I'm in the process of putting away most of my summery type clothes to make way for fall and winter. So last night I went into the trunk, where some things are smelling pretty smoky I gotta say. Anyway, I went into the trunk and there were those black pants I was talking about yesterday. The pants that would represent some sort of return to normalcy if ever I could get them up over my ankles again. A hope for a brighter thinner future.
I checked the size. Hmmm, not the smallest I've ever been . . . but I'm not looking to be creepy walking skeleton lady again anyway . . . And now I remember all the other pants that I tossed (well gave away to family and friends) A-HA! Those are the ones that I used to wear when I had the club and was my most adorable perfect size (after gaining a good 20 pounds, sometime in the second year of biz . . . after the pookie monster went to tobacco, granting me a brief reprieve). Got rid of those pants so as to not remind me of those days and be super depressed that I couldn't get one toe into them anymore. Aren't I the smart one? Always thinking and planning for my peace of mind.
Anyway, the club days pants were a size or two smaller than these ones from the trunk. The ones in the trunk are two sizes smaller than the ones I'm wearing that are starting to fall off me. The last time I tried on the trunk pants I quite literally could not get them up to my knees. They are the slimfit style I always used to wear before I went flared or bootcut, which makes them tighter in the legs.
I had no expectations because I don't feel like I've lost all that much weight really. I feel kind of the same . . . which is probably due to the fact that I didn't really ever feel like I had gained that much weight either . . . I've had reverse anorexia, where I look in the mirror and only see a quarter of what's really there.
Anyway, I decided to be brave and try the pants . . . and you could've knocked me over when I pulled them on and all the way to my waist without any resistance whatsoever. No struggle. No wriggling around trying to squeeze my fat thighs into a too small space. My legs and butt have definitely shrunk since the last try-on. My stomach has a longer route to follow. Still I buttoned the damn things and zipped them up . . . and totally put them on! Probably will never wear these pants again, though they look brand new . . . but for someone who hasn't weighed herself since the early 90's, refuses to live by numbers but rather by how good I feel (or not) this is how I've come to gauge where I'm at and where I've been.
I feel fantastic, by the way, never been better in that department. The benefits of quitting smoking have far outweighed these other fatty issues for sure.
Mood: punchy
Drinking: coffee, organic rainforest blend with cream
Listening To: Lovehammers, Clinic
Hair: waiting to exhale
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2 comments:
Fantastic!! You go girl! I too came across a pair of skinny jeans just last night...but I didnt dare brave it...I stuffed them into a garbage bag to take to Traders. For so long I've been keeping them, like you say, as a gauge of where I'm at but now I've finally got up the nerve to chuck them. Glad to know you're going through the same sort of thing...although you seem to be doing much better than me!
Yes, chuck those old jeans! You're NEVER going to wear them, even if you can get into them. And then you get to buy new clothes, which is always fun. I chucked the truly skinny ones a LONG time ago. There's just this one pair that I bought when I first started to put on weight that I've kept. They are brand new afterall, because I blew up pretty quickly once I got started. Everything else is long gone and not bothering me one bit by their absence.
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