Freddy Road Trips Are So Much Fun or Lingerie Sagas

Nick goes for pants leg and gets only flesh as Stacy's car pulls in . . . I'm wearing capris. He's confused. Where are you going? You just got here! Why won't you stay? Hugs for him, reminders to Lee that technically I'm not REALLY home, can't be the dog owner this week, no time for animal loving, in other words Nick stays with you on your schedule so maybe this week won't screw him up as bad as I imagine it will.

Escape with Kevin and Stacy for road trip. Stop at Janice's for first lingerie fitting of the day . . . it's a no-go. Off to Julia's. Waiting in the car with Kevin, we are quiet, need coffee. Waving to Faith W and someone I probably should know out for morning walk. Then Lisa's for sample headpiece. Tommy is in residence. Kids playing with hairpiece. A bit of chaos. Did he know high school was going to be as good as it ever got? I get my Irving coffee because I'm unwilling to wait until Doaktown for Timmy's. KC or Tim, I don't care, coffee is coffee when you're in morning crises.

A flurry of cell phone calls as service permits . . . Anne's Welfare Wedding Store, Janice, Anne's again, Darlene . . . and so it goes, all the way to the grand capital.

Arrival is only semi-dangerous in a round-about not real sure where we're going kind of way. Mr. Jar is called to announce our arrival to the Freddy network. We breakfast at Cora's where melons are popping out all over and Kevin can't take his eyes off them. The boss is in the house, shadowing all the girls, people are tense. My omelet is okay . . . but not as good as the one I had on the last Fred trip at a different restaurant (can't recall which one).

We stuff our faces and then head out to try on corsets, how crazy is that? Figure we'll deal with the worse case scenario just to be safe. No corsets of the kind we want are to be found in Regent Mall but there are lots of suck it in and prop it up lycra products available. We kick Kevin out of lingerie, grab armloads and head to the change rooms. It's torture. We are moaning and groaning at each other across the hall, wondering what other tryer-ons must think we're doing. Not only can I not breath, I can not find a cup large enough. How can I be losing weight without losing breasts? This makes no sense to me. We decide to go to Fredericton Mall after medical appointment for one final look-see before we split the scene altogether.

While Stacy goes to specialist and Kevin lays about the parking lot smoking, I try to buy everything I need at Shoppers Drug Mart. Hair clips, dye, shampoo, conditioner, etc and so on. Overspending once again, I join the smoker on the grass and people watch, wishing for just one drag off his cigarette, a glass of wine, something to eat. Our girl emerges having been given a clean bill of health. Doogie said not to come back no matter what anyone else says, suits us fine.

Kevin goes shopping crazy at mall when we abandon him and lose track of time at bridal shops and Zellers. Crossing things off our list, but corset is so NOT happening . . . and we're not sure we even want it too anymore. No bondage for us free spirits!

Several pedestrians barely escape with their lives as we wing our way back downtown to Victory Meat. I'm so hungry, I'm feeling faint. We decide to go to Jar's restaurant for late lunch. I call Joe. He's sleepy but coming over. We buy big ass turkeys, ham and salmon. Dump what we can in trunk cooler. Find Rye's based on my not so good memory. Nearly run down two more pedestrians. Kevin is having a backseat driving fit.

We arrive alive . . . albeit on foot from pulling over and parking immediately after the hit and run scare. Sit on the patio with the pigeons. I keep my eye on Stacy knowing her dislike of birds. Joe arrives soon after and Jar-Jar checks in, soon off his shift and will join us. I order wine and greek wraps (why wraps when I should have just got the salad . . . not so sure, think the chicken sucked me in or i'm too hungry to comprehend the menu). Wraps are HUGE! HUGE! Too big for eating. I play with one, give Joe the other. Kevin keeps ordering beer, though Stacy is freaking out, we've got to hit the road. I don't want to go yet, want to sit on the patio and drink wine until I'm giddy. Already I'm freeing myself from slavery instead of becoming deathly thin, yet, it doesn't seem enough. I want to kick back and relax after this crazy day, this crazy past week or so . . . but I know it's only just begun. The finish line is so far in the distance we can't even see it. Stacy leaves us to it and goes to the barracks to see an exhibit by a friend of hers. I order more wine. We laugh over my fist fight with the wedding hairdresser, hope she won't recognise me when the time comes. When she returns it's time to hit the road.

Relatively peaceful ride home, not home, but to Darlene's, where somehow I lift big ass cooler out of trunk and carry to kitchen unassisted. I am finally wonder woman. Eyes have been watering since Upper Blackville, Janice wants to know why I'm crying. I don't know, I say, I started as soon as I saw the Blackville signs and I haven't been able to stop. She laughs . . . but it's true. Kevin wants to linger, have tea, chat, but we've got a hair appointment already rescheduled at least three times. Millerton bound!

More cell calls and list crossing as service allows. I navigate to house of hairdresser I once trounced getting me barred from the Renous Rec for one year. I was a troublemaker they said . . . self-defence, I said, but all water under the bridge now, I hope.

Kevin and I make camp in the yard while our girl enters the lair. I call Terry, delegate tasks. Kevin smokes. I want to smoke. We watch the moon rise, wonder about the swimming pool, the trampoline, the swing set . . . the woman's backyard is a death-trap for small children. A yappy little dog glares at us from his rope and barks. Hours pass.

She emerges feeling really good about the experience. Wedding hair will be fine. Hairdresser has proven competency. We head for Chatham under clear dark skies. Drop a sleepy almost incoherent Kevin off at his place and head to Nelson where all the cheap gas hides. Debate food, decide on Irving coffee and snacks instead. I get coffee but no snacks entice me, Stacy gets nuts.

Back in Barnettville I take the list, much against the control freak's wishes, tell her I'll see her in the morning bright 'n early. Stumble into the house and work on music selection from cd collection. Remember Rock Star . . . but it's too late, I've missed it.