged that and decided that there wouldn't be any quick fixes, that I needed to take my time and listen to my body and make improving my health the top priority, not losing the weight, that I actually started losing weight and keeping it off.

So today on my quit anniversary I'm thinking about these things and I can see how they helped me deal with control issues in all areas of my life. In relationship with my father, hauntings of past loves, work situations, new relationships, etc. It's been so freeing to finally understand that I can only control what's in my own mind, and that is all. Family, friends, and even my own body can not be manipulated to bend to my will, and if I try to make them they will always disappoint me. But I'm still a control freak, I mean I still have moments where I find myself getting frustrated or angry. And sometimes I fly off the handle and stick in the wall, throw a tantrum, but more times I have a little self-talk about what I can and cannot control and my frustration is subdued. The only thing you can control is your own mind. Grasp that concept and set yourself free.

Mood: metaphysical
Drinking: coffee, water
Listening To: bombers
Hair: tousled, but in a kinda sexy morning after the night before way

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I'm on Fire

More fire in Chatham Head last night. Relatively the same area. Just after dark. Two fires set or more likely a second that started off sparks from the first. Many firetrucks. It was hard to keep track of them all, but I think four initially and then another later on. Two of the trucks rushed to the hospital about three quarters of the way through. What is going on over there? Why so many fires in the middle of the night? Kids? Kicks? Something else? I haven't a clue.

I've been thinking a lot about space and particularly change in living space and that theory I mentioned in a previous posting that we bring the pace of our lifestyle wherever we settle. It's true that some spaces are more conducive to work, writing, etc. like my new place for example, much more open for creation than the windowless box that was Sackville. It seems like lately everyone I read about, everyone I know, is running up against the same thing, a change in space doesn't necessarily mean any other sort of life changes. Once a worrier, always a worrier. Once a pack rat, always a pack rat. Same shit, different town.

Yes, I'm in a better setting, a more inspiring setting, but I'm not creating any more than before. Yes, I'm closer to family and friends, but I'm not being any more social than before. And I may in fact be less social because I'm not going to my Mom's every second week for work purposes. I actually see less of the kids now than I did when I was living in Sackville. In essence nothing has changed. Same life, different apartment, different town. Interesting, huh? So yeah, I may have put myself in a space that provides more opportunity for socializing, spending time with the kids, creating, but it still all comes back to me. Nothing will happen unless I make it happen. Whatever that switch is in my head that's keeping me from these things, I need to flick it off.

And so it comes back once again to the fact that change starts within. Without that, nothing happens.

Mood: contemplative
Drinking: coffee, water
Listening To: in view, the tragically hip
Hair: pulled back in a black & white speckled head band, i think my short back has grown out to the same length as my sides, freaky

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Morning Girl

My how times have changed. This morning, lying in bed, awake but freezing, around from just before 6am on . . . and the more after 6 heading to 6:30 the time becomes, the more I think to myself, "Get up! You're sleeping in! You're going to miss the day!" Which gets my feet to the floor and my body in motion. And all this long before 7 even comes into the picture. Remember when I did my list of 101 Things in 1001 days? One of the things on my list was to get up by 7:30am everyday for a month. Remember that? My thought was that if I could force myself into it everyday for a month, by the end of that time it would have become a habit and voila! I'd be a morning person. I had a couple of failed attempts. And then I lost some focus on my list (need to get back to that soonish) and sometime after I forgot about it altogether I just up and started getting up way early all on my own. Kinda weird. But I totally think I can cross that one off my list. I appear to have become a morning person, for freaking real! And you see it's things like that, that give me hope. Ten years ago if you had told me or anyone who knew me that one day soon I'd be a non-smoking, hot sauce loving, red wine drinking, morning girl . . . we would've laughed you off the planet. But things change. Constantly. And I'm the instigator behind all of these changes. So if I can convince myself of all these other things, one day I will be the healthy/balanced/fit person that I dream about being.

Mood: optimistic
Drinking: coffee with skim/water
Listening To: pump it, black eyed peas
Hair: not holding colour like it used to, this spring i'm feeling like i wanna go dark, which is unusual as i frequently go blonde for summer

Monday, May 07, 2007

Stuffy

Got up around 7'ish and went for a walk on the Old King George Hwy down to the cemetery. I walked around the graveyard reading headstones and wondering about people. Back the hill, off the road, with only the birds, flowers, trees, headstones and me, peace enveloped and I felt my spirit shift connecting with nature, sparking creativity. When you slow down, stop worrying about time, and just breathe and listen, it just takes a few seconds to get grounded and reconnect. I wished I had brought my notebook with me. I'm going to do more of that. More creative writing out and about, whether at the graveyard or in the cove or on the patio of the restaurant at Ritchie Wharf. I've been neglecting my soul, getting too wrapped up with work. The trick to getting into balance and being more productive and accomplishing all the things I want to accomplish is to make sure I have that quiet alone time, that I have that peace, that I allow myself the freedom to be still.

Mood: positively glowing
Drinking: water, coffee nearly black
Listening To: birds tweeting, boat passing on the water
Hair: mangled

Sunday, May 06, 2007

The Dristan Hangover

Right now it's difficult to think of anything worse than the Dristan hangover. Yeah, I know I've had way worse alcohol induced hangovers. Yes, I have been more sick with cold and flu. But somehow, right now, in the middle of a sunshiny afternoon with pain around my eyes and a throbbing heavy head that is home to my foggy brain . . . those things pale in comparison. I feel like crap. I think my ear is getting better though. I need to Google some home remedies for the actual sinus infection. Hot sauce helps, in the moment (and I'm having tacos for supper to continue that regime), but I've yet to knock it right outta me. And I need this sickness to be gone. Like right now. Please and thanks.

So Happy Sunday! Yay! I have a love/hate relationship with Sunday. I love waking up around 7, rolling over, flicking on the tv and gradually coming to full consciousness to Coronation Street. Having coffee in bed and slowly waking up with Evan Soloman and CBC Sunday Morning. I like turning that part of my brain on that says, "Today is Sunday and you're allowed to take time to do things just for you and your personal sanity." So I can stop working and do the laundry, sweep the floor, or I can even go so far as to read a book or watch a dvd and not feel that I'm neglecting my job. (Yeah, I know that'll seem weird to some people, but I think it goes with working from home . . . you feel like you're always on, it's hard to power down.) This is the love part. Then enter Sunday night, a time when I'm usually fairly energized having spent the whole day resting, relaxing, and knocking stuff off the personal list. As soon as my head hits the pillow to go to sleep, my ME DAY relaxing guilt-free self shuts off and my regular OMG I'VE GOT TOO MUCH WORK self kicks in. And I get Sunday Night Anxiety (SNA), whereby I toss and turn and make lists in my head and remember stuff I'm supposed to have done already that I forgot about and try to prioritize and generally work myself up into a tither, barely sleep, and crash headlong into Monday morning completely zapped of energy and creativity, totally cranky and unproductive. Monday is rarely a good day for me.

I haven't quite figured out how to stop this from happening. I've tried cutting things out of my life to make more room for my work so that I can get on top of it, stay on top of it, and thus not be overcome by anxiety. I cut stuff out and even more work stuff, freakishly big projects, manifest to replace the stuff I've taken away. I try better organizing my time, using a daytimer, making lists, knocking things off. But the list never ends, it only grows larger. The more I do, the more I have to do. I've given up television, renting and/or buying dvds, I've cut WAY back on my volunteer and social, I'm getting up consistently earlier (well, except for this week cuz I'm sick) and still staying up pretty late most nights . . . I've pretty much stopped cooking meals, stopped reading books, stopped going on trips, stopped hanging out with friends, stopped writing creatively, stopped cleaning my house, just stopped everything and I still have no time. I feel like my job is the only thing in my life and even then I can't do it all. I've got to figure this out. I've got to somehow get things into balance. Maybe I need to put some other stuff back in. Cuz this is whacked! Me and Microsoft Word and a few words being painfully extracted like wisdom teeth from my brain everyday all day is not the way I want to live my life.

Yeah, it's the Dristan hangover talking. I'll feel better tomorrow. Or when I find a natural sinus cure.

Mood: foggy
Drinking: hot java!
Listening To: buddy upstairs is watching tv
Hair: stringy

Cuz It's Da Weekend

Meme Time! You too can play along, post a response . . . Here we go:

My life would not be the same without this...

1. song/movie/book: 1979, Smashing Pumpkins/Vanilla Sky/The Diviners, Margaret Laurence
2. person: Stacy
3. place: Brook Hill
4. event: Toronto 1987
5. self indulgence: room service

This morning . . .

1. What is the first thing you did? looked at the clock
2. What was the first thing you ate? oatmeal
3. Who was the first person you spoke to? Jason
4. What was the first thing you thought of? how cold the room felt
5. What gave you your first smile? the seagulls and crows fighting over food
6. What is the first thing you did for yourself? made coffee

Do you prefer...

1. ... to have a job you love that doesn't pay well or to have a job you hate that pays a lot? I prefer to have a job I love that pays very well, thank you very much! Ok, ok, yeah, I'll go with love rather than money every frigging time.
2. ... to spend your vacation skiing on a mountain or sunbathing at the beach? Well, to be truthful I'm neither a lover of skiing or the beach . . . so if I can't go wine tasting in Italy or to NYC for a Broadway show then I'll just toss a coin, heads the mountain, tails the beach.
3. ... to have a superpower or to have world peace? Give peace a chance, man! Always peace for me.
4. ... to spend your Friday nights clubbing or curled up in bed with a movie and a bowl of popcorn? I'm not much into the whole club scene anymore and I do love movies in bed!
5. ... to live in a high-rise condo in the city or in a lovely picket-fenced house in the suburbs? Neither nor. I mean if I had to choose, I'd go with the condo in the city. But can it be a little city, and a not so high rise condo? I really like where I'm living now. 2nd floor of a three floor walk-up, great view, quiet . . .

Technically speaking . . .

1. What web browser do you use? Firefox
2. What email client do you use? Outlook
3. What type of Internet connection do you have at home? aliant high-speed
4. What kinda of computer do you have? that is a good question. it's a bit of this, a bit of that, lol
5. When did you first get 'online'? umm, i dunno, i was a late comer to the home computer/Internet thing so maybe 7 or 8 years ago

And finally, time for a check-up, so . . .

1. How are you feeling? better than yesterday, but I am battling a sinus/ear infection and an arthritis flare
2. When is the last time you went to the doctor? oh boy! it's been maybe two years or more
3. Ever broken a bone? nope (knock on wood) Oh wait! I didn't get it looked at or anything, but I do think I broke or otherwise cracked a rib one time in high school and it didn't heal properly, juts out now at an odd angle and sometimes aches or is otherwise tender
4. Ever had surgery? nope (knock on wood)
5. When is the last time you were in a hospital? i have never been admitted into the hospital personally (knock on wood again) the last time i would've been inside one would've been almost a year ago when my niece was diagnosed with type 1 juvenile diabetes

Mood: meme-ified!
Drinking: just water . . . honest ossiffer!
Listening To: (you want to) make a memory, bon jovi
Hair: light brown, cut short, longish layers

Saturday, May 05, 2007

The Office -- Playing Dwight Schrute is...Jim Halpert?

From the episode "Product Recall" -- Two Dwights always make it right. Jim's impersonation of Dwight cost him eleven dollars, but the look on Dwight's face is priceless. Watch and learn.



read more | digg story

Choppy Water

Another cold grey morning. Rain. Rough winds on the water. Birds fighting to get downriver. Going on midnight yesterday, sitting at the computer screen, winding down on Dristan, when part of Chatham Head explodes into bright orange. Flames. Was there an explosion? I'm not sure. There was a fire, a pretty big one, and it seemed to happen really quick. It was difficult to tell whether it was a building or the field. The Newcastle fire department responded really quick and seemed to have it mostly under control when another truck arrived from Chatham? Or Nelson? Or Napan? I would guess Nelson. It's all one big happy city now anyway. Damage? I've no idea, can't really see anything much, it's too far away. I need binoculars. If I had binoculars I'd waste many hours sitting in my window and observing the wildlife.

The garlic oil and hot onion seemed to actually help my ear. And my sinuses even seem to have loosened up and are beginning to drain. Although at one point it seemed like the discomfort had actually moved to the other ear . . . which was weird, but today the other ear seems fine, so I'm thinking it was nothing. So today I'm going to continue with the garlic/hot stuff route of home medicine. I'm loathe to go to the hospital. I despise taking antibiotics. I can zap this thing on my own! I know I can!

This morning I made oatmeal for breakfast. It's the steel cut kind you always hear healthy people talking about. I tried to make it in the microwave, which was a HUGE error in judgment. My nuker is now Filthy, with a capital eff. But the oats was pretty good. I'm not big on the whole oatmeal experience usually, that instant thing with all the pretty flavours, blech! But this was pretty darn fine! It doesn't even need any brown sugar or anything, there's a great flavour and texture. And it's super filling, and supposedly very good for you. I think I will in future take the time to do it on the stovetop properly.

My throat is a little bit sore and scratchy. I could maybe go out to the Petro and get some Halls . . . I took the last of the medicated drops I had yesterday. I don't know if Halls will help or not. I really could use some lemons or something, but that walk is too far for a sick girl in the rain methinks.

That fundraiser for the girl I'm writing a story about is tonight, but I don't think I'm well enough to attend. I never found anybody to go with (I didn't really try all that hard, lol) mostly because I figured I'd be too sick to go anyway. I could probably push myself out the door and across the river and into the pub, but it would likely do more damage than good. In the long run. So I sit this one out. Soon enough there will be plenty of places to go and things to do as Miramichi's summer of festivals hits its stride.

I stumbled across this site called 30 Boxes. You know how I'm always trying to find programs to help me stay organized. And I have found a couple that I really enjoyed, and that really worked well for me. There was All On the Ball (which I notice no longer exists online sadly) that I actually purchased and used and enjoyed . . . but lost during one of last year's many hard drive crashes. Then there was TimeTo, which I also used religiously and enjoyed for many months for free, and then the trial ran out and I thought they wanted too much money (and after what happened when I bought the ball) so rather than buy, I abandoned. Then I went back to a handwritten day-timer. I've never been good at organizing my life by hand. NEVER EVER! So some weeks it works, others pass without me opening the book, it's pretty hit and miss. That's why electronic seems to work better for me, because being on the computer is a constant in my life, it happens every day. 30 Boxes is a bit different than these other electronic tools I've tried, but it's easy, and I like their slogan "It's your life" . . . so maybe I'll give it a try. Not that I've totally slipped back into complete disorganization and disarray. That's not at all the case. For the most part I feel on top of things. More in charge than a couple of years ago, for absolute sure! But I'm not THERE yet, wherever THERE is, and I'm totally open to anything that can help me get one step closer to THERE. You know what I mean?

Mood: semi-sinusy
Drinking: cranberry-pomegranate juice, black coffee
Listening To: buddy's washer fill
Hair: in my right eye with a huge left side flippy wing

Friday, May 04, 2007

Darkness Falls

So I'm withdrawing from society for the weekend. Do you ever do that? No, not you with the blinds closed! I know you do, but what about everyone else? You know, the normal people, the non-Underhills? Do normal people just decide they can't be bothered with the rest of the world, unplug the phone, disconnect from the Internet, close the curtains, and . . . do whatever it is people do when they're not socializing? Yes, I know, begs the question--what exactly is normal?

Anyway, I'm withdrawing. Have withdrawn. I am NOT depressed! Just giving myself permission to focus inward is all. I very much need to knock some stuff off my list. A whole lot of stuff in progress, not much completed. Withdrawal is the key to completion. Completion is the goal of the weekend.

In other useless blather, I stumbled into Lonelygirl15 on YouTube and I don't know if it's my lack of television and new dvds or the cutey-patootie Jonas, but I find myself somewhat hooked on this bizarre internet serial.

Mood: zoning in for the kill
Drinking: cold coffee, warm juice
Listening To: nothing really
Hair: back in a royal blue band

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Big Clouds

Sunshine is nice but the wind has a chill. Some mysterious aches in my arms and hands. Still with the sinus! I'm going to start dumping in the spicy stuff and lots of garlic. Knock it out of me one way or the other. Went upriver this morning to the Miramichi Salmon Conservation Centre and took a tour, saw A LOT of fish! Sammy got a little squeeze. All good stuff! Now I've returned and trying to get my head back into the screen. Think I need to eat something first. I'm enthralled by the hundreds of ducks congregated on a low tide island across the shore. Everyday. They're here absolutely everyday. I love it! No time to blog more now. Sammy beckons.

Mood: creative
Drinking: i'm thinking a mid-afternoon merlot is not out of the question
Listening To: seagulls
Hair: windblown

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

411

How fast can you type?
That's difficult to say. In high school I was 60 wpm, but then I got away from it, didn't have a computer, etc. Jobs that didn't require typing, etc. So when I was doing some testing for like the gun registry and places, it was around 30-35 wpm (but very accurate). Now, I would say I type as fast as I ever have, ever will. It's an instant thing, I can type as fast as I can think it up, much much faster than writing long hand.

What is your favorite online game?
Well everyday I do the Sudoku puzzles at Pogo.com. I like to think they help unlock my brain cells. It's more an exercise rather than for fun. But I'm a little bit addicted to Mahjongg at YFly.com. Yeah, that can be a dangerous place for me to go. That's some fun stuff.

On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 as highest), how intelligent do you think you are?
Lordy! That is a difficult question. I mean what does intelligent even really mean? I guess if you start out at 0 when you're a baby I might be about halfway, at 5. I know I know a helluva lot more than I used to and yet, I've a long way to go to figure it all out. Maybe halfway is too optimistic but I'm not gonna live forever so I have to think I'm at least a 5 by now.

Name three of your best teachers from your school years.
Miss Rolfe, 6th grade, made each of her students feel unique and special. I felt like she cared, like she bothered to get to know me.
Mr. Hendry, throughout high school, he was fun and young and again he cared about us. He taught me chemistry, a subject I would normally not enjoy or excel at, but Hendry made it interesting and fun and never made me feel stupid because I didn't come to those things naturally. I wish he had taught me Math.
Mrs Walls/Mr LeBlanc, English teachers throughout high school, they were very encouraging and supportive of my writing, always believed in my creative ability, that I had talent.


What are your plans for this upcoming weekend?

Plans? I don't really have any plans. There is a benefit happening at the Irish Pub for a girl I am writing a story about, but I haven't been able to find anyone to go with, not sure I want to go alone.

Mood: headachy
Drinking: coffee
Listening To: cbc radio words at large podcast
Hair: uncombed

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Movie Meme

Because sometimes it's all I got . . .

1. Name a movie that you have seen more than 10 times.
Vanilla Sky

2. Name a movie that you've seen multiple times in the theater.
I've never really had that luxury. I would have returned to see The Departed multiple times.

3. Name an actor who would make you more inclined to see a movie.
Matt Damon

4. Name an actor who would make you less likely to see a movie.
Vince Vaughn

5. Name a movie that you can quote from.
Fight Club

6. Name a movie musical that you know all the lyrics to all the songs.
Grease

7. Name a movie that you have been known to sing along with.
Evita

8. Name a movie that you would recommend everyone see.
The Departed

9. Name a movie that you own.
Only one? That's too crazy . . . but how about Boogie Nights

10. Name an actor who launched his/her entertainment career in another medium but who has surprised you with his/her acting chops.
Greg Kinnear

11. Have you ever seen a movie in a drive-in?
Absolutely. Love it!!

12. Ever made out in a movie?
At the drive-in . . .

13. Name a movie that you keep meaning to see but just haven't gotten around to it.
Trailer Park Boys

14. Ever walked out of a movie?
Nope. Can't see that ever happening . . . though I got pretty squirmy during The DaVinci Code

15. Name a movie that made you cry in the theater.
Bram Stoker's Dracula . . . not kidding

16. Popcorn?
Occasionally, I'm more a candy type of gal, twizzlers, sour patch kids, chocolate covered almonds, etc.

17. How often do you go to the movies (as opposed to renting them or watching them at home)?
About once every couple of months on average

18. What's the last movie you saw in the theater?
Happy Feet

19. What's your favorite/preferred genre of movie?
dark comedy

20. What's the first movie you remember seeing in the theater?
hmm, maybe Smokey and the Bandit? Every Which Way but Loose?

21. What movie do you wish you had never seen?
i don't know if there's anything i wish i hadn't seen . . . Duplex was a colossal waste of time, Mr & Mrs Smith did absolutely nothing for me

22. What is the weirdest movie you enjoyed?
Is I Heart Huckabees weirder than Fight Club? Is Fight Club weirder than Intermission? Are none of these films weird at all?

23. What is the scariest movie you've seen?
The Ring

24. What is the funniest movie you've seen?
There's Something About Mary

Mood: in a meme mood
Drinking: jasmine green tea
Listening To: buddy showering above
Hair: colour fading already