Monday, June 13, 2005

I choose you! . . . And you! . . . . And you! . . . Oh, and you too! . . .

So, I didn't go to bed until almost 6 this morning . . . because I was feeling a little anxious, a little perturbed . . . and then it dawned on me that it was my first case of Sunday night anxiety since the move. *SIGH* I had almost forgot it existed. Oh well, adjusting to re-include this back into my routine every Sunday night. So I stay up until 6 am tossing and turning in my bed, generally disgruntled, and then I fall asleep and have these weird restless dreams, the kind where I wake up every five minutes to look at the clock, drift back into them, wake up five minutes later, drift again . . . it's like I'm not really asleep, just semi-conscious. And that was my morning snoozefest. Yee-haw! I'm ready to face the day after that! Really alert and raring to go! . . . NOT!!

In this one dream all these guys . . . these guys I used to know, maybe date (not all at the same time) . . . Anyway, in the dream I was in this forest clearing, I was like a fairy princess or something in a fairy tale and all these guys I used to know were showing up one by one after having been away to another kingdom for many years. And as each one showed up I was surprised and pleased and happy to see him again. I'd give him a big hug and whisper in his ear how much I missed him and he'd give me a gift like a flower or something that he carried all across the kingdom just for me. When about a dozen guys had gathered in a circle around me I had to choose which one I wanted to be with. Now, in the way that I almost always know I'm dreaming, I knew this was a dream and I had an idea of who the one was that I wanted to pick out of this lot. I went around the circle and had a private moment with each of the guys, telling them how much I enjoyed them and trying to let them down easy. This was fine until I got to the one that my more conscious dream-observant self had fished out as being the one . . . because the princess me in the fairytale dream gave him the same song and dance as the others and though I gave his shoulder an extra strong squeeze, to his shock (and mine!) I sent him packing and picked somebody else completely as being my one true love.

Ahh and here's the kicker, the guy I picked, the one I declared my undying love to and invited to be my prince . . . I can't see him . . . I don't know who he is . . . he could be anybody!! Or nobody! Someone I already know, or have never seen before in my life. I have no idea . . . and maybe I'm not supposed to know, maybe that's not the point of the dream. Maybe the lesson of the dream isn't in who I did pick, but who I didn't.

Mood: Sleep-deprived
Drinking: nothing yet, I see coffee in my near future
Listening To: the coffee perk . . . I'm not psychic, what did you think?
Hair: Oh, how do you say? . . . Scuzzy? Greasy? Has seen better days?

2 comments:

Jennifer said...

Sounds like your own twisted version of the Bachelorette.

Simply Kel said...

Very twisted . . . as they were all former "luv-vers!" (in my best Carrie Bradshaw voice) . . . except for the one I picked of course. He was anonymous . . . and yet somehow familiar. Interesting indeed.